No Longer Free
Tony stood all tense between Loki and his team, fully turned to neither of them, thinking quickly what to do and what to say. He tried to beat the rising panic in his chest and failed.
“Come on, friend Tony,” Thor’s voice urged him on. His eyes found Loki’s again, pleading to help him.
“I think it will be wiser if Anthony here would accompany me to the library. I believe he would be more interested in the ancient books on crafts than in our architecture,” Loki uttered calmly after a moment of silence, his face, however, mirrored some of Tony’s distress.
Thor frowned upon those words, but before he had a chance to open his mouth, Loki spoke again: “I wish not to remain alone here waiting for you. The company would suit me well.”
If Tony was in any other state of mind, he would have smirked and clapped. He loved how manipulative Loki could become when he wanted something, and his current approach was clearly the best path towards Thor’s approval.
“Uhm, yes, of course,” the Thunderer found his voice. There was something gentle and sad between the lines left unspoken.
“If Tony wishes so.”
The said engineer was already at Loki’s side, forcing a smile on his lips. The speed of his movement spoke volumes.
“Yes, actually, I would really want to see the library. We’ll wait for you until you come back.”
Captain suddenly moved, stepping from one foot to the other and catching Tony’s gaze in the process. A one glance was enough for Tony to know that he was screwed. Steve had to surely figure out the true reason behind this act and he was now looking at Tony in the very obvious, almost intimidating, way.
“We will speak later then,” he said and nodded before turning to the temple, others following his example.
Tony let out a sigh.
They waited patiently until Thor went in as well, and then Tony turned on Loki who already started to walk away.
“Hey, I… thank you… for that,” he said when he caught up on Loki’s long steps. He almost missed the nod coming his way.
They continued silently towards their destination. Tony buried in his own thoughts the same as Loki. The engineer hoped the atmosphere would change once they sit down at one of the nice wooden tables surrounded by tons of books from every possible side, but he was clearly wrong. Beside Loki’s help with finding him something interesting to peek into, he didn’t receive any other form of acknowledgement from the god. And seeing him taking the seat opposite instead of the one at Tony’s side, was just the last straw.
“Okay, what’s wrong with you, spill,” he moaned hardly suppressing the frustration in his voice.
“Are you by any chance mad at me?” he tried again when he mentally forced Loki’s head to lift from his own book to look at him and nothing more. “Because it wasn’t me who withheld an important, maybe life-threating information from anyone.”
He tried not to sound accusingly, but the truth was that if anyone had a reason to be mad, it was him. He didn’t even want to know what would have happened if he had entered the damn temple.
“So what now? Are you giving me the silent treatment? For what? Because I did the same thing you did to yourself? Isn’t that a bit unfair?” Somewhere in the back of his mind, Tony knew he should have shut up and watch more closely for the signals explaining what Loki really thought, but he was just in no mood to do that. Snapping at him. Yeah, that he was able to do.
He hoped that they were at least truly alone in the big room as it had seemed and that no one was eavesdropping on them.
“I’m not angry with you, Anthony.” Loki’s voice was calm and collected just as his expression.
“Bullshit,” Tony pushed some more. “I know you. We’ve been together for almost two years now.”
When a spark of amusement appeared in the god’s eyes, Tony’s heart sunk in his chest. But the emotion was quickly replaced by a minefield of disturbing possibilities running through Tony’s head.
Loki had to catch the change, because suddenly he placed his hands over the book, leaning a bit closer.
“I was surprised, saddened and yes, maybe a little bit angry… because you never told me yourself. And because in my head I replayed a whole different scenario where I didn’t meet you at all. You didn’t give me a chance.”
Tony sighed.
“This is the pot calling the kettle black, you know that, right?” He hoped the allspeak could translate the saying at least.
“Anthony…”
“No,” Tony didn’t give him a chance to interject, “you did the exactly the same thing. You know that Thor told us, but you’ve never told me yourself. Do you know how I felt when he explained how you let go? To fall into that endless darkness?”
God, he was becoming angrier than was wise in the situation, but this was something he needed to get out of his system.
“I didn’t want to hear that from him,” he continued, “hell, no one even knows how you got away from there. Do you know that every time I dream about New York and the wormhole I see you floating there dead, just right next to me as I suffocate?”
By the look on his face, Loki did not. And Tony had now a lot of work with catching up his own breath. He didn’t realize he was nearly shouting at him. And… yes, he didn’t want to mention that last part.
The god’s eyes turned more gentle, and Tony didn’t understand this reaction in slightest. He was expecting a fight. Damn it, he was probably inwardly preparing for one since he’d realized Loki was upset with him.
