Soft Grey Eyes

The cabin was found the same day that Loki was brought home late at night. Sif was the one who found it, only a couple of miles away from where Loki was found in the clearing. She checked the inside of the cabin to make sure it was the right one and was met by the sight of a body. Sif didn't bother taking a close look at it, merely walked outside, yelling at the others and for Heimdall to report her find to the Allfather and Thor.

Both of them were still in the healing chambers with Loki who only had eyes for his son who he had named Sleipnir and was resolutely avoiding looking at his father and did not notice when a healer approached Odin with a scroll.

Odin looked it over quickly before soundlessly leaving the room with Frigga and Thor looking after him before Thor followed after his father. Frigga watched after them unhappily, imagining what called the attention of her husband and son and turned her gaze to Loki. There was a tightening around his eyes and she noticed how tightly he held on to Sleipnir as if the young baby was his anchor.

Frigga rested a hand on Sleipnir's head, marveling at the soft and dark hair on his head. Loki tensed when she touched his son, he trusted his mother, but he still felt on edge. Frigga noticed and softly said, "Rest Loki, everything will be okay. I promise you."

He didn't believe her.

<><><><>

Odin and Thor arrived at the cabin with some of the palace guards following behind them. They were might by Sif and the Warriors Three who bowed as both king and prince dismounted. "This the cabin?" Odin asked.

"Yes, Allfather," Sif and the others answered as they stood up from their bow.

"Search the perimeter, we might find more clues on just who exactly thought he could take one of my sons and live." Odin ordered and they all moved to obey. Thor, without saying a word, jumped off his horse and headed inside the cabin. Odin also climbed off his horse but he merely stood there for a while, simply looking at the cabin and wondering how they had not noticed it.  It was only several miles away from the palace, two hours away by horse, faster if Thor used Mjolnir to travel. When Loki disappearance had first been noticed Odin had Heimdall searching everywhere for Loki. He never would have missed this cabin and he would have reported it to Odin for he had ordered any secluded area to be searched. So how did this cabin go unnoticed?

Those were answers for another time as Odin was sure that only Loki could really answer those questions. Now, though, it was time to see who had taken his son and burdened him with his offspring. Odin stepped forward with a grim look to his face.

Thor was kneeling next to the body when Odin joined him. It was a grim sight. The body had several slashes and stab wounds covering it, though Thor had a suspicion that it was the stab wound to the throat that was the fatal wound. There was a bloodied kitchen knife lying next to the body. Thor could just imagine Loki slashing away at him before gathering the strength and opportunity to kill him only to continue sinking the knife into him long after he was dead. Taking out all his pain and anger. Odin suspected it too. He also suspected it was during that attack and the resulting adrenaline rush that caused Loki to give birth a month earlier then his suspected due date.

It was only sheer luck that Loki hadn't died during the delivery.

"Search the entirety of the cabin, we must be sure this is where Loki had been kept." Odin told his son for as he looked around the cabin there was no clear sign that Loki was ever here. That he had ever been kept here or kept from leaving. And Odin did not want to be forced to bring Loki here himself so that he may confirm it himself. He never wanted Loki to return here ever again so they had to find at least one sign that this was where Loki was defiled.

Thor did as his father asked and went to search another room of the cabin as Odin searched this main room.

 As both Odin and Thor searched the cabin it did not seem to bode well. They had not found a single sign that anyone had ever been kept here against their will. Any sign that the dead man was a vile being and not a victim of a brutal murder. No sign that this wasn't just some secluded cabin and that perhaps Loki's rapist was still running free. That perhaps they would have to bring Loki or at least ask where the cabin he spoke of was located. At least until Thor found a trapdoor that led to an underground tunnel that then lead to a dark room in the interior of a nearby cave.

Thor called his father and they both descended down the tunnel and into the cold and dark room of the cave before Odin lit a nearby lantern. There was no mistake, this was the cabin.

It wasn't a very large room and the chill and dankness and musky scent of the cave gave it an even more sinister feel. Enhanced by the bare bed in the very center of the room and pushed up against one of the walls of the cave, the very thin and only sheet on it stained with what looked like dried blood and fluids. There were chains attached to the wall of the cave and to the bedposts and, upon closer inspection, Odin saw that they had runes craved into the metal of the chains. Runes that were meant to seal off one's magic. Close to the bed there was a very small and rickety looking table where a bowl rested that looked as if it had been recently emptied of something as there was a wetness clinging to it. And in the corner of the room, closest to where Odin and Thor were standing, there was a pile of torn and discarded clothing. Thor threw a quick glance at it before crouching down to take an even closer look when he realized he recognized these clothing.

