Get Over Yourself
"Please, Steve, explain to me again what happened."
"I was walkin' home - on my way home from dropping off a few sketches for Mrs. Brown down the street. She lives all the way on the top floor of her apartment building. Those stairs had me wheezing and by the time I got up there -"
"You can skip this part, Stevie, I want the good part. The part where you provoked four guys who were taller than me into a fight."
"Oh, that." Steve looked dangerously close to falling over the edge and crying into Bucky's shoulder. "Almost forgot, on my way home I saw a few guys standing in the mouth of the alley. Looked like trouble, I didn't want it to be someone else that got hurt... and they weren't taller than you."
Bucky almost mocked Steve for being such a good person, something along the lines of how heroic of you but that would have cut too deep. Steve was such a good person and who was Bucky to hold that against him? But Bucky knew that the "I didn't want someone else to get hurt" bullshit was an excuse. Maybe Steve did really think that and he was a self sacrificial idiot, so he probably did. But Bucky knew, there was something deeper to this. There was no reason for Steve to go up to those guys and make them so angry that they beat him into a hospital trip. No way for Steve to know that they would hurt anyone. They were just standing there. No, there was more to this and Bucky was going to pry until he figured it out.
Bucky kept pushing and pushing, asking hard questions and giving Steve no choice but to answer.
"Don't you worry so much about it. It's over now, my injuries will heal and I'll be fine."
"You'll be fine for 'bout a day before you go diving face first into another fight. What if it wasn't me that found you in that alley? What if it was a stranger? They could've had their way with you, taken you, anything they wanted. Those guys could have come back for another round or - or you could have spent the night out there, it's cold as fuck out there, what if you didn't make it through the night?" Bucky was going to talk more but Steve was fighting back tears, looking hard at the ceiling from where he laid in bed.
"Buck, please, stop it. I'm sorry."
"You actually mean it this time?"
He wiped quickly at a tear the slid down his face, rolling down to near his ear because he was laying on his back.
"A little. I'm sorry I made you worry like that over me."
"I know." Bucky said softly, Steve rolled over to face him - and hid his wince pretty well - and reached his arms out.
"I don't want you to have to worry over me like that." Steve's voice was small, obviously guilty. "I'm sorry I got into a fight in purpose but - I - I - Bucky ." He said, dangerously close to crying. Bucky grabbed his arms and scooted him to one side of the bed, then slipped in next to him and pulled him close. "Please, Buck, I'm sorry."
"Please what?"
Steve choked a noise out that Bucky was sure had been a sob. Steve wanted something but Bucky didn't know what and it didn't seem like Steve was going to answer.
Bucky pet a hand through Steve's hair, and Steve only hid his face deeper in Bucky's neck. Bucky felt tears wet his skin and shirt where Steve's face was.
Steve didn't know what to do. He was completely lost in his head, didn't know which way was up or down, only that Bucky was in front of him. With Bucky right here, holding him as he just fell apart, he wasn't sure how he held himself together without Bucky's arms around him.
"Stevie, why are you crying?"
Steve shook his head, " 'M not."
"Look at me then."
"No."
"Really, you're choosing now to be pouty?"
Steve just whined and Bucky held him tighter.
"Why don't you tell me what you wanted?" Bucky had his suspensions but didn't want to acknowledge them. Maybe if Steve did it, it would be easier. They would still have to have a talk if Steve said what Bucky though he would.
"I want for you to leave me alone."
Bucky shifted back a bit, and Steve squeaked and clung to him.
"I thought you wanted me to leave you alone."
"I do." Still pouty, it was kind of funny.
"Then let me up."
"No."
"No?"
"Uh-uh."
"Then tell me the truth."
"I don't - truth about what?" Steve said into Bucky's shirt, hoping that playing dumb would make Bucky say nevermind. It didn't work, Bucky's hands wrapped around his arms, pushing him as far away as their bed would allow. Steve whined again, trying to hide his tear stained cheeks and red eyes back in Bucky's embrace. Now that it was gone, he was open and vulnerable. He squirmed in Bucky's hold.
Bucky was putting on a good act of cool easy control, but Steve knew it was just an act. Bucky's cheeks were pale and his eyes were worried. Worried about what Steve would ask, worried about what he would do. He told himself he would not spank Steve again, not having believed him after he said the "I'm still sore" was an excuse. Steve had refused to tell him an excuse for what, Bucky knew that meant he was lying.
