Loki Found
Agony.
Nothing but pure agony.
It wouldn't stop. He wanted it to stop. He needed for this agony to stop already.
His entire body ached. It felt as if his insides were being torn, as if he was being split open. Tears ran down his cheeks, mingling with the sweat on his too hot face. His entire body felt flushed, too warm, and he wasn't sure whether that was a dangerous sign or not.
He had lost tracked of time. Had forgotten why he had wandered here. Why he was so alone. He couldn't remember much past the fear, the pain, and the uncertainty.
All he knew was that one torment was over, that he would never be forced to go through that again. But his relief was short lived and he no longer knew whether he wanted to fight to live or simply fall into the dark abyss himself...
Another scream tore through his already sore throat but he couldn't stop the screams, couldn't keep silent. And what did it matter, he was alone.
Let it end. Let in end. Let it end!
A sob wracked his body. His back rested against a tree. He felt more blood pooling underneath him, snaking down his thighs. Another pain wracked his body and he gritted his teeth before letting out another blood wrenching scream and using the last of his strength to do what his body, what his instincts, urged him to do before collapsing back heavily against the tree.
He breathed in deeply. He was exhausted but as he heard the sound of new life letting out it's first cries, breathing in air on its own, he couldn't help the small smile that graced his lips. Forcing his shaky arms to move from his side's, he reached out between his still parted legs and took hold of his child, bringing it, bringing him, close to his chest. Too tired to gaze down upon him, he shut his eyes and let his head fall back against the tree, holding his child close to him.
That's when he heard his name being called.
<><><><>
Thor had hurriedly rushed out as soon as Heimdall had informed them all that he had finally caught sight of Loki, eager to finally bring his brother home. It had been nearly a year since Loki had disappeared and Thor still blamed himself for not accompanying his brother on his trip to the apothecary shop just outside the nearest village. They had no idea what had happened to him, if Loki had been taken or simply gone off on his own. But Loki never would have been gone this long without at least sending a message to their mother to keep her from worrying. And no ransom or threats had been sent to them in exchange for Loki's return. And they all refused to believe Loki had been dead. So what happened to him and why was Heimdall only able to see him now?
"Thor! Slow down! You're going too fast, your horse can't handle it!" Sif called out to him as she and the Warriors Three raced after him in his search for Loki. Thor had originally planned on going on his own before his father insisted he at least take his friends with him for both his and Loki's protection. Even though Heimdall had said he saw Loki on his own there was no guarantee that he was completely alone and if it came to a fight Thor shouldn't go alone.
"I will not risk losing sight of Loki now, not when there's finally been a sign of him!" Thor shouted back, though he would have to make sure to give his horse plenty of rest afterwards as they rode on in silence, Thor urging his horse to go faster.
"Wait, listen." Hogun spoke up and they all did. It was a bit faint but the woods were quiet enough that they were able to hear the screams quite clearly.
"Loki!" Thor recognized his brother's voice and worry and anger rose in his chest as he tried to imagine what or who was causing his brother to scream like that. Loki may be young still but he was no coward and even when he faced great pain Loki tended to keep just how much pain he was in hidden. For his brother to scream so loudly now... "We must hurry!" Thor shouted and all five of them raced forward.
They were all following Loki's screams to guide them, preparing to fight their way to him. But as Loki's cries grew louder and louder they still met no form of resistance or any sign of who had taken Loki. They heard one more piercing scream, louder then the previous ones, and then nothing but silence. Thor's heart sank to his stomach, fearing that the sudden silence meant that Loki had perished. Then they heard the shrill cry of a newborn and Thor's brow furrowed in confusion.
"Loki!" Thor shouted as he slowed his horse down before jumping off it and rushing towards the cries, ignoring Sif's and the others cries to wait. "Loki!" Thor shouted even louder and was sure that he heard someone's attempt to hush the cries, someone that sounded like Loki, before he finally heard an answer.
"I'm here."
Thor ran the last couple of feet before he broke through the tree line into a rather small clearing where he stopped dead at the sight before him. Loki was... Loki was a mess.
Loki's skin was a deathly pale, far paler then he normally is, and his skin was covered in a sheen of sweat that worried Thor. There were dark bags under his eyes and his entire face looked gaunt and skeletal. His lip was cut and there was an ugly bruise forming along his temple and one of his cheekbones that stood out even sharper on his face. Thor took notice of all that but his eyes were instantly drawn to Loki's blood soaked hands and bare thighs and the naked baby he had cradled close to his chest.
"Loki..." Thor spoke softly.