They were Loki's. The clothes he wore the last they saw him. Thor once again remembered how he had found Loki, naked from the waist down and wearing a very tattered and old tunic that didn't close.

Thor and Odin left that room, not wanting to stay a second longer in there, and ascended back up to the cabin where they headed outside for some fresh air. A few minutes they were joined by the guards and warriors who were done searching the perimeter of the cabin. Nothing was found except for a stable that held a large black horse and a pair of soiled pants that had most likely been Loki's before he chose to discard them and leave them behind.

Without glancing back Odin ordered them to burn down the cabin with the body in it before heading back to the palace to check on Loki. Thor stayed behind and made sure that the underground tunnel was rendered useless by caving it in before they set the entire place in fire, being careful not to spread much. The horse was set free. They never spoke of the cabin again.

<><><><>

Loki ended up having to stay in the healing rooms for another week, as did Sleipnir, after his return before he was allowed back in his own rooms. Though he was still ordered for another eight weeks of bed rest. The birth had been really difficult on Loki, especially as he was rather young and his body was extremely weak during the delivery. 

He was still weak and developed a dangerously high fever twice during his recovery. High enough that Sleipnir had to be kept away from him until the fever went down in order not to risk his health which was hard for Loki. Loki worried every time that Sleipnir was out of sight that he would never see him again and nothing would calm him down until Sleipnir was returned to him.

Sleipnir was an adorable baby, no one could deny that. He had Loki's high brow, cheekbones, nose, eye shape, hair color, and even the same ear shape. It seemed as if the only thing Sleipnir had inherited from his father were the shape of his mouth, chin, and eye color.

As for who the father was... They had learnt nothing about him when they had searched the cabin, other then he was a vile man and deserved the end he met. Odin had therefore started questioning Loki about his captor and it had taken Loki a while to speak of him as he kept insisting that Sleipnir had no father. That Sleipnir was his only. That it no longer mattered who he was when he was already dead. He did eventually speak of him and of what happened.

His name was Svadilfari and all Loki had learned about him, besides the fact that he was a burly and powerfully built man and even taller and bigger then Thor, was that he knew some magic, not more than Loki, Frigga, or Odin, but enough to know how to incapacitate Loki and conceal their whereabouts from Heimdall. Svadilfari hadn't spoken much or ever said what exactly it was he had wanted. He had never even acknowledged who Loki was. Loki had simply assumed that he had kidnapped him to demand a ransom for his safe return and Loki had mocked him. Telling him that nothing he did would phase him and that he would escape long before he even sent out his demands.

He had been very wrong.

Loki had just left the apothecary shop, where he had gone to stock up on some supplies he needed, and he was on his way back to the palace when he had felt a sharp pain in his neck before blacking out. When he had woken up he had no idea where he was and he was chained to a bed. Loki had refused to say or use the word to explain what had happened to him. He didn't need to. The condition that Thor had found him in. Sleipnir. The healers words as they had examined him while he was unconscious. The room and his torn clothing that Odin and Thor had seen. No words were needed, they all knew.

Escape had been impossible. Svadilfari had kept Loki constantly chained and so long as he was Loki had no way to access his magic. Or any real way to fight off Svadilfari. He was too big and strong and there wasn't much give from the chains as they were chained too closely to the wall and bed. He couldn't fight him. He couldn't do much but take it. It was only when they had discovered that Loki was pregnant that everything had changed. While Loki had been confused, frightened, and disgusted Svadilfari had been... pleased.

Svadilfari never spoke much, or at all, whenever he came down to where Loki was kept chained. He would simply come and give Loki enough water and food to keep him from becoming ill or from dying from either dehydration or starvation but not enough for him to gain his strength. Then after he was done using Loki as he saw fit he would leave. But after learning of the pregnancy things had changed, though no better for Loki, he had still been held hostage by the man. The only difference after was that he wasn't being forcibly pinned down to the point that he actually bruised or brutally manhandled or hurt, he wasn't being touched. And he was being given more food, at least enough so that whatever was growing in him would continue to, Loki had still refused to call it a baby up until then. Loki only really started calling it a baby once he had given birth but until then he simply considered it a parasite that he wanted to get rid of. But there was no way to make that happen when Svadilfari clearly wanted it to live and threatened to kill Loki if he lost it.

