Chapter 2
Harge was more than familiar with hotel gift shops. They were a staple. He couldn’t very well come home with his head held high without a gift for Rindy. And Carol, a long time ago, when he still wore a ring, and she still showed any excitement at all over his coming home.
It was different now. Rindy was with him, trying to see everything at once, and that was rare. He had a ring on again, where Carol’s used to be, and that change was still working itself out in his brain.
“Daddy, look!” Rindy said, holding up a postcard with the Atlantic City skyline, the name of the hotel.
Harge looked it over dutifully. “Very nice,” he said. “But Lilah’s here, sunshine, she’s seen everything we have.” He softened the words with a one-armed squeeze. “Sure you want to get her a postcard?”
Rindy frowned. “But it’s pretty.”
“It is. Not as pretty as you though.”
“What about Lizzie?” Rindy asked after a moment’s thought. “She’s not here. I haven’t seen her in forever, and she hasn’t seen anything we did.”
They were meant to be getting a gift for Lilah, who was resting upstairs in the room. “Sure,” Harge said.
Rindy grinned. “What about Mommy? Can I get one for her too?”
“How about we find something for Lilah first? You know she can’t wait to see what you get her.”
Rindy agreed easily enough, dragging Harge by the hand for a few more minutes until she found a stuffed bear with a little Atlantic City shirt.
“Daddy?” She held it up, a question. “Then Lilah can have something to cuddle with.”
“That’s what she’s got me for, silly.”
Rindy laughed, crinkling her nose at that. A woman cashier smiled and walked over to them while Rindy held the bear close.
“Can I help you two find anything?” the woman asked.
“We’re getting a present for my wife,” Harge said.
The woman kept smiling, looked at Rindy with the bear. “Oh, how lovely. Your mother’s lucky to have such a thoughtful little girl.”
Rindy’s mouth turned down at the corners. “Lilah’s not—”
“Thank you,” Harge said. “We’re just browsing now, we’ll let you know if we need anything.” He put on his most charming smile, the one reserved for business meetings, matched it against the friendly to a fault customer service grin the cashier must have to wear all day.
It was enough. She kept the smile going but left them to themselves. Rindy was still frowning, so he bopped her nose with his finger. She laughed and swatted him away, holding the bear to her chest with one arm.
“Come on,” he said. “Gift hunt, let’s go!”
Carol’s ears were ringing. It might’ve been from Rindy clanging silverware together, it might not. The food had arrived. Carol poked at hers without seeing where her fork was landing.
Married. Harge was married. To some woman Carol hadn’t even met.
Harge sighed, poured more wine into her glass. His ring caught the light again. Rindy was in danger of choking as she spoke around her chewing, recounting all the fun she’d had. The hotel, the pool, the big, huge, bed that was perfect for jumping. The new dress she got to wear when Daddy and Mouse gave rings.
“Rindy,” Harge said. “Don’t talk with your mouth full, honey, it’s rude.”
“Yes,” Carol said, not looking at Rindy. “It is, isn’t it, Harge? Rude.”
Harge’s jaw clenched. He sipped his wine.
“I wanted to get you shells from the beach, Mommy,” Rindy said, barely deterred by the interruption, “but it’s winter and we couldn’t.”
“Oh, that’s okay, sweet pea.” Carol tried focusing on her daughter, not that damn ringing that wouldn’t quit. “You’re the only—”
“I got you another gift. It’s a surprise.”
“Thank you, darling. You didn’t have to get me anything though.”
Rindy look scandalized at that. “Of course I did, we had a trip. Trips mean presents. I got you taffies,” Rindy continued, excitement rendering her oblivious to having just ruined her surprise. “They’re yummy, Mommy, the lady at the store let us try one.”
“I’m sure they are.”
“They’re saltwater taffies, so it’s kind of like seashells, because the beach has salt water. Right, Daddy?”
Carol saw a familiar wrinkle in Harge’s forehead that meant he was staving off a migraine. “Yes, sweetheart, that’s right. Make sure you leave some candy for Mommy. Don’t eat it all when she shares with you.”
Again, Rindy looked scandalized. “I know, Daddy.” She turned her focus back on Carol. “You have to share with Mama too, okay? Even though I got her postcards.”
Harge’s hand twitched on his fork as he picked it up. He didn’t like Therese being called that name, especially in public, Carol knew. They had this little area of the restaurant to themselves though, which was fortunate. If Carol ended up vomiting into her plate, she didn’t need extra witnesses. “I always share with Mama,” she told Rindy. “And I’m sure she’ll love your…” Carol trailed off. She’d already forgotten what gift Rindy was so thrilled by. She thought she might be having a stroke.
