Bonding and Binders

Peter had no problem with being who he was. Why would he really? He could not change his entire person just because certain people didn't agree with him being himself.

That didn't make it any easier when they found out though.

You see, he had never bothered to tell them about it. They had always seen him as he was supposed to be without a shred of doubt in their minds. Treated him like he wanted to be treated and in a way that he found could be called respectable for a team of unstable superheroes.

Why tell people about your past when it could only complicate the future?

So, when Natasha walked into his room to wake him up, the Saturday morning sun telling him it was way too early to be disturbed like this, he put his head under the covers to cover his eyes from the light that was too bright for his liking and for this time of day.

Of course, she would pull the covers off of him. She had told him once, on an evening a few weeks ago where the rest of his newfound teammates had either been drunk, asleep or in another state far away from the tower, that she had made that motion a habit.
It is the easiest way to wake up both Mr Stark and Mr Hawkeye when they needed a hangover cure.

That night he also learned that the Iron man had not needed her to rip the sheets off of him since Newyork. It would only worsen nightmares he swore he didn't have.

So Peter, still half asleep and worrying about the light more than anything else at the moment, lifted up his arm to cover his eyes rather than the area he would've covered normally.

But Natasha saw.
And she froze, eyes snapping up to look at Peters still half covered face.

As he realised his arms flew down, crossing over his chest and staring at the woman standing in front of the bed he had been crashing on whenever he got May to allow him to stay at the tower.

"Pete..."
"Miss widow please don't be mad."
"I told you to call me Natasha. And I'm not mad kid don't worry."

It was fascinating to him how quickly she could change her expression or intentions as she kneeled down next to him and carefully pulled the covers over him again until his chest was covered not only by the shirt he was wearing but also by the blanket

" Why didn't you tell us, kid? We could've helped you. "

" Well, honestly I don't think most of you would've understood."

As she looked at him, one eyebrow raised, he quickly tried to explain.

"Mr Rogers and Mr Barnes are from the forties, I don't think anyone had any idea about what this all was back then. And if they did it was a huge taboo. Mr Thor is from another planet and I don't know how that stuff works in space..."

Natasha cut him off with a quiet chuckle and shook her head in disbelief.

"Don't worry about that too much spiderling. And if you don't want me to I won't tell. I'm a spy for a reason you know."

He smiled at her and nodded, shuffling to sit upright.
She seemed to understand as she gave his hand a little squeeze - when did she start holding it? - and got onto her feet again.

" get up kid, we're having family breakfast. "

Peter waved at her back as she closed the door, and let out a breath he hadn't realised he had been holding before he slowly got up and padded over to the full body mirror that was hung on his wall.

He still had to ask Mr Stark to take that down.
He stood in front of it, back turned towards the reflective surface as he slowly got dressed, turning around again to see how his chest was now flat and in every way like it should look.

That never got old.

After he had dressed himself fully he opened the door and moved down the hall, the guest room he had slept in so long a little plate with his name on it had been hung next to the entrance, was stationed close to the common room, only a few steps and a trip with the elevator later and he was met with muffled voices and laughter.

The room was filled with voices he had grown familiar with greeting him. Faces he still saw as one of his heroes but that he had now also accepted as his friends looking up at him as he entered.

Another thing that would never get old.

He sat down next to Tony, Thor on his other side, a habit he had gotten into as both were the first two Avengers that had really been caring about him since he had come over more often.

But now he felt slightly awkward as he dived into his breakfast that Clint had set in front of him, Peter signing a thank you to the man which made him smile even though it was the millionth time he did so.

But Thor was looking at him strangely, and he eyed Natasha as to ask her if she had said anything. The woman shaking her head before she took another sip of her coffee.

Going against popular beliefs, she drunk her coffee with both milk and sugar.

But Thor didn't take his eyes off him until he had finished his breakfast and he dared to look down, see if the binder had shown some lumps or anything strange about him that could make the god so curious.

He found nothing.

But as he stood from his place, announcing that he had some homework to do, Thor stood as well, walking close behind him until they reached his room.

The god towered over him, the shirt he was wearing seeming to have a hard time containing the muscles he was gifted with. And Peter was once again reminded about his rather embarrassing crush on the man.

