Chapter 4
Loki was suspended in midair, desperately gripping one end of Gungnir to keep from falling into the abyss that loomed below him. His breath froze in his chest as he looked down past his feet into the infinite darkness. It was such a very long way to fall.
He grasped Gungnir tighter and tried to pull himself up, but his palms had grown clammy and he kept slipping. Tearing his eyes away from the Void, he looked up at Thor, who was kneeling at the shattered edge of the Bifrost and holding the other end of the spear. Thor stared down at him with an unreadable expression.
“Brother, please!” Loki cried. “Help me!” He continued struggling in vain to lift himself, but only slipped further down until his hand was a mere inch from the bottom of the spear.
For seconds that turned into hours, Thor simply looked at him, his expression unchanged. Then he smiled, cold and cruel, and shook his head slowly. “Oh, Loki,” he said, “I don’t think that would do anyone any good, do you?”
Shock coursed through Loki as he gaped at his brother, speechless. He didn’t understand. Thor always helped him, no matter what he had done. “Wh-what?” he gasped. “What are you talking about?”
Thor gave him a pitying look. “Did you really think this could end any other way?”
“I don’t —” Loki cut off, frustrated. He was literally hanging inches away from death, and Thor chose this moment to speak in riddles? “Stop being cryptic and just pull me up!” he said angrily.
Thor laughed mockingly, still making no move to stand or raise the spear. “Someday you’ll see that this was for the best,” he said with a condescending tilt of his head. “For all of us.”
Before Loki could say anything else, before he could even think, Thor let go. Loki screamed, “Thor, no!” but it was too late. He was already falling, his brother’s scornful laughter chasing him as he descended further into nothing.
He landed in a small, dark room. Dazed, he turned slowly, taking in his surroundings. He knew this place. He was back in his cell on the Sanctuary. He was Thanos’ prisoner.
Panic stole the air from his lungs. He needed to get out of here. Surely there must be a way to escape, a vent, a loose panel, something—
Without warning, the door to his cell burst open, Loki’s head snapping in its direction. He braced himself to face whichever minion had been sent to torment him, determined to fight this time. They could steal his freedom, but they would never take his dignity. He lifted his chin and stared defiantly at the doorway, ready for anything that could appear.
Except, apparently, for Thor. As his brother came into view, Loki froze in shock, his head swimming and his knees threatening to buckle. He blinked furiously, certain that he was imagining things, but there was no mistaking that long blond hair or the hammer hanging at his side. This didn’t make any sense. Thor had just let him fall. What was he doing here now? Had he come to finish the job?
“Loki,” Thor said in a low voice, striding over to him. “You need to come with me, now.”
Loki just stared at him. “What?” he said, uncomprehending. “What are you doing here?”
Thor looked confused as well. “What do you mean?” he asked. “I’ve come to get you out of here, of course. Now let’s go!” He started to turn around.
Loki still didn’t move. “But you sent me here,” he said blankly. “You let me go.”
Turning to face him again, Thor walked back over and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Loki,” he said slowly, “You’re confused. You know I would never do that. I’m here to help you.” Thor smiled warmly, the complete opposite of the cold, indifferent look he had given him from the Bifrost. “So come on! This is the rescue part of the rescue mission.”
Reassured, Loki nodded. Thor was right, he must have been mistaken before, disoriented by shock and fear. This was his brother; he would follow him anywhere. Thor would never abandon him.
Thor led Loki out into the hall, which seemed to be clear, but Loki knew better than to feel secure. “Where’s Thanos?” he whispered, looking around to make sure no one was behind them. “Did you see anyone on your way in?”
Thor shook his head. “No one,” he replied in hushed tones. “I don’t know where Thanos is. But we need to be quiet. It’s just a little further to the escape pods.”
Escape pods, that was odd. He had thought Thor might have his own ship. “How did you get here?” he asked curiously. “With the Bifrost broken?”
“I, uh…,” Thor hesitated, keeping his face forward so Loki couldn’t see his expression. “The Allfather sent me.”
That seemed fair enough. But still, a feeling of unease lingered at the back of his mind, a nagging suspicion that something wasn’t quite right. “But —,” he started to say.
