epilogue
Bucky comes to with a start. His eyes snap open and he sits upright, blinking, his head spinning. He’s in the living room, so that’s a start. He looks around, dragging his right hand, his only hand, down his face. The room is full of dust and spiderwebs, looking like no one’s been there for a long time. Nothing seems to be missing, the blinds are shut and the doors are locked. The air is musty; the smell reminds him of some old HYDRA bases he stormed back in the day.
Bucky gets up from the floor, noticing broken glass near the coffee table, and goes to open the windows. He opens all in the living room, then sticks his head out to breathe some fresh air. The street looks deserted, though, it’s not something unusual as he lives in the middle of nowhere.
What is striking, however, is the view outside. There are cars with broken windows, doors left open. Bikes strewn around in the middle of the street and sidewalk. The house opposite Bucky’s has broken windows, doors left ajar. The air is heavy and hot. It’s quiet, disturbingly so.
A chill goes down Bucky’s spine. He’s used to the quiet peacefulness of the street; nevertheless, this is unusual. He retreats back into his bungalow, the feeling of dread crawling into his mind. Bucky goes to the coffee table and checks for his gun underneath; it’s still there. He tugs it into the waistband of his sweats and runs a hand through his hair. Something’s not right, but he can’t place what.
Bucky sits down on the floor, mindful of the broken glass, and thinks. Everything in his tiny home looks exactly the way he left it. But what happened? Why was he on the floor, if the last thing he remembers is sitting down to write in his journal? He quickly looks around and finds said book, opens on a blank page, laying under the couch. Anxiety starts creeping in, but he tries to keep it at bay.
Did someone attack him? Seems impossible, since he’s not hurt and there’s no sign of struggle. Everything is just as it was, covered with a thick layer of dust.
Did he pass out? Now, that’s possible, only it looks like he’s been out for a really long time. Enhanced as he is, there’s no way he’d feel as normal as he does right now. Well, minus the terrible headache.
So what happened? Not only to him but looks like the entire town as well?
Bucky looks around for his phone or laptop. He finds them, but both are dead. He swears under his nose, taking the phone and laptop to his tiny bedroom. He plugs two devices in, then opens the window to get rid of the smell. It’s risky, having windows wide open in both the bedroom and the living room, but he can’t stand the dust. The musty air that reminds him of before.
Before he left. Before he learned to be his own person again. Before he had control over his mind and actions. Before he told Steve he’ll be waiting and it’s been so long, so goddamn long.
He shakes his head, keeping the thoughts at bay. There’s no good in thinking about this right now. There are bigger problems at hand.
Waiting for the laptop to switch on, Bucky goes to the kitchen. He opens the fridge, then promptly shuts it again, a wave of nausea washing over him. He needs to throw whatever has grown in there away. He opens one of the cabinets and pulls out a glass. After cleaning it from all the dust, he pours himself some water and goes back to his room. His laptop and phone’s screens are glowing, which means that at least electricity is alright. Bucky taps in his password and checks the security measures on his laptop. According to the data, there hasn’t been any breach, no one tried to break in. So what the fuck happened?
Bucky goes to the first news site he can think of and his heart stops. The headlines are… terrifying, at best.
“What happened to half the population? A take on the tragedy.”
“5 years, 185 days and counting: the world after Thanos.”
“The world in mourning.”
“What do we do now that they’re gone?”
“Lost in the tragedy--a list of those no longer with us.”
“Where are the Avengers now?”
Bucky closes the computer, his breathing erratic. Half the population? 5 years? What the fuck is going on?
He opens the laptop again. His heart is beating so loud he can’t hear anything else, but he has to know. He reads the first article, his body shaking. His head is spinning, his chest feels too tight. Is this true? Did they really just vanish into the air? If so, did he? How is he here, right there, right now?
With trembling fingers, Bucky types what he’s scared of the most.
Steve Rogers.
He clicks on the first article.
Steve Rogers, AKA Captain America, breaks the silence.
Steve Rogers, the leader of the group known as the Avengers, breaks the silence on the state of the world. A month after half the world’s population went missing under mysterious circumstances, Captain America decided to comment.
“We lost,” said the leader, in a conference organized by the UN to assess the state of the world. “We couldn’t protect you, your loved ones. In the final battle, we all lost.”
