Chapter 4
They say torture is almost harder to watch than to experience. They say it’s a form of torture itself, watching someone being tortured. Well, those people can go fuck themselves cause Tony bets everything he has that Sam and Clint and Ant-guy are having a great time in comparison to him. The fuckers get fancy food and showers and clean sheets and he really needs to stop that line of thought cause he’s not gonna resent them for not getting tortured even though fuck if he wants to. But no, he isn’t going to hate the guys for not getting tortured cause that would be bad Tony, no.
What was he thinking? Right, torture. Cause that’s a thing now. They’re torturing him. As in, water boarding, electrifying, beating- you get the gist. Cause apparently Ross can’t always be there to squeeze his balls- and oh my god he has so many jokes about those balls, you wouldn’t believe it. If he only wasn’t gagged most of the time, the world would be a better place with those jokes out there. Or at least funnier. Anyway, Ross can’t pass all his time in the Raft, he has lives to ruin, puppies to kick and all that jazz. Hence the ‘regular’ torture.
He has to admit, he prefers this torture to Ross’ balls.
The realisation that he does, in fact, know where Rogers is came on the third(?) day. It’s obvious, really. Where else could they be? After all, Wakanda’s king sees himself as just and kind, and has never ruled before now. If he’ll see his mistake in trying to kill Barnes as something that he needs to atone for, he’ll certainly offer them sanctuary. And, as he has never ruled before, he won’t see this as something that could bring harm to his own country. Tony, on the other hand, having been in the media’s eye his whole life and having been the CEO of Stark Industries for years can see this crashing and burning down from a mile away
He contemplates, for a moment, what would happen if he told Ross. He wouldn’t have any legal proof, as Tony was dead to the world and couldn’t have told him. And any illegal way would certainly need being able to pass Wakanda’s border and remain undetected. And unless he knows a way in… but no, he doesn’t… does he? Ross would be ready to do anything to get them, the fact that he is torturing Tony proves it. So Tony can’t- won’t take the risk. Not when there’s an innocent man at stake and- no, he’s not talking about Rogers. No, he’s talking about Barnes. And he knows he’s making the same mistake as king T’Challa, but he isn’t doing it because he sees himself as just and fair. In fact, he sees himself as the opposite. And that’s why he’s doing this: guilt. At this point, he feels almost nothing but anger at himself and tiredness, but curiously enough he also feels guilt. Funny how the only emotions he feels are self-destructive.
Also, and he knows it’s kind of sick, but it’s kinda getting funnier and funnier to see Ross lose it every time he even just raises his chin up in defiance. Which is becoming more and more frequent as he often doesn’t have the strength to talk back to Ross.
It’s been a while since the last round of torture, so he has regained some semblance of strength. Not much, but enough to talk at least. The guards come to get him to start the torture, and he doesn’t know how long he’s been here, but it must have happened at least a dozen times in the least. They take him to the centre of the room, as always, and bring in a metal bathtub filled to the brim with freezing water, that he knows from experience will burn when it’ll force itself in his lungs. He doesn’t struggle, as always, and they force him in the tub. They do it without preamble and, as always, he drowns. They keep going for a while, and when they finally give him a break from the water boarding he makes a joke, as you do when you’re being tortured
“Honestly… this is… the cleanest I’ve been… in the last decade” he says gasping and spluttering as they step away form him. He’s still in the water from the neck down, skin freezing and lungs burning, and he smirks mockingly at their scowls. And- uh oh, if they weren’t angry before, they’re angry now. They talk briefly to each other before yanking him out of the bathtub by his armpits and to Clint’s cell, where they pin him against it, back to the bars. Two guards hold him there while the third turns his gun’s safe off and points it at him. Tony has barely enough time to think well, shit and scream “wait!” before there’s a bang
<<<
It happened so fast.
That’s what most people say when there’s a shooting.
It happened so fast
That’s what Clint himself knows for a fact about any and every shooting he’s been in.
It happened so fast
That they happened fast, with him having minimal control over what was happening.
It happened so fast
But he did have control, even if minimal.
It happened so fast
He always remembers, after, every single detail, being scarily precise in his mission report.
It happened so fast
Every single punch, every single kick, every single shot fired.
It happened so fast
Every detail of how and when and why would be clear in his mind
It happened so fast
And yet, after writing his mission report, he would get over it easily, forgetting about it in favour of spending time with Laura and the kids.
It happened so fast
But this time, this time…
It happened so fast
It’s different.
It happened so fast
Because, this time-
It happened so slowly
It’s like time was taunting him, making him see every second of it in slow motion.
It happened so slowly
And he doesn’t remember most of it
It happened so slowly
He doesn’t remember the why or the how
It happened so slowly
All he remembers, is the sound of the gun safety clicking in that tall tale way.
It happened so slowly
And then his eyes were snapping up, from his crouched position against the wall trying to stop the noises of Tony drowning after finally getting that they wouldn’t stop torturing just because they asked them to.
It happened so slowly
His eyes widening at the gun’s safety oh so familiar noise, he had shot up.
It happened so slowly
And then he was rushing to the glass of his cell, where Tony was pinned
It happened so slowly
But he was too slow
It happened so slowly
He had yelled, a jumble of crescendo nos
It happened so slowly
“NononONO!”
It happened so slowly
And suddenly there was a bang, making him flinch bodily and halting him, Tony’s blood spraying on the glass, making him recoil
Ant then time stopped
And, for a moment, as Tony slid down the bars, the back of his head hitting every one of them, motionless and limp, he thought ‘that’s it’
‘He’s dead’
And that thought woke him up from his trance, making him throw himself to his knees, his trembling hands on the glass following Tony’s gentle, slow fall.
“Tony! Hey hey! Tony!” His hands tapped the glass as Tony slid down, trying to make him regain consciousness “Tony! Wake up man!”
Fear gripped his heart when Tony didn’t answer, finally slumping down on the ground. There was a ringing in his ears, making him ignore Sam’s shouts and Scott’s pleads for Tony to wake up. All he could do was remain frozen, breath stuck in his throat until a guard kneeled and felt Tony’s neck for a pulse
Clint’s ears finally stopped ringing, registering the silence that had taken over the room. No one made a sound, no one moved as the guard checked for Tony’s pulse
And he couldn’t breathe.
Because what if Tony was- was dead, and the last thing Clint had said to him was a joke about Rhodey’s broken back instead of a last thank you for saving his family from the data dump.
A second passed
Because what if Tony was dead and the last thing Clint had done to him was team up with Wanda to throw cars at him instead of pulling some dumb prank on him that would have started yet another epic prank war.
His eyes burned
Because what if Tony was dead and the last thing Clint had seen him do was being tortured instead of watching him build something groundbreaking in the workshop for hours.
His sight got watery
Because what if Tony was dead and the last think Clint and him had done together was fight instead of playing yet another game of Mario Cart?
He blinked away the tears to see more clearly, unknowingly letting them fall
Because what if Tony was dead?
The guard looked towards the shooter and finally spoke
“He’s alive”
A relieved sob tore itself out of his throat, his lungs stuttering as the breath got out of Clint’s lungs in a rush, and he rested his head against the cold glass of his cell. His heart beating wildly in fear of losing Tony.
Now, hours later, the tears having dried on his cheeks and the fear for one of his best friends having subdued, he looks down at his hands and all he could think is that he feels like that there should be blood there, but all he sees is clean skin
And he has to remind himself
He’s alive