Anger
Ten days after the snap
Moments After Harley finds Out
Anger
Tony Stark loved his son.
He loved his son with every fiber of his being. He had loved Harley Keener since he met him, because this kid was his son in all but blood. He always had thought he would be his dad, especially after Macy died. In those months following her death, he had cemented his place as his dad. And Tony loved his son.
When Peter Parker- a kid that Tony also considered his- had come and asked for permission to ask Harley to get married, Tony had been ecstatic. He could see how much Harley loved him. How happy Harley got around him. How happy Peter was around Harley. And Tony had told him, that if he could keep Harley safe and happy, he could marry him. And Peter had sworn up and down that he would do everything in his power to make Harley safe and happy. Because Peter loved his son and his son loved Peter.
Watching his son break down at the news of Peter’s death, Tony wished he had died instead of Peter.
Harley loved Peter Parker, so much, and there was nothing worse than watching him hyperventilate on the floor. He knew his son. He knew that Harley probably believed so strongly that Peter would be back. He knew Harley probably convinced himself of this. He knew that. He knew that. But seeing this was worse than any hell could ever be. He would have given everything he had to make his son happy again. To bring Peter Parker back.
He would have stolen the stars from the sky in order to bring Peter Parker back.
But he wasn’t back, and they didn’t know if they could get him back yet, and Harley was breaking in front of him.
“Harley,” Tony found himself kneeling next to his son, “Harley.”
Harley was sobbing, his entire body shaking, “Peter- can’t- he can’t be-”
“I’m so sorry, Harley,” Tony could feel his eyes sting, “I’m so sorry.”
“He said he was coming back.”
“He told me he loved you,” His voice was barely above a whisper, as he pulled Harley to him, “He told me he loved you, Harley.”
Just like that Harley’s entire body tensed. His shaking grew harder, his breath even more labored, “You were with him.”
Tony blinked, tears gathering in his eyes, “Yeah. I was.”
“You didn’t save him.”
“What?” Tony breathed, “Harley, he died from Thanos’s snap. I couldn’t have saved him.”
Harley pushed Tony away, hard, “Then you should have beat Thanos!”
“Harley-”
“You should have beat Thanos!” He stood, wiping away his tears furiously, “You should have beat Thanos! And then no one would have died.”
“I tried,” Tony said, the image of Peter disappearing in his arms engraved in the back of his mind, “I tried Harley!”
“Clearly not hard enough!” Harley shouted, ignoring the horrified gasps that came from Pepper and Abbie, “You clearly didn’t try enough! You should have beat Thanos! And Peter shouldn’t have been in space in the first fucking place! God dammit!”
“Harley-“
“Save it!” He was screaming at this point, tears running down his face, “The love of my life is dead! Because of you! Because of your actions!”
Abbie stepped forward, “Harley-“
“No,” He pointed at her, still crying, “Don’t make excuses for him! He shouldn’t have let Peter come! He should have beaten Thanos!”
Tony hung his head.
Harley was right. He should have beaten Thanos. He should have forced Peter off the ship, made sure he got back to earth. He should have done something, anything to make sure that Peter got home safely.
And now Peter Parker was dead, because he was a dumbass who couldn’t defeat one villain.
Harley was crying harder now, “You should have fuckin’ beat Thanos! You should have stopped Peter! You should’ve done something! You’re supposed to be a hero!”
“Harley,” Tony was crying too, now as he stood up, facing his son, “Harley…”
“No!” Harley’s hands were ripping at his own hair, “You should have done something!”
Tony stepped towards his son, all the grief in his heart gathering, “I’m so sorry.”
“You should have done something!” Harley screamed at him, “You should have stopped him! You should have stopped Thanos!”
“I’m so sorry,” Tony took another step towards him.
Harley broke, flying towards his dad and lashing out, pounding on his chest- far enough away from the arc reactor that it didn’t hurt there- his hands hitting Tony again, and again, and again in some sort of grief stricken rage, “He should be here! He should be alive! And he’s not! He’s not because you couldn’t fucking kill Thanos!”
“I’m sorry,” Tony wrapped his arms around his son, his grip tight and, he hoped, comforting, “I’m sorry.”
“Sorry doesn’t-” Harley was crying so hard he was shaking Tony, “Sorry doesn’t bring Peter back!”
