I Don't Need Blankies or Stuffies

FRIDAY, please tell me when he wakes up or if he has a nightmare... or an accident." Steve said softly, slipping out of bed once he was one hundred percent sure that Bucky was asleep.

Steve grabbed all the blankets and sheets sitting in a heap on the floor in Bucky's bathroom. "Why didn't he wash these?" Steve muttered to FRIDAY, as he gathered the wet pajama pants that had been over the side of the tub.

"I believe it is because you were in the living room and to get to the washing machine he would have had to pass by you. Cleaning sheets at two in the morning would have looked a bit suspicious, he didn't want you to know."

Steve nodded, frowning as he walked to the washing machine and shoved everything in there. FRIDAY turned it on for him.

"How do I... What do I do about his bed?" Steve asked, moving the towel. The stain wasn't bad, Bucky had obviously cleaned it with something but it hadn't been enough.

"I would recommend cleaning it with a mix of baking soda, hydrogen peroxide and dish soap in an empty spray bottle."

He nodded, "That's... bleach, right?"

"Yes."

The empty spray bottle was the hardest thing to find. He ended up pouring a half empty bottle of glass cleaner down the drain. He decided being a bit wasteful was less important than this.

He finished cleaning the bed, hoping most of the stains will be faded or gone by the time the bed was dry. "Tell me when the bed is dry, FRIDAY."

"Okay." Came the chirpy voice from the ceiling.

"Is Bucky doing alright?" He asked as reheated a few leftover waffles from this morning.

"Sound asleep with no outward signs of nightmares and a dry bed."

"Great." He nodded, taking his waffles out of the microwave and already beginning to munch on the crispy edges from when it was first cooked.

He was too lazy for butter or syrup, only able to walk himself over to the couch and flick through channels until something other than a commercial was on.

He was tired, almost exhausted but not quite there. He didn't have a headache or heavy limbs, only droopy eyes. It was from messing up the sleep schedule he barely had. He'd stayed up well past midnight before to do paperwork mostly but this felt different. He thinks back on the last... two... three - he has no clue - days. He would try to do the math in his head but his was too sleepy.

"Fri, what time is it?"

"Eleven thirty-seven pm. The last you slept was on the couch with Mr. Barnes, he woke up at five seventeen pm and you woke up before him at twelve thirty pm." He took the hint and got up to go put his plate in the sink and shuffled quietly over to his room. He fell in bed cuddling close to the still sleeping Bucky. He immediately fell asleep.

-

Steve woke up again around noon, cursing himself and reaching over for his phone to text Sam that he was sorry for missing their morning run again.

Sam texted back a while later that it was fine, Steve promised to run with him tomorrow morning but he wasn't sure if he would wake up on time. It depended on Bucky. Steve enjoyed himself, loved the time with Bucky, wanted to take care of him when he was little. Bucky was probably denying that he was at least somewhat little. However, Steve could tell - based off the articles and things FRIDAY had told him. FRIDAY was the one that told him about little space and everything in the first place. She wouldn't have said anything if she wasn't very very sure.

Steve wanted to take care of him, be there for Bucky when he needed him. Little or not. He wants that trust from their old relationship back but he felt like it never left. Maybe Bucky wasn't aware that he could trust Steve but he fell into old habits.

Steve slipped out of bed, untangling and moving Bucky's arms and legs. He had to wiggle away from Bucky's tight arms around him. Bucky made cute little sleepy noises as he moved a bit to get comfortable in his sleep.

Steve left the door to his bedroom open, "Tell me again if anything happens with Bucky, FRIDAY."

"Of course." She said, then completely randomly: "I assumed you wanted me to wait until you woke up by yourself to inform you that Mr. Barnes' bed is dry."

"Yeah, thanks." He said once he was in the living room, walking over to the laundry room. He moved the clean sheets into the dryer and turned it on. "FRIDAY, does Bucky have any more sheets?"

"Yes, in his closet."

"Would it be wrong to - would he be mad if I went through his stuff?"

"It is your choice." The AI said, very unhelpfully.

Steve just shook his head, Bucky's had enough of having zero privacy, Steve wanted to ask before he went through his stuff. Even if it was just for sheets, it was still Bucky's stuff. He could just make the bed after the sheets finished drying.

Steve walks quietly as possible into his own room, taking a quick glance at Bucky. He was laying on the side of the bed Steve had been on, his arms mostly wrapped around a pillow and he was curled up with his knees close to his chest. He clutched a blanket in his hand and had the covers pulled up past his cheek. Steve took a minute to smile, Bucky had slept like that when they lived in Brooklyn. Steve had thought it was cute then. It's still cute now.

Steve went over to the night stand, the only light coming from the red glow of his alarm clock, and grabbed for his laptop blindly in the dark.