Asked about what does that loss mean, Rogers stated simply “look around.”
In reality, the loss means half the population vanishing into thin air. World leaders, politicians, celebrities, CEOs, soldiers, regular people, you name it. Half the people disappeared from the face of the Earth.
“Thanos did what he said he would,” said Rogers. And now, we have to deal with the aftermath.
A broken sob escapes Bucky’s throat. How is this possible? How did it happen? How is he there, since he doesn’t remember any of that?
Where is Steve?
Bucky grabs his phone and frantically types in his passcode. He still has Steve’s number. He doubts Steve will actually pick up since none of the Avengers know Bucky’s digits, but he hopes to God Steve will answer.
He waits, but to no avail. He tries again, but the result is the same. Bucky throws his phone on the bed and pinches the bridge of his nose, trying to keep it together. Steve’s alive, that’s for sure. All the articles that pulled up in his search, none of them stated the worst. Which means he lives. He has to.
Steve must’ve left his phone somewhere. Does he think Bucky vanished too? He did, he thinks, but he’s here now. He’s alive and breathing. He has to talk to Steve, hear his voice, knowing he’s alright.
Bucky’s phone rings. He throws himself on the bed, reaching for it, and answers immediately without looking at the caller’s ID.
“Barnes?”
Bucky blinks. He doesn’t recognize that voice. He looks at the ID but the number is restricted. “Yes?”
“It’s Wilson. We have a situation.”
Bucky’s heart drops. He felt the blood drain from his face, his head spins. “Is Steve…” he doesn’t finish; he can’t.
“He’s fine. Well, for him.”
Bucky feels like he can breathe again. He gasps for air, tears coming into his eyes, his heart beating so fast it might stop any second now. “Oh thank god,” he breathes, clutching the phone like his life depended on it.
“Tony’s dead. Nat, too.”
Bucky takes a sharp breath. He was never close with them, never actually spoke to them either, but he knows how much they mean to Steve. Meant. Fuck.
“Steve’s, well, take a guess. He needs you, Barnes,” Sam’s voice doesn’t leave any place for an argument. Not that Bucky would fight, not really. He can’t imagine what Steve must be feeling, what they all must be feeling.
“Does he know?” It’s the only question, really.
“No. I didn’t wanna raise his hopes up in case the number wasn’t yours anymore. Now that I know it is, the chopper will be on its way soon. The funeral’s tomorrow.”
“You sure I should come?” Bucky can’t help but ask. He and Tony weren’t on good terms. Hell, he wasn’t on good terms with any of the Avengers. He can be there for Steve, but he’s not sure his coming to the funeral is such a great idea.
“Pepper wants you here. Who do you think sends the chopper? Just. Do it for him, alright?”
Bucky swallows down. “Thank you, Sam.”
“I’ll see you, Barnes.”
*
“You know, if you want, I can come with you,” Sam says, as he walks with Steve to the portal.
“You’re a good man, Sam,” Steve smiles, his hair slicked back. “This one’s on me, though.”
Bucky looks up to the sky, huffing. The self-sacrificing idiot is at it again. He’d say something, but they’ve been through it so many times. Steve ‘I gotta do what’s right’ Rogers will never accept any help, no matter how badly he needs it.
This time seems a bit off, though. All Steve has to do is return the stones. Which, okay, Bucky has no idea how it actually works so it’s not like he’ll jump in time with the man. But, the ways Steve’s been acting since Bucky came… Something’s up. He hasn’t said anything, but Bucky knows him like he knows himself. He knows when Steve sets his mind to something, and that’s what’s happening. Steve has an Idea, capital I, and there’s nothing Bucky can do but watch.
He feels like it’s the 40s all over again.
Steve comes up to him, a smile on his face. Bucky furrows his brows, trying to understand what Steve’s up to.
“Don’t do anything stupid until I get back.”
Bucky huffs, forcing a smile. So that’s it.
Steve’s gonna stay in the past. He’s gonna live his perfect little life with Carter.
Oh, God.
Bucky could cry right here and there. He knows Steve used this line on purpose. It’s what Bucky told him when he was leaving for the war. When he knew he was never coming back. When he knew, he was leaving Steve behind.
Steve using it now?
Bucky’s heart breaks.
“How can I?” Bucky shakes his head, trying his damn hardest to keep it together. “You’re taking all the stupid with you,” his voice breaks at the end.
