Untrue

Sam’s right, Steve knows he needs to deal with this whole Tony thing but its… complicated. There’s a lot to consider here, what this could mean outside their relationship. He needs Tony in one way or another and he’s known him for years, he doesn’t tend to do well when confronted with problems. Something needs to give though and Sam took a different jogging route this morning so he finds himself at Tony’s door, poised to knock. He’s moving around in there so Steve knows he’s there rather than the lab but he pauses anyway, content to wait a few more moments before he goes and potentially ruins everything.

Eventually he reaches out and knocks, softly, and waits. He almost expects Tony to ignore him if he even heard the knock but he doesn’t. He does take his sweet ass time going to the door though and Steve rolls his eyes. Tony’s late to everything, even his own birthday parties and its long driven him nuts. How hard is it to leave early? For Tony, seemingly impossible. And Tony regularly does the impossible for fun so that pisses Steve off even more. When he finally opens the door he looks sleep mussed, which is odd considering Steve heard him moving around but he leaves it.

“What?” Tony asks after a moment, looking largely unimpressed and Steve really hates when he makes that damn face. Which is all the time.

“Do you have a minute?” he asks, leaving out his irritated commentary. Not like Tony ever seems to havea minute if its him asking. He’d sooner make time for Clintand they all know Tony likes Clint’s arrows better than Clint and that’s pretty much only because he likes watching his designs blow up.

Tony sighs, leaning against the door frame with the door open as little as possible. “What do you want?” he asks, bored.

This is why he doesn’t bother talking to Tony about anything but he clenches his jaw and lets it go for the moment. “I want a divorce,” he says instead of the fifty softer things he thought of to steer into that.

He sort of expects some kind of reaction but Tony mostly looks annoyed. “Fine, I’ll talk to my lawyers,” he says and he shuts the door. Steve stares at it, baffledat such a blasé reaction before he shakes his head and walks away because what the hell else is he supposed to do?

*

Sam needs to meet some other Avengers because the gossip is good and Steve and Tony’s disaster marriage must be more entertaining from their perspective than either Steve or Tony’s. In the meantime he needs to figure out how to break it to Steve that he’s mad that Tony acted in his favor.

“He agreed to the divorce that you wanted so what, exactly, is the problem?” Sam asks, figuring he’ll go with point blank here. Steve stops his rant mid-way through thank godbecause Sam has better things to do.

“Well he didn’t need to act like thatabout it,” Steve says, clearly still pissed and Sam decides to let some more of that therapist pretense drop.

He rolls his eyes, “as opposed to what, groveling and asking you to take him back?” he asks sarcastically but its pretty obvious Steve expected some approximation of that so Sam rolls his eyes again. “First of all I can tell you right now Tony doesn’t do a lot of emotion in public and you’ve counted as public for a long time so I don’t see why you expected anything less. And this is what you wanted so you don’t get to act like a child about it. Guaranteed that wasn’t his real reaction anyway.”

Its not like he expected a ton of information from Tony and yeah, he’s only talked to him once so that isn’t going to net him a huge amount of information anyway, but he does know that Tony still loves Steve. He probably doesn’t show it much, or at least if he does Steve sure as hell isn’t picking up on it, but Sam’s not stupid. He saw the affection there, if strained.

Steve crosses his arms, “and how is it possible for you to know that?” he asks, giving Sam a shrewd look and yeah, Steve’s not going to like this.

“I talked to him. Don’t look at me like that, I was only getting half the story and you are shit at reading Tony’s emotions. I spent like an hour with the guy and easily gathered that he cares about you more than he’s probably willing to admit even to himself. However he’s showing that you obviously aren’t getting the message and he’s confused. Thinks you care about Bucky more than him.” Which he does, Sam knows, but to Tony that must have been confusing. His marriage seemed to be fine then it wasn’t and given Steve’s strained relationship with Bucky that must have been worse. It isn’t an easy, natural dynamic for Tony to see why Steve might have pulled away; it’s a frayed connection Steve’s desperately trying to put back together. To Tony it looks like he’s been tossed aside for a damaged relationship with little place in Steve’s life.

Of course to Steve that looks a whole lot different but between life experience and personality differences Sam can see why that disconnect became a huge problem for them both.

“Of course I care more about Bucky than him, why would he think I’d care more about him?” Steve asks and that’s harsh even to Sam.

“Look, I’m not saying you need to care about either one more than the other but you didmarry Tony and from his point of view you tossed that all aside to cling to a relationship that even you know doesn’t exist the way it used to. Just take a second to think about how you’d feel if he dropped your marriage in favor of paying more attention to a guy that barely even speaks to him let alone has a real relationship with him. That’s pretty awful Steve, and I can’t say I blame him for pulling away. From the sounds of it he seems like he was following your lead.” Not, Sam knows, that Steve sees it that way but he spends a lot of time trying to gain some semblance of his version of normal back and that’s impossible when he’s been dropped more than seventy years into the future by his standards. Steve wants his home back and seems to refuse to make a home in his new surroundings and Tony’s stupid ass was dumb enough to try and make a home out of Steve.

No one is winning here, except maybe Sam because he actually does love gossip and yeah he’s not going to sell it to anyone but hearing about this nonsense is enough for him.