Svadilfari wanted this child and it was that desire and need to protect the child growing inside Loki that gave him his chance to strike. And strike he did.

Loki had never killed another person before Svadilfari. He had gone hunting with Thor and his friends before and had made several kills on his own, but that was different. He knew it was. Killing a wild boar was nothing like killing a man. Loki expected it to be hard, nearly impossible with that realization and the sheer strength that Svadilfari had over him, especially in his weakened state and with how big his belly was. But Svadilfari wouldn't dare risk hurting Loki for hurting Loki was to hurt the child growing inside him. This was his chance and he took it. And it hadn't been hard at all. Loki had killed him and he had enjoyed it. He remembered how he had kept stabbing at Svadilfari long after he was good and dead just because he could and because he had wanted to. And oh how he had enjoyed putting an end to his life.

And then Sleipnir came and Loki loved him instantly. It didn't matter who had fathered him or how Sleipnir came to be inside him. Loki loved him and he wanted him in his life.

But he still had questions.

He still didn't understand how it was possible for him to have become pregnant in the first place. And it bothered him slightly that neither his mother or father had seem at all surprised to hear that he had given birth, simply sad and upset about the circumstances that led Loki to have a child of his own. They had answers to his questions and he wanted to hear them, he needed to hear them and he will.

But, for now, Loki needed to rest and to recuperate and, most importantly, he just wanted to bond with his son. He would get his answers later.

<><><><>

Sleipnir was now five weeks old and Loki was halfway through his bed rest period. Frigga had been helping Loki care for Sleipnir as Loki still couldn't stand up much and he didn't trust his care to the servants. Thor would sometimes help as well, even though all he really does is come to check on them both and help Loki entertain Sleipnir. But Loki appreciated it nonetheless. Especially when Thor volunteered to help convert one of Loki's spares rooms into a nursery for Sleipnir with Volstagg and Hogun's help. Volstagg because having had children he would best know what was needed and Hogun because the man rarely spoke and was least likely to approach Loki or spread around gossip. 

"How long are you going to wait until you move Sleipnir into his new nursery?" Thor asked when the three of them were done working on the nursery for the day and, after escorting the two men out of Loki's rooms, approached Loki's bed with a smile on his face. Sleipnir was currently lying on Loki's blanketed lap with a wide look on his face, letting out soft noises as he tried to move his hands out in front of him towards the little lights of green magic Loki was using to entertain him. Loki himself had a smile on his face as he showed his son different images of animals. When one of Sleipnir's hands managed to wave away one of the little green animals he smiled and he looked up at Loki with his soft grey eyes.

"Until he's at least several months old and I've updated the wards around my rooms to guarantee that he will always be safe." Loki answered, his eyes staying glued to his son's face. He felt a warmness in his heart when he saw Sleipnir recognizing his voice and making soft noises, letting him know he wanted to be held closer. Loki happily lifted him up and held him close to his chest as Sleipnir started to doze off.

"I'm sure he'll be plenty safe, brother." Thor's voice cut through his peace and he reluctantly looked up to face him.

"I won't risk his safety, Thor." Loki answered just as they both heard a knock at Loki's bedroom door, neither of them had heard his main door open, before it opened and both Frigga and Odin walked in. While Frigga's face lit up at the sight of Sleipnir in Loki's arms Odin's face merely closed off, a tightness around his remaining eye.

"Loki. We've come to speak to you. About something we should have told you when you were much younger like I had first insisted." Frigga said as she turned to her husband. Even now Odin was still trying to keep the truth from Loki, insisting that it was for the best. Despite the fact that it was first keeping this hidden that left Loki so vulnerable.

Loki merely narrowed his eyes. Now he would get his answers.

<><><><>

Loki wanted to be alone.