“Postcards, Mommy.” Rindy giggled in exasperation. “Daddy said we shouldn’t get them, since we weren’t going to post them anyway. But that’s not why you get postcards, is it? You get them to show pretty pictures of where you’ve been, and Mama likes pretty pictures, and it’s her job to decide how pretty the pictures are. Right?”
“That’s, yes,” Carol replied, taking too long. “That’s just right.”
Rindy pinned Harge with a rather smug, I told you so look, then moved on. “I got Lizzie a stuffed animal. I was going to get her a postcard, but she doesn’t like pictures as much as Mama, and she’s kind of rough with her things.” Rindy shook her head, with all the knowledge of a seven-year-old looking down on the barbaric ways of a four-year-old. “She’d bend it and mess it up, but if the stuffie breaks, one of her moms can sew him back together. Plus, Jake’s always taking her stuff and crying on it and trying to eat it, so she deserves something new. Right?”
“Yes, that’s very, very right, Rindy.” Carol definitely hadn’t had enough wine to feel as lightheaded as she did.
“Carol—” Harge began, but Rindy was on a roll, the momentum unstoppable.
“And then we had to go back to the shop after we left, because I forgot to get another stuffie for the baby!” Rindy sounded positively mortified by the oversight.
“That’s okay, Rindy, you remembered. I’m sure Jacob will love what you got him.”
Rindy looked confused for a moment, then laughed. “No, Mommy, the other baby. I was going to get something for Jake too, but he has a million toys, and Lizzie’s, and Mouse’s baby doesn’t have anything yet.”
Mouse. Mouse was Lilah, though how one related to the other, Carol had no goddamn clue. “Mouse’s baby?”
“Rindy.” Harge rubbed at his temple, at those deep lines on his forehead.
Rindy’s eyes widened. “Yeah! Mouse’s baby with Daddy. I get to be a big sister! Didn’t I say, Mommy?”
Carol wondered if you could hear it, when a blood vessel popped in your head right before it killed you. Uncharacteristically, Harge rested an elbow on the table as he pressed fingers against his temple, the bridge of his nose. He told Rindy to concentrate on eating her food for a bit, before it went cold, as if the horse hadn’t already escaped the barn. Or their daughter’s mouth.
Carol was staring at him, speechless, when the waiter came by, asking if they needed anything else. Carol downed half her glass of wine in one go. Harge finished his. They requested another bottle at the same time, and Carol tried not to glare too hard in front of Rindy.
The night dragged on. Admittedly Carol was doing most of the dragging, trying to understand just what the hell was going on, trying to get more time with Rindy. Not that she could focus on Rindy the way she wanted to, not that she could ask the questions she wanted to, with Rindy there. She and Harge both drank a bit too much and had to linger while sobering up, and by then Rindy was hyper, bored, and tired in equal measure.
“Daddy, can we go?” There was a whine in her voice, having long since finished her dessert.
Harge made a point of looking at his watch. “Yes, Rindy, it’s getting late. Close to bedtime.”
The whine became more pronounced. “I don’t want to go to bed, I just want to go!”
“I know,” he said with a sigh, looked at Carol. “She’s tired.”
“I’m not tired!”
Harge ignored her. “We should head out.”
Carol nodded stiffly, couldn’t help the next thing that left her mouth. “Will I see her at Easter? You got it last year.” It was March. Easter wasn’t until next month. Harge had kept Rindy from her since February, since the storm.
Harge took out his wallet, dug through it as a spoke. “Rindy, you want to go home with Mommy?”
Rindy lit up. “Can I?”
“Can she?” Harge asked, still sorting through what tip to leave at the table.
Briefly, Carol was too stunned to answer. How simple he made it sound, how routine, after weeks of living off five-minute phone calls once a day, if she were lucky. “Of course, Carol said, shaking herself out of it. “You know she can.”
He wanted sex with the secretary, there was no other explanation. Rindy was there during his honeymoon, and now he wanted something proper.
“I’d need to get her tomorrow night,” he said. “She has school. And homework to make up, that she still hasn’t done.”
He gave Rindy a look, and Rindy gave him a pout. “Daddy.”
“I told you it had to get done, sweet pea.” He put his wallet away, looked at Carol.
“Tomorrow is fine,” Carol said. It wasn’t, really, much less than a full day, counting the time Rindy would be sleeping, but it was more than she’d had in ages.
She excused herself to call Therese first, gave Rindy a giant hug over the back of the chair as she went. Stopping at a line of payphones near the restaurant’s entrance, her hands shook a little as she deposited change. Therese picked up after too many rings, and Carol wondered if she’d interrupted time in the darkroom, if Therese was distracting herself from the emptiness of the apartment.
