Chapter One
Peter, Ned, Shuri, and MJ were simply hanging out in Peter's room at the Compound. MJ and Shuri were sitting on the bed, Ned laying on the floor, and Peter laying on the ceiling. They were in a lull in the conversation, nobody saying anything, simply enjoying each other's company, when Shuri sat bolt upright.
"Peter, I have just had the best idea," she announced. "How much shit do you hear the Avengers say to each other on a daily basis?"
Peter sat up, and shrugged, still on the ceiling. "I dunno. They have a lot of banter and teasing. And, for a group of really smart people, they say a lot of really stupid shit a lot."
"That's perfect," Shuri said, grinning. "We should start one of those 'incorrect quotes' pages on Twitter. Except everything will be directly something the Avengers have said. It'll be hilarious."
Peter dropped down from the ceiling as Ned sat up, grinning.
"I dunno," Peter said slowly. "I mean, what if they find it?"
"Come on, Peter," MJ interjected. "It'll be funny. Besides, the odds of it getting very popular are pretty slim."
Peter still looked uncertain, until Ned spoke.
"Peter, I am literally begging you to do this," he said. "I have been here for thirty minutes and I have already heard a huge amount of things I would love to tell everyone about, but can't because that would mean telling them I was here, which I can't do because then I'd end up blurting out the truth about Spider-Man. Please. Just start the damn account."
Peter sighed, but reached over and grabbed his phone. Shuri and Ned cheered, while MJ seemed to be fighting a smile.
"What should the first quote be?" he asked.
"What's the dumbest thing you've heard today?" Shuri asked.
Peter thought for a moment. "Steve and Tony were arguing about whether an elevator could go up with Thor's hammer in it or not."
"Cool. So post that one," Ned shrugged. "And from now on, just write down anything funny they say."
"I have a spare notebook you can use," MJ provided.
Peter rolled his eyes and began typing. After a moment, he showed his phone to his friends. "How's that?"
Incorrect Avengers Quotes @incorrectavengers
Tony: *enters room* *looks at Steve*
Tony: I still say the elevator would go up.
Steve: For the love of God, Tony, it's been three years.
Tony:
Steve:
Steve: The elevator is not worthy.
Bruce: What are you talking about?
Tony: If Thor's hammer was in an elevator, would it go up?
Bruce: Guys, we're working right now.
Tony:
Steve:
Bruce:
Bruce: Holy shit-
Ned and Shuri began to laugh. MJ even cracked a smile.
"That's great," Ned said enthusiastially. "Did you post it?"
Peter tapped the screen. "There. Posted."
MJ pulled a notebook out of her backpack and tossed it to Peter. "Carry that everywhere you go, and write down everything."
Peter rolled his eyes. "What if someone sees it?"
Shuri shrugged. "Then you might have to come clean. Just don't let anybody see what's in it and you'll be fine. Now come on, I'm hungry."
-----
Incorrect Avengers Quotes @incorrectavengers
Bucky: *strumming on acoustic guitar*
Sam: Do you take requests?
Bucky: *shrugs* I guess
Sam: Stop.
Bucky:
Bucky: *slaps drink out of Sam's hand*
Incorrect Avengers Quotes @incorrectavengers
Tony: For the love of God, Bruce, literally nobody cares about your Hogwarts House.
Bruce: I care! Sam was insulting it!
Tony: Get over it.
Bruce:
Bruce: Sam also said that Slytherins suck.
Tony:
Tony: Do you want to FIGHT, Wilson?
Incorrect Avengers Quotes @incorrectavengers
Natasha: Sometimes brb stands for be ready bitch so you have to be careful.
Everyone: *takes a step back*
The Incorrect Avengers Quotes account had blown up. The first two days, hardly anybody had seen it, and nobody really cared. Then Shuri tagged it in a tweet, and suddenly it had thousands of followers, retweets, likes, and comments. And it was harmless; Until Tony called a meeting.
Peter walked into the conference room to see Tony pacing up and down, holding his phone in his hand. Everyone else was sitting at the table, looking serious and confused.
"What's up?" Peter asked nervously.
Tony turned to him. "Have you seen his?"
Peter took Tony's phone, glancing at the screen, before choking and almost dropping the phone.
Incorrect Avengers Quotes @incorrectavengers
Bruce: Where the fuck...
Tony: What have you lost this time?
Bruce: My glasses! I can't find them anywhere!
Tony: *staring at Bruce's glasses, which are on his head*
Tony: I'll help you find them for ten bucks.
Peter laughed nervously. "Um... no, I hadn't seen it. Why?"
Tony resumed his pacing. "You, me, and Bruce were the only ones in the lab when that conversation happened. I didn't post that. You and Bruce both say you didn't. Which means that somebody has been eavesdropping on us. But FRIDAY said that we were the only ones on the floor when that happened. Which concerns me a little. I did a scan for any hidden tech, too. There was nothing."
Steve ran a hand down his face. "Are you sure it's a problem?"
Tony glared at him incredulously. "Am I- yes, I'm sure it's a problem! Somebody has found some way to listen in on conversations that can't be detected by a team of superheroes, a bunch of security guards and cameras, and an AI that can literally see all. I'd say that's cause for concern."
Clint sighed. "Alright. We'll keep an eye out. But let's not freak out just yet. It could be nothing."
Tony gave everyone a glare, before rolling his eyes and stalking out of the conference room. The rest of the team trickled out after him, but before Peter could leave, Natasha stopped him.
"You're a terrible liar," she said simply.
Peter turned bright red, and began sputtering, but Natasha held up a hand.
"And that is why," she said. "I won't tell him. He and Sam tried to prank me the other day, so I'll call this payback. Just don't stop. It's kind of funny watching him panic."
Peter grinned at her. She gave a slight smile back, before leaving the conference room. Peter let out a small, incredulous laugh, before hurrying to his room to text Ned, MJ, and Shuri about what had just happened.
-------
"Oh my god, they think somebody's eavesdropping on them?" Ned laughed. "That is gold!"
"And Natasha approves?" Shuri confirmed.
Peter rolled his eyes. "Yes. She said she wouldn't tell him as long as I didn't stop."
"You've gotta post something about this," Ned said urgently. "It'll send them into a complete panic!"
Peter sighed, but pulled his phone out of his pocket and began typing. Before he posted the tweet, he showed it to Shuri, Ned, and MJ. "That good?"
Incorrect Avengers Quotes @incorrectavengers
Guys omg the Avengers think I'm a superspy that's found a way to eavesdrop on their conversations, this is great
"Yes," Ned nodded vigorously. "That's fantastic!"
Peter rolled his eyes, hit post, and grinned slightly in spite of himself.