Steve really is taking all the stupid with him. After all they’ve been through, after all the sacrifice, pain, and suffering, Steve decides to take the easy way out. Instead of coming to terms with his life in the present, he decides to go back to the ugly past.
Bucky can’t blame him; not really. Steve’s just lost two of his friends, a part of his family. For him, life would never be the same.
Still, Bucky can't help but feel betrayed. Yet again, he’s being cast aside. Yet again, his love for Steve means nothing in comparison to Carter. Yet again, he has to part with Steve.
We could get married now.
Steve goes for a hug. Bucky clasps him on the back, letting his face fall for a split second. He won’t show Steve how much he loves him, not again. He can’t beg; not again.
“I’m gonna miss you, buddy,” he says quietly, feeling his heart in his throat. I’m gonna miss the life we could’ve had. I’m gonna miss your smile. I’m gonna miss the ways your eyes crinkle when I make you laugh. I’m gonna miss your dry humor and reckless decisions.
Steve draws his eyebrows but quickly schools his expression back. “It’s gonna be okay, Buck.”
Bucky forces a smile. Steve steps back and gets into the portal. Banner starts counting and Bucky just stares.
Losing the love of his life again hurts just as much as it did the first time.
Banner starts counting again; Bucky turns back. He can’t watch this. He can’t watch Steve either not showing up at all, or showing back old and wrinkled. He doesn’t know which one would hurt more: Steve deciding to not come back at all, or his coming back after living his entire life without Bucky.
We were supposed to get married.
“Where is he?” Sam asks, and Bucky gets his answer.
So Steve doesn’t return at all.
Bucky huffs, his fist clenching in his pocket.
“He should be here,” Banner says, the sounds of the machine beeping making Bucky’s head spin.
“Get him back,” Sam says, a nervous edge to his voice.
“I’m trying.”
“Get him the hell back!”
“I’m trying!”
Bucky shakes his head in disbelief, tears coming to his eyes.
Steve did it.
Bucky closes his eyes, taking a step away from the portal. He shouldn’t have come. He should’ve stayed in his little house in the middle of nowhere where he couldn’t have gotten hurt again. Fuck, maybe he should’ve stayed with HYDRA for all Steve cares. He’d get wiped and forget all about a certain blond with a smile of an angel. He’d forget their promise, till the end of the line, he’d forget all the heartbreak he’s had during the last century.
A broken sob escapes his throat.
Steve’s gone.
Bucky’s alone again.
The portal beeps.
“I did it!” Bruce yells excited.
“Steve?” Bucky hears Sam ask, uncertain, and oh, god, this hurts so much more.
Bucky keeps his back to the portal. He can’t see it, he cannot. He wants to disappear, to run into the woods and never look back.
“Hi, Sam.”
“So did something go wrong or did something go right?”
Bucky’s teeth clench. He takes another step towards the woods. Maybe they won’t notice he’s gone. He’ll run somewhere far away from here, far away from everything that reminds him of Steve.
“After I put the stones back I thought, maybe I’ll try some of that life tony was telling me to get,” Steve says, his voice somehow weak, and Bucky knows he won’t be able to stand it much longer.
He’s happy for Steve, he really is. Steve finally got to live out his perfect little fantasy. He got the health, the girl, the family.
Bucky just wishes Steve’s fantasy included him too.
“So now we’ll have to live in a world without Captain America,” Sam says and Bucky’s shoulders sag.
He hasn’t even thought about Sam. Bucky knows Wilson vanished too. He, too, came back to deal with the permanent loss of Tony and Natasha. And soon, he’ll lose Steve too.
“That reminds me… try it on.”
A small smile plays on Bucky’s lips. At least Sam’s got what he deserved. The man has been so loyal, so kind, and inherently good, it’s only fitting he become Cap.
“How does it feel?”
“Like it’s someone else’s.”
“It’s yours now.”
“I’ll do my best.”
“I know you will,” Bucky can hear the smile in Steve’s voice and he takes another step forward, farther from the machine.
He can’t deal with this now. He can’t deal with Steve choosing to live his life without him, after everything they’ve been through.
Bucky’s yet again reminded of their last conversation. Steve said he wasn’t ready to give up the shield yet.
And now, Bucky thinks, it wasn’t about time, no. It was about the person.
