Even When Alone
“Maybe he went to New York. You know, memories or something? The papers say he could remember things sometimes, before they - they wiped him.”
They’re eating takeout in a new safehouse that Sam is pretty sure is only like twenty minutes from his real house. Still, they should be careful, as much as they can. HYDRA did find Steve in his own apartment, after all.
“Maybe. We could talk to Tony, see if he can get some facial recognition or something.”
Steve looks thoughtful. “It might be worth it.” He shakes his head. “It’s so strange. A few years ago, color film was a big thing, and now it’s facial recognition.”
Well shit, that really puts things in perspective. People still got like, preventable diseases when Steve was growing up. He grew up during history that Sam learned in school. He lived that. So maybe he can see why Steve’s list of future shit to learn is more of a chore than something interesting. There’s just so much and the gulf is so wide.
“Yeah, and I thought growing up before cell phones was weird.”
“I don’t mind this century. Okay, sure there’s a lotta things wrong with it, a lotta shit that I don’t like. I thought we coulda left some shit behind, but all in all, the good shit outweighs the bad.” Steve’s getting into this, slipping into an accent that sounds strange to Sam, but is probably closer to how he actually talked when he was back in his own time. “But it’s not like I got a choice in it. I’m here. It's not horrible. It’s just - fast sometimes.”
Sam nods. Steve needs to talk about this sort of thing. “I don’t want to make it worse, but what do you miss about it?” Besides the obvious.
“I miss my neighborhood - or maybe it was the people. It wasn’t classy or anything, but I knew the people I knew and it was really home. It was noisy and we didn’t have heat in the winter half the time, but everyone who was friends with us helped. And we helped them. We figured it out. Most of the time. There was - there was a lotta people who got it really bad when the stock market crashed. I didn’t even know what the fuck a stock market was, but I knew that it meant Andy’s dad shot his own head in when he lost his job. And I don’t wanna say that I was miserable all the time. It was different. There was good days and there was bad days, and that’s just how it was. Couldn’t escape it. Wasn’t much I could do anyway, with me being sick all the time.”
Steve doesn’t talk about this when he does interviews. Sam has seen those. They’re all very ‘thank you for letting me see this new century’ and careful. He gets privacy, though. Steve’s got an image to maintain, and seeing that crumble isn’t going to go well. Though now he’s got no choice - HYDRA did a lot of fucking damage.
Sam almost says something, but Steve continues on his own. “I think about drawing again sometimes. The Smithsonian’s got my notebooks, you know? They put the drawings that are fit to print forward. But I know what’s in them. I drew what was real, not just what people were supposed to see. I don’t draw now. I guess I don’t have the time or something. Maybe one day I’ll sit down.”
“Maybe one day you will.” Steve breaks Sam’s heart sometimes. “You ever need a model, I’m here.”
“Nah, I couldn’t do you justice,” Steve teases. Sam likes this happier Steve. This is one of only a few times that he’s seen him like this. It never lasts.
They go back to the papers after eating.
“Hey, Steve. Suit up, we gotta go.” Sam waves his phone in Steve’s face. “Intruder alert at your old apartment. The one he shot up. Natasha clued me in on the security system.” Thank God for that.
There’s no video, and Sam doubts that the Winter Soldier would show up on it anyway, but it’s as good a lead as they’re ever going to get. And if it’s not the Winter Soldier himself, well Sam’s always down to kick a few Nazis in the teeth.