But Thor looked at him again before nodding his head and leaving without a word.

And Peter was left wondering what the hell that was supposed to mean.

***

The first time it happened he had gotten to the compound to find it nearly empty.

All of the Avengers go on a mission that required everyone except for him and Thor it seemed, as the God of Thunder sat on the couch, talking with a pale, significantly thinner man.

Peter realised quickly who this had to be and his heart started pounding in his chest.

"Hello, man of spiders! This is my brother Loki!"

"They, Thor."

"Ah. My apologies. This is my sibling Loki."

Peter walked towards them slowly, looking at the individual before him.

Most would've been afraid. But, one who spends time with Thor long enough will develop a soft spot for his mischievous brother.

Or a sibling. Huh, he hadn't known that.

" Hello, Mx. Loki! I'm so happy to finally meet you!"

The frost giant seemed taken aback a bit.

"You're... glad to meet me?"
"Of course! Thor told us you're a good guy now and I've always loved your fighting style and you seem like a cool person and the magic thing is really fascinating to me and-"

Thor cut him off with a laugh.

"The man of spiders had been a big fan of yours! He even drew us both once! It looked quite charming."

After a beat of silence and Thor looking at him with that weird look he had had a few mornings ago, he got onto his feet.

"Well, I am needed someplace else! You both enjoy your time together."

He walked off a little too quick for Peter to believe the lie he told.
Loki seemed to share his suspicion.

"He has always been a rather terrible liar I am afraid. The real reason why he so rudely left us is that he had told me you needed assistance."

Peter was taken by surprise at that, taking another step before carefully sitting next to the god, the place thor had sat just a moment ago.

"Mx Loki I'm not sure I know what you mean. I don't need help I think I'm fi-"
"You are transgender, correct?"

Peters' heart stopped for a moment. Though if it showed on his face Loki didn't comment on it.

"I-yeah I am but how did you...?"
"Dear it's fairly easy for me to notice. I've got a gift. So to speak. Now let us discuss some ways you might feel more comfortable in your own skin. I take that the other Avengers aren't aware?"

Peter shook his head, still baffled about the whole situation.
But who could blame him?
He was talking to a nonbinary God who seemed to know exactly what he needed to know at any given time. That being said Thor had once mentioned that his brother had once turned blue so he supposed he shouldn't be surprised at anything anymore.

"First things first I can offer to cast a spell that will compress your chest without needing a binder, that way it shall be both safer and less noticeable and you shall be able to wear the suit without restrains. Completely removing them I can not do until you're 18. That is a Midgardian rule and I have caused too much trouble on this planet to break any more rules. "

Peter just gaped at him, eyes wide and completely and utterly speechless.

" I- Loki I don't -... "
" If you are comfortable with me doing that of course. I understand it may be odd but I can cast it right now so you can see if it feels comfortable enough for you to consider. You would have to take that worn out thing of first, of course. "

He pointed at his chest as they spoke, and Peter looked down, half expecting his binder to be visible in some way. It wasn't. Neither were the small lumps the binder wasn't able to hide.

" I-yeah I'll do that I think. "

How can one say no to that kind of offer?

"I'll just-... I'll go to my room and get changed if you don't mind I don't... Really feel comfortable..."

"That is quite understandable spider child. I shall wait here."

With that Loki put one skinny leg over the other, a silent signal that their conversation was over. Or perhaps for him to go change.

He did the later quickly, struggling a bit as the thing wouldn't come off fast enough. And taking a long look in the mirror before stepping into the hallway again.

Tugging at his shirt, trying any position the fabric would make his chest less visible in, he walked over to the couch again.
Deciding that just holding the hem of his shirt stretched out would be the best answer to that pained question he looked up at Loki who just gave him a sympathetic look.

"My lord kid you remind me of myself before I learned to... That doesn't matter right this moment. I shall cast the spell right this second. It is painless so do not brace yourself to it. The worst it can do is tickle."