He stopped hitting Tony, stopped fighting against his dad, the force of his own tears too much. Tony wrapped his arms even tighter around his son, because he was here.
Harley was hurt and scared and most of all, grieving. Tony knew what that was like. He knew. He knew how Harley must be feeling, how he was lashing out. He understood it.
He knew why too.
Harley was just like him. Harley was just like Tony Stark. Harley was a Stark. And when Starks grieved, they lashed out and they spiraled. They hit things, they drank, and they do anything in their power to find someone to blame that's not themselves, because there’s always that overwhelming feeling that they are at fault for everything. When Stark’s grieved they destroyed everything in their path, just trying to find something to feel other than the heartbreaking grief that comes with losing the person you love.
Tony understood.
Tony understood perfectly.
That didn’t mean that the fact his son was blaming him hurt any less. That didn’t mean the overwhelming feeling of guilt blaring in his chest lessened. That didn’t mean that he wasn’t dying inside. That didn’t mean he felt anything other than hatred for himself.
Because on some level, Harley was right. That was the kicker. Tony should have done something. Tony should have stopped Peter from coming on the ship. Tony should have done something more. Tony should have stopped Thanos. Tony should have done something more.
And it hurt, knowing that.
It hurt a lot.
Thirteen days after the snap
Three Days After Harley finds Out
Anger
Pepper looked tired, the bags under her eyes looking better but not good, “I just don’t think it’s smart.”
“Pepper,” Tony sighed at his fiance, “I don’t care.”
“He doesn’t want to see you right now Tony.”
“He’s my son.”
“He’s in mourning.”
“All the more reason I should try to talk to him.”
“Tony,” Pepper was clearly getting tired of having this conversation again and again, “He’s grieving. He’s angry.”
“So what?”
“He’s angry at you.”
“That doesn’t mean anything.”
Pepper threw her hands up, “It clearly does!”
“He’s my kid,” Tony told her, firmly, “I need to be there for him.”
“Right now, I think it’s best if you weren’t.”
“Pepper!”
“Tony, listen,” Pepper sighed at him again, her shoulders tense, “He needs space to grieve. He believed that Peter was coming back so much. He truly thought that Peter was alive. He found out that Peter wasn’t and I think it broke him. He’s angry. He’s hurt. He needs space.”
“How do you think I feel?!” Tony snapped at her, crossing his arms across his chest, “I saw him die! I held him while he was dying! And he was just as much my kid as Harley is!”
There it was. The simple truth that no one wanted to acknowledge. Harley may have lost everything but Tony watched everything disappear. Watched everything go down, watched Peter get turned to dust, disappearing from the world forever.
Not forever, Tony reminded himself, just until they found a way to undo the effects of the Decimation.
If they even could find a way to undo the effects.
He inhaled hard, “I watched him die, Pepper. I’m not losing another son.”
“You won’t,” Pepper told him softly, her voice no less stern, “You won’t lose your son. But for god's sake, Tony, let him grieve. And don’t let him blame you and yell at yourself. I know for a fact that you blame yourself too much for me to be able to send you to go talk to him. Especially because he’s angry. At you.”
“He has every right to be angry,” Tony argued against her, looking away from her, “If he had just gotten off the goddamn spaceship when I sent him home-”
“Nothing would have changed,” Pepper told him, firmly, “He died from the snap. He didn’t die in battle. He died because Thanos won.”
“I shouldn’t have let Thanos win.”
“You tried to make sure he didn’t.”
“I should have tried harder.”
“Tony.”
“What? Its true.”
“It’s not fair to you,” Pepper insisted at him, “And it’s not fair to Peter’s memory.”
“Don’t say that.”
“Don’t say what?” Pepper snapped at him, finally losing her patients, “You were his hero, so don’t even try to play that game of ‘oh its my fault!’ Because it wasn’t your fault! And you really think that he would blame you?! Or would want you to blame yourself?! You’re a fool, Tony Stark, if you think that he would blame you.”
Tony stayed silent, looking anywhere but her. She sighed, “If you want to go talk to Harley, I won’t stop you. But he’s not ready to talk, and he’s certainly not ready to talk to you.”
“Ever think that maybe I need to talk to him?”
Pepper was quiet as she left.
Harley hadn’t been out of his lab in days. Since he had found out, he hadn’t been back outside. Tony was acutely aware of this fact. He hadn’t let anyone in the lab either. Not Abbie. Not Miles. Not Pepper. And not Tony. Never Tony. When he had stormed off the roof, sobbing and angry, the glare he had sent Tony had hurt.
