House Of Memories
He left Steve alone in their home and went on a walk. He hated leaving Steve like that but he needed time. He sat on a bench in a park and heard a sound that shattered his heart. He looked over and saw two fathers with their daughter. Laughing. Playing. Smiling.
~
"Buck?" Steve whispered.
"Hmm?" Bucky slouched on the couch after a day at the docks.
Steve held his small frame. He looked smaller than normal. Bucky was exhausted but he forced himself to sit up.
"Stevie, what's wrong?" Bucky pushed. "Are you hurting?"
"Not exactly." Steve whimpered.
"What is it?"
"I'm pregnant."
Bucky's heart stopped. He looked at Steve's fragile stomach. A pup. Inside of Steve. HIS pup. Bucky kneel on his knees and crawled to Steve, pressing his ear against Steve's stomach. He didn't hear anything but he needed to be close. Close to his omega and his pup.
"I'm sorry, Buck." Steve's voice cracked. "I didn't mean it."
"What?" Bucky looked up to crying blue eyes.
"I know you don't want pups. It wasn't on purpose though, I swear."
Bucky stood up and placed his hands on Steve's face. He gave him the longest breath taking kiss he ever has.
"I only want pups with you." Bucky breathed. I never said I didn't want pups. I just don't want you to suffer because of me."
"I'll suffer for you. And this pup." Steve sighed into his mouth.
If only Bucky knew how much Steve would come to suffer, he would have stopped it. Or at least try to. The following weeks were hard. Harder than they've ever been used to. Steve was a weakly thing. He rarely even got heats but when he did, they were like knives. Sex was just as rare. Steve was so sick all the time. He had many problems. While Steve was happy, he had a fear and Bucky knew the fear. If Steve made it through the pregnancy, there was no telling if he would give birth to a baby just like himself. Bucky kissed those thoughts away. They'd be fine, he would tell Steve. The cruelest thing about it all was they got to know the gender then their world burned.
Steve was four months pregnant when they finally got to know. A baby girl. He looked so weak. Like a ghost. The pregnancy was hard. Bucky was scared of losing the baby or Steve. Or both. But he kept it together for Steve. He worked extra shifts for them.
"A girl." Steve croaked. "A little girl."
"Yeah." Bucky smiled. "She's gonna be a beaut."
"She's going to look like her handsome daddy."
"You think? I say she'll look like her beautiful ma."
"Jerk."
"Punk."
Life is cruel like that. It has always been cruel to Steve and Bucky. It couldn't wait a week or even a day. It had to happen that same day. Bucky will never forget that bloodcurdling scream. The red liquid on their bed. But the thing that stayed with him the most was the news.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Barnes." was all he heard from the doctor.
She died before they ever met her.
~
Bucky sighed into his hands. Hydra took a lot from him but he never forgot that night. He never forgot Steve's suffering. He never forgot Sarah Winnifred Barnes.