Soulmates

The list of things Natasha wasn’t used to had been growing. She wasn’t used to Tony being gone. She wasn’t used to Steve’s physical appearance showing his age. She wasn’t used to Clint’s new family dynamic. She wasn’t used to having a steady stream of superheroes coming and going from the tower. Come to think of it, she wasn’t used to their headquarters being at the tower and not the complex. And she definitely wasn’t used to Clint’s car being parked in a parking garage.

But as she sat in the passenger seat listening to Gym Class Heroes on the cd player, another thing that Cooper had left behind, the streets leading to her apartment started to become familiar and the deli where she’d gone many times to get a fast wrap for dinner was still standing.

Clint was drumming his fingers absently against the steering wheel, but she knew he was just as on edge as she was, and she knew that it was because she was on edge.

Technically, she hadn’t been in her own apartment in over a year, and really she’d spent most of her time at the compound during the five years before that, and the two years before that in and out of hiding with Steve.

Her heart beat a little faster and something fluttered in her stomach as they turned the corner onto her street and Clint parked in the narrow driveway next to her door.

“Do you want to come inside?” She asked, hoping she didn’t sound too hopeful.

“Sure.” He turned off the engine and stepped out of the car, placing a hand at the small of her back once he’d walked around to her side. “Want me to check out the back half, while you get the front?”

She managed a small, but grateful smile as she fumbled with her keys for a moment.

It didn’t look that different on the surface. Her wine colored curtains were drawn, windows closed and the few knickknacks she had still standing on the sill. A framed photo of Clint’s kids sat on the single end table, next to the wooden penguin Yelena had sent her on the last Christmas before the snap.

The small, elegant chandelier hung from the same length above her kitchen table. A triangle of light shone on the floor in the hall from the open door to the bathroom.

Her eyes swept over every corner, peered into every shadow.

It was safe to assume that none of her belongings were out of place, and her heart tugged at the realization that her space had been cleaned recently.

“Bedroom and laundry room are all clear,” Clint said confidently as he came into the living room from the hall.

She nodded silently, feeling almost near tears.

He stepped up beside her, put his hand on the back of her neck and bent to kiss her on top of her head. “It’s okay.”

She smiled, blinking back her tears as she looked up at him. “Do you want to stay for awhile, maybe get some takeout?”

“Yeah.” He pulled his phone out of his pocket. “Usual place?”

“Okay.”

He called in their order, confirming that they’d be there in fifteen minutes to pick it up as he knew full well that she never had anything delivered to her home address.

She watched him while he was on the phone, idly removing the gun from her hip and the dagger strapped to her calf and setting them down on the table.

He hung up, silently placing his revolver and a couple of knives next to her weapons and she grinned.

“Why don’t you get settled, and I’ll go get the food?” he asked.

“Um, okay…” she needed to take a shower anyway.

He disappeared out the front door, the lock clicking in place to confirm his exit and her heart pounded in her ears as she made her way to her bedroom, searching through her closet for some clothes.

She selected a camisole tank and well worn pair of pajama pants and laid them on the bed before meticulously going through her bag of toiletries on the vanity.

She locked the door to the bathroom and showered quickly, massaging her coconut scented shampoo through her hair and washing her shaking body in record time. Then she pushed a towel through her hair, electing to pile the damp locks on top of her head in a loose bun rather than turn on the hair dryer and compromise her ability to hear Clint’s return.

She dressed just as quickly, sucking in a breath when she heard the doorknob in the other room turn, then breathing out slowly when she recognized the footsteps that entered her place.

“They gave me an extra vegetable roll,” he called from the living room. “If you want it, it’s yours.”

She walked the short distance from the hall to the room, taking her usual place on the floor as Clint set everything up on the coffee table. They’d never bothered with silverware, eating straight from the takeout containers and stretching their arms to poke their plastic forks into the other’s carton whenever they wanted to share.

Clint grabbed the remote and clicked on the news, a usual habit of his that she never protested as she knew he often needed background noise. It was too quiet for him when he was away from his family.

“Nathaniel sent me a text. Says he can’t wait to see you this weekend,” he said, holding up his phone and showing it to her.

“Since when does Nate know how to text?”

“He’s five and a half. With two teenage older siblings.”

“Oh, right.”

They ate the rest of their meal in silence and Natasha rose to take the mess to the kitchen.

He was lounging comfortably on her sofa when she returned, having changed the channel to a sitcom and she sat down next to him carefully, pushing her shoulder up against his.

He made a move to put his arm around her. “It’s getting kind of late. I should probably get going.”

She turned to look at him. “Can you- can you stay here tonight?” She asked softly.

