Big shoes to fill

MIT was everything Peter could have wished for. Being surrounded by like-minded people, full of fun challenges and new experiences. He knew he was lucky to be there but he also thought that the fact that Tony was such a big part of why he was there made it even better. Tony who had been talking to him about MIT since he was just 15, who had written countless reports on Peter’s work for Stark Industries which ultimately were allowed as a replacement for a letter of recommendation that Peter was sure Tony would have loved to write and simply couldn't. Tony who had set up a college fund for him to use and who had left him all of his MIT memorabilia on his will. Sure, MIT was great because it was challenging and it was fun, exciting and new. But it was home because it was Tony. Because he looked around campus and saw every story his mentor had told him coming to life before his eyes. Because there was nothing he loved more than when his professors would call the roll and make a slight pause when they reached his name.

“Peter Parker?” And Peter would just raise his hand, maybe shout a timid here and then the professor would look up curiously and ask the following question, always the same following question “Tony Stark’s Peter Parker?” And his eyes would just fill with pride. He would nod with his head held high.

The responses always varied, some just nodded and carried on, others wanted to know what Tony had been like. If the man lived up to the legend. Students would be intrigued. What was it like to work for the man who saved the universe? Was he strict? Was he weird? Was he kind? And Peter would just say that Yeah, he was because he could never find it within himself to tell them that he was all that and so much more.

He was loving and caring. He would complain about his choice in music but sing along quietly to himself. He would drink his coffee black when he was working but he would take it with milk and sugar when he was feeling low. But he didn't share that information. Ever, with anyone. Because the world had known everything about Iron Man and about the sacrifice he had made. They knew about Stark Industries and their inventions. They knew a lot about Pepper Potts, the woman who had stood next to the legend and had been powerful enough to humble him. They knew far too much, in Peter’s opinion, about Morgan. What she looked like, where she went to school and even her grades.  And even after a few months of mourning Iron Man, the people had learned about Peter Parker. The child prodigy, the special intern who had impressed the genius with his own brain.

And yet, the people knew almost nothing about Tony Stark. They knew about his indiscretions in the past, about his fake egocentrism and old playboy attitudes. But they didn't know Tony. Not like Peter did. He wanted to make sure that they never would. Iron Man had died so the world could live, but Peter was determined to keep Tony alive in his memory, and far from spying eyes.

It was Thursday afternoon and he was sitting in class, working on a project on his computer when his phone buzzed in his pocket.

“Are you coming to stay at the cabin this weekend?” - Pepper

He read the text quickly and thought about the exam he had on Monday and how he had told Ned that they could watch that new movie together Saturday night. He replied quickly.

“I wasn't planning on it but I can go if you need me to”

“You don't have to, but Morgan is having a hard time with a project and I think she could use your help” Peter didn't need to read past Morgan’s name to know he was going. No matter where he was, no matter the circumstances, Tony had always made time to be there for Peter. And he had made a  vow almost 8 years ago, when Morgan was only a 4 year old coming to terms with her father’s death (yeah, he was 23 now and he could finally refer to Tony’s death for what it was), had promised to always be there to stand beside her if she ever needed his help.

“ No problem, I’ll be there tomorrow around 5 pm”. And that was that.

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Peter was used to making the long drive from MIT to the cabin alone. He would listen to the radio, maybe some soft music. He would think about everything and nothing and, before he knew it, he was pulling up in front of the house. He had gotten used to Morgan running out the minute the car touched the gravel which is why he was so surprised when he shut the car’s door and had to walk all the way to the door, open it quietly and step into the kitchen before Pepper turned around.

“Peter, honey!” Pepper smiled at him in a way that Peter could not describe, it felt like summer. “ It’s so nice to see you” She came up to him and hugged him. He dropped his overnight bag and hugged her back.

“Hey, Pepper” He pulled away softly, allowing her to hold his face in her hands for a few extra seconds. “It’s nice to be home”.

Pepper had smiled at that, he knew she loved it when he referred to the cabin as home. It had meant so much for her to have him accept that he was still part of the Stark family with or without Tony.

“Morgan is in her room, she’s been working on a project but I think she might need your help. She refuses to come out-” Peter could see that Pepper was worried; her brows were furrowed and she would constantly look up the stairs in hope that a certain girl would come down.

