Chapter 7
The first thing Clint notices when he wakes up is how soft the sheets of his bed are. He can’t quite open his eyes yet and all he can think is that’sweird. In the RAFT, his sheets, even though clean, are itchy and stiff. These are soft and silky. And-
Oh… he’s home.
He must be. Otherwise why would the sheets be so comfy. The RAFT must have been a dream. Nightmare. Not a dream, never a dream. Definitely a nightmare. It must have all been a nightmare. Nothing happened. He lets out a relieved breath and smiles lightly, stretching and enjoying the warmth of his and Laura’s room. Huh, that’s even weirder. Their room is never warm. It’s always chilly because the heater broke and he never got around to fix it and the bed has about three different blankets on top to make up for it. But when his hand goes to grasp at them, searching for their familiar and comforting texture, he frowns. The blankets aren’t there. And neither are the too many pillows Laura loves so much. And what about the kids, they always make such a racket when they wake up and- Laura? where is she? He can’t feel her warmth next to him and his eyes snap open. He shoots up from the bed- not their bed.
He isn’t home.
And he’s not in the RAFT. And- fuck! The RAFT! Like a bad dream becoming reality, it all comes back: leaving his family, the fight, the imprisonment, and Tony- oh god Tony! Where is Tony?!
He looks around as if Tony would pop out any moment. But he doesn’t. Because he isn’t there. Oh god, he isn’t there. He drops his head in his hands, wondering if he could have done differently.
Dozens of scenarios running through his head, he gets up, numbly walking out of the room he was put in to find himself standing in a hallway. He looks from one side to the other, trying to choose a direction. There are various doors on each end, and he’s about to go left when he hears a scream. And he knows that scream, it’s the same one that would reverberate alongside his as Tony got tortured. So he runs toward the sound and barges in the room where Sam is in, tangled in the sheets and whimpering, a soft ‘stop’ escaping from his lips as he trashes. And he sounds so hopeless when he screams another ‘Tony!’ that Clint can’t help but run to his side, shake him awake and hug him.
Sam would have seemed the least effected by the whole Tony got tortured ordeal, if it weren’t for the nightmares he had every single night at the RAFT since they started torturing Tony. Clint has woken up so many times to Sam’s screams and every single time he had felt so useless that that it’s impossible for him not to tighten his arms around Sam just a bit more. And, judging by the arms hugging him just as, if not more tightly than his own and the head buried in his shoulder he’d say Sam really needed a hug.
“Clint, where are the others?” Sam asks after a moment
He waits a moment to untangle himself from him, then looks away “I think they’re here with us” Sam lets out a relieved breath, closing his eyes. It doesn’t last long “Sam, I-” he pauses, unsure on how to continue, and Sam’ eyes snap open “I didn’t see Tony in the jet with us”
“What- what do you mean?” He asks, confused “Steve would never leave a man behind, it’s not-” he sounds so sure, just before he sees Clint’s eyes lower and his throat bob “he wouldn’t, not Tony, not anyone” he looks up, when he hears the desperation deep in his voice. Clint just waits, tears forming in his eyes. There is no need for words “he wouldn’t” Sam says, his conviction wavering “I… would he?” He finally asks, probably feeling just as lost as Clint.
“I don’t know” he answers, and lost doesn’t even begin to describe how he feels. Steve is one of the people that he trusts most in the world, he’s a fellow Avenger, he’s his friend, he’s his Captain.
And yet
“I don’t know” he repeats, defeated. He thought he knew Steve but… he, he doesn’t know now. And now Tony is who knows where, alone. And just like that his resolve comes back with a vengeance, he shakes his head and clenches his jaw. Steve is not the one who’s in danger right now. Tony, he has to focus on Tony. He gets up and offers a hand to Sam “let’s go find Scott and then we’ll ask Steve where Tony is”
It takes a second, but when he does take the offered hand Sam’s grip is strong and sure. Determined.
