The Hellscape Continues
“-and anyway, even if you’re a total loser, you can’t be as bad as this kid I met once, Peter Parker. I mean, this kid was like the human incarnation of a salad. Bland, unremarkable, unmemorable, depressing to look at... yeah. So, in conclusion, even if you suck so bad your mother got her tubes tied out of disappointment after she had you, you can’t suck half as hard as Peter Parker. Remember that, kids.”
Cap smiled and the screen flipped to static. The principal wheeled the TV away.
“Well, since your parent or guardian hasn’t arrived yet—who was it, again?”
Peter’s face turned smug. He crossed his arms. Even if everyone hated him, there was still one cool thing about his life.
“Tony Stark.”
The principal raised her eyebrow.
“Wow, usually those billionaires are more secretive about their child slaves. Well, anyway, he’s not here yet, so I guess we can stick you in the cafeteria freezer—”
A Mercedes-Benz plowed through the office wall. Jagged cement and brick crashed into polished office furniture, wires and ducts hung limply like Bruce Banner and his ED, and debris choked the air. Don’t worry, though—the principal was totally okay. She used Peter as a human shield.
Tony slapped the door handle and fell out. He hung halfway from the car and his back rested on the cement chunks. His eyes drooped in ecstasy, which was coincidentally what he was on.
“Hey, Peter! I’ve been lookin’ all over for ya! I looked at the school wall, then I looked closer ‘cause I thought I saw you, but then it turned out to be a window, and then I forgot I was in a car—”
Tony drifted off and drool ran down his chin.
“One sec,” Peter said, sliding towards him, “He ODs a lot. You just gotta punch the blue chest thing until he wakes up.”
Peter centered his torso strength in his torso hand and gave Tony’s leg chest a torso slap. He shot up, gasping, before falling back into a peaceful smile that was formed from drugs so expensive he could totally give May a ton of money and 🅱️eter wouldn’t starve anymore or whatever.
“Hey, Pete, want some bath salts? They’re fresh from... the bath?”
“Uh, no, Tony-”
“Peter!” the principal said, “That nice man offered you a gift and you’re being ungrateful. Take his hard drugs right now or I’ll have you expelled from insubordination.”
“But-”
“Theft.”
“He’s-”
“Arson.”
“That-”
“Treason.”
Peter sighed and took Tony’s bath salts. Tony smiled a hazy and contented smile and leaned back.
“Getting fucked up with your protege,” he said, “this is what life is about.”
AFTER SCHOOL
Peter’s legs crawled down the hall, entourage following.
“So, uh, Peter, do you wanna hang out today, maybe?” Ned asked.
Peter’s legs stopped. The entourage stopped. The school stopped. The world stopped.
Ned held his breath. Fear filled his core. Flash broke in.
“C’mon, loser, he doesn’t wanna—”
Peter’s ankle gave a nod. Flash stared, speechless, as Ned grinned and left with Peter.
~~~
Ned’s hands were shaking as they arrived at Peter’s apartment. May was out getting hammered and wondering how her life came to this, so they had the place to themselves. Ned sat down on the couch.
“So, what do you wanna do now, Peter? Uh, wanna play with Legos or something? Wanna order a pizza?” He wrung his hands.
Peter’s legs kicked the light switch. The semi-open curtains gave a dim glow to the room. He crawled over to the stereo and kicked it on. Careless Whisper filled the room.
“Peter, you’re so... forward!” Ned said, blushing.
Peter’s legs kicked off the leather boots.
TO BE CONTINUED??????