A Wizard Stays the Night and it's Bad for Morale
III.
“Steve is having a meltdown.” Natasha dropped onto the couch between Clint and Bucky. In hindsight, Clint should have known he’d left too much space between their thighs. Perfectly spaced for their mutual ex-girlfriend. Weird.
Bucky had definitely downgraded.
“Why’s that?” Bucky asked, leaning over to make eye contact with Clint. They’d been having a very important discussion about whether or not they would try something new for dinner. Bucky tried to use brainwashing to his benefit. (I have to learn what I like, Clint!) and Clint said they already knew what they liked. Bucky liked the chicken strip at the diner by their apartment that served the pizza Lucky liked.
Clint hated new things.
“The wizard is here. Steve hates the wizard because Tony boned him.” She draped her legs across Bucky’s lap, glancing up at Clint as though daring him to say something. He didn’t. It was her world, Clint was just living in it. He preferred it that way.
Bucky stuck his tongue out and sat his hands on her thigh. He knew how things were as well. “Tony’s messing around with the wizard?”
Natasha shrugged, looking between the pair of them. Their lives were starting to feel a lot like a bad novel plot. They needed to find new people to mess around with; too many of them shared partners. It was getting nasty.
“Why’s Steve care what Tony does?” Clint asked her, leaning back on the couch. The conversation about dinner was going to have to be couched. It was fine. They would go to the tasty diner and Bucky could try something new. Like a casserole or something. That was old timey.
The look Natasha leveled him with told him that she knew he was playing dumb. She hated when he played his part. “Because they’re in love with each other, Clinton.” She crossed her arm over her chest and dropped back against the couch. “Bruce says they’re playing us, but Steve is probably the worst liar I’ve ever met.”
Those were valid points, Clint though, and he noticed Bucky nodding. They were all in agreement it seemed. Bruce’s theory was stupid. Though he spent the most time with Tony. Tony would tell him secrets like that.
“Clint thinks Tony will get his shit together first. I was morally obligated to say Steve would.”
“He lives in New York, Tony.” Steve burst into the room, walking right past the tangle on the couch. Clint couldn’t help but roll his eyes. It was getting annoying watching the pair of them argue about everything. “He doesn’t need to stay here.”
“It’s literally my building, Steve.” Tony shot back, following him into the room with a crazed 72 hours without sleep look in his eyes. The wizard and Tony must have been doing science. Because wizards needed science, or whatever. “I get to decide who stays here.”
“It’s about morale.”
Even Bucky frowned at that. What did a wizard staying at the tower have to do with morale? Maybe Steve was talking about his own morale, but that was too selfish for the paper cutout Steve they’d been dealing with since this Tony nonsense had started.
Tony rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over the filthy t-shirt he was wearing. Ew.
“He refused to join the team.” Steve shot back, as though it changed things. The wizard had his own things to do. Protecting reality seemed pretty important. And time consuming. Steve didn’t ban the X-Men from the tower. Evil Spider-man had even been allowed to visit that one time, and that was after he’d tried to eat Not Evil Spider-man. Clint hadn’t read the report. He wasn’t sure on the details. “He shouldn’t be able to come and play when he wants to.”
Natasha tilted her head, listening to the arguments in front of her. Clint was pretty sure the three of them were on the same page here, but he wasn’t going to interrupt.
Tony gesticulated wildly towards the couch, “just ask the peanut gallery here if it bothers them.”
Bucky rubbed Natasha’s thigh gently and shrugged his shoulder, “I’m contractually obligated to agree with whatever Steve’s position on the argument is as per the document I signed in 1925.”
Fair, Clint thought. The document was hanging in a museum. That probably made it extra-binding.
“That doesn’t even count as a vote then.” Tony rolled his eyes, clearly getting more agitated as the conversation continued.
“Wade Wilson gets to stay the night here sometimes, I don’t think anything can be worse for ‘morale’ than Wade Wilson early in the morning.” Clint frowned, not wanting to be engaged in the argument longer than necessary. Part of him just wanted to tell the two idiots in front of him to piss off and go get it on. That was against the rules of the bet though. And that was more important than actually getting the pair of them to act like adults.
Tony smirked at Steve as though that solved the entire argument. Because he was also an idiot. And running on no sleep.
“I don’t think you can hold Barnes to a contract he signed when he was eight, Steve.” Natasha added, looking around the room to see if anyone well versed in contracts was around. There wasn’t. They probably would have been smart enough to leave before getting sucked into the madness. “He also doesn’t care if Tony’s wizard friend stays the night.”
“We had to steal a pencil to write that contract.” Bucky told Natasha, as though the traitor actually remembered writing it, “That makes it extra binding.” He shrugged his shoulders, “Steve shouldn’t have to share Tony if he doesn’t want to anyway.”
Steve furrowed his brow, looking deeply betrayed at Bucky’s words. Greatest military mind Clint’s ass.
Natasha rolled her eyes and pushed Bucky off of her. As though she hadn’t imposed herself on their far more important discussion. “Just don’t go to the lab if having the wizard here bothers you so much, Steve.” She looked down at Clint and Bucky, “And Clint, try a new restaurant. The diner is terrible.” She smiled plaintively and moved swiftly out of the room.
“The diner isn’t terrible,” Bucky told him, looking over with what Clint was sure was meant to be a comforting face, “Everyone just hates it except for your dog.”
Tony and Steve both looked offended to discover the conversation had drifted away from their pressing concerns. Despite the fact that Natasha had solved it. The tower was huge, Steve could easily avoid the wizard if he wanted to avoid the wizard. The problem was that that meant also avoiding Tony.
“Maybe Steve and Tony would like to join us at a new restaurant?” He added, smiling softly over at Clint. Solid move.
Clint frowned, “as long as I can get coffee.”