Bucky had tried to work up the nerve to start a conversation with him about what had happened. Everytime he would chicken out. Telling himself that it wasn't the right time or were the right circumstances. He knew right now would be as close to the right time to have this conversation, especially since it was half way started. Only one of them needed to push a bit.
"What did you want?"
"Nothin'."
"Liar."
"I - I -"
"Just tell me, Steve, you're worrin' me. What is it?" That one was low, Bucky knew exactly what was going on. He guesses he it did make him worried. The guilt card always worked with Steve.
"I wanted - I was gonna ask -" Steve had tears overflowing from his eyes already and Bucky knew he was going to asked to be spanked again. He wasn't sure how to tell him no without making all this build up be for nothing. He would give Steve something, he just couldn't spank him again and run the risk of hurting him.
Steve blinked a few times and went back into the safety of Bucky's embrace. "I want you to take me over your knee again, make everything feel better."
Yep. Exactly what Bucky had thought. "I can't, Stevie, after last time with you still hurt after so long and with the way -"
"I wasn't hurt," Steve's voice begged Bucky to believe him.
"You said you were."
"I told you I was lying."
"To cover what then, Steve, 'cause to me that's a bunch of bullshit. You said you were hurt then you all of the sudden weren't because -"
"I wanted to ask you to do it again." Steve cut him off, sounding extremely irritated and angry.
"Do what?"
"I - you -" Steve cut himself off with a frustrated noise. He ripped himself away from Bucky's hold and rolled over, suddenly. He let out a pissed off sound, hiding his face in his arms.
"Hey," Bucky barked out, making Steve curl in on himself. "What's your problem?" Bucky roughly grabbed Steve by the shoulder and rolled him over. "Don't get all pissy with me over something you said." Bucky said, grabbing his face in one hand and bring his face close.
Steve's face was pink, not from crying anymore. He was irritated.
"I was anxious and... I didn't know what to do. I wanted you to take me over your knee again."
"You -"
"When you asked me why I was pacing, I wanted to ask you to do it again. I panicked."
"Panicked?"
"I didn't want to ask you."
"Why not?" Bucky said, letting go of Steve's face because his tone had changed, more relaxed.
"Embarrassed, I guess." His voice was sweet and he looked at Bucky.
"You are something else. Stevie, you gotta get over yourself. I've known you for way too long for you to be embarrassed like that."
"I know but -"
"Nope. No, just shut up."
"Alright."
"So I didn't hurt you?"
Steve shook his head, reaching over and touching Bucky's hand. Bucky held with a loose grip back, fingers laced with Steve's and looked at the ceiling too. It was easier than seeing the shame he could hear in Steve's voice all over his face.
"Are you still embarrassed?"
He saw Steve's head tip up in a nod out of the corner of his eye.
"Don't be."
Steve just shrugged, he felt like talking would ruin it. He would say something wrong again and fuck it up worse.
" 'Cause you pissed me off so much the other day I wanted to give you a good smackin' and teach you a lesson." Bucky explained because he had mind reading powers. Had know exactly what Steve was asking from just a shrug.
Steve rolled over to his side, let out a short breath of pain as he shifted. He curled into Bucky's side, gently touching his cheek.
"Yeah," Bucky laughed, cheeks flushing even darker than when he admitted that he did want to spank Steve the other day. "I know. I just told you to get over yourself and I'm here all red in the face too."
Steve just shook his head, then kissed Bucky's cheek. And yep, Bucky's face couldn't get anymore red.
"The fights you started... were you..."
Steve's turn to blush again, he squirmed in his spot and tightened a his fingers around Bucky's.
"I um, I wanna apologize for those. They um... I kept starting those so I would get in trouble again."
"So you didn't have to ask?"
"Yeah, but they just ended up making you upset."
"Let me get this straight, you purposely got yourself seriously injured because you couldn't get over your embarrassment of fucking asking for something you needed?"
"Yes, yeah, I'm sorry." He hurriedly said, trying to hide his face but Bucky squeezed his hand, a silent tell for him not to move.
"You'll be sorry." He assured. "Later though, I'm not going to do anything when your this hurt."
"Okay," Steve said, staring up at the ceiling