Thirty-Seven Minutes
Steve got fidgety. He found himself kicking his foot against the leg of their old wooden table, found his fingers messing with the tails of his shirt or pulling at the clingy fabric of his pants that were almost too small but new ones couldn't be afforded. Then it became a bigger thing, he would get up and start pacing for no reason, sometimes he would walk around the house just to contain that jump feeling in his muscles - he was itching to go and fight. One time Bucky asked him what he was doing, and Steve wasn't able to think of a lie other than "my ass is still sore" and he knew that was a bad one. He regretted telling Bucky he was still sore over a spanking that happened almost a month ago, because the way Bucky's face had paled and he took a small step away from Steve as if that would stop Steve from hurting - god he was dumb.
"Gee, Steve, 'm sorry... maybe I shouldn't have... or I went to far." Steve took a second to wonder if that was what he looked like when he was full of self pity and guilt. "We gotta talk about this... I - I won't spank you again but we still gotta -"
Steve - who had been standing there like an idiot this whole time - found his voice. "No," Steve all but yelled, causing Bucky's eye brows to shoot up and eyes to look over at him, before he sorted his thoughts.
"No, Steve, we do gotta talk about it. If you're still sore than I hurt you. Really hurt you, and I know you don't want to or you're embarrassed, but this was my fault. I promise I won't do it again -"
"Not no to that... just - I meant more like no to your guilt. I'm not really sore. It was a dumb excuse - I'm sorry."
"So you're okay?"
"Yes, yes, fine. Just a lot of energy, I guess."
Bucky looked him up and down, Steve felt so stupid. Maybe Bucky was right, he didn't think.
Bucky's fingers touched Steve's hips, as if he expected Steve to flinch away. He didn't. He wasn't hurt, just very very dumb. If anything, he leaned into the touch.
Steve wrapped his arms around Bucky's neck, pulling the taller down and closer in a hug.
"Are you - you're sure you're okay? Not hurting?"
"No, I'm just fine. My ass stopped being sore two weeks ago." Steve grabbed Bucky's hands and pulled them from his hips to his ass. It wasn't meant to be anything but an assurance, even if it was a bit intimate for two friends. It wasn't seen as anything sexual from either of them, Bucky had seen Steve bare-ass naked, the only thing covered was his legs by his pants that were around his knees. He knew that Bucky liked fellas, Bucky had confessed to him a few days after they moved in together. Steve promised a sobbing Bucky that it fine, he wouldn't tell anyone because that would make him a hypocrite. He liked boys too, just like Bucky did. He expected that Bucky liked dames too, he loved to go dancing all the time with them. Steve didn't really like girls but he knew Bucky didn't care either way.
"You ain't lying?"
"No, Buck, calm down, I'm fine."
Bucky only nodded and Steve tugged him closer.
-
Steve was itching. Not on his skin though. No, he was antsy and anxious, and he could feel it right under his skin, begging to be acknowledged. He could feel need build deep in his chest, making that itch worse and worse everyday. He squirmed a bit in his spot next to Bucky, passing it off as shifting, but Bucky still glances over at him.
He wanted - goddamnit, he couldn't even think it in his head without his face going red. He was feeling restless and lost. He wasn't fighting all the time now, so, no distractions. He missed his mom and the life he had before. He wanted Bucky to take him over his knee again and smack him until he felt better.
He wanted to ask so bad but he couldn't even think about that without going red to the face, embarrassed and ashamed. Ashamed for even wanting... boarder lining needing... a punishment, things that all kids had dreaded - himself included. He couldn't bring himself to ask, too many thing about it that could go wrong for them. Bucky had been jumpy since the whole "I'm still sore" thing, everytime he would go to touch Steve he would stop himself - like he was afraid to hurt him. Maybe it had just been a one time thing, done out of anger on Bucky's part. Trying to bring up the courage to ask Bucky to just... spank him - something so strange and not normal - made him more and more anxious and lost while he thought about all the reasons Bucky wouldn't want to again.
So Steve sat quietly, heavy feeling in his chest and an itch under his skin. He shifted closer to Bucky, who's eyes flickered worried for a second, but still let Steve lean against his shoulder. Bucky continued with his book and Steve continued to draw, getting distracted over and over with the same thing.
-
Steve had a plan to see if Bucky would still spank him. He would start getting into an unreasonable amount of fights again, with the reason to start feeling something other than that goddamn itch under his skin and to irritate Bucky into taking Steve over his knee again. If his plan worked, Steve wouldn't have to even utter a word about wanting to be spanked. His body was begging for the pain, to hurt and sting until his feelings went away. He wanted the decisions handed all over to Bucky. He wanted -
He wanted so many things that he couldn't get himself to ask for.