"How many sets of sheets does Bucky have?" He asked once he was sitting on the living room couch, already going to Amazon.

"Two, one is in the wash and the other is in his closet. They are both white, however there are no stains."

"Thanks FRIDAY."

Steve scrolled through Amazon for a while, looking at different brands of sheets and how many stars each one had. He eventually decided on a set of navy blue ones and another set of dark gray ones. They were made out of cotton and looked soft, the white ones Bucky had now felt scratchy like they were from a hotel. He wonders if that's where Bucky had got them from, stole them from one before he came to the tower. Steve's only been in two hotels so he wasn't really the person to ask about hotel sheets.

"I would recommend also purchasing a couple of mattress protectors for him too." FRIDAY added before he went to checkout.

"Uh... what's -"

FRIDAY opened another Amazon tab on his computer. It was an Amazon recommended mattress protector, he read through the reviews, not really getting why Bucky would need this. Then the description of it of it said it was waterproof. Oh.

He added two to the cart, along with the other two sets of sheets and bought the four items. They would arrive tomorrow.

His plan had been to make Bucky's bed (which he didn't end up doing), buy Bucky the sheets, make breakfast and do some of his paperwork. Now, after a while on the computer, he still felt heavy eyed. Even if it was twelve thirty in the afternoon.

"Is Bucky still asleep?"

"Yes," was the AI's immediate answer.

He walked back into his room and slipped back into bed with Bucky. Screw his sleep schedule.

Even if he only slept for another hour and a half, he felt better once he woke up and went to make breakfast.

-

Bucky woke up warm after his nightmare. Not the I just wet the bed and woke up from it type of warm but someone was laying with me type of warm. His hand immediately searched for Steve out of habit of sharing a bed all the time when they were younger and he blinked his eyes open a few times when he realized he wasn't there. Even though it was a disappointment waking up alone after having fallen asleep next to someone, Bucky smiled. Steve had seen that he wet the bed on multiple occasions, from the state his mattress was in. Steve had still let him sleep in his bed, and slept next to him at that. Even with the risk that Bucky would have an accident and get them both wet. Even just thinking about that made his smile short lived. Maybe it was pity or something along those lines. Bucky thought back to all the things Steve has done for him over the past few days. All the shit he put up with from Bucky and it's been just a few days. Oh god, how was Steve ever going to want him around anymore or -

"Morning," he said softly, as he opened the door. His eye caught the alarm clock on the nightstand. "Well, afternoon I guess." 2:37 pm.

Bucky just hummed. He squirmed a little in the bed, feeling the front of his pants and the sheets of the bed, reassuring himself that he was dry.

"How did you sleep."

Bucky steached, burying his face in the pillow for a moment, relaxing at the smell of Steve's shampoo there. He yawned, "Good." Then sat up, "Warm."

"I'm glad. You know, now we have a bit more to talk about, yeah?"

Bucky's frown was only visible on the two little creases in between his eyebrows, the rest of his emotions closed off now that he didn't feel much like a little kid.

"Do we have to?"

"Yep."

"Now?"

"I made breakfast, ah... lunch, I guess."

"What did you make?"

"French toast, with raspberries and blueberries."

Bucky had to admit, he was hungry, even if his stomach was a little shaky from his nightmare. He didn't want to talk about last night or anything.

"We have syrup."

He glanced around, shifting in the warm - not wet, he reassured himself - bed. "I'll be out in a minute."

-

"This one is a little off topic but the other day I didn't get to ask. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, it's fine. But, why were you afraid to go in the room by yourself?"

Bucky opened his mouth to apologize about that, it was a bad reaction on his part. He's usually able to control himself and hide outward reactions. Steve beat him to it.

"I'm sorry I made you almost cry by the way... if you wanna tell me so it doesn't happen again?"

"I, uh, I'm sorry about that." He said anyways.

"No, it's okay. I'm not irritated or anything, I just feel bad."

"Why?"

Steve frowned at him, "Because," he said, frustrated. It was familiar. When they would argue back in Brooklyn Steve would get that same note in his voice. Knowing that all he had to say was one word for his part of their argument. Now though, he explained. "What I asked made you remember something bad."

"I -" Bucky shook his head, shoving a piece of french toast in his mouth. He barely finished chewing it before another piece was being pushed into his mouth.

"Bucky Barnes," Steve said, making him jump, "don't you put anymore food in your mouth. Chew what you have."

Bucky did, avoiding eye contact and looking down at his plate. He chewed until the food was mush in his mouth and swallowed it slowly. He set the piece of French toast that had been in his hand down.

"You can't do that." Steve told him gently, "You're gonna make yourself sick or your gonna choke."

Bucky nodded, his cheeks flushing.

"So?" Steve asked.

"I don't know. It was just - Hydra, you know?"