The green hue, similar to the one scarlet witch could make appear at will seemed to surround him suddenly, it tingled indeed, but suddenly the shirt he had finally let go of felt less stretched and hung loosely around his torso. He blinked, felt at his chest, blinked again and then looked at the god in front of him, wide eyes filled with wonder as the biggest grin nearly tore his face in half.

"not bad eh?"

He turned around quickly towards the sound, greeted by Thor who was standing in the doorframe, leaning against the polished wood with a gentle smile on his lips as he looked past Peter, eyes Loki who simply nodded.

"I-Thank you..." was all he could bring himself to say, eyes still staring down at his own body in wonder, fingers brushing the fabric of the shirt just barely, as if afraid he'd feel that something was still there if he touches his actual chest.

"Call me Loki, spiderling. Thor and I must go and discuss some issues, though I am sure we shall see each other very soon," they said, a small, genuine smile playing on their lips before standing, gracefully walking over to their brother, Peter just watched them in silence as they walked out.

"So about Sleipnir..." was the last bit of their conversation he was able to hear before the door slid shut.

He stood in that same exact position for two minutes straight before snapping back into reality and going to his room to grab his phone, texting Ned about how he had just met Loki themselves.

***

The next time they met was indeed not long after.
Two days to be exact.

Loki had held themselves busy with walking around the city in disguise, always seeming to exactly miss the times when Peter was at the tower.

Though as he walked down the hallway after exiting the guest bedroom (May was out of town with a friend and Tony had gratefully agreed on letting Peter stay with him) he noticed how the common room was quieter than usual.

He smelled the expensive perfume even before he saw her, sitting among the slightly uncomfortable looking Avengers.

A simple green crop top with height waist ripped black jeans, the rips showing fishnets she was wearing underneath. Legs crossed and silently drinking from he coffeecup while making direct eye contact with Peter as soon as he looked at her.

"Hello, Peter."

"Oh hey, kid! I'm sure you've heard of Loki right? She came to visit from whatever planet she's been hanging out at."

"I appreciate the subtlety Stark."
"Anything for the woman who threw me out of a window."

Peter stood in the middle of the common room for a moment before finally walking over to the long table and sitting in his usual place.

"Ah, I should probably explain why the kid is so starstruck. We met a couple of days ago. My... Form, was different at the time. I'm a shape-shifter child, that's all you need to know really."

"I think she is what you Midgardians call 'genderfluid'"
"Oh don't forget a pansexual brother. That's a fun term as well"

"What's pansexual?"

All head now turned to Steve, who met with all the stares, suddenly felt embarrassed for even asking.

Though Loki didn't seem to mind, simply fumbling with one of her earnings as she stared the man down.

"You know how you're bisexual, captain?"
The room was dead silent as Steve nodded, not seeming to be aware of the confusion of the others.

"That, but with all genders. I like the personality rather than the gender, to put it in your terms."
"Ah alright. Thank you for explaining."

And after a few moments:
"Why all the looks. You all knew we were dating right?"
Now everyone looked at Bucky and carefully as if afraid they might be saying something wrong, a few of the heroes nodded.

Bucky simply rolled his eyes and took another bite of his toast.

"Why'd you meet the kid anyway? You didn't do anything to him right?"
"I'm afraid I did Barnes."
"Excuse me?"

Mr Stark now looked angry, as if ready to call on one of his suits, though Peter hushed him quickly."

"Mr Stark she didn't do anything bad to me I promise. She erm-... helped me, more than anything really."

"With what exactly kid?"

"So they don't know then I assume? Interesting."
"The hell is that supposed to mean enchantress?"
"Miss Loki, please-"

She raised an eyebrow at that, the silent way of saying 'really kid?' clear from the look she gave him.

"Does this mean you do not want them to know?"
"No... I mean yes-... maybe! But I don't know how to bring it up or how they'd react."

The fact that they were having this conversation in front of the people he wanted to hide it from so desperately was quite bizarre. But then again, bizarre had become a normal thing in his life once he got bitten by that spider.

"Ah. But if you're scared of their reactions then why don't we figure out what they would be? Stark, may I request of you to ask your team to come to stand in a line in front of me for a moment, I will not harm any of you in the slightest and the mindreading is completely painless."

