Several Lifes

Man is looking for love. The wanderings of his thoughts are a mirage, caused by a distorted image of his own expectations, hopes and sometimes hidden fears. A recurring automatism, perfected in years of training, it hinders us in our actions by irrationality. However, not everything follows a logic or even a fixed plan. Some things arise from a gut feeling, an understanding for the other person, which could not be explained.

Presence

"Oh, wow... Clarke. What happened to you?" Clarke's best friends Raven and Octavia eyed her closely, barely spotting the blonde on the school fIur.

"What do you mean?" Irritated, the blonde looked at Raven.

"Well, when I saw you yesterday, you didn't have a big and fat bump on your forehead yet." Immediately the addressed grabbed the indicated spot and wished she had some form of makeup with her to cover the bump at least a little bit, but no go.

"Oh come on, you're exaggerating. It's not that bad. It's just red," Octavia now interfered. As always eager to put Raven's exaggerations into perspective, which she unfortunately rarely succeeded in doing.

"That doesn't explain where she got it, though." Raven pointed at Clarke and rolled her eyes. She was curious, and she was eager to satisfy that curiosity.

"How about not talking about me in the third person? That would be a good start. Then if you let me get a word in edgewise, I can answer your question." Clarke crossed her arms in front of her chest and looked challengingly at her friends. They raised their hands defensively and so she could finally tell them what had happened this morning. She left out no detail and imitated the fall perhaps a little too theatrically. And as was to be expected, the two began to laugh. Most of all Raven, who almost couldn't contain herself. "I don't think anyone manages to land in the lap of a complete stranger," she pressed out with difficulty at one point between several laughs. "Could you at least feel something? Did it turn him on? If so, how big was it? And more importantly, did you get his number?" Again, the gasp had Raven back, and as tears streamed down her face, she mimicked Clarke's face over and over again during the fall. Clarke laughed, wiggled her eyebrows and felt like provoking her ebullient friend, but ultimately couldn't hide her grin. "What makes you think it was a man?"

"Because it's you Griff, that would just fit. Men's hearts just fly at them. Think about Finn." Raven clutched her heart and dramatically screwed up her face. Octavia, on the other hand, waved it off. "You can't compare that to Finn. He's been panting after her forever's." Clarke rolled her eyes, but was ignored by her friends. "He definitely needed an exorcist, and that's without her falling into his lap. I think that would have changed everything, or at least intensified it. I don't want to know how that poor soul is doing this morning."

The blonde snorted loudly. "Man, you guys are a pain in the ass. It sounds like I'm having an incredible man-crush. You guys do realize that I've been in a committed, MONOGAMOUS, relationship for 3 years? Just to reiterate that, in case you forgot."

"Then what happened with Wells and Bellamy?" came out of Raven's and Octavia's mouths simultaneously. In disbelief, Clarke looked at the two. "Are you guys serious? That was in kindergarten, so it's been a while, even if sometimes you two wouldn't think so." Now it was up to her friends to roll their eyes. Raven's, "if you say so," was her way of appeasing, but of course not without ulterior motives. "So who's the stranger now?"

Clarke's complexion changed slightly before she said, much too quickly and too hastily, "Lex.... well actually Lexa but everyone calls her Lex..." came out. Which, of course, was a ready-made for her absolutely non-curious friends, with whom Raven always came out on top. "Could it be that she's good looking or why are you nervous?" Now she was being eyed all the more by two pairs of eyes.

"I don't know. I only saw her briefly," the addressed shrugged, at the same time avoiding the curious looks that gave her no chance to escape from this situation. "But...?"

"She has...", Clarke had trouble finding the right words, "somehow an incredible charisma. On top of that, she's almost intimidatingly confident, and first of all, those incredible green eyes... I've never seen anything like it. And before you ask further, I don't have her cell phone number or anything." Clarke, without realizing it, had begun to gush. Her eyes sparkled and a slight smile played around her lips, at least as long as she was talking about a certain brunette.

Raven didn't miss these little changes and was therefore more determined than before to get more information. "Do you have a picture?"

Clarke laughed. "Where do you think I got that from? You think I took a picture while I was concentrating on falling and NOT breaking my neck? I'll have to disappoint you on that one, I merely had my entire and far too short life flash before my eyes. No big deal then. "

"You're exaggerating beyond measure, as usual. Don't always be such a drama queen. Besides, it's possible you could have been stalking her on Insta." Raven just shrugged. She knew her best friend and her penchant for drama all too well.

"When? When I got off the bus or when you besieged me?" asked Clarke, sounding at least as mocking as she looked. The ringing of the bell interrupted their conversation. "Don't think that lets you off the hook now," Raven murmured to her before they headed to their classroom to talk about God and the world and focus on class in between.

It wasn't until the big break that the incident of the morning became a topic again. Of course by none other than the Latina Raven. "Did you finally find her?"

"Who?" asked Clarke as innocently as possible and as if she had no idea who might be meant, although she had already expected the question.