"Yeah," Steve agreed, trying to get Bucky to continue, even though, no, he didn't know.

"They - when I wasn't on a mission or in cyro I would have to follow them around. And, I don't know, maybe it was a game or a test or - or - something."

"What was?"

"I'd be following them around and they'd ask me to go into the other room to grab them something. It was sort of a damned if you do, damned if you don't kind of thing."

Steve just nodded along, trying to show Bucky that he was listening.

"What do you mean?"

Bucky glanced up at him, keeping his head tilted down in mostly embarrassment. "I'd get in trouble if I left the room because I wasn't supposed to be by myself. Said I was unstable. Or I would get in trouble for not following an order. Either way."

"You know you won't get in trouble for anything like that here, right?"

He nodded slowly, he's been here for awhile now and has figured out nothing really leads to punishment. Sometimes he would forget. It was that side of him that was acting like a little kid, it was vulnerable and too open.

"What are you thinking?" Steve asked softly.

"I'm just sorry," he lied. Half lied, he hadn't been actively thinking about but he still felt sorry.

"For reacting?" Steve sounded confused.

"Yeah."

"Please don't be. It's totally fine." Steve said, taking another bite of his frech toast. Bucky assumed that meant it was okay for him to do that too, he reached onto his plate and grabbed the French toast. He took a smaller bite that he hoped Steve would approve of. Steve didn't say anything about it. "I don't want you to hide your reactions, it's just like the crying thing. You got to let yourself have that release of emotion."

Bucky nodded. "It doesn't make me feel good," he admitted stupidly. Stupid, stupid, stupid. "I deserve it though. I did all these things and.. conquences, you know?"

"No, I don't. You don't deserve consequences for things you did while brainwashed and while being tortured and having your entire life taken away from you."

Bucky shrugged, hoping Steve would take another bite of his food so he could too. Bucky stared at the plate, maybe he could just... no... he had to wait until the appropriate time to eat. He was tempted, hungry but Steve would get worried again if he ate too fast.

"Eat if your hungry. No more than two bites at once though, okay?" Bucky hesitantly took a bite out of his French toast. "Two bites at most and you're fine."

They ate for a while more before Steve asked the question Bucky was dreading and was creating an awkward silence in the room.

"It's from the nightmares too, right?"

"What?" Play dumb and maybe he won't say anything more. But it was Steve. He didn't just go along with things.

"You wetting the bed."

Bucky flushed a dark red, "Uh.. you weren't supposed to find out about that."

"I feel like there was a lot of stuff that I wasn't supposed to find out about these past few days."

Bucky just nodded miserably, "It's supposed to be for me to deal with."

Steve shook his head, "You shouldn't deal with your feelings by ignoring them."

"It was working fine for a year until a few nights ago." Bucky defended, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms.

"It wasn't working."

"Yes it was."

"Were you happy living like that?"

"I was functioning." He said and took another bite of his toast. A few days ago he wouldn't have even eaten breakfast, he didn't need it, only ate after missions or training. He set the toast down.

"Enough with that functioning bullshit. You aren't in Hydra and you know it. Here everyone cares about how you are feeling and they know that how you are feeling can affect everything."

"It doesn't."

"You don't sleep and you don't wake up at reasonable times. You're in your bedroom until twelve or one pm. Then you come out and just train. You barely eat and -"

"Okay," Bucky burst out, "I get it." His face was still flushed but now it looked angry instead of embarrassed.

Steve grabbed his glass of water and took a long drink. "Maybe I'm approaching this the wrong way... No I know I am. I didn't mean to make you angry, I'm sorry."

Truth was, he wasn't. He was just embarrassed and the only way he knew how to cover it up and make people stop was anger. It had even worked on Steve, who seemed to know every one of his little tricks. Okay, maybe he was a bit angry.

Bucky wanted to tell Steve that he was right, that he was hurting and it was affecting him but he didn't want to just admit to it. So lying and anger was the only way to play it off.

"Whatever." He said barely blinking at Steve.

"I'm sorry. Just keep eating, I guess. We'll take later when you aren't so upset with me."

"I don't wanna." Bucky crossed his arms getting his sticky syrup fingers on the fabric of the shirt he threw on after waking up.

Steve frowned, "We'll worry about it later."

"No."

"You want to talk about it now?"

"No."

"Now or later."

"Later." Bucky said, then looked confused. "Wait... wait, no. I don' wanna at all."

"Naw, too late. You already said later."

"That's not fair."

"It's very fair."

"No," but Bucky giggled softly, blushing. With completely forgotten anger and embarrassment, Bucky said, "can we watch a movie if we talk? Like last time."

"Yeah, buddy, just eat for now."

"Alright," Bucky said, reaching for his French toast, still looking confused at his sudden change in emotions (and headspaces but Steve knew Bucky wouldn't admit that part) but content.