It had hurt more than an open wound. It hurt more than the constant pain of the arc reactor. It hurt more than a shield to a chest. It hurt more than a panic attack. Because that was his son. His son hated him. Maybe it was just in grief, but god it killed Tony so much.
Unfortunately for Harley, Tony had access to every single lab in the building, and there was no override for it. Meaning that if Tony asked, he could get into the lab that Harley had barricaded himself in. And get in he would.
He stood in front of the door, feeling small and unprepared. He didn’t feel like a dad. He felt like a kid faced with the biggest issues in the world and not knowing how to deal with them. He wondered if that would ever go away.
“Boss, Harley asks that no one disturb him.”
“I’m going in anyway.”
“Are you sure that's a wise idea, boss?”
“No,” Tony answered honestly, “But I’m not about to let him go through this alone. No one deserves that. Least of all Harley.”
“He’s asked not to see anyone.”
“Let me in anyway.”
And just like that, he heard the lock on the door click out of place. He held his breath as he entered the lab.
The room was dark, and filled with the clanging of metal on metal. Harley wasn’t wearing any safety equipment but his trade marked goggles that he’d had since his freshman year. Tony watched him for a second.
His son was more like him that he wanted to admit.
The grieving, the anger, the need to be enough, the need to create. He was a copy of Tony in so many ways, and that hurt his heart. Because Tony had never wanted him to be anything but Harley Keener, a kid who shouldn't have to grieve. He shouldn't have to resort to being like Tony. Harley was supposed to be better than him.
“Get out.”
Harley wasn’t looking at him, but he did stop the hammering.
“Harley-”
“Are you deaf?” Harley hunched over the metal even more, “I said get out.”
Tony flinched at the tone, but stood strong, “I just want to talk.”
“Well I don’t.”
“You haven’t been out of the lab in days.”
“Does it matter?” Harley laughed bitterly, his knuckles going white as he gripped the metal harder.
“Of course it does,” Tony stepped further into the lab, coming towards the bench, “You can’t live off the mini fridge in here forever.”
“So let me perish,” Harley hissed finally looking at him, “And get the fuck out.”
“No.”
“I said to get the fuck out!”
“No,” Tony told him, voice firm, “You’re not going to perish and I’m not getting out.”
Harley’s eyes snapped towards him, “Get. The. Fuck. Out.
“No.”
“God,” Harley exclaimed, his hands flying into the air, “Can’t I fucking mourn in peace? Without the man who failed him being in the motherfucking room?!”
“Of course you can mourn in peace,” Tony didn’t even blink at the comment, ignoring the sting of his words, “But you shouldn’t have to mourn alone.”
“Fuck off!”
“No.”
“Get the fuck out of my fucking lab,” Harley was shouting now, angry and hurt, “I don’t want to fucking talk to anyone!”
“Harley-”
“NO,” His voice was loud and piercing, “LET ME MOURN. LET ME GRIEVE. Let me have this! Give me some fucking space! I don’t fucking need the man that should have made sure Peter got fucking home standing over my shoulder pestering! I don’t fucking need that! I don’t fucking need you!”
Harley pointed out him, the action backed by anger, “You don’t get to fucking come in here acting concerned! He’s dead! He’s dead because you couldn’t pull your shit together and stop Thanos!”
“Harley,” Tony hissed, temper flaring, “Don’t you fucking accuse me of that! I tried to get Peter home-”
“YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE LET HIM LEAVE!”
“I TOLD HIM TO GET OFF THE SHIP!”
“YOU SHOULD HAVE MADE SURE! YOU SHOULD HAVE MADE SURE HE WAS OFF,” Harley was breaking down, his anger bubbling to the surface in his ranting rage, “YOU SHOULD HAVE MADE SURE HE WAS OFF AND YOU SHOULD HAVE MADE SURE THANOS WAS DEAD! PETER SHOULDN’T HAVE FUCKING LEFT, THAT FUCKING IDIOT-”
“DON’T YOU DARE SAY ANYTHING ABOUT PETER-”
“HE SHOULDN’T HAVE LEFT ME!” Harley’s scream was loud and earth shattering, and the entire room went silent, “He shouldn’t have left me. He shouldn’t have left this earth.”