Loki gave him a small smile, his eyes glassy and tired. "You found me." Loki replied before he broke into laughter that sounded nearly hysterical. Thor moved towards Loki, taking off his cloak when he noticed that Loki was naked from the waist down and he caught the heavy scent of blood and fluids. Loki stopped laughing abruptly, his arms tightening around the baby and his eyes following Thor closely who couldn't help but noticed the blood soaked ground underneath Loki.
"Loki... whose child is that?" Thor asked as he placed his cloak over Loki and the baby just as he heard footsteps behind him and turned to see that it was merely his friends having finally joined them, their eyes wide when they landed on Loki.
"Mine." Loki answered, drawing Thor's gaze back to him.
"What-?"
"I, somehow, I gave birth to him."
"Loki... how? You're a man." Thor crouched down in front of Loki and reached out a hand to grasp Loki by the shoulder, only to stop when he saw Loki flinching back and drawing the baby and cloak even closer to him as if to shield them both from him. That was when a dark thought occurred to Thor. "Loki, you must tell me, who is the father of this baby?"
"He has no father." Loki snapped at him harshly.
"Then who was the one that took you Loki? What happened?" Thor demanded, determined to make someone pay for all the harm Loki had clearly been force to go through.
"It doesn't matter." Loki responded, gazing down at the baby when he started to squirm in his arms and whimper. "I think he's hungry but I don't know whether or not I can," Loki moved one of his hands to his chest. Thor noticed that though it looked as if Loki was far thinner than last he saw him his chest looked slightly swollen and he watched as Loki squeezed one of his nipples between his fingers and watched as some milk beaded out. "Oh." Loki said quietly and moved the baby to the same nipple. It took a while for him to finally latch on, but latch on he did and Loki merely rested his head back against the tree he was sitting against as the baby fed.
Thor couldn't help but stare for a minute too long, unable to comprehend how this was possible, how Loki had given birth. The evidence was all there. Loki bare from the waist down, the blood caking his thighs and pooled underneath him, the protective way he held the baby, the fact that he had milk to feed it, and when Loki had moved the cloak aside to paw at his chest Thor had seen the faintest hint of a swell to Loki's belly. One that he shouldn't have had judging by how thin his face and arms were.
Loki had given birth to a bastard child. But not just a bastard. Thor also suspected this child was a product of rape. Rape against his brother.
"Loki, tell me who-"
"He's dead. In his cabin." Loki interrupted him in a cold voice. Thor looked to him but Loki was avoiding his gaze but there was a hardness to his face and Thor couldn't help but notice how his lower lip trembled.
"Loki-"
"I think he's done feeding." Loki moved the baby to his shoulder and attempted to burp him but his arms were shaking too much and Loki seemed as he was doing his best to stay conscious and Thor realized he wasn't sure just how long Loki had been out here, when was the last time he ate, or if he had even had any good rest.
"Loki, let me take him," Thor reached out to grab the baby but Loki recoiled violently from him, attempting to kick out at him and Thor was concerned to see how weak Loki seemed. That didn't stop him from trying to fight.
"No! Don't touch him!" Loki cried out as he attempted to move away.
"Loki, I'm not going to hurt him." Thor promised.
"No! No! You can't have him, he's mine! He's mine!" Loki shouted and held the now crying infant close to him.
"I know that Loki, I do, but you're tired and we need to get you both home, to see the healers. I won't hurt him, Loki, I swear."
"No, no. No..."
"Loki!" Thor caught him just before he collapsed, Loki had fallen unconscious and the baby was still crying. "Volstagg," Thor called the one of his friends who already had children and would therefore know how to take care of Loki's until they got them both to the palace, "take the baby. Fandral, Sif, Hogun, look for this cabin and for the body. I still want to know who was behind this."
Volstagg had taken the baby in his arms, wrapping him in his own cloak and bouncing him as he tried to soothe him while the other three set out in different directions as they had no idea where this cabin was located. Thor simply held his brother close to him, pushing back his sweat soaked hair from his forehead.
"Thor?" Volstagg inquired gently.
"We need to get them to the palace, to the healers. I would have liked to take Loki back using Mjolnir as it would have been faster but I'm afraid it might do him some harm and I don't want to separate him from the baby."
Volstagg nodded, a deep frown on his face. "We should try to hurry as much as we can but with the condition Loki is in we might be forced to move somewhat more slowly then we would like."
"I don't want to hurt Loki any more than he already is, but they need the healers as soon as possible. Let's go."