They had all been reluctant to leave, though in Odin's case he merely seem irritated. But Loki didn't care

He was a Jotun. Laufey's son. That was how it was possible for Loki to carry and birth a child. All Jotun's were capable of both carrying and fathering children and Loki was no different from them. Other then the fact that he was a runt, born to small, and therefore left to die for Odin to find instead and bring him home and lie t him about all this. And now he wanted to take Sleipnir away from him?

Loki buried his face against his son, breathing in his calming scent. He hadn't been able to let Sleipnir go, not even when Frigga had offered to put him in the cradle Loki kept close to his bed, afraid that she would simply walk out with him and with Loki not yet strong enough to follow after her. After Sleipnir.

They had no right.

Odin had no right.

Sleipnir was his.

He had carried him. He had birthed him. And he loved him. Wanted him. Odin had no right! No right to disregard Loki's choice, his love for his son. Claiming that it was best for both Loki and Sleipnir to be separated so Sleipnir would never know that he was the bastard son of Loki's rapist and Loki would not be constantly reminded of his rape every time he looked at him. Never mind the fact that Loki had already claimed Sleipnir as being his son and his son only.

This was not about Loki and it was not about Sleipnir. It was about Odin's desire to not only keep more family secrets but to also protect his throne from an illegitimate heir of his adopted Jotun son. And he just couldn't do that. Loki wouldn't let him. This is one choice Loki was determined to make for himself.

<><><><> 

Thor needed to check on Loki. Things hadn't been the same since their parents had revealed the truth of Loki's parentage. Not that it mattered to Thor, they were still brothers, and he hoped Loki knew that already. But after what Loki had gone through and facing the revelation of being adopted and a Jotun Loki most likely needed reassuring. Perhaps it was a mistake to leave Loki alone so soon, even if he still had Sleipnir with him.

Sleipnir...

Thor and Frigga had tried to talk to Odin, for Loki's behalf, in regards to Sleipnir. But Odin would not hear them and Thor really started to think that his father would take Loki's child away. He kept insisting that it was for Loki's best interest but Thor failed to see how when Loki had said several times he wanted to keep Sleipnir. And now he would be forced to say goodbye to his son.

Thor arrived at Loki's door and debated with himself whether to knock or simply let himself in as Loki had ignored anyone who attempted to see him. There was also the possibility that Loki had put up wards to keep everyone out and Thor wouldn't even know how to break them. Thor knocked and, surprisingly, the door opened.

Thor pushed the rest of the door open and saw no sign of Loki, though he could hear Sleipnir cooing and lots of hurried movements from Loki's bedroom and he started to worry a little. Loki was still on bed rest, if he needed help caring for Sleipnir and himself Loki should have called for someone.

"Loki." Thor called out and he heard the movements still and a muffled curse before Loki's bedroom door swung open before Thor had reached it. Loki was blocking the entrance to his bedroom and was watching Thor suspiciously.

"What are you doing here and how did you even get in?" Loki asked.

"The door opened when I knocked," Thor raised an eyebrow, taken off guard by Loki's defensive and harried attitude, but quickly became concerned when he noticed what he was wearing. Loki was wearing a traveling cloak. "What are you doing? You're not planning on going anywhere are you? You're still on bed rest Loki."

"That is none of your concern," Loki hissed. "Leave." Loki attempted to close his bedroom door in Thor's face but Thor merely held his arm out and pushed it back, much to Loki's annoyance, and pushed past Loki into his room. "Thor!" Loki shouted but Thor ignored him. Loki's room was messier then Thor ever remembered seeing it. There were books, objects, and clothes strewn all over the place and when Thor neared Loki's bathing chambers he saw that it too was a mess with bottles and containers thrown everywhere.

"Loki..."

"Get out!" Loki hissed again. "And if you speak of this to anyone-"

"You're not planning on going anywhere are you?" Thor demanded.

"I have to!" Loki snapped as he went to check on Sleipnir who Thor could now see that he had fallen asleep in his crib.

"What do you mean you have to? This can't be about, Loki, it doesn't matter if you are Jotun, you are still family. You must know that! There's no reason to leave-"

"This isn't about me!" It seemed that Loki was growing even more irritable and Thor watched as he quickly fled his bedroom to his other door and wove a hand over it, most likely strengthening the wards he used to keep others out before returning to his bedroom. "I'm doing this for Sleipnir." Loki spoke much more quietly before stepping into the nursery that was meant for Sleipnir when he grew older.