“Harley…”
“Just get out of here,” He pointed towards the door, “I want to be alone.”
“You’re not alone.”
Harley laughed humorlessly, “Obviously not.”
“I’m here for you,” Tony told him, all and any anger he had felt leaving his body, “If you need me I’m here for you.”
“I don’t need you.”
“Harley-”
“I want you out. I don’t want to talk to you.”
“Harley, please-”
“He’s dead,” Harley’s head whipped to face Tony, and Tony noticed the dark circles under his eyes, “He’s dead. He’s dead because he fucking left. He left. He shouldn’t have left. You shouldn’t have let him leave. You shouldn’t have let him get on that ship. He should be right here beside me. He should be. But he’s not. He’s not, because he’s dead.”
Harley took a shaky breath, “We had talked about getting married after college. He bought a ring. And now, I’ll never have that because I can’t even fathom loving anyone but Peter Parker. And he’s dead. Peter Parker is dead. Because you- someone supposed to be my fucking father- couldn’t kick his ass off a spaceship! He’s dead. He’s dead because of you.”
“Harley-”
“Just get out Tony.”
And Tony, the coward, left.
The bags under Harley’s eyes were dark. They were dark, and Tony was guilty. He was guilty of everything. And for the first time since he came home, Tony Stark, man of iron, Tony leaned against the wall, and sobbed.
Seventeen days after the snap
A Week After Harley finds Out
Anger
Tony had been seventeen when his parents crash- murder, really- had happened. He’d been seventeen and in his junior year of MIT when his life had turned for the worse.
He remembered the day it happened.
He had been drunk off his ass in the mansion, and argued with Howard before they had left. Before they had left his life forever. Jarvis had woken him up at one am, old and weary at seventy four years old, his hands shaking.
“There’s been a crash,” he said, his voice shaking harder, “There’s been a crash on the way to the airport.”
“What?”
“Tony,” Jarvis had shaken him more, “You need to get up. There’s been a crash on the way to the airport. We need to go to the hospital.”
Tony had gotten out of bed in a rush, tripping over his own feet trying to scramble to pull on a shirt and shoes. Jarvis had driven him to the hospital, and they had sat in a tense silence. Of course it had been tense.
They both knew what had probably happened. Howard had been as drunk as Tony. He had crashed the car in an intoxicated stupor, and now… now, they might be hurt. Or worse. Dead.
But Tony hadn’t wanted to think about that. Tony had been actively trying not to think about that.
They pulled into the hospital, the press already swarming. Jarvis, the man that had raised him, turned to him, “Are you sure you’re okay to go in there?”
“No,” Tony had shaken his head. He remembered feeling way younger than seventeen in that moment, “But I have to.”
Jarvis just nodded, and left the car, Tony bustling after him. Despite the press, they had let the Stark heir pass through with no questions. The second they got in the hospital, Tony knew. He knew his mom was dead. The look in the nurse's eyes gave it away.
Tony had choked, “Are they…?”
“I’m so sorry for your loss, Mr. Stark,” Doctor something or another old him, “Your parents are dead.”
“How?” Tony’s voice came out as a hiss.
“They both died on impact,” The doctor hesitated, “Howard Stark was found to have triple the legal amount of alcohol in his veins.”
Tony didn’t remember what had happened next.
He remembered the way Jarvis, seventy four year old Jarvis, held him back and down, pulling him away and off the doctor. He remembered how Jarvis wouldn’t let him go, no matter how many punches he threw at everything around him, no matter how much cursing and screaming Jarvis wouldn’t let him go.
And he continued to not let him go. Every single time Tony would lash out, Jarvis would just hold him. Because Jarvis knew him. Jarvis knew what he needed. He knew that anything Tony said was coming out of a place of grief.
Tony never did grow out of lashing out in grief.
Not when Jarvis died. Not when he found out the truth.
But now, taking a look at his son, his son that was just like him, he found that nothing in his heart would let him lash out.
He wondered if this was how Jarvis had felt when Howard and his mom had died. If this need to be there for the kid that you helped raise was something that Jarvis went through. And not for the first time, Tony found himself wondering how.
How hard Jarvis put up with him?
He didn’t know. But he needed to learn. Fast. because the longer Harley lashed out, the harder it would come back to hit him. That was something that Tony had known since his parents passed, and the press got ahold that he had attacked the doctor in his grief stricken rage.