<><><><>
They had managed to get back to the palace in an hour, not nearly that far away. Loki was still unconscious and growing more and more paler. Thor had looked down at his bare legs and had noticed that Loki was still slowly bleeding which did nothing but make Thor more anxious, Though he dared not move faster as it might cause Loki to bleed even more, his complexion was already starting to turn grey. The baby, however, was sleeping comfortably in the crook of Volstagg's elbow but Thor still worried for him. He hadn't been cleaned or checked over yet and neither of them knew if he was healthy. He also worried what Odin would decide to do to him. Bastard children of royalty were not considered as legal heirs to the throne and knew this child would not be recognized by their father. Not only that, it was a child of rape and even if Loki wanted to keep him he might not be allowed to. Loki was still young, still not of age, and even though the baby was his it was their father who will ultimately choose what was to be done with this baby.
All of that was pushed out of his mind as they reached the palace grounds and were met by Frigga who quickly ran towards Thor, letting out a sharp cry when her eyes fell on her youngest son. "Oh, Loki!"
"He needs the healers. Volstagg, hand the child to my mother and go assist the others, contact Heimdall if either of you find anything." Thor ordered as he tightened his hold on his brother before climbing off the horse, making sure to keep him covered with the cloak.
"Child?" Frigga repeated as she accepted the baby from Volstagg who quickly turned his horse back around while Thor's horse was taken away by a stable boy for water, food, and rest.
"He needs the healers too, I shall explain later mother but I fear we must hurry." Thor set off at a brisk pace and was relieved to hear his mother hurrying after him. Thor barged into the healers chambers, yelling for help. As the healers hurried towards them Thor made for one of the cots and carefully set Loki down on it. "He needs help. He's lost a lot of blood and I believe he's just given birth."
"Given birth?" Frigga repeated and took a closer look at the child in her arms, only then did both she and Thor noticed the similarities between the child and Loki.
"My queen," one of the healers had walked up towards Frigga, "the child, please." Frigga handed him over without complaint, looking after him closely before she focused her gaze on Loki.
"How is he?" She asked as she and Thor moved closer towards him.
"He's lost a lot of blood but Prince Thor seems to be correct, Prince Loki has given birth. He has not yet delivered the placenta which is the main cause for the blood loss but it seems the birth itself was difficult, there are signs of tearing and signs of older tears that hadn't healed well."
"Old tears?"
"We cannot say for certain as he has just given birth but I believe the older tears are evidence of sexual assault. There are also a few signs of old breaks in the bones that had healed more or less safely."
Frigga placed her hands over her mouth as she took in all this new, unable to comprehend everything Loki had gone through. "I'm sorry," one of the healers spoke up, "but I must ask for both yourself and Prince Thor to wait outside for now."
"We cannot-"
"Please Queen Frigga, we need to concentrate on Prince Loki." The healer repeated before going to aid with Loki.
"Please tell me he'll be all right." Frigga begged.
"Please wait outside."
Frigga looked as if she would refuse as she did not want to leave Loki alone just as he had finally been found. But she wouldn't risk his care either. "Thor, come with me." Frigga grabbed Thor's wrist and he dared not refuse though he was just as unwillingly to leave Loki alone, even if he knew that the best thing to do was to leave the healers alone so that they could better tend to his brother.
Once Frigga and Thor stepped outside of the healing wing they were approached by Odin who looked both serious and concerned. "How's Loki?" He asked them both and Frigga took it upon herself to answer.
"He's lost a lot of blood and the healers have said that there's signs of old breaks in some of his bones that have healed but not as well as they would have liked. They didn't say but I suspect that if they think some of his bones didn't heal well enough they might break them again and set them to heal better. There were also some cuts and bruises on his face but those'll heal fine on their own. Loki also... he.. Loki gave birth."
"Gave birth?" Odin asked sharply.
"Recently I believe. Thor do you-?"
"When myself, Sif, and the Warriors Three were nearing where we found Loki we could hear him screaming and then a while after the first cries of the baby. It then took us an hour to get back here so its only been over an hour since he- since Loki gave birth. Though I can't say how long he'd been in labor for." Thor said, watching his parents closely.
Frigga then cleared her throat delicately and folded her hands in front of her, it seemed as she was trying to steel herself to what she had to say next. "The healers also say that there are signs of sexual assault."
"Are they certain of it?" Odin asked.
"They suspect it-" Frigga started but Thor cut in, feeling to explain what Loki had said, had implied. "I think they're right. When I found Loki and he told me that he had just birthed a child I asked him who fathered him, but Loki said in a cold voice that the child had no father. But I kept asking who the father was, assuming that was who had taken Loki and I wanted to know so I could make him pay for everything that he did to Loki but it only seemed to anger him further and he told me he was already dead."