After all, he gave it up for Carter.
“Buck?” Steve’s voice is small and quiet, perhaps because Bucky keeps taking small steps away from this goddamn place.
He sighs under his breath, not knowing if Steve’s hearing is still as good as it used to be.
“Yeah?” Bucky says louder, keeping his back to Steve. He’ll be damned if he lets the man see how much he still loves him.
“Where are you going?” Steve asks, and Bucky can hear his footsteps getting closer. They’re light, somehow, lighter than he expected.
“For a walk,” Bucky says shortly, taking another step towards the woods, hoping Steve will take a hint and leave him the fuck alone.
“I’ll join ya,” Steve’s Brooklyn accent slips back and Bucky flinches. He hasn’t heard it in so long it feels like someone smacked him across the head.
Bucky takes the remaining steps towards the woods and leans against a tree. He wants to be done with it as soon as possible so he can wallow in solitude.
He leans his head back and closes his eyes. He hears Steve take the last steps and stand in front of him.
“Buck…” Steve breathes, his voice quiet in the murmur of the woods around them.
“Yeah?” Bucky whispers back, keeping his eyes closed.
He knows what he’s going to see. He knows what awaits in front of him.
“Look at me.”
Bucky lets out a breath.
He opens his eyes.
His heart surges.
“Steve?” Bucky asks, disbelief in his voice. He blinks a couple of times, his hand reaching for the man in front of him.
Bucky grabs Steve’s arms, clinging for his dear life. His heart is hammering in his chest, his throat feels tight. He blinks again, then shakes his head, trying to focus, to make sure what’s in front of him is true.
Steve is standing there in his all 5’4 glory. He’s shorter than Bucky, his cheekbones are standing out, his hair is getting into his bright blue eyes. He has an oversized shirt on, his collarbones sharper than Bucky could ever remember.
Under his arm, Bucky can feel some more muscles on Steve than he used to have, but the rest is more or less the same. The only difference is that he doesn’t have any glasses on, and seems to be standing somewhat straighter than before the war.
“Steve!” Bucky cries out, enveloping the man in a tight hug.
Bucky’s fist clenches around Steve’s shirt and he burrows his face in the crook of the man’s neck. Steve does the same, his forehead resting on Bucky’s chest. They stay like that, breathing each other in.
Bucky’s first to break the embrace. He leans back, still keeping Steve within his arm, and searches his face.
“What happened?” Bucky’s eyes keep roaming around Steve’s frame, his hands never leaving the other man’s arms.
Steve shrugs. “Time travel.”
“That doesn’t clear shit, Rogers,” Bucky huffs, question marks written all over his face.
“I dunno exactly. I’m not an expert here,” Steve cocks his eyebrow, a hint of a smile on his face. “But I’m not complaining. I was ready to give up the shield for a while now. Just needed a reason.”
“You found it?”
“Standing right in front of me,” Steve looks up at Bucky, his eyes cast by his long eyelashes, and at this moment Bucky swears he could die a happy man.
Instead, he cups Steve’s cheek and all but smashes their mouths together.
It’s hurried, at first. It’s everything they’ve left unspoken between them, all the heartbreak, all the misunderstandings. It’s Bucky vanishing from the face of the Earth for five years. It’s Bucky thinking Steve’s left him to live in the past with Peggy. It’s everything they’ve wanted to say throughout the war but never had a chance.
Then, it’s slow and sweet. It’s them pouring all their love for each other in that kiss. It’s a promise, an exchange of vows, of sorts. It’s a seal that’s not to be broken, not ever.
When they finally part, they’re both breathing heavy. Steve’s arms are still wrapped around Bucky, Bucky’s hand cupping the other man’s face. They rest their foreheads against one another, breathing each other in and slowing their heartbeats.
“I thought you left me,” Bucky whispers, his voice wavering.
He knows he has to admit and own his feelings if they are to work out. He’d been hiding his emotions for so long before, it almost ruined everything they’ve had.
And he won’t do that mistake again. He won’t jeopardize them again. Not after everything they’ve been through.
“You’re the one for me, Buck, I meant it.”
Bucky swallows down hard. “What about Peggy?”
Steve doesn’t answer right away. He leans back a bit, looking Bucky in the eyes. “I did go to see her. But we were never meant to be. We’ve had our dance, but I knew the past wasn’t my home anymore. I… I’m home now. Here, with you. I’m home.”