So he went and fought. Well, he went and let himself get beat up. After fights, he was buzzing with a high of adrenaline, no guilt or fear or anything. It only lasted for a few minutes. Then he would walk through the front door and Bucky would get a pained look in his eyes. He would grab Steve gently by the wrist - completely different than the day that Bucky had dragged him home after a fight and taken Steve over his knee - and clean him up as best as possible in the bathroom.
It took Bucky four days and five fights before he got fed up.
"Why you fighting again?"
"I never stopped."
"You know exactly what I mean."
"No, explain it for me, Buck." Steve played innocent.
Bucky sighed, obviously upset. He handed Steve the bloodied cloth he had used to wipe the cuts on his face.
"Pinch that on the bridge of your nose until it stops bleeding. Then just... go to bed or whatever you do after these fight. Goodnight, Stevie." Bucky rushed out of the bathroom.
Steve frowned at the closed door. Him and his stupid plan had just upset Bucky. Of course, his luck.
-
A fist connected with his jaw - he felt his teeth snap together with the force - and he was spun around with the force.
His mom was really gone. She wasn't coming back, she had died and he barely had done anything to help her. She gave up fighting because there was nothing left for her anymore.
Before he could lose his balance and fall down with the force of the first punch, another set of large hands were pushing him in the direction of the boy that had just punched him.
Him and his mom had been poor because Steve.
He stumbled over his own feet before he was met with another set of hands shoving him around.
Steve was sick all the time and needed constant care.
He thinks there were around four guys, all surrounding him, pushing him around in a circle to watch him struggle with regaining his balance.
Taking money away from his mom for his medications, hospital trips and on days where he was so sick that his mom had to stay home instead of going to work. Steve's mom was dead because of him.
Then, one of the guys' hands didn't catch him.
She could have lived a happy life without him.
He was on the ground, world spinning from the dizziness of being moved around so fast.
By now, Bucky had to be tired of his shit too.
The first shoe connected with his stomach, instinctively he curled his legs up and rolled onto his side. He felt his asthma start to kick in.
Bucky had taken his mom's place in living with and caring for a useless boy that was going nowhere in life but the grave because he was so sick.
More and more kicks to his sides and stomach, trying to make him double over in pain.
It was only a matter of time before his sickness got him. Or when a beating during a fight became too much for his weak body. He wasn't expected to live past (or to) thirty. But here Bucky was, stuck with him.
More kicks to his back, trying to make him want to protect that instead of his stomach.
Bucky had done the selfless thing and took Steve in so poor little Steve didn't have to go to live by himself in an orphanage or starve on the streets when he inevitably ran away from said orphanage.
More kicks to his shins when they couldn't reach his stomach because of his legs, trying to get him to drop the defense on his stomach.
Now, Bucky had to have realize Steve was too much to deal with.
He feels it stop after forever, breathing going crazy as he coughed and wheezed while the guys laughed. He thinks he felt hands searching his pockets.
He was in fights all the time and using up all their money just like he had done with his mom.
They'd be lucky if they found a penny.
And now, he had upset bucky over something so selfish and now bucky wouldn't even talk to him.
They left him on the floor in an alley. Steve could smell the trashcans he was laying near but that part didn't bother him much. His whole body was throbbing and his head was fuzzy from coughing so much. He thinks he fell asleep.
-
He fuzzily remembered being picked up, eyes opening and closing and the scenery around him changing everytime. He heard a familiar voice talking. It took him opening his eyes again a few times before he thought he could recognize it. "Bucky?"
"Yeah, Punk." He sounded irritated, loving and concerned at the same time, only something Bucky could achieve.
"Buck," he muttered again, leaning his head against Bucky's chest. He could hear the other breathing deeply and it made his compared shallow breaths sound worse than they were. He could feel the rhythm of Bucky's steps, rushing them to some unknown location. He felt his world tip upside down and sideways, as if there was no gravity. All the buildings blurred more than normal around him and he could barely make out Bucky's face. "Where we goin'?"
"The hospital. I told you that these fights were gonna get you no where but the fucking hospital." Steve's hand to flew to his ringing ear, the one that he could still hear from, at Bucky's loud tone.
"Does you're head hurt, Punk?"
"A lil' bit. Not so much I can't walk, put me down." Steve squirmed in the bridal position that he just realized Bucky was carrying him in.
"Hell no, Steve stop -" Bucky paused to fix his grip on the squirming boy. "You're fine like this. Stop moving. You don't needa walk." Bucky knew telling Steve he couldn't walk would only make him struggle more. Damn, even beaten half to death Steve was still stubborn. Bucky couldn't help his small chuckle.
"What? What's so funny?"
"You."
"Me?"
"Who else?"
"How am I funny, I just wanna walk for myself." Steve said, letting his eyes drift shut.