“Hello?”
Therese’s voice was blessedly normal. Too normal for a night like this. Carol exhaled, feeling she was on a rollercoaster that had slowed temporarily. “Hi,” Carol said, all she could muster.
“Hi. How’s it going? Is everything okay?”
Surprise was obvious, affection, concern. Dinner had dragged on, and Therese wouldn’t be expecting a call. “He’s married and she’s pregnant,” Carol said, unable to keep it in long enough for a decent preface.
Long seconds of silence followed. “What?”
“He married the secretary, the one Abby met before Christmas. Did more than marry her. She’s named after a rodent.”
“I…what?”
“Yes, exactly. That would be why I’m late. I’m sorry.”
“I…no, no, it’s fine. Are you okay?”
There was something comforting in knowing Therese was experiencing the same shock she had. Therese’s worry for her made Carol smile tremulously into the receiver. “I’m coming home, so I’ll be okay. Rindy’s coming with me. Harge said we could take her for the rest of the weekend. I already said it was alright.” A part of her, a small part, since she knew better, worried about her presumptuousness, about upsetting Therese.
“Of course it is,” Therese said instantly. “I’ll, I’ll get her room ready?”
Carol smiled. At how quickly Therese agreed, at her need to do something. “Thank you, darling.” If her voice broke a little with unshed tears, she wasn’t going to acknowledge them, not with Harge still close by. “I’ll be home soon. We will,” she amended.
“Okay. Good. And later, you’ll tell me what’s going on?”
“You’ll probably wish I hadn’t, but yes. I should go, before Harge changes his mind.”
“Okay,” Therese said again. “I love you.”
“You too.”
Carol lingered by the phone a few seconds after she hung it up, kept her hand on it as though holding onto some remnant of Therese’s steadiness. Then she saw Harge and Rindy approaching, Rindy’s hand clutching Harge’s. Carol took a breath, smiled, and met them at the door. Harge held it open for her as they left, every inch the gentleman, putting on a good show for the host, who waved them off and wished them a good night.
Carol only wished for a night without further surprises. She’d reached her limit on those long before she cut herself off from having anymore wine.
They put Rindy in the warmth of Carol’s backseat, left the engine running. Carol followed Harge to his car, watched him root around until he retrieved her backpack. He held it out to Carol.
“Candy and postcards in the front pocket, homework in the green folder. She’s got a map due, and half the U.S. to fill in.”
Carol was surprised to see her packed, that he’d prepared to drop Rindy off. He never did like to discipline Rindy, look like the mean parent. Of course he’d leave her to be the one to supervise the less pleasant things, let Rindy’s mind associate those with Carol. Never him, or his new wife.
Wife. The word still rang funny in her head. That wasn’t accounting for the child, which Carol absolutely could not deal with yet. She took the bag, glanced back at her car to check on Rindy, but didn’t move. “Well. Congratulations?”
Harge sighed. “You weren’t supposed to find out like this.”
“I wasn’t? You didn’t bring me out here, in front of our daughter, to—”
“I’ve told you, she’s seven. She doesn’t do well keeping things to herself.”
After tonight, with Rindy’s knowledge of her and Therese, Carol thought it a miracle that neither of them had been outed and thrown into an asylum. She’d never admit as much to Therese. “How long has she known?”
Harge let out a breath again. “About the baby, a couple weeks. The marriage, we told her about before leaving.”
Carol scoffed. “Jesus. Is that why you kept her from me?”
“Why don’t you ask your friend the Captain?”
“Excuse me?”
“I’m not having the same conversation twice. Ask him.”
She hadn’t yet, hadn’t gotten to talk to Steve about whatever he said to Harge in Atlantic City. “Did you even give Rindy a choice in it, ask her how she felt?”
It was Harge’s turn to scoff. “Did you ask her how she felt when you invited Therese over for Christmas? When the two of you moved in together? Or did you just do it, and hope Rindy wouldn’t be uncomfortable enough to voice it?”
“Rindy loves Therese.”
“Rindy didn't know her. She's known Lilah for months longer than she knew Therese when you forced her into Rindy's life, and she loves Lilah. Adores her, really, and I'm hardly surprised. "
Carol shook her head. “I had no idea you and Rindy were so smitten.”
“Don’t be petty.”
“How would you like me to be? You take Rindy away without telling me, to God knows where, then you come back like nothing’s happened and spring this on me. What do you want, Harge, a wedding gift?”
“You knew I was seeing her.”
“Seeing is vastly different from marrying, Harge.” She took a breath. “How far along is she, then?”
