Things Don't Always Go According to Plan

He could tell from the first time that he took Steve over his knee that this was a big emotional thing for him. Steve was never really good at expressing what he felt, always bottling up and then having it explode in his face. It was never good, Bucky hoped that this would help.

Steve was cuddled close to him a lot more now. Whenever they sat in the couch, Steve would end up sitting halfway in his lap. Steve had already been cuddly when they slept, the first time they shared the bed, they woke up tangled in each other. Bucky remembers how hard it had been to find the effort to get out of bed that morning.

"You okay?" Bucky asked when Steve shifted restlessly, trying to reposition himself so he was closer to Bucky again.

Steve nodded, "Yeah."

"You've been real cuddly lately."

Steve flushed red, shifting his legs away from where they touched Bucky's, "I'm sorry, I didn't realize."

Bucky was quick to put a hand on Steve's thigh, holding it in place. "I didn't say I minded, did I?"

Steve shook his head and relaxed again when Bucky set his book down and wrapped one of his arms around Steve's small shoulders. Bucky set his book down and used both arms to pull Steve in his lap, letting the homework Steve had been doing fall to the floor.

Steve was sitting with his back against Bucky's chest and Bucky's chin on his shoulder. "What's wrong?"

"Nothin', I didn't even know I was bein' like that. I'm sorry." Steve felt so open sitting in Bucky's lap like that but also protected with Bucky holding him.

"How are you're injuries."

"It's been almost three weeks, they're fine."

"Yeah?"

Steve nodded, leaning into Bucky's chest.

"Good, good." Bucky said as if considering something. "You still feel bad 'bout everything?"

Steve was squirming, he didn't know where he was trying to go but he was definitely squirming. "Yes," he said once he figured out Bucky wasn't going to let him up.

"That's what I thought. Get up." Bucky said, letting his arms go loose around Steve and nudging him a little. Steve stood, stepping one step back from Bucky, who was sitting up straight instead of leaned back into couch. "You feel guilty, don'tcha?"

Steve shifted where he stood before he nodded, "How do you -"

"You get this look in your eyes." Bucky explained.

"Oh.."

"Yeah, not as good at hiding things as you think, huh, Punk?"

"Guess not, not from you."

Bucky smiled at him, it was only for a short memory before: "So, what are you so guilty about?"

"Oh - just - you know, fighting. And uh, worryin' you."

"Um, um." Bucky teased, and Steve knew Bucky was telling him he was bad at lying.

He blushed, "I hate you."

"That is really your fault. You're not good at lying."

"I do feel guilty about fightin'," Steve defended.

"Okay, but you're coverin' up the whole truth."

Steve didn't say anything, and once Bucky realized he wasn't going to answer, he started to pull at his belt buckle.

Steve eyes widened as he watched Bucky unloop his belt and fold it over once in his hand. "The hair brush didn't seem to work last time," was the only explanation Steve got before Bucky was grabbing him by the belt loops. Steve almost tripped over his own feet when Bucky was pulling him forward. Bucky pulled the suspenders off Steve's shoulder and unbuttoned his pants.

Steve looked up at the ceiling and blushed when Bucky pulled in pants and underwear down in one tug. Last time Bucky hadn't seen anything other than Steve's backside, he'd taken Steve's pants off when he was already over his lap. Now, he was exposed right in front of Bucky. However, Bucky didn't seem to be all that concerned about Steve's naked lower half and wasn't really looking because less than a second after his pants pooled around his ankles he was pulled over Bucky's knee.

He was laying different than the first time. The first time his chest had been rested on one of Bucky's knees and his hips had been rested on him the other. This time his torso was on the couch, his side pressed against Bucky's hip and his legs were already being held in place between Bucky's. One of Bucky's arms held tight around Steve's waist to keep him in place and Steve realized that he wouldn't be able to reach his arm back to try and cover his bottom. Not that he had been able to do that this first time, when he had tried it, Bucky had just pinned his arm to his back.

"So, Punk," Bucky started and Steve nodded at him even though he wouldn't be able to see. "Why would you start fights like that just to get in trouble, that's dumb. I mean I know why you did it, you already told me but why?"

"I was tellin' you the other day, I had a plan. It was stupid."

"Yeah. Yeah, real stupid," Bucky agreed. "What was your plan?"

Steve shook his head, too ashamed about it to explain. "I'm sorry."

"You will be if you don't answer."

Steve stayed silent.

"Okay, guess we're starting then." Bucky said more to himself than Steve but Steve still whimpered softly.

The first smack from the worn leather belt had Steve trying to jerk his legs back to protect his ass. "Keep still," Bucky warned, another smack crossing over the other.

Steve took up to thirteen before he gasped out, "My plan," Bucky landed one more hit before he let Steve talk. "It was for this. After I told you I was still hurt I knew that you would tell me no if I asked again."

"I probably woulda," Bucky agreed, gently stroking a hand of apology over the marks crossing over each other and overlapping. Bucky had already known he wouldn't be able to hit Steve as much with the belt as he would have been able to with the hairbrush. Still, the belt had seemed like a better option than the hairbrush. It hurt more and got the answers out of Steve quicker.

"I mean, I still should have asked before I went along and hurt both of us." Bucky blinked a few times, he hadn't expected an admission from Steve like that. He didn't say anything to it though, just kept soothing a hand over the marks. "But - but I was too embarrassed, you know? I'm real sorry."

