Separated

May sat like a sack of flour in the front row: slumped over, pale, small, made of burlap, resides in a storage closet. They had spread Peter’s ashes that morning, after Tony had grabbed the urn and stolen half to spread at the Avengers’ Tower for ‘sentimental reasons’ but mostly for the decorative urn. May had spread her half in the mountains, a favorite vacation spot for the two. Tony walked silently to her and put his hand on her shoulder.
“It’s hard for all of us, May. It will be for a long, long time. I remember how difficult it was to cope when I lost my other apprentices—”
“What?”
“But I got through. I mean, I really should’ve been expecting this one, but the others died in like, two weeks of our meeting so I thought this one might have lived to make seventeen. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that Perry-“
“Peter.”
“Peter was special. He had fantastic endurance, we were the same blood type, he became dust before I could get a new liver—lots of things about him were special and he’ll be missed.”
“Is that supposed to make me feel better?”
“No, May, what I’m trying to get at is that we’re all grieving, so stop being such an attention whore.”
May began sobbing again when a shadow came over the small gathering of mourners. The shadow became a ship as it neared the ground. The ship touched down, and the Guardians, Avengers, Black Panther, and whoever else was killed I can’t keep track walked out.
“Stop trying to fix the canon,” Tony said. “I thought you guys were all on vacation or something.”
Starlord blinked.
“We died, Tony—you... you saw a lot of us die. How do you not remember?”
“I don’t remember, dude. I was fighting the Ambien and losing. Wait, how did you kill Thanos?”
Black Panther stepped towards him.
“Well, that’s a funny story. Those of us who were left had to think of a way to destroy Thanos and get the gauntlet, and you know what worked?”
“What?”
“A gun.”
“A gun?”
“Yes, a regular gun killed Thanos.”
“Huh. Where’s Bucky?”
“Also killed by the gun.”
“Who was using the gun?”
“Groot.”
“Oh.”
May walked over.
“Wait, what about Peter?”
“We restored everything with the gauntlet, so he should be back together. Where did you guys put his dust?”
May paled. Tony spoke up.
“Uh, actually, his dust was... dispersed.”
“Dispersed?”
“Yes, in two... different places.”
“Wait, seriously? What the hell? It’s been, like, a few days! How did you even get back to Earth without a spaceship?”
“Well by that point the Benadryl was kicking in as well and I’m really not sure, but I did wake up and find that I pawned off the Iron Man suit for a night with ‘Glitter Nips’—”
“Okay, that doesn’t matter. You two have to go and find Peter. Or, as many parts of Peter as you can. I would go as well, but this sounds gross. Sorry.”
May sobbed again and Tony grabbed her arm and stepped up onto the ship.
“Whoa, whoa, just what do you think you’re doing?” Star Lord asked.
“Commandeering this vessel to make up for my vast oversight,” Tony said, leading May into the cockpit. The ship grumbled and lifted, forcing everyone standing on the still-open hangar door to fall off because I don’t want to write any more dialogue for them.
“I-I didn’t know you could fly a spaceship,” May said, wiping her eyes.
“Who needs experience when you have Ritalin?”
And thus they flew, approaching their mistake without, what Tony concluded, an appropriate number of body bags.

TO BE CONTINUED??????