Harge watched Carol, his eyes slightly narrowed. “Far enough. Baby should be here late April they think."
Late April, she had to be very, very pregnant. Maybe Harge wasn’t angling for sex tonight after all. The two of them certainly hadn’t gone anywhere near each other by that point in Carol’s pregnancy.
Carol did the mental math, around the anger, counting forward from early May. They'd have been together as of July of last year then. That long, and she'd never heard a word about how serious it was. “You’ve known her for about eight months then.”.
“As opposed to the eight minutes you knew Therese?” Harge shook his head, "Don't cast stones."
“Aren’t you a little old for this? A shotgun wedding, knocking up your secretary? A race for legitimacy. Please tell me she isn't half your age too? You have to be at least somewhat original compared to every other divorced, middle-aged man in New York."
“Her name is Lilah.” Harge’s voice was even and controlled. “She’s twenty-seven, so no she's not half my age. Not that you have any room to speak about it. Was Therese even legal when you whisked her away?”
Carol flushed with anger. He knew that, knew more about Therese than Carol cared to think of. “You—”
“Of the two of us, you’re the one who prefers bedding girls half your age. As for originality, I don’t think anyone can top you. Weren’t you the one who said not too long ago that you wanted me to get married, be happy? Or does it make you feel better to think I’m all alone, drinking and still pining after you? Was wishing I'd be happy just your way of trying to invoke the opposite?”
“When your happiness involves this, a stranger in our daughter’s life, I’d have preferred to know before the baby shower.”
“I’d have preferred to know before walking in on a stranger in my house, with my child, but I guess neither of us got everything we wanted.”
“You didn’t ‘walk in’ on anything.” Carol hated the part of her that still felt the need to defend that night, all these years later. “Therese and I hadn’t done anything then. But you know that.”
He didn’t say anything about the tapes, about recording her first time with Therese, hiring a stranger to hear it. “Not for a lack of want on your part. You have no room to judge. None,” he said instead, voice clipped, but lacking the usual heat that came with their arguments. “You are hypocritical on a level I can’t even fathom.”
“And you aren’t? You do it like this…why? To get back at me for all that? For something done years ago? You don’t think you’ve gotten enough revenge?”
His mouth pulled into a thin line. “If I wanted to get back at you, Carol, you’d know it. My being happy is not vengeance against you, nor is my moving on, no matter what you’d like to think. The things I do don’t revolve around you anymore. You’d best get used to that.” He turned away from her, opened the driver’s side door of his car. “I’ll be back for Rindy at six tomorrow night.”
He got in, shut the door on her. They stared at each other through the window as he started up the vehicle. Carol took a step back out of his way and towards her own car, her back to him.
She heard him rolling the window down but didn't look back, not willing to indulge him in the fight he might wind up between them again.
"The baby shower is April 6th.”
“What?” she asked, against her better judgment.
“You said you preferred knowing before the shower. There. Once again, you get what you want.”
Fucking jackass. Carol bit her tongue as he honked a goodbye to Rindy who gave a tiny wave back out the window.
Carol gave herself a few seconds to breathe. Hopefully Rindy would think the red in her cheeks came from the cold, if she noticed it at all. Rindy, Rindy was what mattered. Carol wouldn’t squander what time she had with her by focusing on Harge. She crossed to her car, smiled instinctively when she saw Rindy grinning back at her, mitten-covered hands pressed to the window. Carol got in behind the wheel, twisted around to see Rindy while she stowed the schoolbag next to her, in the back.
“Do we go home and see Mama now?” Rindy asked, grinning through a yawn. A long dinner and full belly had taken their toll.
Carol reached back to squeeze one of Rindy’s small hands in her own. “Yes, we do, precious girl. Let’s go home, Mama’s waiting for us.”
If anything was better than seeing Rindy’s smile that night, feeling Rindy’s arms around her, it was watching Rindy give that same treatment to Therese.
“Hey, sweetheart. Hey, hey Rindy.”
Therese was on her knees in the kitchen, showing no signs of being affected by the hard tile. She’d been making tea, it looked like, when they came through the door, but halted that quickly enough to bend for Rindy’s hug, more a tackle than anything.
Carol, promptly abandoned and left literally holding the bag, set Rindy’s things down but remained in her jacket and heels. She wasn’t ready to tear her eyes from this sight yet.
“Hi, Mama.” Rindy placed a sloppy kiss on Therese’s cheek, clung around her neck. “Did you take any good pictures lately?”
Therese laughed, a slightly strangled noise. Her nose was pressed to Rindy’s hair. “You know, I don’t remember, Rindy. I don’t remember at all.”