"Sleipnir?" Thor followed after Loki. "What does leaving have to do with-"

"Oh don't be an idiot, Thor!" Loki was moving through the nursery and Thor watched as he looked over the items before waving his hand in front of them before disappearing and he then realized that Loki was storing them all away in his pocket dimension. Loki had always preferred using that instead of packing and carrying bags as he insisted that it made traveling easier and faster. Especially if one traveled with an infant...

"This is about what father said, isn't it?" Thor asked and he could already feel both the desperation and sadness rising inside him. Desperation because he wanted to do, to say, anything to keep Loki from leaving. He couldn't just go after just returning from being gone for a year. Thor couldn't lose his brother again. And sadness because he knew Loki wouldn't listen to him. Couldn't listen to him at the expense of his son.

Loki had slowed his movements down, his hands clenching at his sides, before he spoke quietly. "He won't listen, Thor. He doesn't care. He'll take Sleipnir away from me if I stay-"

"You aren't even of age, Loki!" Thor shouted. "You can't just leave!"

"It's because I'm not of age that I have to!" Loki shouted back and went back to looking through the nursery for anything he could take with him that Sleipnir would need and that he might not be able to get for him somewhere else. "I'm not of age and that is the only thing that keeps me from having the final say of what is to happen with Sleipnir and gives Odin power over my wishes. But as soon as I'm of age Odin can't do anything. He can't make the decision of what is to happen with Sleipnir or the power to take him away from him, that power will be mine. But only once I'm of age and until then I have to go."

"Where would you even go Loki? Father will search for you, mother will not allow you to disappear from her side again. Heimdall will find you wherever you go."

"Only if he can see me." That made Thor pause, but before he could question Loki on what he meant he continued speaking. "There's one good thing I learned from Svadilfari, even if he had never intended for me to learn anything. and I will use this new found skill to protect my son."

"Loki, please, you don't have to leave. We'll speak to father again, I know everything seems a bit uncertain now but father won't actually take your child away."

"He's your father, not mine," Loki spat, "and he will. I've already explained this to you, Thor, he's already decided and he will not listen to reason but simply insist that as king and as my father his decision overrides mine. But it won't when I come of age and only then will I return home with Sleipnir."

"That's years away Loki," Thor argued, "you cannot seriously be thinking about being gone for so long. You just came home."

"I have to do what is necessary to keep Sleipnir by my side where he belongs, Thor." Loki said sadly as he returned to looking over the items in the nursery and deciding what he needed to take with him. 

"How will you care for yourself and for Sleipnir? You're still young, Loki, you can't do this all on your own."

"And yet I have to." Loki turned to face Thor sadly, his right thumb pressing against his left thumb while he had a faraway look on his face. "I can't lose Sleipnir, Thor, I can't. He's my son."

"I understand that but where would you even go? How will you care for both Sleipnir and yourself when you're still recovering, you're still on bed rest."

"You understand nothing!" Loki snapped fiercely, throwing both hands to his side and glaring at Thor. "You understand nothing of what I went through, what I'm still going through, and what I'm feeling now! You couldn't even comprehend it all so don't try and tell me that you understand when you never will."

Thor held up his hands in an attempt to appease his brother as he didn't wish to aggravate or stress Loki further as he had been told by his mother it wouldn't be good for Loki's health. And not simply because he was a coward. Because Loki was right. Thor didn't understand and Thor wasn't sure he wanted to even attempt to try. Loki had been kidnapped, raped, abused, given birth, found out he was adopted and learned that he wasn't even Asgardian but a Frost Giant, and now he was facing the prospect of having his child taken away by him against his wishes. And Thor couldn't understand any of that, not even how his brother was able to love the child of his rapist as much as he did.

Except that he could...

Loki had said it numerous times. Sleipnir was his and his only. He had been his hope, his determination, and his new strength. And, after everything Loki had gone through, Sleipnir was the only source of light in the darkness that was his life when he was being held captive by Svadilfari. Loki loved and needed Sleipnir in his life. He could see that now. He had seen it the minute he ran into that clearing and saw Sleipnir wrapped protectively in Loki's arms. When Loki had asked for him the minute he woke up in the healing wings. How he always wore such a soft and loving look on his face whenever he was looking at Sleipnir. And how willing he was to leave the safety of his home after being subjected to traumas he shouldn't have just to keep Sleipnir in his life.