“Shhh,” Thor silenced him with an impatient wave of his hand. He hurried ahead, gesturing for Loki to follow. “It’s just around this corner,” he said, stopping at an intersection with another hallway. “There’s just one more thing.”
Abruptly, Thor turned and swung Mjölnir into Loki’s leg.
Crumpling, Loki heard the shriek of agony before he registered that it had come from him. The pain was blinding, the bones in his right knee obviously shattered. Escape was no longer an option. He knew if he even tried to stand he would likely pass out.
From his kneeling position, he struggled to focus on Thor, his vision blurry with tears. “Why?” he choked out, his voice barely more than a wheeze.
Thor started to laugh, but the voice that emerged was not his brother’s. It was high and sinister, and Loki recognized it. He squeezed his eyes shut as though it would block out both the laughter and the pain, and when he looked up again he was back in his cell with Ebony Maw standing over him instead of Thor.
“It’s pathetic how easy it is to trick you whenever your brother’s involved,” he sneered. “And here I thought you were supposed to be the trickster.”
Panting harshly, Loki looked down at his leg and had to clench his teeth against the wave of nausea that rolled through him. His right thigh had been skewered just above the knee with a metal pipe at least an inch in diameter. Unable to look away, he stared at the pipe, transfixed, as Ebony Maw used his telekinesis to twist it deeper into his leg, tearing through tendons and grinding against bone. Loki screamed and screamed, and when he finally sank into unconsciousness, it was with relief.
He jerked awake suddenly, with confusion and a pounding headache. At first unsure what had woken him, Loki realized quickly that he was parched, his mouth as dry as cotton. He looked around for water, gradually noticing the heat before it occurred to him what room he was in. Catching sight of a jug a few feet away, Loki tried to reach for it, but his arm was pulled back by a heavy chain. Then he realized.
He was in the boiler room. Chained to the boiler.
Don’t panic, he told himself, his heart racing traitorously. His captors must not want to kill him, or they would have done it already. But they didn’t know he was a frost giant. In truth, Loki had no idea how much heat it would take to kill him. It might not be nearly as much as they thought.
Sweat pouring down his forehead and the back of his neck, Loki struggled hopelessly against his chains. Ordinarily, he’d be able to magic his way out of these binds with a snap of his fingers, but he was already too weak from near starvation and daily bouts of torture. The constant need to heal himself had depleted his magic reserves almost entirely. He felt dizzy, his tongue beginning to swell in his throat, but whether it was due to the heat or his still rising panic, he couldn’t say.
He tried to swallow, but his throat was too tight, his airway constricted by his own tongue. His vision started to go dark around the edges. Oh no, Loki thought wildly. I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe –
The door flew forward, breaking clean off its hinges. Thor burst into the room, hammer held high and eyes blazing. At the sight of Loki, he raced forward and dropped to his knees beside him.
“Brother,” Thor said, his voice rough with emotion. He reached for him, but Loki shrank back, the memory of Mjölnir crushing his leg still fresh in his mind.
That wasn’t him, Loki reminded himself. It was an illusion created by Ebony Maw, meant to chip away at his increasingly fragile psyche. The thought brought him no comfort.
“You’re not real,” Loki said tonelessly. “You’re not here.”
Thor furrowed his brow in confusion, the expression so endearingly familiar that Loki wanted to laugh. “Loki,” Thor said softly, “what do you mean? Of course I’m here.”
“No.” Loki gave Thor’s illusion a sad smile. “They like to trick me, you see. And you’re their favorite method.”
Thor’s expression shifted from confused to concerned. But of course, his captors wouldn’t want their illusion to appear to understand. “Loki,” Thor said again, placing his hands on both of Loki’s shoulders, “This isn’t a trick. This is real, I’m here. I came after you.”
“How did you know where I was?” Loki asked. “How did you get here?”
“Heimdall saw you,” Thor said as though it were obvious. “He looked for you every day. Did you think we would ever give up hope that you survived?” He smiled as he brushed away a strand of hair that was stuck to Loki’s sweaty forehead.
That was…more compelling than usual. Loki wasn’t going to give in that easily, though. He needed to be absolutely sure that he wasn’t about to walk into another trap. “But how did you get here without the Bifrost?” Loki asked insistently.
