Peter didn't know why he'd stopped by his old house. But something made him swing over on his usual patrol. The walls were dusty, the floor creaking slightly under his feet as he made his way through the familiar home. His old room, May's room, the living room. Everything was familiar. It felt natural for his mind to guide him through the rooms, each one with some sort of memory attached to it. He ended up stumbling into the living room, near May's room.
He hadn't been in her room much when he lived there, nor had he taken time to really investiate it, mostly keeping to the living room, kitchen, and his room. He had no need to, back then. But now, without her, it felt too empty. Too...quiet. She wasn't blasting loud music that they'd dance around like idiots to. She wasn't making fun of one of those silly reality shows on the TV that they'd sit and make popcorn for out of ironic enjoyment. The couch was bare, as was her room.
The only sounds were his feet on the wood floor and his breathing, as well as an occasional muffled sound from outside the walls. His gloved hand dragged across the wall as he entered her room. He found some of her belongings. Old perfume bottles and makeup that she'd use whenever she went on dates. Pictures of the two of them. In the midde of her desk was a picture that made him freeze. A picture of him, younger of course, with Ben and her.
He was a child, with a missing tooth and youthful, bright eyes. Ben was grinning into the camera. May was as well, the three of them looked happy and complete. Peter swallowed the lump in his throat as he remembered his uncle's voice. His laughter and his jokes and his lessons. He stared into his aunt's eyes.
May's last words echoed in his head. "I believe in you." Hah. He couldn't save anyone. Why was he even a hero? He'd let down everyone. He let down his mom. His dad. Uncle Ben. Aunt May. He was sure he was going to let the Avengers down in one way or another, if he hadn't already. He'd already fucked up with Tony during Homecoming. The man probably thought he'd forgotten. But the feeling of dying with his father figure still upset with him was almost as suffocating as the actual building crushing him.
He barely remembered his parents. He was a child when he lost them. He remembered May crying on the phone as she was told the news, Ben trying to console her. He barely knew them and he still felt like he had failed them in some way. As if he had any control over their death. He still felt like he could've done something. But of course, he couldn't. And that didn't help him feel any better.
Ben had trusted him. But he had to be selfish. He had to be stupid and let him die. He had bled out in his arms. His last words echoed in his mind to this day. "With great power comes great responsibility." And yet he had let him die. Some responsiblity he had. He inhaled slowly, trying to keep the tears in his eyes at bay. His bottom lip trembled, and he didn't dare try to speak in fear of breaking down.
May had gotten shot because he was careless. He hadn't seen the man's gun until it was too late, and when his spider sense had alerted him, the bullet had already pierced her chest. His world shattered around him. She had reassured him that she would be with Ben and his parents as he pressed his palm against her wound. The man had escaped as he was trying to stall the bleeding. If he wasn't so reckless, she'd be alive. It was his fault.
Tony found him half an hour later, sobbing over the picture on the floor. He'd taken him home, whispering soothing nothings into his ear as they flew to the tower. He deposited him in his bed, playing with his hair the way he liked until he stopped crying. Tony reassured him that he and the team would always be there before leaving.
Peter didn't sleep much that night, words echoing through his head. Harsh and blaming, when he closed his eyes he saw the people he'd let down staring at him, screaming at him. Tony, May, Ben, his mom and dad. Peter decided that he'd rather just be tired than go through that all night. He ended up staring at the picture he'd taken from the home. When he finally did fall asleep, it was light and he woke up sweaty from nightmares every few hours.