Haunting
"You got to tell Bucky about this one at least."
Steve paced back and forth. Sam is right. Bucky deserves to know about this one. But he's afraid. He's afraid about telling him he's pregnant and he's afraid of telling him about the second miscarriage. Maybe it won't hurt as much. He wasn't there when it happened. Hydra had him but maybe he was under ice at the time. Steve bit his lip. He was telling himself all sort of lies. He's tired of hurting Bucky.
"Steve?" Bucky's voice called his name.
"I'm in the bedroom." Steve whined.
Steve took a deep breath as Bucky walked into the bedroom. He always smelled so sweet to Steve. But after this conversation, Steve wasn't sure how Bucky was going to smell.
"I have to talk to you." Steve said in a small voice.
"What's going on?" Bucky got closer, worried.
Steve pushed Bucky on the edge of their bed and took a step back. Bucky's eyes watched Steve's every move. He was concerned for his mate. Steve acted distant. That was Bucky's biggest problem. His omega was never distant. Even when Bucky was the Winter Soldier.
"I'm pretty sure I'm pregnant." Steve whispered.
Bucky froze.
"But this isn't the second one." Steve whimpered.
"What do you mean, this isn't the second one?" Bucky almost growled.
"When I woke up from the ice, I found out I was pregnant a second time but I lost it too."
Bucky stood up and looked into Steve's eyes. He was enraged. He was now finding out that Steve lost a second pup. Steve kept looking away. Bucky hated when Steve did that. He grabs Steve's chin and forces him to look Bucky in the eyes.
"It was an accident, Buck." Steve begged. "I swear. I want a pup with you but I didn't mean to get pregnant on purpose."
"Steve." Bucky growled this time.
"Please don't make me get rid of this one. I can't go through it a third time. Let me finally give you a pup."
"Just stop."
"Please, alpha."
Bucky pulled away and rubbed his face in the palm of his hands. His hands were twitching again. He could hear Pierce's voice in his head. He could hear Zemo saying his trigger words. Steve reaches for him but Bucky pulls away. He doesn't trust himself to hold his omega. Not right now. He's not angry. He's not even heartbroken. He's just...nothing right now. He's lost two pups.
"Buck, say something." Steve begged.
"I love you, Steve." It's the only thing Bucky could say at this moment.
"I love you too."
"I thought about you a lot after Hydra fell. It took a while but I could only remember bits and parts for a long while. Two years and I only got a handful of memories. But I never forgot how much I loved you and I never forgot Sarah. I remembered the happy times but I remembered the bad times too. Like when you lost Sarah. Like when I fell from the train. Like when your ma died. God, I remember when your ma died. It killed you. You didn't want me to touch you for a while. You just wanted to mourn by yourself but I wouldn't let you and I let you hit me for a while. Your dad was gone and now your ma was gone."
Steve remembered. He was so destroyed when his mother died. Bucky already knew the loss but Steve felt lost for a while. Bucky kept trying to hold him close but he didn't want to be touched. Steve always screamed at Bucky to leave him alone but his mate refused. It finally came to a halt when Steve slapped Bucky but Bucky didn't budge. Bucky understood and loved Steve more than anything.
"I remember. You were always there." Steve cooed.
"I remember the first time I found out your dad hit your ma." Bucky continued. "You wouldn't admit it. But I know that's why you were scared to bond at first. But I have loved you all our lives and I would have kept loving you even if you never became my mate."
"You were so angry. I remember putting my arms up because I thought you were going to hit me. But you were angry because you felt I didn't trust you enough."
"When they used to wipe me, my last thought was always you. I hated it because it was the worst kind of pain but what made it hurt the most was the fact they were taking you from me over and over. You and Sarah. My mate and my pup that I never got to meet. Then you were there before my eyes and I didn't know you. I didn't know my own mate."
"That's over now, Buck. They won't hurt you anymore."
"They knew you were my mate. Rumlow used to taunt me about how close he got to you. How he'd mark you over our bond mark. Yet I couldn't get angry because I was the Winter Soldier. And they were always wiping me."
Steve caressed Bucky's face. He was talking about his life under Hydra. Steve knew this was big. Bucky put his hand over Steve's. He loved Steve so damn much.
"I'll try." Bucky whispered.
"Try what?" Steve asked.
"I'll try to get better. For you and the pup."
"Buck.."
"We're going to finally have a pup."
Bucky leaned in and gave Steve the most passionate kiss he could.