Chapter 5
The next few days passed in a flurry of activity. As it turned out, there was much to be done to make long-term life support feasible aboard a Sakaaran pleasure vessel.
The tasks were seemingly endless. They needed to inventory the ship’s supplies and determine how best to ration them; create a roster of the refugees from Asgard as well as the former slaves from Sakaar; adapt common areas of the ship into living quarters to house said refugees; and set up a makeshift healing ward for those who had been injured in the fight against Hela. Fortunately, a few Asgardian healers were among the survivors, but they could only handle so much. As a result, Loki spent much of his time in the healing ward as well, using his skills to contribute where he could.
He and Thor were kept so busy throughout the following days that they barely had a chance to speak until the evenings, when they returned, exhausted, to their room. As they decompressed from the day’s challenges, they made a point to keep their conversations light, both steering clear of their earlier emotionally-charged revelations. Thor’s offer to find Loki his own quarters went unmentioned by either of them.
And if Thor noticed when Loki jolted awake each night with a gasp, he didn’t mention that either.
As Loki stared at the ceiling, panting and trying to convince himself that the shadows on the wall weren’t planning to attack him, Thor would slide his hand over to touch Loki’s arm, a wordless reminder that he was there. Loki knew Thor would listen if he decided to tell him exactly what disturbed his sleep, but he just couldn’t bring himself to do it. Maybe in time, he would be able to share all of his ghosts with Thor without feeling like he was breathing life back into them. For now, though, Loki found that his brother’s presence alone was enough to help him return to his senses faster and fall back to sleep more easily than he ever had before.
Their hectic days of planning and organizing finally culminated in Thor’s long overdue coronation. It took place on the observation deck of the Statesman rather than the throne room they had always imagined. As Thor took his seat in another of the Grandmaster’s strangely geometric chairs — surely the last thing he ever expected would serve as his throne — Loki lingered near the back of the room, unsure if his presence was wanted. He couldn’t help but remember Thor’s first coronation, the one he had selfishly, jealously ruined. It was true that his brother had not been ready to be king then; Loki was sure even Thor himself would not deny that. However, they might have both been spared a great deal of suffering if Loki had allowed that day to proceed as planned.
Loki wondered if Thor was having similar thoughts. Surely he must also be reminiscing about that day when their lives were so irrevocably changed. And if he weren’t already, Loki’s presence would undoubtedly remind him. Maybe it would be better for everyone if he just left.
He wants you here, Loki told himself. How many times does he have to say he’s glad that you’re here before you believe him?
Forcing his shoulders back, Loki made his way to the platform at the front of the room where Thor and his companions were gathered. When he reached them, he slipped past the Hulk to stand between him and the Valkyrie, trying to remain as inconspicuous as possible. He kept his eyes trained on Thor, waiting for the whispers from the crowd, that he was a traitor, that he didn’t belong there. But they didn’t come. The people remained silent, their attention also focused on Thor, and no one seemed to find it remotely strange that Loki stood by his side.
When Heimdall asked Thor where they should go and Thor immediately looked to Loki for advice, he was further reassured. Although he was too surprised to offer an answer, Loki was heartened by the fact that Thor would consult his opinion for his first official decision as king.
Less heartening was the fact that, in the absence of suggestions, Thor decided on Earth as their destination.
Loki was contemplating the likely ramifications of this decision a few hours later when Thor found him staring out the window on an isolated bridge. While everyone else was celebrating their new king, Loki had seized the opportunity to slip away unnoticed, much preferring the company of his own thoughts. Evidently Thor had felt the same.
The brothers stood in silence for a moment, gazing out into space. After a few seconds of internal deliberation, Loki decided to voice his concerns.
“Do you really think it’s a good idea to go back to Earth?” he asked skeptically.
“Yes, of course,” Thor said without hesitation. “The people of Earth love me, I’m very popular.” He looked back toward Loki, one corner of his mouth twitching upward.
Loki resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “Let me rephrase that,” he said. “Do you really think it’s a good idea to bring me back to Earth?” He kept his gaze forward, half afraid of what he would see if he met Thor’s eye. Pity? Or confirmation that his doubts were well founded?
Apparently the latter.
“Probably not,” Thor said, but his tone was gentle. He offered a small smile that Loki couldn’t help but return. “I wouldn’t worry, brother,” he continued, turning back toward the window. “I feel like everything’s going to work out fine.”
Before Loki could respond, a shadow fell over the two of them, cast by a gargantuan ship that had risen into space directly in front of the Statesman. The new ship dwarfed theirs many times over and was horribly, sickeningly familiar.
Loki’s blood turned to ice; he forgot how to breathe. His vision narrowed until the only thing he could see was the ship that haunted every one of his nightmares. He squeezed his eyes shut.
This isn’t real. This is a dream. It’s not really there.
He opened his eyes. The ship was still there.
Dimly, he became aware that Thor was speaking next to him, calling his name, but his voice sounded very far away. Loki couldn’t answer him. He was frozen in place, unable to tear his eyes from the ship before them.
Until Thor gripped his shoulders and spun him around roughly to face him. There was concern and confusion in his expression, but not the abject terror that should have been there. He didn’t know, then. He had no idea what was about to happen.
“What is it, Loki?” Thor asked urgently. “Whose ship is that?”
Loki tried to speak but no sound came out. He cleared his throat and tried again. “Thanos,” he said hoarsely. “It’s Thanos.”
“What?” Thor said. But Loki could tell by the stricken look on his face that he had heard him. Thor’s grip on his shoulders tightened painfully. “How did he find us?”