"You never really told me what your plan was exactly."

"I wanted to see if you would still spank me." Steve said, hiding his face in Bucky's side. "It was dumb, I started as many fights as I could - sometimes two or three in one day."

"What?"

"Yes, I'm sorry." Apparently Bucky hadn't known about that part, he probably got himself into more trouble. Whoops.

"I tried to make you mad again, like the day you first did it. It didn't work."

"So you thought if you got me mad enough I would spank you again?"

"It just made you upset."

"I didn't want you hurt like that."

"I know."

"The only reason I have you over my knee again is to keep you safe from yourself. You coulda got died Steve, I had to take you to the hospital. What's it gonna take for you to realize that gettin' into fights isn't the answer for everything?"

Steve squirmed, his ass already throbbing, when Bucky laid the belt against his bottom again.

"What do you think, five for that terrible plan, five for purposely getting into fights and five for getting into more than one a day?"

That question had only one right answer. "Yes."

Steve had already taken fourteen earlier and now he was one smack away from thirty. His breathing was hard and he was squirming by the time Bucky had finished that set.

"I don't ever what you to fight like that to get in trouble again, you hear me?"

"I won't, I won't, I won't, I'm sorry, Buck," Steve begged, tears falling freely down his face, even if he wasn't sobbing, Bucky could tell.

"It's okay, Stevie."

"I upset you."

"I'm not anymore." Bucky assured, rubbing a hand over the forming welts. "It's okay."

"I wanna know the other reason you started those fights."

"There was not other reason." Steve said before Bucky finished talking.

The smack was unexpected on Steve's part, he jerked in Bucky's hold and yelped. Then his face was pressing into Bucky's side and he was struggling against where Bucky had his legs trapped.

"I wanted to feel something other than guilt." Steve said on the thirty-seventh smack, "I'm sorry. I know it sounds bad but -" he sobbed and shook his head.

"But what?" After a long stretch if silence Bucky added four more smacks.

"But I felt - I dunno, numb I guess. I didn't know what to do about it."

"Keep goin', what were you guilty about?" Bucky said, starting to rub over the welts again. Steve only sobbed harder.

"My ma and you." Bucky prompted him on with a light tap on the bottom, "Everything's kinda all my fault."

"It isn't but keep going."

"It is." Steve insisted.

"Do you think it's a good idea to argue with me when you're over my knee?"

"No."

"Everything's not your fault."

"Okay." Steve didn't believe it but still said it.

"Why do you think everything is your fault?"

"She died because of me." He muttered barely audible into Bucky's side.

"How?"

"We couldn't afford treatment for her because we were poor."

"We are in living in the depression, Steve, I don't know if you remember but everyone is poor."

"I know but she was still saving money for my medications when she started getting sick. I should have tried to push through it, maybe she would still be here." Steve hiccups and sobs more.

Bucky set the belt off to the floor, then was picking Steve up into a hug, Steve kept his face hidden in Bucky's neck. "Woulda, shoulda, coulda, Stevie."

"I know."

"Do you?"

"I know what your saying but it's hard not to feel guilty."

"I know, but as I said before there was no way your mom was going to let you die right along with her. Parents shouldn't outlive their kids, Steve."

"I know, but she was healthy and had a long life ahead of her and I'm not even supposed to live until thirty."

"She would want you to live out everyday until then happy, you know that, Steve. Would your mom really want you to be guilty like this so long after?"

Steve shrugged. "I think now she is realizing that she wasted her life with me."

"Steve -"

"I'm serious, Bucky. She was always taking care of me and wasting so much money on me. She could have been happier if I wasn't born sick or -"

"Steve, you need to tell me if you are feeling like this. You understand?"

Steve shrugged.

"Tell me you understand right now or I'm gonna pick my belt up off the floor again and you're gonna be right back over my knee."

"I'm fine with it most of the time, Buck, really."

"You say one thing and then another, Stevie." Bucky said, laying Steve back in the same position over his lap as before. He easily pinned Steve down, despite his squirming. "First you want me to do this so you don't feel guilt but then you said you're fine - which I know is a bunch of bullshit."

Then he reached over Steve's body to the floor. He smacked without saying anything for a while, he brought the belt down until Steve was fully struggling and trying to kick his feet. Until Steve was sobbing and twisting away and apologizing. "Buck, please, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'll tell you if I'm feeling like that again. Please -"

"You sure?" The belt whipped down one more time right over the back of Steve's thighs.

"Yes. Yes, I won't lie or hide it. I'll tell you."

"I don't want you to be hurting like that." Bucky said carefully.

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay, we're done now. You aren't I. trouble anymore."

Steve nodded and sobbed more, curling in on himself when Bucky picked him up a second time. Steve's sat in Bucky's lap, pants still twisted around his ankles and bottom throbbing. He cried into Bucky's neck and fisted his hands into Bucky's shirt.

They both were quiet for a long time, Steve's cries turned into soft sniffles. Soon enough the soft sounds of their breathing was the only noise in the room.

"Go to sleep, Steve."

"I'm not tired,"  he said, trying to stifle a yawn.

"Um, um." Bucky teased.

"You're never gonna let that go, huh?"

"Nope, it was funny."

"Not that funny."

"I thought it was, now go to sleep."