He needed to know how Jarvis helped him.
But he didn’t know.
“I just don't know how he did it,” Tony found himself telling Pepper that night.
“Well,” she just hummed, looking over her reading glasses at some paper for SI, probably something to do with resources after the snap, “Edwin Jarvis was amazing.”
“He was a far better a dad than I am.”
“I don’t know about that,” Pepper still wasn’t looking at him, in favor of her red pen flying across the page, “I think that you and Harley are two different people with two different needs. Maybe Jarvis was a better dad for you, but you’ve always been a better dad for Harley.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well,” she put her Paper down, “You were always kind of…”
“Unstable? Broken? Damaged?”
Pepper snorted at him, “Your words not mine.”
“My words are always right,” Tony pointed out to her, “Either way continue.”
“You were always kind of ‘unstable’,” she put quotes around the word, “And Harley… isn’t. Jarvis probably knew what you needed. Because while no one had ever seen you truly grieve like that, they all knew what you needed when you did grieve. Jarvis knew how to comfort you. But… we’ve never really seen Harley grieve.”
“He did when Macy died,” Tony pointed out to her, “He was grieving then.”
Pepper nodded, “Yes, he was. But he also had known that he would be okay. His main concern, if I remember correctly, was if Abbie would be okay. He knew that at the end of the day, he would have a place to sleep, a family that loves him, and a sister that would need him. He knew he would be okay. So he let himself grieve, but he also knew he would be okay.”
“In all of his experiences he’s never really grieved,” Pepper continued, “Even if Peter disappeared, he never grieved, he just tried to figure out a way to find him. And at the end he always came back. Granted, some ways of him coming back were weirder than others- like that time he got sucked into the multiverse- but he always came back. And I think Harley realizes that he might not be coming back. He’s dead, and I think Harley is finally facing a situation where he has no choice but to grieve.”
“That… that makes sense,” Tony sighed to her, “I just wish i knew how to help.”
“Be there for him.”
“I’m trying to.”
“Right,” Pepper rolled her eyes, “But I mean that you should be there for him in the way he wants. He wants space and he wants time. So… remind him that you’re there for him, but give him the space he needs.”
“Okay.”
“And really,” Pepper looked back at her paper, “You’ve been the best dad Harley could ask for. He never had a dad, and you provide him with support, love, help, and everything. Jarvis may have been the best dad, but you’re the best dad for Harley.”
Tony pretended those words didn’t make his heart swell with joy.
A Month after the snap
Twenty-Five Days After Harley finds Out
Anger
“Why the hell are you here?”
Harley looked like he was in pain. He looked so tired, so much more frail than the last time Tony had seen him. His eyes didn’t even acknowledge Tony, still looking at the wires he was fusing together.
Tony placed a plate of food next to him, “You need to eat.”
“Not hungry. Leave.”
“You need to eat Harley,” Tony told him softly, “I know that the mini fridge ran out. Friday told me.”
“I’m still not hungry,” Harley clenched his fist around the wire, “Get out.”
“I’ll leave when I see you get something to eat.”
“I’m not hungry, Tony.” He snapped, his voice sharp and hard, “I told you to get out. So beat it.”
“I’ll leave,” Tony stepped away from the table, and Harley deflated in something akin to relief, “After I see you eat.”
Harley’s gaze snapped to his, “I told you I wasn’t hungry.”
“Harley-"
“Don’t,” Harley looked away again, “Don’t ask me to talk to you. I don’t want too. I don’t fucking want to talk. And I don’t want to eat.”
“But you need to,” Tony stepped towards the desk again, pushing the food more towards him, ignoring the wires, “It’s really important that you eat.”
“I don’t want to. I’m not hungry.”
“Yes you are,” Tony raised a brow at him, “I know you are. I’ve been where you are, in a lab for weeks. A minifride of junk food and sodas. Nothing else. I’ve been there Harley. I’ve been grieving and hungry. So don’t tell me you’re not hungry. I know you are.”
“Get out,” Harley was glaring at him, “Don’t fucking say you’ve been where I am.”
“But I have.”
“So you’ve had the person who was supposed to be someone you look up to,” Harley’s voice was sharp and cutting and quiet, “Fail you. And you’ve had the one person who could ever truly love you die. You’ve had everything you thought you were going to have ripped out of your hands?”