The addressed rolled her eyes. "Who do you think I mean?" Raven put a finger to her chin and drew her brows together. "Maybe the stranger from the bus? But just as an idea." She tilted her head a little and gave her a definite look.

"Why are you so obsessed with a photo?" the blonde tried to evade by diverting from the topic. However, in vain.

"You're raving about a woman, forgive me for being curious about that. Besides, I'm not the only one. O' is too, she just doesn't have the balls to ask the interesting questions." Octavia nodded in agreement before giving the Latina a dirty look, but she merely shrugged her shoulders. After all, she was actually the one asking the exciting questions.

Clarke, on the other hand, stared at her indignantly. "I'm not raving about anyone. I have Finn. My boyfriend. in case you, again, forgot."

Raven remained unimpressed and Octavia kept silent, knowing that sometimes that was the better tactic. So she simply listened, putting her head back and enjoying the warm rays of the sun as the two tried in their twisted way to change the subject from the other.

"Still. We all know that's over after summer at the latest. And don't you deny it," Raven addressed a not insignificant point that the blonde knew she had a point. "I... don't know. Besides, I don't think I'll see her again. I've never seen her before, and I probably never will again." Clarke bristled. She sounded more disappointed than she should have, and if her best friends had noticed, at least they were silent about it.

But Raven had a solution to every problem, which she shared unembellished, and only too willingly. "Then you should give your attention to something other than your phone or Finn's tongue in your mouth. Maybe then you'll get some of your surroundings."

"I have to kill my time somehow..." Clarke knew herself that this was a poor excuse and put her relationship with Finn into perspective.

"Then do your homework like any normal person," was all Raven had to say after that.

After a too-short weekend, during which Clarke had done nothing but talk to Raven and O' on the phone or watch movie after movie on the sofa, eating popcorn with them, she boarded the bus tired on Monday. Headphones in her ears, but her eyes for once not on her cell phone, she looked for a seat. Raven had made her think, so she looked around curiously. Sure enough, not far from her, she spotted twinkling green eyes and a mischievous grin.

With a nod and a lot of physical effort, Clarke struggled to get to her. "Hey."

"Hey, Clarke. How's the bump?" Lexa casually held onto a pole and seemed to be eyeing her from head to toe. And as soon as Clarke noticed, everything inside her began to tingle.

"She's fine except for the blue tinge, it's just the headache that hasn't quite gone away. Which I think is more from my best friends." Lexa laughed and Clarke thought she had never heard anything more beautiful. Intrigued, she looked to her and decided she wanted to hear it again as soon as possible. "I know the type. You love them anyway, but that doesn't make them any less exhausting."

"I don't care who you know, mine top everything..." the blonde asserted victoriously.

"Okay, the bet is on. You drag yours along next time and I'll drag mine and then we'll compare notes." There was still intense eye contact between the two women. Was this the so-called spark they so often talked about? Clarke wasn't sure, and Lexa's answer didn't help her resolve the confusion.

"The only question is, what does the winner get?" That sentence sounded so challenging, like it wasn't just a question but an attempt to flirt, especially with the wink that followed.

Since Clarke couldn't imagine that under any circumstances, she quickly wrote the thought off as wishful thinking and covered it up with humor. "The most annoying friends? Can there even be a winner?" She tilted her head and grinned.

Again, Lexa laughed. "I think you're right. Let's not."

More out of routine than her sense of time, Clarke looked at the town sign and startled. The next stop was already hers. "I don't mean to interrupt our conversation, but I've got to get out of here." Saddened, she looked at Lexa. She didn't want to leave, she enjoyed too much this moment with her, this feeling of familiarity, and at the same time she wondered how it could be. They didn't know each other at all and yet she felt incredibly comfortable.

Green eyes scrutinized her, there was regret in them too, so there was something about the blonde that captivated Lexa. "I know. I suppose I'll see you tomorrow?" Regret turned to hope and an almost shy look.

"Same place, same time?" asked Clarke with a wink and a wide grin.

"I'll be here." The corners of the brunette's mouth tightened into a slight smirk, which increased as Clarke waved goodbye to her before she got off and Lexa disappeared from her field of vision. The blonde watched the bus for a moment longer, sighing and cursing Raven, who had clearly been right about everything. But she would never admit that to her, and so she decided to keep the re-encounter to herself.

After school she went to Finn's house, first to calm her guilty conscience, because her thoughts were always with a certain brunette with indescribable green eyes, and second to bring him his homework. Even if it didn't in the least banish the guilt she had for thinking of someone other than her boyfriend in this way.

Clarke rang the doorbell and Finn's mother opened the door. They greeted each other pleasantly and talked for a few minutes before she went upstairs and knocked on his door. She entered and saw her boyfriend lying in bed. The handkerchiefs were on his bedside table, his hair was sticking out from his head, his nose was rimmed with red and he himself was so pale that he looked like death itself. Weakly, he smiled at her, which she hesitantly returned. Clarke sat down with him on the bed, asked him how he was doing, even if the answer was obvious, and made some small talk before explaining the tasks she had brought with her. She did all this rather half-heartedly, everything he told she had forgotten in an instant. She knew it wasn't fair, she knew that as his friend she should show more interest and not be bored. But she couldn't change the fact that Lexa dominated her thoughts and she was really looking forward to tomorrow's bus ride.