Rindy pulled back a little. “You don’t remember what pictures you took? That’s silly, Mama.”
Therese laughed again, pulling Rindy tight against her and shifting her weight a little. “It is. Very silly.”
The strain in her voice was easier to hear now. The hug hid her face from Rindy, but Carol could see the war happening there. Therese hadn’t hugged Rindy, hadn’t touched her, since Harge rushed back into town after the storm and took her away. It hurt, knowing Therese had suffered the same way she had.
It also warmed every part of Carol, because Therese loved Rindy the same as she did.
Part of her wanted to kneel with them. Pull them both into her arms, because they were the most precious things she’d ever have, and it’d been so long since she had the simple pleasure of holding them both against her. She held back though, held still. She’d had this moment with Rindy outside the restaurant, had Rindy practically in her lap all night, even if Rindy was talking about another woman during most of it.
Therese had her own relationship with Rindy, outside of her relationship with Carol. It’d taken Carol too long to realize that, taken Therese practically yelling at her over bourbon that she missed Rindy too.
Carol would give them their time. But she would also watch, because she loved seeing her wife hold her daughter. Because she needed that tonight.
The embrace held a few more seconds, Therese rocking in place, rubbing Rindy’s back. A sudden noise broke the spell, and Carol remembered the tea. The kettle boiled, demanding their attention, and Therese moved to stand.
“No, no,” Carol said, taking the few steps that separated them in long strides. “Stay. You stay right there.” She touched Therese’s hair, brought her hand down to ghost against her cheek, stealing a tear before Rindy could see it. “Or, don’t stay there, that’s a terrible idea, you’ll wreck your knees. Go sit down, I’ll get this.”
“You’re not even out of your coat,” Therese protested. Her voice was steadier now.
“Easily fixed.” Carol gripped Therese’s forearm, helping her stand. Rindy, in a bid to be helpful, tugged on Carol’s coat to remove it, which only resulted in them both getting hopelessly tangled. There was laughter, Therese helping Carol shrug out of the jacket as the kettle continued to scream. Rindy grinned, kept herself tucked against Therese’s side.
“My girls,” Carol said past a lump in her throat. “There you are again.”
It was late, for Rindy. Most of their time that night was spent getting her to bed. She proudly handed over the gifts she’d brought them. Therese slipped her one of Carol’s saltwater taffies, though she’d already had dessert. Rindy was eager to show off every postcard in the collection she’d brought. Therese had to negotiate, promise they’d look at every one properly tomorrow.
“After you finish your map,” Carol felt compelled to add.
It was hard to say whether Rindy or Therese was more put out by that.
Carol got to hear, again, all about Mouse. How nice she was, how pretty, how Rindy got to hold flowers at her and Daddy’s wedding. Therese hadn’t been privy to all this the first time, so of course needed to be told as soon as possible. Carol tried to focus on what information she could glean from Rindy’s words, not the feelings they evoked. When that didn’t work, she tried tuning out the words themselves, focusing on Rindy’s voice, how happy it was.
Rindy fell asleep in her bed—untouched for weeks—between them. It was only after that that Carol took the time to change clothes, ridding herself of her makeup, her favorite necklace from Abby, the small bits of armor she’d used to get through the night.
When she came back to the living room, Therese was sat on the couch, one leg tugged under her, a smile still tugging the edges of her lips. She hadn’t expected being able to see Rindy tonight. Carol knew what a gift that was.
Therese watched Carol with soft features, the smile morphing into something else. She patted the spot next to her on the sofa. “Come and talk to me?”
Carol exhaled, feeling her own lips turn up. “That is one of the best offers I’ve had all night, Miss Belivet.” It would’ve topped the list, if Harge hadn’t let Rindy stay here.
Crossing the room in bare feet, Carol sat next to Therese, who picked up one of two tea cups resting on the table, sipped from it. Carol eyed the one left for her. “Nothing stronger?” she asked, only half-joking.
Therese set down her cup. She reached a hand to the back of Carol’s neck, pulling her down for a soft, sweet kiss. “Not now. I think you’ve had enough for tonight.”
“Are you saying I’m a drunk?”
“I’m saying that spending hours with Harge would make anyone drink.”
Carol laughed, brushed her forehead against Therese’s. “Brilliant, as usual.”
Therese kissed her again, a brush of the lips. She kept her arms around Carol’s neck. “Tell me?” she asked, voice as soft as her kisses.
Carol breathed in the comfort of Therese. Rindy’s glowing praise of Lilah hardly told the whole story. So Carol did. She told what she knew, always making sure that some part of her body touched Therese’s.
She didn’t even try to kid herself that this was for Therese’s benefit.