Something he says looks like it broke through and Sam resists the urge to literally jump for joy as Steve sighs. “Why is it so hard for everyone to understand that I just want something of my life back?” he murmurs. It’s not an outright admission but Sam’s learned to read what Steve isn’t saying. So he did pull away first and this is as close as his stubborn ass will come to admitting it. And maybe he can see why Tony would react to the situation the way he did even if technically they’re all wrong. Damn, communication seems to be highly lacking with these people. Sam’s happy he learned how to emote and communicate about it like a normal, functioning human being because he has no time for this nonsense in his life. Even with his issues he’s not this bad.

“Look Steve, you lost a lot and I get that. That’s hard, and you were robbed out of a normal life but you have a chance to make something new and you don’t want to. You can’t go back to the past, but you can find that happiness again. Its time for you to stop focusing on everything you can’t have and start trying to cultivate a life for yourself that you actually like. That might help with Bucky too, if you stop looking at him like a relic of your past and start treating him like a part of your future.” Its something he’s wanted to say for some time, but Steve hadn’t really been ready to hear it. Sam isn’t sure he is now.

“You don’t get what its like, waking up to find everything you love gone,” Steve says and Sam nods. “Bucky gets that, or I thought he would,” he murmurs.

“No I don’t get that, and I’m glad for it. And maybe Bucky gets what you felt on some level, but he lost somuch more than you. Don’t look at me like that- you lost more than any person should, but the shitty consolation prize you got was keeping who you are. Bucky didn’t even get that. The guy literally lost his mind, control over his body, andall the stuff you lost. He doesn’t get what you’re feeling because he’s not feeling the loss like you are. You’re mourning people, he’s mourning his own sanity.” Sam reaches out and settles a hand on Steve’s knee. “You can move on, Steve. Nothing says you need to be held up by loss forever. And moving on doesn’t mean you forget the people you lost.”

Steve slumps a little, “that’s what it feels like,” he murmurs and Sam is familiar with that.

He sighs, “you’re not the only one who’s lost someone. Believe me, I get that being happy without them feels like you’re betraying them somehow but its not. People aren’t meant to be sad forever, and there’s always a point where you stop feeling that loss naturally. I know that you keep trying to feel that sadness, that maybe you think that makes you closer to everyone you’ve lost but all that does is alienate you from everyone in your life nowthat cares about you. And that’s not fair, not to you and not to them. Let yourself move on, let your sadness go and find a better way to honor the people you lost that isn’t making damn sure you can never be happy again,” Sam murmurs.

Advice he should probably take himself, actually. After Riley he’s found it difficult to get close to anyone, always worried he’ll lose them or that he’s somehow betraying Riley’s memory. He knows he isn’t logically, but emotions and logic don’t always match up.

Steve covers Sam’s hand with his, “you make me happy,” he murmurs and Sam wants to take that olive branch, he does. But he can’t, not right now.

“Steve, I’m an escape for you. Someone that acts as a sounding board for your life, not someone you have a fulfilling relationship with. We both deserve better than that.”

Steve’s hand tightens around his own, “there has to be some way to change that,” he says, hopeful.

*

Bucky looks way too happy and Tony raises an eyebrow as he climbs back into bed. “What’s got you looking so enthused?” he asks as Bucky pulls him closer. He allows it, shimmying back into the position he was in before Steve showed up. Christ, that could have been a disaster and as it is it’s not like it ended well.

“What?” Bucky asks, teeth grazing Tony’s jaw. He smiles even though he shouldn’t, allowing himself to revel in the attention as Bucky kisses his way down his neck. “This is a good thing, right? Divorce?”

Depending on who you ask. Tony sighs, pulling himself out of the bliss of Bucky’s attentions to deal with real problems he didn’t want Steve to stick him with. “Sort of,” he murmurs and Bucky frowns, clearly confused. “What?”

Bucky shakes his head, “I uh… I don’t know, I thought you’d be happier that, well, we wouldn’t really have to be a secret anymore.”

Oh that’s sweet, if highly misguided. “Bucky, I have to tell Peter at the very least before anyone does anything. And you should probably say something to Steve. He’s not going to take it well.” So he wants a divorce, that’s hardly being fine with his best friend dating his ex.

“Peter I get, but who cares about Steve,” Bucky says, waving a hand around dismissively.

Tony frowns, “have you seriously not considered what he thinks?” Because that doesn’t sound right. Obviously he’s considered Steve’s thoughts, why wouldn’t he have? Except it doesn’t look much like Bucky has considered much of anything.

“No. Just because he’s willing to squander what he’s got doesn’t mean I am,” he says and Tony does his best not to let that affect him and it fails miserably.

He leans up and kisses Bucky softly. “Don’t say anything until I’ve talked to Peter at least. And I should probably make sure this isn’t some weird phase Steve is going through.” He hopes it is almost as much as he hopes it isn’t. The marriage is toast, but he did at one point love what he had. But it hasn’t been there in a long time and Tony is sure he can build that with Bucky. He can see the way Bucky cares about him, looking down at him with obvious affection on his features and those expressions are saved for him only. It’s the reason Tony had been attracted to him at all, the way Bucky looks at him.

Bucky curls his fingers down Tony’s jaw, smiling. “That’s the look I was hoping for,” he murmurs and Tony smiles, pressing his face into Bucky’s palm.

“It came as a shock is all,” he says. “And a divorce also comes with its own set of problems.”

“We’ll deal with them,” Bucky tells him with confidence. “I’ve got you.”