Breaking
Sam drives Steve to his house.
They walk in and Sam almost has a heart attack when he sees Natasha sitting on his couch. Just fucking sitting there, like she’s been invited. He doesn’t bother asking how or why.
“You two shouldn’t stay here,” Natasha says calmly. “Now that you’re both known entities. I’ve got a place.”
So they go back out to the car, once Sam’s thrown some of his things into a bag. Natasha drives and Steve seems alert enough to know the route if they need to get out that Sam allows his mind to wander. Who knew his life was gonna end up like this? He called his mom last night, when it was still early but Steve was asleep. She’s been placated into knowing he’s alive and totally not involved in any of the explosions that he totally could not describe the reasons for. Well. She was happy that he’s safe, anyway. And no one knows that he’s supposed to be a felon yet, so that remains unsaid for the moment.
There’s the sound of a notification that is for Sam and not Steve, who is the old man here, technically. To be fair, Steve’s probably had a more one-on-one update about technology. But still, Sam’s supposed to have his phone on silent like a good elder millennial. Steve looks to the back curiously as Sam checks his phone.
Tony’s found the Winter Soldier file.
“Well, looks like Tony came through,” Sam tells the front of the car. “He says it’s a lotta Russian, some German, and some English. He also says that he can translate those two, since the, and I quote, “itsy bitsy spider’s taking Washington”. Natasha makes a rude noise.
“I know German. It’s not great, but I was decent before,” Steve offers up. “I can read it, no problem. If that speeds things up.”
Sam didn’t know that. He probably should have. There’s questions he needs to ask, as Steve’s friend. Because they’re friends after all this. Nothing like taking down some Nazis to really bring people together. He sends off a text to Tony, who seems to reply at the speed of light. “He says he’ll send the German as is, and run the Russian through a thing he just made. Does that man ever sleep?”
“Rarely,” Natasha says. “Looks like you boys have some reading to do. It’s going to be bad. Really bad. Take breaks. I mean it. HYDRA is...well, they always have been thorough, and if he’s been around a long time, there’s going to be some really bad things in that file. I can’t answer my phone a lot of the day, but after hours, you can call.”
“I appreciate it.”
She shrugs, like she hasn’t just given them warnings about what horrors they’re about to read, like she’s someone who has seen those horrors. “I’m trying to be a better person. I was told to start small.”
“Oh god. Oh god.” Steve gets up, runs off. Sam picks up the pages that he was reading and takes a look. It’s one of the English scans, translated from Russian. This is good, because Steve’s also been working on the German, and Sam doesn’t know any of that. HYDRA apparently wasn’t real big on Spanish. There’s Steve’s notes on the page, almost all the way down to the bottom. They stop a paragraph before the end, though, and that must be where the real bad stuff is.
Acquisition of the Asset from the Germans as terms of their surrender. The Asset was sedated for the handover, but regained consciousness quickly. We are told that he was injected with serum similar to the American hero. Therefore, this Asset must be kept carefully, away from the Americans’ eyes. They do not hold the same ideals as us.
Sam frowns at that. There’s no note on it, just the word “serum” underlined. Huh. He’d never thought about that. If Steve is right and this is Bucky, that might explain how he survived this long. He skips down the page a little more, because he doesn’t feel about reading about the greatness of Soviet science, or whatever the person writing this was about to go into after talking about ideals and that shit.
The Germans were uninspired in their care of the Asset. We were told that he was interrogated and fitted with the metal prosthetic as part of testing for potential solutions for their own men. Now that we have him, he will not be used for such pedestrian tasks.
He is of a confused mindset and has a high fever. The metal arm that the Germans fitted him with has given him an infection. The skin around the attachment site is growing diseased and he will eventually get sepsis. While this ought to be avoided, it is the perfect opportunity to begin to bring him around to be ours. He will not know what is a dream and what is not. We may begin to plant ideas in his mind, and if he is amenable, we will keep him alive. If not, we may discard him or proceed in some other way.
Sam wants to throw up too. He hears Steve come back into the room, but keeps reading steadfastly. This is torture. This is literal fucking inhumane torture. The next paragraph is dated, which probably means that the latter part of this was from a little earlier.
The Asset has been fitted with a new prosthetic. To test the pain threshold, he was kept awake during the operation. He was restrained so that he would not damage his own spine as the anchors were put in. Much of the existing flesh, even that which was not damaged had to be trimmed away to fit the arm properly. The arm is heavy, because it is metal, but for a much more exciting reason as well. As it was explained to me, it is all part of our conditioning process. Only we will feed the Asset, until it has learned to be helpless in this aspect. It will also not be allowed to kill itself. Therefore, if the Asset ever escapes, it will not be able to eat, but also unable to starve itself. Through this dilemma, it will either have to return to base, or waste away in immense agony. The metal arm will tear the spine apart if the Asset is not the proper weight. Therefore, it is certain that the Asset will not leave us. It will have to learn this, of course, as simply telling a man things will not have the same impact as almost living it.
Oh. Sam looks up at Steve. Steve’s got tears in his eyes, but his hands are clenched tight.
“What if he’s like that now? They - they -” Steve’s too angry to continue, looks like he wants to punch something, but thankfully for the safehouse’s walls, he doesn’t.
“They tortured him. From the very beginning,” Sam finishes. Natasha told him that she didn’t think it was Bucky in that body, and now he understands why. Torture will do that to a man. Torture and it seems like they planned on brainwashing him too. Whoever’s in that body is dangerous, but whoever’s in there is also a prisoner of war who needs help. Sam knows that this is a watershed moment. He drops the page and takes a deep breath.
“This is horrifying,” he says to the wall next to Steve. “This is absolutely fucking horrifying.” He rubs his hands over his face.
“Sam, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have dragged you into this.”
“No, you shouldn’t have. But I said yes and I kept saying yes. This is just as much my fault as yours. I’m not mad at you, man. If I’m gonna be mad at anyone, I’m gonna be mad at them.”
“Still, I’m sorry. I didn’t know it was gonna be like this. I should be able to deal with my shit.”
No one did, Sam thinks. That’s the thing about horror. No one sees it starting. They only see the effects when it gets bad enough. There’s that boiling frog thing.
“That’s not true, Steve. You’re allowed to ask for help. I’d go on, but I’m fucking tired, so sorry, the doctor is out. We should take a break before going through all this. I’m gonna look at kittens on the internet or something.”
Steve leaves to go run, clad in both a baseball cap and sunglasses. Nothing’ll hide that body, but he tries his best, and Sam’s not gonna keep him trapped inside, even if he probably should.