***

October 21, 2149

The healer continued to stay hidden, not wanting to disturb this familiar looking moment. He knew about the little remaining private time of Heda, who always had to make decisions and bear the consequences of her actions alone. Knew about all the criticism she had to listen to, but at this moment it didn't seem to matter. Because even from his hiding place, he saw the small, light smile that played around the corners of her mouth and that was returned just before the still nameless closed her eyes. How heavy the eyelids had to be after this day? And how would she react when she learned that she was the only survivor? The victim of a tragedy that has not yet been fully explained.

Gently, the brunette still held the blonde's hand in hers, suppressing the need to gently caress that beautiful hand. The corners of her mouth twitched until a smile formed that she didn't try to hold back. Why should she? They were alone and not in a room full of judgmental people waiting for a mistake they could use against her. Right now she could just be, and she enjoyed it, though not as much as she enjoyed contact with the still-unknown she was dying to finally know the name of. But that would take a moment, because as soon as the lying woman had opened her eyes, her eyelids became heavy again and she fell into a deep, dreamless sleep. She looked so peaceful and not as if she had just been fighting for her life. It was an extreme contrast that only added to her beauty.

Lexa looked down at the sleeping woman, she couldn't stop looking at her. Her gaze kept lingering on her lips, especially the small birthmark that adorned them.

She was startled when she heard a noise behind her and hastily, but carefully, let go of her hand and looked around. And although her eyes had become accustomed to the dim light, she could not make out anyone.

Nyko had been able to hide just in time, so he was no longer standing in the corner where his commander was staring as if she could see through walls. And although she could not see any danger, she got up and left his hut as quietly as she had entered it. At the door, she turned one last time and looked at the young woman who fascinated her so much, and it was only with difficulty that she was able to escape this attraction. Aware of this fact, she felt the need to move, to give herself and her thoughts space and the necessary peace.

Lexa walked through the capital of the 12 clans. Polis had been her home for many years. The tower was all she could remember from her childhood. She had been just 4 years old when she was brought here from her home village to become the next commander. Her seer had a vision and from then on she had to fulfill tasks that would confirm or deny the prediction. Titus had been a strict but patient teacher from the beginning, always demanding her best. For 16 hours a day she had practiced fighting, meditating, reading and writing. She had never had the time to play with other children, let alone the strength. In the evening, she had gone to bed tired and gone straight to sleep.

She could not even remember her parents, they died only a few years later and she had no siblings. Lexa was alone and in some moments she felt lonely. Everyone had respect or fear for her and yet no one had ever dared to get to know her, her as a person and not as a commander. And all of a sudden there was a woman she didn't know and she was completely thrown off her game. Never before had the urge to get closer to someone in particular been as strong as it was now. Lexa didn't know how to deal with these feelings that upset her so much and inspired her at the same time.

***

1956

A few weeks later, the new year had just begun, a moving van pulled up. Directly behind it followed a normal passenger car, in which sat a man with long hair and a young woman who looked incredibly familiar to Clarke. It took her a moment to place the brunette, but then she suddenly felt uncomfortable. She hoped that her new neighbor did not remember her. But she would hope in vain, because this one had forgotten her just as little, even if she tried to convince herself.

When Lexa got out of the car, she stood rooted to the spot for a few seconds. Surely this couldn't be? It had to be her imagination, or was it?

Their eyes met and once again they both felt the attraction, the magic. They could not resist it, it was like a pull, a strong magnet, and both had the matching pole to it. Hastily they looked away, but that they could not fight against it, showed the next days, in which both unconsciously sought the proximity of the other again and again to convince themselves in the same breath that it was only curiosity that drove them.

Again and again, both went outside into the garden for flimsy reasons, it was their attempt to justify their behavior to themselves. Clarke to cut already trimmed flowers and Lexa to eat there. It didn't matter if she was alone at home and of course it was just a coincidence that she always sat down at the table so that she could watch a certain blonde working in the garden.

This game went on for a while until Clarke finally got up the courage to show up at her door with a lasagna. She justified her visit with the fact that new neighbors had to be greeted with a gesture of friendliness in the neighborhood, after all that was already prescribed by politeness. But the real reason was that she wanted to learn the brunette's name and be near her. Clarke extended her hand and introduced herself. In response, she received a shy smile and a look that could melt any iceberg before Lexa told her her name and accepted the offered hand. It was only a gesture, but that touch was enough to completely upend her world, like a storm that tore everything down. A lightning strike hit them that they could not forget for the rest of their lives, and so the women fled as if they had been burned. They could not deny it, there was no escape from their own sensations, a faster beating heart and a never known longing that filled them. Her breathing quickened and her chest grew heavy. How could these feelings be real? How could one second, one moment, change everything?