"Not so big on mind stuff after what you did in New York miss, I gotta say."
"My apologies for that once again mister Barton. But I am quite certain that this will ultimately outweigh your discomfort with 'mind stuff' as you so wonderfully phrase it."

Clint let out a deep sigh but stood none the less, taking out his hearing aid just to be sure; last time his mind was messed with the thing had been damaged and he had to get a new one.

"What is this all about Peter? Is it really that important to you that we have to just trust Loki on this one?"
"Mr Rogers sir, I know this is weird and all but it's kind of a big thing for me and I-... Well, I'm scared your view of this might be different or less, uhm... expanded?"
"'t Kid's scared Steve, for fuck sake just let her poke around in your mind a bit, I'm sure it won't do any harm. Besides if she wanted to fry us she would have done it by now."

Peter smiled nervously at Tony after he'd said that, finding it strangely comforting that his mentor was willing to put himself in possible danger just so he would feel less nervous.

"Ah fuck it why not," Natascha said while standing from her place at the dinner table and walking up to Loki, Peter had always loved the way she walked, quiet yet graceful, like a ballerina. "In the name of our love for Peter and all that junk. Just zap me with whatever stick you have to use for this to work Loki, I'm sure we have all had worse."

Peter, while trying to not get slightly overwhelmed by the fact that they all slowly stood from their respective places on the table and walked over to where they stood, watched how Loki shook her head with something resembling a smirk with a hint of care hidden behind the whit, and placed her palm carefully on Natascha's forehead.

The woman in question blinked a few times as if she had been dazed and stepped backwards for a second before letting out a sigh and turning towards Peter.

"You already knew I was okay with it why did she have to grab around in my mind as well?"
"Let's just say that, if you were able to easily endure it then the others will no longer be afraid to undergo the same. Though I must compliment you, though it might be a strange one, your mind is remarkably strong miss Romanoff. "
"Thanks... I guess?"

After that she gave Peter a side hug, giving the kid a wink before they watched how Clint walked up next, carefully getting closer to Loki as if she were a dangerous animal.

"Wait a second how come I don't know what's going on with my own mentee but Natascha does?"
"Because, miss Romanoff-" "Call me Natascha Pete, we talked about this." "was a part of a series of unfortunate events that led her to know about it, Mr Stark. And I'm sorry you don't yet it's just... pretty difficult for me to say."

"I understand that kid no worries, but you did not just make a reference to the show were watching together while I'm trying to be a good role model and get you to open up."

Peter smiled at him for that. Though the smile dropped as soon as his eyes focused on Clint again. The man, a trained assassin specifically made so he was to show no weakness whatsoever, was shaking slightly as he stepped closer to Loki.

As he flinched back from her merely moving her hand upwards Peter had had enough.
"Miss Loki I know this is happening because I sort of asked you to but... Well, Mr Hawkeye seems really shaken from the last time you two met and I don't want him to feel that way again."
"While that is understandable, this is the only way I am able to access the memories we need to get this information ."

Peter inhaled sharply before straightening his back and making the mental decision.
"Then I just have to do it without that like any normal person has to do."
He repeated that sentence as Clint looked at him questioningly before grabbing his hearing aid again, turning it on and gesturing for him to say it again.
"Hey man, don't worry about me I can easily-" Clint went to protest but stopped mid-sentence as Peter just shook his head, swallowing around the lump that had suddenly formed in his throat as he faced the other Avengers, the broken up line of people all looked at him somewhat confused as he started talking again.

"You all know that this is important to me already from... well, all of this I guess. So telling you if a bit nervewracking...
Can we- can we all just kinda sit down in the living room or something? I feel like I'm about to give a presentation in front of my class which, for the few of you who actually went to a normal school, isn't really known as a fun feeling."

They all nodded quietly and followed him, Loki and Natascha towards the living room, Tony quickly running forward to sit next to the kid and wrap an arm around his shoulder for comfort.

After they had all sat down and the silence had stretched itself over several minutes, Bruce was the one to break it.

"Before you start I just want to say that... Well, we all support you. This is clearly causing you distress and whatever it is, we can deal with this together and help you through."