“I apologize. You are right. I should have told you.” Loki left him speechless for a moment with his words. “Just as you should have told me,” he added immediately and that was finally his Loki speaking again. A light smile formed on the god’s lips, a gesture perhaps offering a truce.
“Yeah, you apologizing, I almost started to worry it’s the end of the world or something,” Tony murmured under his nose, but then started more firmly: “I guess, we all screw up big time in relationships and communication. Now when we acknowledged the problem…”
“…What will we do with it?” Loki ended for him with a small knowing smile.
Tony smirked. “More communication, less screw ups?”
The god returned the smile, but his gaze stayed focused.
“I know that this wasn’t everything eating up on you,” Tony tried again, but this time he tried to control his voice. “When I looked at you back then in front of that temple and you understood, you were reminded I am a mortal and you are not, am I right?”
He knew he hit the target, when Loki’s features sharpened, and his eyes slid for a second away from Tony’s face.
“Yes,” he admitted. “I was reminded many things today.”
“Like what?”
Loki visibly tensed. His lips pursed into a straight line like they often did before he started to argue.
“Like that I won’t be able to offer you many things that Thor can offer Jane.” Tony froze as well, not expecting this to be the answer.
“Instead I can promise that if you ever decide to make our relationship public, you will have to endure the same treatment from people that I do every day.”
Loki’s words were heavy with regret and anger. Tony valued each one of those emotions showing because he could only imagine how hard it was to let them out.
“I can offer you no kingdom. No crown. Not even a proper wedding ceremonial in the same temple as Thor if you would ever decide that you want to have that with me. All because of my past mistakes.”
Tony didn’t manage to say a single word for a long time. He was eyeing Loki with big, wide eyes unable to form a sentence until his head cleared a bit. Loki thought about marrying him one day?
“I… I haven’t thought you considered… uhm, having our relationship go… public,” he said in the end only half coherent, “like never…” He ran with his hands through his hair nervously. “I know I’m not the best candidate for that, I… fuck… I curse too much, I drink too much, I’m egoistic and rude and I constantly destroy things I love… I would probably start a war if you let me in the same room with someone important.” He wanted to continue. Hundreds of things coming to his mind. But something in Loki’s eyes stopped him.
“Anthony,” he called for Tony’s attention, “you are the most brilliant person I’ve ever met and I have lived for a very long time.”
Tony wanted to open his mouth and argue, but he didn’t get a chance.
“And you are forgetting that I started a war too. I thought no one could ever understand me, but you did and you do.”
Loki leaned in to touch Tony’s hand on the table, taking it and covering it with his long elegant fingers.
“You are selfless. You do not destroy, you create. You are captivating, everyone can see it but you. How is that possible?”
Tony stared in those emerald green eyes for a while and then tried to laugh it off as usual. “You don’t have to try so hard, you already got in my pants.”
Loki snickered a bit, finally his serious expression dropping.
“Yes, I did. And I know we hardly ever speak about this thing between us. You must know you are important to me,” he said gently and something warm spread in Tony’s chest sweeping him in the turbulence of emotions he was finally able to name and accept.
“I think I love you,” he blurted out suddenly, unable to stop himself. Their eyes fixed on each other.
Tony felt like he wasn’t breathing at all until Loki’s lips slowly formed a smile. Not mischievous. This was the smile he had when he woke up next to Tony in the mornings because Tony had touched his face and kissed his jaw. It was smile meant for Tony only.
“That’s perfect because I think that too.”
Tony grinned. Amused. Relieved. Happy. “You too think that I love you?”
Loki rolled his eyes. “No, you idiot.”
But he had to know Tony was only messing with him, so instead of more words, he just leaned over the table and took a hold of Tony’s face to kiss him deeply or as deep as the obstacle between them allowed.
“Can we do this here?” Tony managed to ask between the lips and teeth and tongues meeting and fighting. The library must be open for a lot of people, right? But Loki didn’t respond to that, he only grabbed Tony’s shirt more firmly, dragging him from his chair across the table over the books and into his lap on the other side. There his hands could go erratic. Only after a long wander over Tony’s body, they finally settled on Tony’s ass, cupping it and lifting so they could press even impossibly closer.
Tony moaned back Loki’s name when the god sucked the sensitive skin on his neck, gasping for much needed air after Loki bit him few times making Tony’s head tilt to the side to make him more space.
“We… should go…” Tony tried to suggest, “somewhere, uhm… more private.”
“Yes, you certainly should.”