“Actually,” Tony wasn’t about to let Harley step on him, just to feel better, “I have. Steve Rogers failed me, because he lied to me about how my mother died. My mom. The one person in my life who never once tried to change me, and just loved me for me. I’ve had everything ripped from my hands and more. But just because someone you loved and who loved you die, doesn’t mean there aren’t people who still love you. I had Jarvis. You have me. You have Abbie. You have Pepper. You’re not alone, Harley. You don’t have to suffer in a lab alone. You don’t have to go hungry because you can’t do anything to fix it.”
Harley blinked. Tony had no idea what was going through his head, but the guilt on his face was obvious. He clearly had forgotten that Tony had been through much much more than Harley had. Had lost so much more than Harley had. That didn’t put Harley’s grief on a place below Tony’s, it was just to show that you can lose everything and still have something.
Harley lost Peter. But he still had his family. Tony lost his family. But he still had everyone he needed.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” Tony told him, “You’re hurt. You’re allowed to be.”
“Still.”
“So, are you gonna eat.”
“I’m still not hungry.”
Tony sighed, “Come on kid. I thought we just established that you should eat.”
“I’m just not hungry.”
“Peter would want you to eat.”
“What if I don’t want to eat?”
“But you have too,” Tony furrowed his brow, “I know that you don’t want too, but you’ve got to. You need to.”
“I don’t have to do anything,” Harley was once again looking away from Tony, “And I don’t want to eat.”
“Harley.”
“I just don’t want too,” He pushed the plate off the wires, and continued to play with it.
“But you need to. For Peter.”
“Don’t say that.”
Tony’s brow furrowed deeper, “But it's true. Peter wouldn’t want you to not eat.”
“Peter shouldn’t have left then.”
“Don’t start that,” Tony’s voice felt hard again, “You know that wouldn’t have changed anything.”
“It would have changed things for me,” He was still not looking at Tony, “It would have changed so much for me.”
“Harley, Peter would have disintegrated anyway.”
“We don’t know that.”
“The snap was random,” Tony was trying to keep his voice and tone as soft as he could, understanding the tough subject, “He would have died either way.”
“We don’t-”
“Yes,” he put a hand on his shoulder, “he would have. The only difference is that Peter would have disintegrated in front of-”
He stumbled back as Harley pushed him off. Harley stood, his eyes angry and upset, “Don’t. Don’t you dare say he would have died in front of me. Don’t.”
Tony blinked hard, “I’m sorry. But it’s the truth.”
“Get out,” his hand clenched into a fist, “Get out, Tony.”
“Harley,” Tony stepped towards him, holding his hands up, “You know its the truth.”
“I said get out.”
“He died in my arms,” Tony took another step in front of him, his hands still out, “The only thing that would have changed is that he would have died in your arms.”
“Get. Out.”
“I’m not going to leave you alone. Not right now.”
“GET OUT.”
“No,” Tony shook his head, “You shouldn’t have to be alone.”
The hit came out of nowhere, “I SAID GET OUT.”
Tony stumbled back hard, his hand flying to his cheek bone. Harley seemingly realized what he had done, stepping back away from Tony. He glanced at his hands, before looking back at Tony with wide eyes. He hit Tony.
Tony couldn’t actually believe it. Harley didn’t like to hit people. And he had hit Tony.
Tony turned on his heel and walked away.
Harley wanted to be alone, and Tony couldn’t handle the feeling of pure sadness that came with seeing his son like this.
A month after the snap
A Month After Harley finds Out
Anger
“I’m sorry.”
Tony startled, his eyes finding Harley, standing in the doorway of his lab. He blinked hard, stopping the welding torch, as his brow furrowed, “Kid… are you okay?”
“No,” He shook his head, still standing awkwardly in the doorway, “I’m not.”
“Okay,” Tony put down the torch fully, standing up straighter, “Do you want to talk about it?”
Harley shook his head, eyes hollow, “No. Not about that.”
Tony knew exactly what he was talking about. About Peter. He blinked again, brow furrowing harder, “Okay. What do you want to talk about?”
“I’m sorry for being angry at you.”
“Harley,” Tony said hesitantly, motioning for his son to come in the room, “You don’t have to be sorry.”
Harley dragged his feet into the lab, “Yes I do. I decked you.”