Peter gave the scientist a smile at that, knowing how he had lacked a support system for the first few years of being the Hulk and how hard that must've been. And suddenly he felt dumb for making it such a big deal.

"Okay here goes, Oh yeah cap uhm... or any of you really. If you don't understand a term just tell me and I'll explain okay? So... yeah."
"This is causing you, distress man of spiders, maybe if I tell and you-" "No miss Loki, thank you but no, I'll be fine I just... I need to do this myself."

He took another deep breath and looked at his feet, finding it would make talking easier than when he looked right at his heroes, his family, while doing so.

"So you all are familiar with the LGBT community right?"
Steve slowly rose his hand but Bucky grabbed it, intertwining their fingers as he whispered an explanation into his ear, the captain nodding at it so Peter just assumed he had explained the term well enough and continued.

"Okay, well-wait no let me start over that was stupid uhm-... Okay, so there's this mental disorder called gender dysphoria. It's basically your brain not matching with how you look and wanting to change the outside so it matches the inside better."
"Like finding yourself to short or chubby or skinny?"
"Uhm, no Mr Clint sir. No, but close and uhm... it can be? Being too short causes some people dysphoria as they believe it doesn't match with who they want to be. It's very confusing to explain haha."

He laughed awkwardly, not knowing how to continue without just bluntly telling them without knowing what their reactions could be first.

But Mr Stark's arm that rested on his shoulder was warm and comforting, and god he wanted to tell them so badly it made him feel like he was drowning.

"It's like if miss Loki was stuck being a man forever but she felt like a woman all of a sudden, she would not feel comfortable at all but because she would look like a man people would call her by the male pronoun and let her do male things."

He hadn't stopped staring at the floor, though he could feel the confusion radiate from at least a few of them after his complicated rant.

"I-... well that was me, I mean opposite of course but yeah. I was-I was born with everything that should make me female, so body, voice and parents that gave me a girls name and raised me as such. Everything except for the brain. And-and I figured it out when I was thirteen, why it felt like something was off I mean. And May was and still is very supportive and we went to get a binder for me and we-"
"Peter I advice you look up for a moment."

At miss Loki's words, the kids head shot up, eyes slightly widening when he saw how four hands of which one made of metal, were raised into the air. As if they were in a classroom with him being the teacher and his actual heroes the, apparently confused, students.

Fear started to settle in after the first question.

"What is your actual name then?"

Of course, Bucky could not know that that exact question was dreaded amongst the trans community, it didn't help with the pang of dysphoria that stirred under his skin after hearing the words though.

'actual name. Because 'Peter' isn't. He'll start calling you that once he finds it out, they all will. Because you'll never be a real b-' His train of thought was cut off by Loki positively growling at the ex-assassin, her black, catlike nails, digging into the soft couch cushions she was sat on as she glared at the man who, though surprise, seemed to be unphased by her threat.

"Let me translate that for you. What my sister means with that animalistic sound is that Peter, in fact, is his real name. It is possible that he has yet to change it in your earth's records but nonetheless, if he finds the name Peter to be worthy of him and describing him best then you will call him just that: Peter."

The boy in question stared at the god of thunder for a good few seconds in amazement. The way Thor explained it was so smooth and sounded natural compared to his way of forcing the words out and stumbling over them as he did so.

"Sorry didn't mean to offend you Pete, just curious."
Peter smiled at Bucky, showing he wasn't taking it to heart or serious in any way before he looked back at them all, three hands still up in the air.

He nodded towards Wanda, now cautious of who to pick, avoiding his mentors question on purpose. He had to find a way to prepare for being kicked out of the team after all.

"Yeah hey. A none threatening question... I hope. But uhm, Peter what's a binder?"

He let out a breath he didn't realise he had been holding; this he could deal with, just explaining things wasn't hard once the actual issue was on the table.

"A binder is a kind of tank top with a thicker layer in the front which compresses your... front area? The things you want gone, it makes them less obvious."
"You mean breasts?"
"Yes, of course, he means breasts, Barton. But transgenders usually are not comfortable confronting the fact that they are actually there if not strictly needed."

Clint made a slight ah noise after Loki's explanation and signed for them to continue, smiling at Peter apologetically.