A non-familiar female voice startled them both. Tony immediately, without looking who it was, tore himself away from Loki’s lips thinking about how to quickly jump back on his spot. Pretending that he was sitting there despite the fact that he clearly wasn’t - was still a better plan than just staying where he was now, just a minute ago rubbing himself wildly against Loki.
However, the god reacted much faster than Tony and with a shrieking sound he moved his chair, so Tony could land on his two feet instead… thank you for that.
He was probably flushed, not so much from embarrassment than from the heat radiating from their bodies. Glancing at Loki Tony found out the god was in the pretty much same state. His eyes dilated, hair a mess from Tony’s hands constantly running into it, he was… stunningly beautiful.
The intruder cleared her throat pointedly. Tony flushed now for real, remembering the situation he was currently in. He moved his eyes towards the woman that he expected to be some sort of a guardian scolding them for making out at a public place. Instead his chest became heavy and his mouth went open when he saw who was standing there with a firm, but gentle expression.
“Mother,” Loki greeted the queen and bowed, but it sounded more like a curse to Tony’s ears.
Tony followed the example at the same time snapping his mouth shut.
“My son,” the queen replied steady without anger or disappointment and that was a hope Tony allowed himself to embrace. Did he cause Loki trouble? He wasn’t sure. It was hard to fully read the queen’s expression, but in one moment it became unexpectedly soft and when Tony realized the reason, his heart simply missed a beat.
Loki – probably unconsciously - moved as they were speaking closer to Tony’s side and more in front of him like he was possibly shielding him. It was such a sweet gesture that for a few seconds Tony didn’t manage nothing else but to stare at the back of Loki’s head with a stupid smile on his lips.
“I didn’t mean to disturb you,” the queen seized their attention back, “but I guess Anthony’s suggestion from earlier is rather correct. We both know that the library is mostly empty at this time of the day, but you see…” finally an uncertain smile appeared on her as well, “you can not be sure.”
They haven’t been yet officially introduced, but the queen knew who Tony was, perhaps Thor or Loki talked about him before?
He carefully stepped out from behind Loki, squeezing his shoulder lightly to let him know that it was okay. He put a nice charming smile on his face and bowed once again in front of the queen. This time he took her hand, which she’d offered, to his lips.
“Anthony of Midgard,” he introduced himself as he heard others do for him before, “nice to meet you, Your Majesty.”
The queen looked pleased.
“The pleasure is mine, Anthony,” she answered and bowed as well. Tony let go of her hand. He could feel Loki moving to the spot behind him.
The queen looked at both of them, her gaze was firm, but at the same time full of affection.
“I believe we will see each other again and have a chance to speak tonight,” she addressed to Tony, then she turned her eyes to Loki, “perhaps I should inform Allfather that you are no longer free to form a pair with a lady of his choosing?”
The question was simple and innocent, but at the same time it met a wall that Tony and Loki had built around their relationship and crashed hard.
If Loki said yes, it would mean Tony could perhaps attend with him, but everyone would know that there was something going on between them.
There clearly wasn’t any chance for them to refuse a chosen company and go alone, and Tony never thought about it until now. Maybe they wanted to force some lady to attend with Tony as well and he only hasn’t caught the information yet.
On the other side, if Loki said no, that would mean Tony would have to watch him all night with some woman hanging on his arm. He started to feel sick only picturing it. Some of these thoughts had to mirror on his face, but Loki still turned to him for the final answer and waited.
Despite everything they had said earlier and all of the hiding and fear of rejection, he found the words simple to speak out. Maybe because Loki seemed like he was ready to go 100% with any answer Tony would give him.
“Yes, he is no longer free.”
The look he received back from the god was worth it.
They maybe didn’t fully understand what that meant for them yet, but that wasn’t important. In that moment all that mattered was that they made a step. Maybe a quick and stupid one, something they didn’t think through, but they did it anyway. He did it.
“Perfect,” the queen interrupted their starring contest more cheerfully than before, “I shall inform Allfather. I will be on my way, excuse me, Anthony. Loki, I want to speak with you, darling.”
Okay. The bad feeling was back again.
Tony gave Loki an alarmed look.
“Don’t worry. Find me later back in my quarters,” he whispered almost in his ear, making him shiver with the promise it brought.
Tony was left alone in the library and he wanted to scream and laugh at the same time. At the end he did neither. He smiled on the forgotten books on the floor.
“Typical… We are keeping everything secret for years and he blows the cover just because I said I love him.” He grinned at the memory and let the new pleasing sensation spread in his body.
“We are really fucked, aren’t we?”