He faced her, his eyes questioning.

“It’s a little strange. Being back here.”

He nodded. “Yeah, I can stay.”

“Okay. I think you probably have some pjs in one of my drawers still.”

“Okay.”

He followed her to her bedroom when she got up to check, watching her closely.

She tossed a pair of cotton pants and a tank at him and he caught it easily.

“Where do you want me? On the couch?” It wouldn’t be the first time he’d camped out on her sofa.

She moved to the bed, pulling back the covers. “You know the bed’s big enough for both of us.”

He nodded. “Yeah, I do.” It wouldn’t be the first time he’d slept in her bed either. “Okay. Just let me get changed real quick.”

She crawled between the sheets, pulling the lamp cord next to her bed and sending the room into partial darkness, with light from the moon and the security lights outside the window behind her seeping in.

Clint returned a moment later, dressed in the pants and muscular tattoo arm baring tank she’d given him.

She felt the dip in the mattress from his weight as he climbed into bed beside her, waiting for him to get settled under the covers before she turned into him. “Thank you,” she breathed into him.

“Don’t mention it.” His arm curled around her, fingers drawing small circles on her back. “Tasha?”

“Hmmm?”

“You feeling okay?”

“Yeah. I just… feel safer with you.”

He let out a breath. “Okay,” he whispered, tilting his face down to rest his cheek on her head. “That’s… that’s good. That’s okay.”

“Maybe I will just stay in my room at the tower again this weekend.”

“That’d be great,” he murmured sleepily.

“Clint?”

“Mmmmm?”

“I love you.”

“Love you too, sweetheart.”

She smiled as she settled into his sleepy embrace.

XXXXX

His body twitched and she jolted awake as he grunted in his sleep.

“No… no, please, no…”

“Clint?” She propped herself up on her elbow, reaching her other hand to touch his shoulder gently.

He was tossing and turning, beads of sweat glistening on his forehead and she recognized all the signs that he was in distress as he murmured fretfully in his sleep. She was well versed in when to wake him and when not to when he had a nightmare, and she made an easy decision.

“Clint, wake up,” she whispered, shaking him gently, but firmly and bracing herself in case he was aggressive when he woke up. “Baby, you’re having a nightmare.”

“Please, no…”

“It’s okay, Clint. You’re safe.” She shook more firmly. “Clint, wake up.”

His eyes shot open and he was breathing was fast and heavy as he tried to sit up. “Nat?”

“It’s okay,” she repeated softly, holding his face firmly in both hands. “Look at me.”

His eyes focused on hers as he caught his breath. “Tasha,” he whispered.

“You’re okay, Clint,” she said, trailing a hand down to his chest. “I’m with you.”

He clutched at her hand, still holding on once his breathing became more normal.

“Where were you just now?” She asked, concern etched on her face.

“Vormir.”

Her eyes widened. “Really?”

His eyes met hers, wide and vulnerable. “Every night.”

“It’s okay,” she whispered.

“Yeah, that’s what you said.” His head ducked down into her shoulder and he buried his face in her neck. “That’s what you said. But it wasn’t okay.”

He sobbed into her and her arms came fiercely around him, holding him tight.

“It wasn’t okay,” he cried. “I couldn’t save you, and it wasn’t okay.”

“I know,” she whispered, rocking him back and forth as she clutched him tight, his tears soaking the bare skin around her shoulders. “But it’s okay now. We’re together now.”

“I need you. God, I need you.”

“I need you too,” she said, her own tears falling down her face. She cradled him in her arms, one arm wrapped tightly around his lower back, the other around his upper back, her hand buried in the hair at the back of his head as she placed soft kisses on his face and neck.

“I tried. I tried to save you.”

“You did save me,” she said softly. “I know the team came together and created the health stone, but you saved me. You didn’t give up, and you got the others to believe and you came for me and put your soul in me.” She swallowed hard past a lump in her throat, pulling his hand to her chest so he could feel her heartbeat.

“It’s you,” she whispered. “It was all you, I know that. And I’m so grateful for it, because I—I don’t know how to go on without you either.”

“Don’t- don’t leave me. Don’t you ever leave me ever again, you hear me?”

“I won’t.” Her heart pounded under his palm, the notion that her chest was all but bare in the low cut tank clearly present in both their minds.

His thumb slowly caressed over the slope of her breast before meeting the edge of the tank top, causing goosebumps to appear over her flesh and sending her body on fire.

“Clint,” she whispered.

“We should probably get back to sleep,” he said, his voice slightly hoarse.

“Uh, yeah.” She nodded. “Good idea.”