“You did deck me,” Tony conceded to him, trying to think of how Jarvis had talked to him when he had found out about his parents, “And it wasn’t a very good thing to do. But you did it out of grief.”
“Punching someone is never okay,” He shook his head, fidgeting like a child scorned, “And especially not when they’re trying to help.”
“You’re right, kid,” Tony told him, meeting Harley’s eyes, “But I understand why you did it. I understand that you are angry, and hurt, and needed someone to take it out on.”
“But I shouldn’t have taken it out on anyone least of all you, dad.”
Tony felt the air rush out of his lungs. How long had it been since his son had called him dad? How long had it been since Harley had opened himself up enough to call him dad? He blinked hard, taking in all of the statement.
In moments of grief, he knew that people took things out on others. He knew that he had done that once or twice. He knew that. And he knew that it took him a lot longer than a month to realize that taking out anger on someone because of grief was not good. Wasn’t healthy.
Tony looked at his son, “Maybe that's true-”
“It is.”
“But,” Tony didn’t blink at the interruption, “But you recognize that what you did wasn’t okay, and you apologized. That counts for something.”
“I guess,” Harley kicked the ground looking like he wanted to say more, but was stopping himself.
Tony stepped towards the couches, making a gesture for Harley to follow, “What else is eating you kid?”
“Nothing.”
“So everything then?”
Harley stayed silent and Tony frowned, “You can talk to me. I’m not going to judge you for having emotions, Harley. If you’re angry, you can tell me. If you’re sad you can tell me.”
“Just don’t be a pussy about it?”
“No,” Tony told him earnestly, “You can totally be a pussy about it. Maybe not about dads leaving, but this, You can be the biggest pussy on earth.”
“Are you sure?”
“Always.”
“I just…” Harley trails off, his body deflating onto the seat, collapsing next to Tony, “I just am so angry.”
Tony stayed silent, and Harley continued, “I’m so angry at everything. I’m so angry at Thanos. I’m so angry at you. I’m so angry at Peter.”
“Peter?”
“He left,” Harley was shaking, looking at his clenched hands, “He fucking left. He said he was going to be back, and he wasn’t. He’s dead. He’s dead. I didn’t even get a goodbye kiss. I didn’t even get to say goodbye. He’s dead. He’s dead and I’m so so angry.”
“But that’s not his fault,” Tony told him softly, “You know that.”
“I do know that logically,” Harley wasn’t looking at him still, “Good, I know that logically. My brain registers it as true. But I’m just… so angry. I just..”
“You just…?”
“I just wish I had more time,” Harley’s voice was uncharacteristically quiet, “I wish I had more time with him.”
“Oh, Harley,” Tony sighed, his heart breaking for his son once more, “I know. I know you wish you did.”
Harley looked at him, tears in his eyes, but not falling- because Harley didn’t like crying, because he was like Tony, and that broke Tony’s heart- an expression of pure loss on his face, “I wish I could hold him again. I wish he was here. And god, I’m so so so angry that he’s not. He was supposed to be here. He was supposed to be with me. And he’s not.”
“And god,” Harley’s palms found a place digging into his eyes, “I’m so angry, and I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t know how to not be angry because I’m so angry and it hurts so bad. Because Peter wouldn’t want me to be an asshole who decks the people he cares about, but I can’t help it. God I can’t help it. I’m so so so angry, Tony, I’m so angry.”
“It’s okay to be angry.”
“Not when it leads to me punching someone who isn’t at fault.”
“Maybe not,” Tony told him, reaching out to put a hand on his shoulder, “But It’s okay to be angry. It’s okay to have wanted more. It’s okay to wish that you had more. Its okay to be so angry that you lash out. It’s okay to be angry Harley.”
Harley sunk into his hand leaning onto Tony. Tony just held his son closer, “It’s going to be okay. I promise you, it’s gonna be okay.”
“How do you know?”
Tony paused, “I know because I’m going to fix it.”
“How?”
“I don’t know yet,” Tony told him honestly, “But I’m going to find a way.”
“What if,” Harley cleared his throat, “What if you can’t save them.”
“I have to.”
“What if you can’t.”
“I have to, Harley."
Looking at his son, his angry, heartbroken, grieving son, Tony knew it was true. He had to find Thanos. He had to kick Thanos’s ass. He had to do something. He needed to save them. Everyone that had disappeared. He needed to save them. He had to do something.
And he would.