The One Where Someone Else Finally Feels Tony’s Pain
He’s been working for far too long, he knows- He can see it in the trembling of his hands, can hear it in his unsteady breathing, can feel it in the numbness around his heart. It’s suffocating him, grabbing his heart and squeezing, expanding to fill his chest. But he keeps working, because he needs to fix this clusterfuck that has become life, needs to right the wrongs, needs to bring them back- Tony looks up when he hears the door to his lab open, scowling. That scowl deepens when he sees it’s the ever-great Captain America and that Mantis lady. Jerking his chin at them, “I can guess why you’re here, Cap, but what’s up with her?”
In his ever so infuriatingly patient voice, Steve straightens, looking Tony dead-on. “She’s just here to help convince you to sleep, Tony.” Tony scoffs, looking back down at his work. “I’m well aware of her abilities, Steve. Don’t insult my intelligence.” The good captain sighs, voice softening. “Tony, please. You haven’t slept in days- you need to go to bed.”
Tony shakes his head. The trembling in his hands is getting worse. Steve speaks up again, “Tony- please. Just come up to bed.”
So focused on Steve’s words and the sight of his hand shaking, Tony doesn’t notice Mantis sneaking up on him until her hand is already on his shoulder. He jerks away, moves to throw her hand off- but it’s too late. She’s already flinched away, making a choked noise. Belatedly, Tony realizes it’s a sob. Tears are brimming in her eyes, and everyone freezes. Mantis speaks shakily, “H-how do you l-live like this?”
Tony remains frozen, eyes wide, but he can feel himself breaking down, can feel his breath stutter in his chest, can feel everything come crashing down, because dammit, he knew, he knew what she could do, and he should have kept his attention on her, but now- she knows. More importantly- she feels it, she understands it. He’d been trying to keep everything under wraps- HAD been keeping everything under wraps- and he was fine, he was doing fine, and then she had to go and touch him, feel his emotions- his PAIN- and oh, no. Oh, no, it’s all falling apart, he’s falling apart, he’s- he’s falling, and he’s on the ground, and he can hear Steve telling Mantis to go, go take care of herself, he can help Tony.
Tony flinches when he feels a hand settle gently on his shoulder, and it’s not until he looks up at Steve that he realizes that he can’t actually see, that tears are clouding his vision. He blinks, and they slip silently down his cheeks, and Steve reaches a hand up to gently wipe them away with his thumb.
“Oh, baby...”
Tony chokes on a sob, looking down and away, hiding his face. The numbness is spreading, crawling up his throat, and he can only expel it in sobbing. So, he does just that. He curls in on himself and lets go, sobbing like it’s all he knows how to do- and in this moment, it is. Steve gathers him up, pulls Tony into his lap, rocks slowly. He cards a hand through Tony’s curls, shushing him softly, but he can’t be quieted. Steve’s heart aches as Tony shakes apart in his arms. He can hear the pain in his sobs, in the stuttering breaths, in the short wail Tony releases. But Steve can’t do anything, he knows this. So he just lets Tony cry himself out, rocking him gently.
He doesn’t know how long it takes, but Tony finally quiets to congested sniffles and hiccups. Steve shifts to look at Tony properly, lifting a hand to cup his jawline gently. “Hey, baby,” Steve hesitates, voice softening. “You feeling any better?”
Tony shrugs one shoulder, voice quiet and rough, throat raw from sobbing. “I don’t know.” Steve brushes Tony’s hair from his temple, pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead. “That’s okay, sweetheart. That’s perfectly alright.” Tony falls silent, shoulders slumped, still curled in on himself, and Steve feels a pang shoot through his heart. How can someone so strong fall apart so quickly? He knows the answer immediately, even though he hates it. Tony had always been falling apart. Pieces of him had been breaking away for years- but Peter was the last push. The straw that broke the camel’s back. And despite everything he’s done to make it seem like he’s fine, he’s really okay, nothing is wrong- Steve knows that this is it. This is Tony’s rock bottom- curled up in the lap of his lover on the workshop floor, sobbing until he can no longer breathe. Steve shifts a little, moving to slip his arms under Tony.
“I’m gonna take you to the bedroom now, okay?”
Tony nods weakly, so Steve stands, cradling Tony to his chest as he makes his way out of the lab and into the elevator, where it immediately begins moving to their floor. Both of them are silent the whole way up, and stay silent was Steve carries Tony into their bedroom. Steve sets Tony down on bed carefully before moving to their dresser, pulling out a pair of pj bottoms and one of his own T-shirts, closing the drawer with his hip and returning to Tony, who hadn’t moved a muscle. He was staring blankly at the carpet, and Steve feels a pang shoot through his heart again.
“Here, baby- let’s get you into something more comfortable, yeah?”
At Tony’s failure to react to Steve’s attempt at an innuendo- or to react at all- Steve frowns and kneels in front of Tony, looking up to meet Tony’s glassy, unfocused eyes.
“Baby?”
Tony blinks, and Steve can see him focus in on him kneeled on the floor. “What?” Steve offers up the clothes, and Tony takes them. He stares at them for a moment before he starts undressing, pulling off his shirt and tugging Steve’s on. Steve stands and moves around to the other side of the bed, slipping under the covers and watching Tony carefully as he changes and moves to put his dirty clothes in the hamper before returning to the bed, climbing in under the covers.
Steve opens his arms for Tony, and Tony obliges, settling against Steve silently. The good captain sinks his hand into Tony’s curls, stroking softly. Tony’s head is on Steve’s right pec, and his right hand is resting directly over Steve’s heart. He’s counting the beats in his head, giving himself something to focus on. It’s only a few minutes before Steve speaks gently, “You still with me, Shellhead?” Tony nods minutely, and Steve raises his free hand to rest over Tony’s- the one over his heart. “Get some sleep, sweetheart. I’ll be here when you wake up.” Tony offers no resistance, simply closes his eyes. Once Steve is sure that Tony is asleep, he closes his eyes, holds Tony a little closer, and drifts off.
And, as promised, Steve is with Tony when he wakes up. He always is.