“It’s difficult, but Father can summon the energy to travel between realms when he needs to,” Thor said, frowning. “When we realized where you were, he sent me to bring you home.”
Against his better judgement, hope began to swell in Loki’s chest. “You’re really here?” he asked, not bothering to conceal the tears stinging his eyes. “You came after me, after everything I’ve done?”
“Of course,” Thor said simply. “You’re my brother.”
Raising his arms as much as the chains would allow, Loki hugged Thor fiercely. “Okay, I believe you,” he said, his voice muffled against Thor’s shoulder. “Let’s get the hell out of here.”
Thor leaned back and picked up Mjölnir. When he raised the hammer, Loki couldn’t help but flinch. “I’m not going to hurt you,” Thor said, his own hurt evident on his face. “I just need to break the chains.”
Thor brought the hammer down in two quick motions, and Loki was free. He rose shakily to his feet, using Thor’s arm for support. “Thank you, brother,” Loki said gratefully.
Thor smiled at him, bringing his other hand up to clasp the back of Loki’s neck in a familial gesture as old as their brotherhood itself. He looked at Loki like he wanted to say something — and then a metal bar burst through the front of his throat.
“No!” Loki gasped as Thor’s blood splattered across his face. Thor crumpled to the floor, taking Loki down with him. Loki’s hands hovered over Thor’s neck, around the pipe. Should he remove it, or would that just cause Thor to bleed out faster? If only he had his magic, he could heal him in an instant. He tried frantically to draw on his reserves, but nothing would come, not even a flicker.
Eyes wide and terrified, Thor seemed desperate to communicate something. He gripped Loki’s arm weakly, his mouth opening wordlessly, but the only sound he could manage was an awful gurgle. Loki pressed his hands into the wound in a futile attempt to stem the flow of blood, but there was just so much. “Stay with me, brother,” Loki sobbed.
A tear slid from the corner of Thor’s eye into his hair, and Loki was sure that he was thinking the same thing Loki once had when their positions were reversed – that he would if he could. He briefly squeezed Loki’s arm, even now trying to reassure him that everything would be all right. But then his hand fell limply to the ground, and Loki watched as the light dimmed in his brother’s eyes.
All of the air vanished from the room. Loki realized his arms and legs were trembling so violently that they appeared to be vibrating, but they didn’t seem to belong to him. They didn’t feel real. Nothing felt real.
He dropped his head to Thor’s chest and closed his eyes, determined to follow him into the dark. This couldn’t be happening. This couldn’t be how it was meant to end.
He felt the shadow looming behind him before he heard the deep voice that made his blood run cold.
“Have you had enough, Asgardian?”
Loki opened his eyes. He was huddled alone on the floor. Thor’s body had disappeared, leaving no trace of blood nor any other sign that he had ever been there.
Something in Loki’s mind snapped, and he started to laugh hysterically. They had finally done it. They had broken him. He continued to laugh, a mad, insane sound, and he didn’t think he would ever be able to stop –
“Loki. Loki! LOKI!”
A slap to his face brought Loki abruptly back to consciousness. He looked around, wild-eyed, still trapped in his nightmare. The first thing he saw was Thor’s face hovering anxiously above him, and he flinched away in terror.
Not again, he thought desperately, squeezing his eyes shut. No more, please, no more.
He realized he was speaking out loud when Thor asked, “No more what?” Thor grabbed his shoulders roughly. “Loki, what’s wrong?”
Loki refused to look at him. “You’re not real,” he muttered repeatedly under his breath. “This isn’t real, you’re not here, you’re not real.”
Thor moved his hands from Loki’s shoulders to his face. “Loki,” he said softly, “this is real. I’m here. Don’t you know where you are?” Loki could hear the heartbreak in Thor’s voice even if he couldn’t see his face. “Please, brother, look at me.”
Against his will, Loki opened his eyes and looked into Thor’s. Or rather, Thor’s one eye. That wasn’t right. In all of his visions on the Sanctuary, Thor always had two eyes. What had happened to his other eye?
Loki remembered. Hela, Surtur, Asgard burning. He was aboard the Statesman, with Thor. He was safe.
For now.