"Uh-uh, open you're eyes." Bucky shook him as best as he could in his arms. "Gotta stay awake."
"I wanna sleep."
"I thought you wanted to walk."
"I can do both."
"I don't think."
"Yeah. Multitask."
"I don't think you can multitask that."
"I think I can."
"Like you thought you could take on ten guys?"
Steve flushed, "Not ten, four."
"Sure looks like ten."
"I'm sorry."
"I doubt you are." Steve was more looking for 'I'll make you sorry'. Guess his plan hadn't worked.
"It felt like the right thing to say."
"Not if you didn't mean it." There was a beat of ashamed silence from Steve before Bucky spoke again. "Why?"
"Uh - they were - you know - um, um - there was a girl, she was..." Steve frowned and Bucky burst out laughing.
"That was bad. Even from you. Bad."
Steve blushed, he'd always been a bad liar. Bucky was still laughing. "You would've -" he cut himself off with more cute giggles, "would've had me convinced if it wasn't for that 'um, um'." Bucky teased, still laughing. Steve flushed even redder. "We'll talk after, once the doctors say you're all okay. And I want an honest answer next time, no more the that um, um."
Bucky sat him in a waiting chair, making sure he could sit up on his own - "Stop it, of course I can," Steve bit. - before talking to the woman at the front desk.
They sat next to eachother on the chairs for what Steve though was forever, but he was dizzy and tired. He leaned heavily on Bucky, trying to shut his eyes to get some sleep but Bucky kept telling him not to. Other than that, it was silent.
Silent until Bucky chuckled and shook his head, "Um, um." Was all he was said, despite his embarrassment at it, Steve laughed too.
They sat in a comfortable silence after that, waiting for Steve to be called to get checked out.
-
Bucky paced the hospital waiting room for thirty minutes, asked the front desk woman if Steve was going to be okay six times and got told by the front desk woman that she couldn't know, she's been standing here same as him the whole time six times.
"I'm sure he's going to be okay. It's only been thirty minutes -"
"Thirty-seven."
"- thirty-seven. He was still concious and talking when you came in here, I think he'll be alright. But honey, you need to calm down, worryin' yourself like this ain't gonna help no one. Go take a walk and forget about your nerves for a second."
"No, no, I can't. What if something happens when I'm gone -"
"Honey, you ain't a doctor. Nothin' you would be able to do. Go, fifteen minutes, then come back. Walk home and get him a change of clothes or something."
"But he -"
"Listen, when Steve was a kid he and his Ma would be in here all the time when he was sick. Bad asthma, too high fevers, stubbon colds - lots 'a other stuff too... think I might 'a seem you in here a few times with him, don't really remember. Point is, hon, Steve's a fighter. He's going to be fine, he would probably be tellin' you the same thing right now."
Bucky nodded and let out a shaky breath, "Silly of me to think that a concussion could take Steve Rogers out."
The woman nodded, "Now, go, take a walk. Go home, get him a change of clothes and come back."
"You're good at that." He commented.
"I've dealt with frantic families before, worried mothers and fathers, scard siblings, terrified friends, anxious boyfriends - you weren't that bad."
Bucky's face went pale, "We ain't - not like that." Fuck, they could get in so much trouble if people even suspected something like that.
"Oh hush, I meant girlfriends too. Boyfriends or girlfriends." She winked at him and shushed him with a finger to her lips. He got the message. She waved him off with her hand, going back to paperwork. "Go."
Him and Steve weren't really dating. Sure, a few stolen kisses in their shared bed, cuddles on the couch and a few walks at night with one of Steve's hands shoved in his pockets so they could twist their cold fingers together. But that was it. Not dating.
-
Steve only had a moderate concussion. They said he no symptoms of it anymore, barely even any when he had come in. However, his injuries piled up. He had a cut on his forehead that the doctor had reccomend stitches for, but it only had butterfly bandages holding it closed. He had a black eye and bruises everywhere. He had a choke mark on his neck, that one had pissed Bucky off more than it should have. He had a sprained wrist, a twisted ankle and bruises on his shin from most likely repeated kicking that the doctor said he didn't know how to bone didn't crack.
Bucky blew out a long breath. Offering Steve help to walk home, Steve just shrugged at him and leaned heavily into his side when Bucky pulled him close.
"I'm sleepy," he muttered, legs dropping all his weight onto Bucky but he desperately tried to pick himself back up.
"Showing me those multitasking skills," Bucky said softly, scooping Steve up into his arms. Steve's eyes were closed even as he tries to push Bucky away. "You can sleep, doctor said that you're head is fine. Except that you're a dumbass but that's incurable."
Steve only hummed into Bucky's chest and let himself be carried home without further complaint. He must have been exhausted.