Loki's dedication to his son was strong and nothing that Thor said would break that dedication and it would be wrong of him to try. Sleipnir had saved Loki from becoming a broken shell of his former self, something he could easily become if he stayed in Asgard only for Odin to take Sleipnir away.

Thor collapsed back into one of the chairs Volstagg had brought into the nursery. He rubbed at his face roughly with his hands before letting out a long sigh and looking up at his determined, but frightened, little brother. "You're right," Thor muttered, "I can't understand what you're going through but I do understand why you have to do this. Why you leaving with Sleipnir is the only way to keep him at your side. I wish it wasn't the only way, I do not wish for you to leave, either of you. but our father will not listen-"

"He is your father," Loki hissed, "not mine."

Thor leveled him with a reproachful glare. "Do not dare to renounce our father for in renouncing him you renounce me as your brother and our mother. That I will not stand brother. You are family Loki." Loki looked like he wanted to argue that point, but he held his tongue so Thor continued speaking. "And I will miss you."

"I will miss you as well." Loki said rather reluctantly as he stored a few more items into his pocket dimension before stepping back into his room. Thor quickly followed after him.

"Wait, brother, you're not leaving now are you?"

"Of course I am! I have no idea when Odi-father will come for Sleipnir and I'd rather be long gone before then." As he said that Loki opened the doors that led to his balcony and looked down, grimacing as he noticed the guards that were placed just underneath. "And if you want to help me I need for you to do what you have always done best: draw everyone's attention to you."

Thor tried not to let that comment sting as he suspected that Loki didn't really mean that but was simply wanting to sneak away with Sleipnir without being caught. But... "Where are you planning on going Loki? Will you contact me the second you arrive there so that I know that both you and Sleipnir are safe?"

Loki pushed past Thor and bent over Sleipnir's cradle and gently picked him up as he did not want to waken him or cause Sleipnir to cry out or make any noise. "I can't tell you where I'm going," Loki quietly said as he made sure his traveling cloak covered his son, "for you have never been very good at keeping secrets. Don't deny it." Loki said sternly as he Thor about to protest. Thor quickly shut his mouth. "And you'll probably try to follow me and lead Heimdall's gaze to where I'm hiding and we'll both be dragged back to Asgard. But I will try to contact you if it's so important to you. Though I can't risk contacting you that often for I worry mother might discover and try to locate me herself."

It hadn't even occurred to Thor that he could have gone with Loki and he was sorely tempted to fight with Loki that he should go with them. He could protect them both while Loki was still recovering, keep them safe. And Thor wouldn't have to say goodbye to his brother and nephew, even if it was only for a couple of years. Years that Thor knew would feel even longer then they most likely would be. 

But Loki was already shoving Thor out the door and urging him to hurry and create a distraction so he could sneak away with Sleipnir. Even though Thor had no idea how Loki planned to convince Heimdall to open the Bifrost for him to leave Asgard when he would most likely know that their parents wouldn't want Loki to leave. He also suspected Loki wouldn't answer his question if he even asked him and simply insist that the least Thor knew the better. And yet Thor couldn't let this be their goodbye.

Thor turned and wrapped an arm around Loki's still too bony shoulders and pulled him into a tight hug, mindful of Sleipnir between them. Loki let out a soft noise of surprise but merely melted into the hug, resting his face on Thor's shoulder and clinging to his brother's back.

"Be careful." Thor urged him, nearly begging.

"I will." Loki promised and he let himself be comforted by his brother's worry and assurances that all would be well. He hoped it would but he was uncertain. He was sure that he could keep himself and Sleipnir in moderate comfort. Sure that he could keep them both hidden from Heimdall and Odin over the years until he was of age and it would no longer be necessary. That, at the end of all this, Sleipnir would remain him.

He knew Sleipnir would never be considered a prince or a legitimate heir, and Loki could make peace with that. Sleipnir might be given the title of nobility or even be recruited to train as one of the palace's guards if he proved himself strong and loyal to a king that had rejected him. But Loki would still be there and he would remind Sleipnir constantly that he was loved and it mattered not what Odin thought of him. Loki's love would be enough. Everything would work out at the end. It just had to.