Prologue
“Eir! You’re here!”
I was caught off guard by the calling. I put my drink down as a swallowed softly and raised my head to be able to see the person running on my mind for almost an hour.
“hi” I greeted shyly before I stand up to kiss their cheeks.
“Have you received the invitation?” he suddenly asked as I settled my eyes to the girl, she’s with.
“Yeah...” I paused then turn my head to him.
“Congratulations. So… what kind of wedding gift you want to receive?” I confidently said, hiding the sadness in every word I uttered.
“Nothing naman. Your mere presence is beyond okay, best friend.”
I smile and immediately look away. I let them sit first and compose myself. I drink the whiskey I was about to drink earlier. One shot!
“Why are here by the way? Aren’t you with someone?” he asked.
“ahm… no, I just came here to unwind a little”
“Oh, I see. If that’s so, can I please get my overdue coupon” he asked pertaining to the coupon I handed a year ago.
“Yeah sure… what song would you like me to sing?” still composing myself.
“I don’t know… surprise me.”
I nodded as I stood up and made my way to the stage. I talk to the band leader and borrow an acoustic guitar.
“Okay everyone! Can I have your attention please?” the band leader announced.
“We have a special guest tonight. TMI… She’s my celebrity crush. Hi pi!”
I chuckled as she waves her hand in front of me before I continue to fix the guitar strap on my shoulder.
“So, ayun. Sabi nya kung pwede daw kumanta sya for her friend over there. Where? Kaway naman po kayo dyan, pag hindi po kayo kumaway hindi ko po sya pakakantahin… chariz!”
I softly smile as I spotted them in the crowd waving their hand while smiling widely at me.
“Miss ma’am, what do you want to sing?” she suddenly asked.
“Can I sing an impromptu?”
She was a little shocked when I said it but immediately smile and nodded. I stood in front of the mic and start strumming the guitar.
“You make me feel like,
I’ll be overdose.
In this love I have for you.
Can’t keep up now, oh no!
I’ll just pray I’ll be in rehab,
When my morning came”
As I finish the first part, an electric guitar awkwardly enters while I continue strumming my guitar, alongside with the soft beat of drum, whispery pic of the bass and softly breath of piano. I look the band leader I talked to earlier, she’s the one strumming the guitar.
I smile as I continue the next part.
“I got drunk every day,
Trying to forget the us in every memory.
Baby, please don’t blame me.
I’m just weak when it comes to you.”
I look to where they settled. Our eyes locked or a second as I first to look away.
“I’m sorry I get tired.
For trying to be worth it to you.
Can you please spare me,
Gave me medicine to calm myself…
Any type I accepts, I’ll done it in heartbeat.”
I smile and close my eyes before I hit chorus.
“You make me feel like,
I’ll be overdose.
In this love I have for you.
Can’t keep up now, oh no!
I’ll just pray I’ll be in rehab,
When my morning came…
Oh, I’ll be overdose, I know I know.”
I continue to close my eyes. I feel a lone of tear coming out on my eyes.
“I’m on my rock bottom,
Pick me up like before.
I’m down so low, high medicine I need more.
I need to be sane yet so numb.
Before I tear myself apart”
“You make me feel like,
I’ll be overdose.
In this love I have for you.
Can’t keep up now, oh no!
I’ll just pray I’ll be in rehab,
When my morning came…
Oh, I’ll be overdose, I know I know.”
I stop strumming the guitar, but the electric continues. I smile as I here the crying sound of the guitar. I feel like it’s covering the pain that I have right now. Feels like it was the one crying for me.
“I’m done hiding,
No more excuse I’ll be truthful.
I’m overdose… I know I know.
I’ll be in flatline when I don’t let go.”
I finished the song with the loud clap filling my ear. As I open my eyes, I was greeted by the pair of eyes I always long to see. I saw the tears escape her but immediately wash it out.
I sighed as I put down the guitar. I look on side to see the band leader who’s now looking at me. Her smile makes me a little calm.
I nod my head and get back on my seat. I one shot the drink that I left earlier.
“That was… amazing.” He said, whispering the last word.
“I’ll just go to the restroom.” He said excusing himself. I just smiled and nodded my head.
After he left, I awkwardly glance at the woman in front of me. Her eyes are a little red along with her nose… a sign of after cry.
I smile again, but I know the smile that I gave didn’t reach my eyes like before.
“How’s the wedding preparation?” I asked while sipping my third glass for tonight.
She didn’t respond, so I settle for an awkward atmosphere. I want to open some conversation, and I did. With the help of another one shot.
“Tell me, why did we end up this way again?” I asked confidently. I think it was the whiskey kicking in.
“I was just simply asking… but it’s okay if don’t wanna talk.” I shrugged and one shot my drink again then pour out another on my glass.
“I’m sorry…” that’s the first.
I nodded, as I look to her. I close my eyes to compose myself.
“I just have one question, before I end this up” I said without even stuttering.
Heavy feeling coming over me. And I want to settle this and end this now.
“If I become strong enough…, will you bet?”
Another tears escape her eyes as she nod. I washed my hand over my face.
I sighed as I look at her. I reached for her face and wipe her tears.
“I… I loved you-.”
‘loved’, a past tense.
I shush her and let go of her face. I look at her intently as I rebuke my tears to come out from my stupid eyes.
“Even if I can’t have you, I’m still happy.” I said tears streaming down my eyes. ‘stupid’
I know this is the final goodbye. No more “hi” and even “see you.” It’s truly the end, and I’m ready… ready to be free from the unrequited love of yesterday. I smile bitterly for the last time.
I hope she’ll be happy.
“At least, I know I almost did.” I whispered over the breakdown coming inside me.
I stood up, gave her one last look before I left the place.
Why do I need to suffer this much? All I wanted was to be loved. I’m tired and exhausted, this world demands a lot from me. I can’t keep up.