"Did, did Loki kill him?" Frigga asked.
"He implied it, I have Volstagg and the others looking for any sign of the body but Loki hadn't told us much, he fell unconscious before I could ask him where he had been."
"And you're saying that Loki had given birth, did you bring the child?" Odin asked.
Thor nodded, he had been dreading the moment when his father would ask about Loki's baby. "Yes, I had to. Loki, Loki seemed attached to the baby even though he doesn't understand how he became pregnant or gave birth. It shouldn't have been possible."
"Thor-" His father began when Frigga said, "For Loki it's completely possible and it's something we should have talked to him about like I had first insisted when he was younger. Now it's a little late and Loki has a child! He isn't even of age, Odin."
"Wait, but why is-"
"Where is the child?" Odin demanded
"The healers were looking after the him and you will not touch that baby, Odin," Frigga told her husband sternly. "That baby is Loki's and if anyone gets to decide what is to be done with him it is Loki. He may very well decide to keep him."
"But-" Thor muttered.
"Frigga, we cannot allow Loki to raise the child himself. It is as you say, he is not even an age. This will cause a scandal and it'll ruin Loki's reputation, especially if word gets out on how Loki came to have this child. A child that will constantly remind Loki of what happened to him. No, the best thing to do is take the child and have someone else raise it far away from Loki."
"Absolutely not! This is not a decision we can make for Loki and we cannot take his child away if Loki does not wish to be separated from him. It would be cruel to him!"
"It is for the best for Loki." Odin suggested.
"Wait!" Thor interrupted his parents before they could continue arguing. "This seems like a decision Loki should make for himself seeing as how he was the one who birthed the child, something you both claim is possible for Loki yet I do not understand how." To Thor's surprise his father looked both tired and remorseful as he let out a long sigh.
"That is something I thought was best to keep from Loki but perhaps we shouldn't have. I shouldn't have."
"What is?" Thor asked again but his mother merely placed a calming hand on his shoulder and looked at him sadly as she said., "Something that we should speak to Loki about first once he is awake and well enough to listen to us. But you are right Thor, if anyone should make any decision regarding the child it will be Loki." As she spoke the last words Frigga turned to look at her husband who said nothing and merely watched the door to the healing ward, waiting for it to open.
<><><><>
It was nearly another full hour before the doors were finally opened and they were allowed inside to check on Loki.
"Prince Loki is resting," one of the healers informed the royal family. "We managed to get him to deliver the placenta while he was still unconscious and fed him blood renewing potions as he slept. We also checked the broken bones that had healed to make sure they healed correctly and wouldn't cause him pain. Only one break on his wrist seemed to have not healed well so we did have to break it again to better heal. Other then that Prince Loki simply needs rest, food, and time to heal."
"And the child, where is it?" Odin asked and ignored his wife's reproach and simply focused on the healers who looked slightly uncomfortable.
"He is-" the healers started to say when they all stopped short at the sound of a low moan and looked to see Loki attempting to wake up.
"Loki?" Frigga cried out as she held one of his hands tightly in hers, though Loki didn't seem aware of it as he simply muttered, "Where's my baby?"
"Loki-" Odin began softly but it caused Loki to tense up and to force his eyes open as he started looking around frantically.
"My baby," Loki continued to mutter as he made to get up despite his mother's attempt to keep him on the bed, reminding him gently that he needed bed rest. Loki ignored her. "My baby, where is he? I want my baby.. I want my baby. Where is he!?"
"He's right here, Prince Loki." Loki immediately settled back down on the bed, his face full of relief as the healers handed him his newborn son. "He's a perfectly healthy baby, though we suspect he was born about a month premature as he is small. We cleaned and dressed him and fed him a little formula a half hour ago though he didn't seem pleased by it. But he's perfectly healthy, Prince Loki."
"Thank goodness." Loki muttered as he simply held the child closer against his chest before warily eyeing his parents.
"We have much to discuss, Loki." Frigga said as she reached out a free hand to place against Loki's cheek. Loki did his best not to recoil from her but still saw the slight hurt flash across his mother's face.
He chose to ignore that as he instead said, "You're not taking him away from me. I want him. He's mine."
Odin sighed tiredly. He had really hoped that Loki wouldn't be difficult about this. That he would see sense. That he would understand that he could not possibly keep a child born from rape. But before Odin could even open his mouth to argue with his youngest, Loki let out a soft gasp. "Oh."
The baby had opened his eyes. They were a soft grey.