*** 3 years later ***
“Honey, I’m home!” Bucky calls out, closing the door behind himself with his foot, his hand wrapped around groceries.
He gets silence in response.
“Steve?” Bucky calls out again, toeing off his shoes and going to the kitchen to dump the bags.
“In here,” he hears a quiet mumble, only able to pick it up thanks to his enhanced hearing.
Bucky wipes his forehead with his arm, sweaty from carrying the bags and the August heat outside, and leaves the kitchen, rounding the corner and stepping into the living room.
There, next to a floor to ceiling window, sits Steve, comfortable on a couple of pillows on the ground, a sketchbook balancing on his knees. He’s wearing nothing but a pair of black boxers and a white oversized tee, his hair a mess on his head, the bangs getting in his eyes. His neck is glistening with sweat, and there are black smudges on his cheek and forehead, probably form the chalk in his hand. His tongue is peeking out from his lips, his eyebrows drawn in concentration.
Bucky smiles to himself, taking a few quick steps to the man on the floor. He leans down and places a kiss on Steve’s shoulder blade, then flops down next to him.
“Whatcha drawing?”
“Brooklyn Bridge,” Steve responds absentmindedly, his hand never stopping.
Bucky worries his lower lip between his teeth, leaning back on his arm. “You miss it?”
“What?” Steve asks, his eyes still focused on his work.
“Y’know, Brooklyn. Home.” Bucky says quietly, looking at the man next to him.
It’s been almost three years since they’ve moved. They both decided that leaving the city life would be best for them. Bucky had no intention of becoming an Avenger, and Steve passed on the mantle of Captain America and was ready to live his life as Steve Rogers.
It was hard, leaving New York, but they knew they had to do it if they wanted to live free of the memories of their past. Brooklyn would always be home, but after Thanos and everything that happened, the memories were too painful to try and start a new life there.
They needed a clean break, needed to explore their relationship away from the paparazzi, the remaining Avengers, the feeling of someone watching them all the time.
They are still friends with Sam, who visits them every chance he has; they also keep in touch with all the other Avengers and ex SHIELD agents.
But moving there, to the middle of nowhere in the fly-over zone, was one of the best decisions they made. They have a little house away from the country, surrounded by nature. They have their small community here, people who couldn’t care less about two ex-soldiers who are still struggling with the demons from the past.
It’s not easy. They wake up screaming from nightmares more often than not, and sometimes one of them can’t get out of bed on a really bad day. But they’ve learned to deal with the pain of the past and look forward into the future.
Steve’s a full-on artist now, his paintings and sketches hanging around the house. The people from the village pay him good money for paintings or decorating their houses and places of business. He’s also teaching art at the community center, to both kids and adults alike.
Bucky’s made a living for himself too. He’s employed at a garage, fixing people’s bikes and cars. He makes do with having just one arm, thanks to the serum running through his veins. Sometimes he also runs errands for the elderly, often helping vets in need.
They also have a cat, now. Steve’s free of all his allergies and health problems, the serum curing him permanently, so they got a white rescue from the shelter. Little Alpine was scared of them, at first, but now she’s a part of the family. She often curls in one of their laps, purring loudly and craving attention. They’re thinking about adopting another one soon, Al being old enough now.
All in all, their life is good now. This doesn’t stop them from missing their home, though.
“Nah,” Steve shrugs, then puts the chalk and sketchbook down. “Not as much as at first, anyway,” he looks at Bucky, then lies down on the pillows. “I’m home wherever, Buck. Gotta be with you, ‘s all,” he smiles the cheesiest smile, linking his left hand with Bucky’s right.
“You’re a sap, you know that?” Bucky shakes his head but smiles nonetheless.
“I’ve been told, yeah,” Steve grins, the light from the window making his hair look like an angelic halo.
“Punk,” Bucky chuckles, looking at the shadow Steve’s eyelashes cast on his cheeks.
“Jerk,” Steve breathes, bringing their joined hands to his lips and kissing Bucky’s knuckles.
His thumb starts rubbing Bucky’s wedding ring, and he smiles, looking up.
Bucky turns their hands, looking at the rings, and grinds like an idiot.
Till the end of the line, indeed.