“Sure, what is it?” Peter asked, not really paying attention, taking the books he had brought over to study out of his bag. “-physics, math, biology? I can do a little bit of computer science but I think she might prefer Ned for that-”

“It’s English” Pepper had cut him off. “She has to write an essay. On her...well on her parents”

Peter’s heart skipped a beat. Pepper continued “ They are working on the theme of identity and the teacher thought it would be a good idea to ask them to write about who their parents are. She wrote a bit about Iron Man. From stories she read on the newspaper and saw on TV. But she gave up yesterday, said she couldn't do it and went up to her room.”

Peter didn't know what to say. He knew how hard it was on Morgan that she had lost her dad so young. She barely even had real memories with him, besides what people told her about him. And even then, so many stories were about Iron Man. Few were about Tony and, the ones that were, often came from Pepper or Happy or Rhodey. Morgan couldn't know what Tony was like as a father, because Peter had been selfish and had kept it all to himself.

He knew then and there what he had to do. “I’m on it, Pepper” he shouted behind his shoulder as he ran up the stairs. He knocked softly on Morgan’s door and when he failed to get an answer he said through the door. “Mor, it’s me. Peter. Can I come in?”.

The door opened immediately but rather than being greeted by a hug he only saw as Morgan got back in bed. Her eyes red rimmed and her cheeks tear stained. Peter never wanted to see his 12 year old sister suffer like that.

“Why the teary eyes?” Peter asked softly as he sat at the foot of her bed. He looked over at her with a kind smile.
“I’m going to fail English” Morgan said in a sunken voice. “ Because my stupid father couldn't stay alive for longer than five years so that I could have something to remember him by”.

Peter didn't miss the angry tone in her voice. Or the way it cracked near the end of the sentence. He certainly wished he could miss how his own heartbeat sped up at hearing Morgan talk about Tony like that.

“Well, your dad was anything but stupid” Peter started slowly, trying hard to get his point across without antagonizing Morgan “ Actually, scratch that. He also wasn't mean or selfish or so many other things.” Morgan looked back at him with empty eyes. And Peter’s heart just broke.

“I’m sorry, Morgan” he whispered. And he could see out of the corner of his eyes how she eyed him curiously.

“Sorry for what?” She answered quickly “You didn't kill him, Pete.”

And Peter chuckled. Because he knew that answer so well. Knew that she used it every time someone apologized for her not having a father. Knew that she wore it like her own suit of armor, her defense against the stupid way in which people tried to make her tragedy their own by daring to apologize for something they had had no control over.

But Peter was not apologizing for Tony’s death. He was apologizing for keeping him dead in Morgan’s memory. And so he told her as much.
“ I know I didn't. But I knew your dad.” He swallowed back the tightness in his throat as he continued. “ You know, he was almost like a dad to me too. That’s why you are my sister” Morgan nodded, she knew that. Knew since she met Peter that they weren't biologically related, that they were sibling bound together by sheer force of will, by heart and sadly, by the loss of someone they would try forever to find in the other person. “And I’m sorry because I spent so much time with him, maybe less years than you, but few years that I will always remember”

Morgan looked like she wanted to interrupt him but Peter powered through “ There is so much about him that you don't know, because you don't remember or you were too young to realize. And I- I should have told you this a long time ago. But I thought that, by keeping it to myself I was keeping his memory safer. More alive because it would not be tainted by what others could hear. But you are not just any other and there is no one I would trust more with this than you.” He looked over at her, trying to see any sign of how she was feeling. And she had tears welling up in her eyes. But she just nodded and sat up straight. So Peter took a deep breath and started talking. Started remembering everything he could. Every little detail that he could find deep in his subconscious.

“ People will tell you he was short. And he was, but not as much as you’d think. Maybe 5’9 but he had such a great posture, Mor. He walked like he was 6’2” Morgan chuckled at that, wiping away the tears. “And he was such a pain about my posture too. Always going on Peter sit up straight and I swear, kid, your posture gives me nightmares as I slouched over my work bench at the lab.”

“He didn't like chocolate. Not too much anyway. Just enough that he would eat it in a cake or if someone bought it for him as a gift but he would always prefer blueberries. Sometimes baby carrots.” Peter smiled fondly at the memory of them tossing bags of snacks to each other as they brainstormed. “ And he absolutely hated silence. I swear he would complain about me talking too much but would immediately start asking questions if I ever shut up.”

“ And he was so observant. He would look at me in the eye and tell if I had a good day at school. It was impossible to lie to him, he would always know . Or maybe I am just a bad liar. Oh! And he was so good with history. Like he helped me out with math and physics, sure. But he knew so many weird facts about historic events.”