Loki thought of the tesseract, in their presence at this very moment but magically concealed. Thanos must have sensed that it was no longer on Asgard and been drawn to its power. In an impulsive moment of greed, Loki had doomed them all.
But it would do little good to tell Thor that now.
“He’s come for me,” Loki said faintly. It was at least half true.
Thor’s eye narrowed and he set his jaw in a familiar look of determination. “Well, he can’t have you,” he growled. An unmistakable charge of electricity accompanied his words, crackling in the air around them.
In spite of everything, Loki felt a surge of affection for his fearsome, foolish older brother, who he now knew would always believe the best in him. Would do anything to protect him. Was about to die defending him.
And he made a decision.
“You need to leave,” Loki said urgently, grabbing Thor’s arm and pulling him down the bridge. “We need to get to the escape pods, or else the Commodore —”
“What?” Thor stopped in his tracks and ripped his arm from Loki’s grasp. “Loki, no. I’m not leaving.”
“You must.” Loki stared pleadingly into Thor’s face, urging him to understand. “He will kill everyone on board. Our only chance is to get away now, before he realizes.”
Clearly taken aback by his desperation, Thor looked at Loki for a moment and then shook his head. “I’m not running away.”
“We ran from Hela,” Loki said stubbornly.
Anger flickered across Thor’s face. “That was different. We had no choice.”
“We don’t have a choice now!”
“Of course we do! We can stay and fight. We’ve faced worse odds, there must be some chance —”
At these words, Loki lost all semblance of control. He laughed humorlessly, a manic cackle similar to the ones from his dreams. “You didn’t listen to a word I said, did you? We have no chance! None!” he shouted. “If we stay, we will die. Quickly, if we’re lucky.”
They stared at each other wordlessly, an invisible barrier between them. Even before Thor spoke, Loki knew the argument was lost. His brother was looking at him as though seeing him in a new light — or rather, an old one. Loki recognized his expression from their fight on the Bifrost so many years ago, and their fraught encounters on Midgard not long after. He had seen it too during Thor’s lone visit to his cell on Asgard, and then again when Thor had been the one imprisoned on Sakaar.
Disappointment.
Loki didn’t think he could have possibly felt worse at this moment, but apparently he’d been wrong.
“You can go,” Thor said quietly. “I won’t stop you. But I’m staying. I did not destroy our home planet to save our people just so I could leave them to be slaughtered now.”
Loki had no response so that. Of course Thor wouldn’t leave. It had been ridiculous to even consider for a second that he might. Panic had stolen all reason from his mind.
Thor waited for a moment, clearly hoping that Loki would agree with him and stay. When Loki said nothing, Thor shook his head sadly and slowly turned. Loki’s throat burned as he watched Thor walk away. He could not willingly bring himself to watch his brother die in one of his nightmares come to life, but he also could not let things end like this.
“Thor, I —”
Just then, an alarm sounded from another wing of the ship, followed by distant crashes. They were out of time. Thanos was either on board already or would be any minute.
“There you two are!”
Valkyrie appeared suddenly from around a corner, running towards them. She skidded to a stop in front of Thor, gasping for air. “We’re in trouble,” she said breathlessly. “Hostile forces are trying to board the ship. They’ve already breached the outer shields.”
“We know,” Thor said. “It’s Thanos.”
“Thanos?” Valkyrie gaped at him. “Well, we’re fucked.”
“Gather all of the women, children, and elderly that you can find and get them to the Commodore,” Thor said quickly. “We need to evacuate as many as we can. Send anyone willing and able to fight to the observation deck.”
“Got it, boss,” Valkyrie said. “I’ll meet you there.”
“No,” Thor said. Valkyrie looked indignant, but Thor’s tone left no room for discussion. “Stay with the evacuees on the Commodore. Protect them and get them to safety.” She opened her mouth to argue, but Thor cut her off. “They’ll need you. You know they will.”
Valkyrie hesitated, still obviously opposed to this plan. Something in Thor’s expression must have convinced her because she gave a curt nod and started off back down the hall. As she reached the end, she turned back to face them. “Hey guys,” she called with a most uncharacteristic waver in her voice. Her gaze shifted from Thor to Loki and back again. “Don’t die,” she said and vanished around the corner.
Clearing his throat, Thor turned back towards Loki. “I guess this is goodbye then,” he said gruffly. He looked like he wanted to say more, but after a few seconds he just gave Loki a sad smile and started to walk away from him once again.
Every instinct in Loki’s body told him to run. To take the tesseract and use it to transport himself far away, somewhere Thanos could never find him. But as he watched Thor leave, he knew, with just as much certainty, that if he abandoned him now, he would regret it for the rest of his sorry existence.
Well, there was no sense in wasting any more time thinking about it.
“Thor, wait!” Loki called, forcing himself to run after him. Thor turned with a heartbreakingly hopeful look on his face. “You’re right,” Loki said, “there’s always a chance —”
Before Loki could say another word, Thor crushed him in an embrace even tighter than the first one they had shared on this ship. He quickly released him, but brought a hand up to clasp the back of Loki’s neck. “Come on, brother,” he said, with a fervor that was only brought on by the promise of battle. “Let’s go kill Thanos.”
As Loki followed Thor to the observation deck, he felt faintly guilty that his potential last words to Thor were a lie. He knew it was nearly impossible that the two of them would both survive what was to come. But maybe, just maybe, they would be able to take Thanos down with them. And besides, hadn’t he already decided that it was alright to lie to Thor for his own good?
This time, when Thor marched to the front of the observation deck to start shouting out commands to the troops already gathered, Loki took his place by his brother’s side without any hesitation.