"Yeah. So it kind of helps you hide stuff you don't want to be there which also helps sell you as the gender you want to be seen as in public and everywhere else really. It also lessens dysphoria so I don't want to hide in a corner and die each time I go out." The last part was said more as a joke, though there was, of course, the underlying truth behind it.

But luckily none of them seemed to mind, Tony just huffing and mumbling 'same' before Peter decided that was a good enough explanation and he moved on to another one. Bruce, in this case.

"Okay, first of all, I want to say that I'm proud of you for telling us this and that I support you 100%. Gender dysphoria is real and from what I've heard from you and other doctors their patients, also a real pain in the ass. My question was more about your safety though. So uhm, may I perhaps see your binder and also ask what exactly it is that Loki did to help you. I'm not distrusting I promise but I want to make sure that it is completely safe."

'i uhm- Miss Loki is probably better at explaining what she did to help me herself as I don't know how it works. Thor assured me it was safe so I trusted them with it."

Loki nodded at him before starting to explain the spell and what it did. That it was initially an illusion but wouldn't harm Peter in any way and that it could stay on all the time because of that.

After the explanation and the scientist smiling in understanding, Peter nodded, smiling at Bruce before getting up and running to his room to grab the binder.

As he returned, Bruce was talking to the others quietly, Loki, in particular, seemed to be pleased with how the other explained how they couldn't ask particular questions even if they didn't think they would be offensive.

And Peter stood in the doorway for a while before quietly placing his hands and feet on the wall and climbing upwards, doing so until he was on the ceiling before he moved to sit right above them.

Natascha noticed, looking up for a moment and giving him a quick smile before continuing to listen to Bruce ramble on about how some things might be offensive.

After a while, Loki held up her hand to stop the scientist from explaining to Steve that no, he can't ask what the kid had in his pants, and snapped her head into Peter's direction.

"I think you should come down Peter, it's fun to spy on people but I assure you, you can trust these particular humans."

Peter let himself drop down right in front of Tony and sat down on the floor in front of the genius, handing Bruce the binder for inspection before working up the courage to actually make eye contact with his mentor.

Tony looked at him with an emotion swirling over his face that he couldn't quite identify.

"Kid. If it's alright with you I'd rather have my part of the 'we love an accept you' speech that seems to be going around in private."

Peter nodded quietly before getting onto his feet again and following Tony into his bedroom, eyeing miss Loki nervously even though he was now slightly more confident that the Iron man wouldn't kick him off the team just like that.
Loki just gave him a reassuring look before turning her back on him, the last he saw was her black hair moving as she shook her head at something Thor had said before the door closed and they were alone.

The almost deafening silence that swept through the room had him checking if Tony was even in there with him and hadn't just bailed or something like that.

The mechanic, in fact, was still in the room, standing a few feet away from him and seemingly trying to build up the courage to do something.

"Okay. Don't freak out on me okay kid this might seem weird for a bit but here goes."
With that Tony started unbuttoning the shirt he was wearing, Peter, making wide eyes and taking a step back before suddenly freezing in place.

There, on his mentor's chest, were two white lines just underneath his breast, the scars barely noticeable underneath the criss-cross of scar tissue that he had because of the removed arc reactor and the even more recent removal of the housing for the nanoparticles, but they were there.

Peter knew he shouldn't stare but it was fascinating to him that someone like Tony Stark had-...
The pang of surprise just barely covered the sting in his chest as he looked at his mentors butchered chest, the two scars the least noticeable or severe ones that made it so Tony would never go swimming with the other Avengers.

"I want you to know that you're loved, Pete. You're so fucking loved and appreciated that it makes me want to throw up but it's important that you don't forget that. It'll spare you a world of suffering and uncertainty if you do kid so remember: We got your back."

Peter nodded, only realising he had tears streaming down his face when Tony called his name again, the worry and adoration in it so prominent that it made the kid want to surge forwards and hug him so very tight.

He didn't though.
Instead, he just wiped his face and smiled up at his mentor, eyes shining brightly even through the tears that were still making their way downwards.
"I'm okay Mr Stark. I'm okay."