So they get out and go searching for Scott, and, after a few minutes of walking blindly through the various corridors, they hear heavy breathing coming from a corner. When they turn, they get almost run over by a frantic Scott, breathing out of control and eyes wide in fear. Clint steadies him by the shoulders as he wavers. “Clint! Sam! Oh- oh thank god! I can’t find Tony” he says gripping Clint by the the shoulder and forearm and rambling a so fast Clint almost doesn’t understand “and- and I think I’m lost and- I saw you guys and Wanda were sleeping so I went to find- to find Tony but-” Scott’s breathing fastens dangerously “but I can’t-” he stops, looking so desperate it physically hurts him to look him in the eyes “I can’t find him” he says looking up at him “I can’t find him, Clint”
“I…” and he freezes, not knowing what to do. He knows how to deal with Nat’s panic attacks when she has one, has years of experience with her. But, he never has had this kind of trust placed in him if it wasn’t from someone related to him or Natasha. Even the team, they were close, very much so, but the kind of trust in Scott’s eyes is so absolute and Clint stops in his tracks. Thankfully, he isn’t alone
“Breathe, Scott” Sam intervenes, placing one of Scott’s hands on his chest breathing in deeply “try to copy me” he says, calm “in through the nose, out through the mouth. In, one… two… three… four… and out, one.. two… three” he instructs “In… out” he keeps going until Scott finally stops hyperventilating.
His eyes clearer now, Scott throws himself at them, making them stumble and wrap their arms around him in surprise. It takes an embarrassing long time to get that it’s supposed to be a hug, and when they finally hug back Scott buries his head between their shoulders.
And Clint let himself relax, if just for a moment
When they finally find Steve he’s talking with the King of Wakanda and, somewhere in his brain he files the fact that they are in Wankanda away for later. As soon as he hears their steps Steve turns around, face lighting up in joy at the sight of them.
“Where’s Tony, Steve?” Clint asks seriously
Steve must misunderstand their seriousness for anger at Tony because what comes out of his mouth next is not what they meant. At all. “Hey” he starts with a calming tone, and for a moment Clint thinks that it’s all a big misunderstanding. There probably was another plane, and Tony is just fine. But then he keeps going “I know you’re angry at him for locking you up, and rightfully so. Heck, even I admit Tony is at fault here, but let’s not do anything rash, okay? We’re together, that’s what’s important” then Steve smiles wide, and nobody expects the punch that collides with his cheekbone. Surprisingly enough the culprit is Sam’s hand
“What. Did you just say?!” Sam asks getting in Steve’s face and Clint is too surprised to act “angry at him?! We just spent the last three weeks in the RAFT with him and I can honestly say I’m angry at you! He didn’t even ‘lock us up’, that was Ross! Who has been torturing Tony for any information regarding you, which he didn’t give by the way, in case you were wondering! So-”
“Listen, Sam, I don’t know what has gotten into you, but whatever Ross has told you, he lied, Tony isn’t in the RAFT, he never was” Steve interrupts after recovering from the punch, frowning in anger “and the whole ‘death thing’” he scoffs “is just a publicity stunt to make public pity him. The guts of the guy, faking his own death. When I left him in Siberia he was just fine. He’s probably somewhere on a beach enjoying a drink or something!” He ends it with a “that man, I swear, he’ll never learn to pay for his actions” he sighs and all they can do is stare in astonishment
He left him behind in Siberia. When they saw him first in the RAFT, Tony was full of bruises and cuts and bleeding and he left him behind in Siberia
And Clint, he feels like he’s seeing him for the first time “who are you?” He whispers
“Clint-” Steve starts
“No, don’t try to ‘Clint’ me. Who are you?” He asks again “You’re not my captain” he says disdainfully “you’re not my friend” Clint shakes his head “you’re not Steve. Because the Steve I know would never, never leave a man behind. Much less his friend” at that Steve flinches. Clint doesn’t even spare him a look when he turns around and walks. He stops at the door waiting for the others
“What happened to ‘no man left behind’, huh Steve?” Sam asks before following him.
Scott starts to leave with them before turning halfway around “you know, I believed in you” he says, voice broken and Clint puts a hand on his shoulder, guiding him away
Steve Rogers says something else but none of them care. They have to find a way out of here and contact Friday.
They find the hangar and he has to take a moment to figure out how to make it work when it just… starts.
Friday
He turns to the others and nods at them. They nod back
“Let’s go”