Soulmates

He froze for a moment, his mouth inches from hers, and he slowly pulled back, so slowly that she’d barely noticed he’d moved at all until his eyes were trained on hers, searching silently.

For years they’d been able to communicate with a simple look. A quirk of an eyebrow, bat of an eyelash, widening of a pupil, or a twitch of a nose would tell the other everything they needed to know. A slight smirk, a head tilted a certain way, or a quick hand signal were less than subtle cues in a situation made desperate. Somehow between life and death and life again, some of that had been second guessed, and Clint wasn’t quite sure how to get back on track yet without her specifically telling him what she was thinking.

“What do you mean?” He asked, knowing she could detect the slight flutter of his heart and trying to keep his voice steady.

She gazed back at him, her eyes just as wide as his as she studied his face in the glow from the tv in the darkness and he knew she was weighing her words before she spoke. “I know you want to have sex,” she said quietly, with more emotion than she’d obviously intended.

He breathed out audibly and set his mouth in a line, his gaze unwavering from hers. “And I know you’re not ready,” he said simply.

She nodded, though he still wasn’t sure if she was satisfied with that answer.

“Nat?”

“I don’t know how to do this with you,” she whispered shakily, hands fidgeting with the edges of her sleeves and eyes slipping lower. “My whole life…. I was never allowed to want anything.”

He kept still, brows furrowed and eyes still on her face as he waited for her continue.

“And then one day, I did want something,” she added, her voice catching. “Only, I still wasn’t allowed to have it.”

She squeezed her eyes shut, a few tears still managed to seep through.

He swallowed hard against the emotion in his throat, leaned his forehead against hers, his hands reaching into her lap to cover both of hers.

“And now I just wake up, and everyone’s telling me I can have it now. Like suddenly it’s mine.”

“It was always yours,” he whispered.

She opened her eyes. “I can still feel you inside me,” she whispered back. “And it makes me want to lose control.”

“Then I stay in control. That’s how this works, right? We always balance each other. Just like always.”

“It makes me want you to lose control too,” she said, her voice shaking.

“Nat…”

She leaned back, breaking the contact between their faces, although her hands were still clutching his. “Sex has always been a weapon to me,” She said. “First used against me until I learned how to use it against someone else.”

“I’m very well aware of that, Tasha. But this is us. You and me.” He pulled his hands out of hers, slid them up her arms and shoulders until he was cupping her face. “Look at me. I’m only going to say this once, because you already know it.”

She turned her eyes back to his, her gaze steady.

“There is not a situation in any time, space or universe, either that we created or otherwise, that I would ever do anything that makes you uncomfortable. It’s us. You and me.”

“I know that, Clint, I didn’t mean---“

“You and me,” he whispered.

“You and me,” she whispered back.

He took her hands again, raising one up to his face and kissing her knuckles, then switching to kiss her other hand. “This is all I need, right here. Just you.”

She leaned into him, curling into his chest as he wrapped his arms around her.

“I know it’s weird coming back,” he murmured. “Tell me how to help you.”

“Just hold me,” she whispered. “Hold me so I know this is real.”

“Yeah.” He nodded, squeezing her tight against him, his hands stroking the ends of her hair. “Yeah, I can do that.”

She sighed into him, securing her arms around his chest and listening to his heart beat, her chin resting on her own shoulder at she peered at the tv over his arm. “We’re going to have to start the movie over,” she said.

XXXXX

Her eyelids slowly fluttered open and she lifted her head, her eyes sweeping over her surroundings. The sun was shining bright enough through the window to flood the whole room with light, and she could tell it was morning. For a moment, she was confused by the unfamiliar space, but then she remembered as she slowly sat up.

She was at Clint’s apartment, on his couch. The tv had been turned off and a warm fleece blanket draped over her.

The scent of coffee and bacon greeted her senses.

“Good morning, sunshine,” he called from the kitchen.

“Hey.” She lowered her feet to the floor, lifted herself up and padded barefoot over to him.

“Have a seat,” he said, grabbing the frying pan off the stove and spooning an equal amount of scrambled eggs onto the two plates he’d set at the table.

She sat where he’d indicated. “Thanks,” she mumbled. “Sorry I fell asleep.”

He shrugged. “I was going to give you the bed, but I didn’t want to wake you. Hope the couch wasn’t too uncomfortable.”

She shook her head. “No, it was perfectly fine. I slept through the whole night.”

“Good. You needed it.”

They ate in silence for few moments, and she thought inwardly that his breakfast skills had improved considerably from what she remembered. It must have been a side effect from living alone and having to fend for himself now.

“So, I have the kids for the weekend,” he started slowly, his hand going to the back of his neck. “Gotta pick them up tomorrow and bring them to the tower. Then taking them home on Sunday.”

“Why aren’t you just bringing them here?” She asked, eyebrows wrinkled.

“I don’t know. Guess Laura thinks it’s better for them to know me as an Avenger than a bachelor. Or at least wait until I know if I’m staying here or not.”

“Oh.” She lowered her eyes, stabbing her fork into a piece of bacon.

“What are your plans for the weekend? Do you want to come hang out at the tower?”

She paused, chewing carefully. “I haven’t really thought about it. I guess I should check out my apartment.”

“Okay. Want me to take you there today? Maybe you could stop by the tower at some point, even if it’s just to say hi.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’ll definitely do that.” She smiled, grateful that he hadn't asked her to come with him to the farm. “Actually, it’d be really nice to see them for more than a minute."

He smiled back. “Okay. Cool.”