Morgan was paying so much attention to him and Peter felt like once he had started he would never stop.

“ He had a great memory. He would remember facts about me and things I had barely even mentioned, months after we had talked about that. And he would just know when something was bothering you. He always knew just what to say. Sure, sometimes he was a little bit reliant on the tough love approach but he knew just the time to give hugs and ruffle my hair.”

“He would sit through hours of nerdy sci-fi movies just because he knew that I liked them. And he would pay attention to them, too. When the movie was over he would ask questions and try to figure out if any of that was actually possible. However, he really liked black and white movies. Chaplin and that sort of thing. And he sometimes enjoyed those stupid comedies that no one finds funny. He didn't force me to watch with him but he always invited me to.”

“ In the car he liked to listen to classical music and sometimes Frank Sinatra. But he mostly just enjoyed driving. He loved it. Taught me how to drive, he was very patient. When he was working in the lab, tho, he really liked heavy metal. And, he would never have admitted it but he liked when I played broadway musicals’ soundtracks.”

"He would never wear formal clothing when he was home, always jeans and a t-shirt. Usually from a band. And he would wear sunglasses even inside but mostly to hide his feelings, in front of the press or people he didn't fully trust. He would never admit it but sometimes he would wear them just for the dramatic effect of taking them off when someone said something stupid."

"And he wore perfume. One that was really fancy and crazy expensive. But even if you found it, it wouldn't smell like him. He smelt like that perfume mixed with coffee beans and oil. I once told him he smelt like electricity and he said it was because of the Arc Reactor and how it sometimes would short-circuit and fail." 

Morgan was full- on smiling now. And so was Peter. He knew he was almost done. After all, there wasn't much he could think of right on the spot and he knew he could tell her if he remembered anything during the weekend. But there was one thing he thought was important that Morgan knew.

“ And he um- he would talk about you” Morgan looked at him with wide eyes. “ Not you specifically because you didn't exist yet. But he always used to tell me that he would love to have a baby with Pepper. He didn't want to make me feel bad so he always reminded me that he would always think of me as his kid. But he did talk a lot about his dream of having a kid, another kid. He told me he would be loving and caring. He would give hugs and cook breakfast. He would sit and listen for hours on end about anything that his child wanted to talk about and he would always give his shoulder to cry on.” A tear ran down Morgan’s cheek at that. Peter chuckled at a memory, she looked up at him curiously. “ He did say once Just imagine, Pete. A child with my brain and Pepper’s bossiness would just rule the world and I had laughed and told him that maybe she would come out with his snark and Pepper’s wit and he had stayed quiet for a minute then burst out laughing and had told me Sure, I would love them all the same.”

“And you are that, Morgan. I know you barely remember him but he was such a good dad. To me and to you. He loved you more than anything before he even met you and he would have done anything to be here now. And he is not, and that really really sucks. But we have each other. I have my memories of him that belong to you too now. So anything you want to know, anything you feel like asking, just ask. I’ll do my better to answer”.

“And what about you?” Morgan asked quietly, standing up and sitting next to him at the foot of her bed.

“What about me?” He asked curiously. Putting his arm around her shoulders.
“You said we have each other.” Morgan started quietly, like she was trying really hard to make a good point. “And you will share with me all your memories of him. But I don't have anything of his to give to you”.

Peter held her tightly, heard her sniffle and couldn't help but hold her at arms distance, to make sure she was looking him in the eye.

“Morgan you give me a little bit of Tony every second I spend with you.” She smiled and watched him with her big brown eyes. With Tony’s big brown eyes. “ Sometimes I look in your eyes and all I see is him. Or I turn around and you say something and I could swear it is Tony speaking. You have so much of him in you, there is no greater privilege for me than to get to stay by your side.”

Morgan hugged him tightly. And they stayed like that for a while. Peter was exhausted. He hadn't thought so much about Tony in a really long time. But it had been worth it.

“So, young lady, don’t you have a paper to write now that your research is done?” He asked breaking away from the hug. Trying to change the atmosphere of the room.
“Yeah, but I think I'm going to write it on Iron Man” She said with a glint in her eyes.

“Why’s that?” He asked softly, as he placed a strand of her hair behind her ear.

“I just think people deserve to know Iron Man, the legend. But I think I would rather we keep the dad behind the armor just between us”

And Peter could only smile as he felt his chest swell with pride. Pride for how much this little girl had grown. For how she already understood more about the world than he ever would. And proud to share a secret, a story and a father with someone as amazing as Morgan Stark.