The Grey
"So you're gonna do it?" Sam asked, eating a hamburger.
"Yeah." Bucky drank his coffee. "We had a talk. Things got said and I'm trying."
"You've been getting better though."
"I still have incidents and I get scared."
"So explain why you were so against it."
"I have a new nightmare."
~
The next few weeks went by and not much changed. Bucky was getting better. He still struggled. Steve knew he was always going to struggle. Sam has been a miracle worker though. Steve was still Captain America but he obsessed over his pregnancy. He wanted to make sure everything would be alright. He wanted to make sure he was going to carry to full term this time. He didn't want to lost another. He couldn't go through that pain again. He couldn't hurt Bucky like that again.
"Looking good, Captain Rogers." The doctor smiled.
"Yeah?" Steve glowed.
"You're a very healthy pregnant omega."
"And the pup?"
"I know you're worried about carrying to full term. I'm very confident. The Avenger business is a conversation that needs to be talked about."
"I understand, I really do."
"Other than that, they're very healthy."
Huh?
~
The last few weeks have been a roller coaster. Bucky still has his nightmares but they're not as violent. He still worries about being a father. He still worries he'll hurt Steve or the pup. He just still worries. But Sam has been a great support system. Who knew therapy actually worked? It's been getting easier to talk at least. He's even starting to be his old self with Steve. Like before the war. Before Sarah. But it's all still hard.
"You'll always struggle." Sam tells him. "But eventually, living won't be so hard anymore."
"I know." Bucky sighed. "I'm trying though."
"You've done good, man."
Bucky thinks hard for a moment. He's been thinking about this for a while.
"I've been thinking..." Bucky starts to say. He is a loss at words.
"What is it?" Sam listens.
"Back in my day-"
"Damn old man."
"Bitch, please."
"Oh my god, you didn't."
"Damn it, let me talk."
"Okay, okay. Continue on, senior citizen."
Bucky just stared. He didn't know how Steve could deal with these damn jokes. They were fun but god, they got...old. Damn it.
"Back then, when Steve got pregnant with little Sarah, I was going to propose." Bucky suddenly was bashful.
"Oh yeah?" Sam smiled. "What stopped you?"
"Steve miscarried."
"Oh..I'm sorry. I-"
"It's fine. It's just with this new pup right now, I just started thinking of all the things we talked about when Sarah was growing in Steve."
"And?"
"I love Steve, don't get me wrong."
"What is it, Barnes?"
"What if I try to propose and Steve miscarries again?"
Sam just stared at Bucky. He shook his head. Bucky and Steve had a lot to work though. Sam might as well change his Avenger name from Falcon to The Therapist.
"You think he lost Sarah because you wanted to get married?" Sam asked.
"I mean I know that's not true." Bucky explained. "I can rationalize shit but-"
"It's the fear. And then finding out you had a second pup that Steve also lost but you weren't even there yet."
"I know but the time where I was me, it just scares me."
Sam understood. It was like when he lost Riley. He knew what they were going through. Sam was a soldier who lost a mate. He knew loss and trauma. He knew fear.
"Keep it hidden for now." Sam goes on. "We still got stuff to go through."
"I know." Bucky agreed.
"For now, just embrace this. You're going to be a father, man. Drown yourself in that feeling. You and Steve are going to have a pup."
Bucky smiled. Genuinely smiled. Sam was right. There was a lot going on with Bucky still but for once, he was drowning in something good. It was finally going to happen. After over seven decades, they were finally going to have a pup.
~
"Bucky, can I talk to you?" Steve asked later that night.
Bucky shot up from their bed, staring at his mate. His stomach was in knots. Oh no, he thought.
"I went to the doctor today." Steve continued.
"And?" Bucky got close.
"Everything is good."
"Oh thank god. Don't scare me like that. What did you want to talk about then?"
"It's two."
Bucky's heart dropped. Two. As in two pups. Twins. Steve's blue eyes shined brighter at that very moment as Bucky embraced him, peppering him with passionate kisses.