Thor was kneeling beside the couch that Loki was still stretched out on, looking downright shaken by Loki’s momentary lapse in sanity. Realization washed over him, with humiliation right on its heels. Loki closed his eyes again, this time in shame. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.
Thor shook his head. “Don’t be,” he said, clearly relieved that Loki seemed to have regained his faculties. “It was just a bad dream. You’re all right.”
It was more than just a dream, but Loki didn’t tell Thor that. He had a feeling he didn’t need to. Thor’s face was still tight with worry, a haunted look in his eye. “What did you hear?” Loki asked reluctantly. What did I do went unsaid.
“Um…well, you were shouting and thrashing about…you yelled my name a few times.” Thor leaned back and looked away from Loki’s face, obviously uncomfortable. “Then…you started laughing.”
Groaning, Loki sat up and buried his face in his hands. “I’m sorry,” he said again.
“Stop,” Thor said sternly, pulling his arms away from his face. “You don’t need to apologize.” He paused, deliberating over something. “What were you dreaming about?” he finally asked.
Laughing humorlessly, Loki shook his head. “Believe me, you don’t want to know.”
The worry lines in Thor’s expression deepened. “Does this happen often?”
Loki considered whether he wanted to answer honestly, but really, what was the point of lying now? “Only almost every night,” he replied, keeping his tone as casual as he could. “Sakaar was actually a bit of a reprieve. I usually fell asleep too drunk to remember any of my dreams.” He glanced a bit longingly toward the table stocked with bottles of liquor. It was tempting, but he wasn’t sure how much longer they’d be stuck on this ship. Better to make the supplies last.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Thor asked hesitantly.
Loki looked down, twisting his hands in his lap. “I really don’t.”
“But —,” Thor began.
“Thor, it’s fine,” Loki interrupted before Thor could press the subject further. “I had a nightmare, it’s over, I’m fine. Please, just go back to bed.”
Frowning, Thor looked like he wanted to argue, but then he suddenly stood. “Fine,” he said, and pulled Loki up too. “Come on.”
“Wait – what – what are you doing?” Loki stuttered as Thor dragged him over to the bed.
“I’m not leaving you there to stare at the ceiling all night,” Thor said firmly. “You need to get some rest, and the bed is more comfortable.”
Loki tried to pull back, but he was no match for his brother’s viselike grip. “This is ridiculous!” he said, flustered. “Really, Thor, I’m f –”
“You’re not fine!” Thor shouted, dropping his arm and turning to face him. “You’re exhausted and you’re terrified, and as far as I can tell, you have been for years. You avoided your problems by pretending they didn’t exist. By pretending you didn’t exist.” Thor rested his hand on Loki’s shoulder again and looked at him with equal parts exasperation and affection. “You can’t run forever, Loki.”
All of the fight went out of him at Thor’s words. He knew he couldn’t keep running. Why else would he be there? “I might hurt you,” Loki said dully, shoulder slumping beneath Thor’s hand, “if I thrash around again. Or at the very least, I’ll keep you awake.”
Thor’s face broke into a weary smile. “I don’t care,” he said resolutely. “You don’t have to deal with this on your own anymore.”
Loki hadn’t known how badly he needed to hear those words until Thor said them. He’d been on his own for so long, he’d forgotten there was any other way to be. It felt like a great weight had been lifted off of his chest now that Thor knew the darkest secrets from his past and wanted him there anyway.
This time, he didn’t resist when Thor led him over to the bed. He climbed in beside his brother and allowed Thor to throw the blanket over them both. Lying on his back, he kept his eyes forward as Thor leaned over to turn off the lamp on the bedside table.
As his eyes gradually adjusted to the darkness, Thor’s voice drifted over to him.
“Loki?”
Loki’s heart sank. Thor was going to insist that he tell him more about the dream. It had been painful enough to see it in his mind once, Loki couldn’t bear to recount it all, at least not yet. But he also couldn’t deny Thor when he was being so unexpectedly accommodating. “Yes, brother?” he replied calmly, masking his apprehension.
“Sorry for slapping you.”
After a brief, shocked silence, Loki let out a breathless laugh, which Thor returned. Shifting to lay on his side, he closed his eyes and listened as Thor’s breathing slowly evened out, until he fell back into his own thankfully dreamless sleep.