Fish AU
Fish Avengers.
So about four months ago, long before I started writing Tony, I and a friend were out doing groceries. And it led to this:
So there’s this billboard by the grocery store, you see, with an ever-changing picture in LEDs. That day, it was for the Romanow law offices, and their mascot is a bright red shark. I, of course, read it as Romanov. Then came a clownfish next time we saw one of their ads. Fish Avengers AHOY!
It was quickly decided that the clownfish was clearly Clint, and because Clint was a clownfish, and that kind of Shark didn’t suit Natasha at all, we decided she must be a sea Anenome instead. Aka, deadly and graceful while being a secret predator.
So, of course, once we decided that we had to start in on everyone else.
Next was, clearly, Tony. The Octopus. Bruce followed quickly after that by being the Pufferfish.
Steve had to be a special snowflake, because he’s Steve, so he’s a dolphin. And if Steve is a Dolphin, then there is no choice but for Bucky to be a killer whale.
This left us staring at Thor going ‘what are you?’
At first, we thought maybe a land dweller would work, like a seal or something, but then we had to figure out how to get Loki into that. Which is what finally rolled us around to Thor the Electric Eel and Loki the Water moccasin.
We couldn’t just forget Sam, over in his corner, so he’s a Manta Ray.
And then there was Fury, who, well. He’s not fish, or even proper sea life. He’s a Seagull, because yeah. That just fits.
Which led to the question of 'what’s Coulson??’ and I, at a loss, declared he was a Sea turtle. I still have no regrets.
(Around this point in the listing I started to verbally flail about, which is leads to my capslock I fear. I was spazzing because I couldn’t stop thinking you see.)
And I’m vaguely terrified because now I’m trying to figure Vision and Rhodey and Wanda and Pietro. whatever Vision is should have a variant that works for Ultron!
….VISION IS A JELLYFISH!
Rhodey is a starfish.
Pietro is a Manta Shrimp.
Wanda is a Pistol Shrimp.
Also, Vision is the Purple Striped Jellyfish and Ultron is a white spotted jellyfish.
…I’m gonna stop before I get into Shield agents and Daredevil and Jessica Jones and stuff.
(But I just had to add one more, which brought us right back to the start.)
Red Skull is a Shark.
Please, someone, write this. Write it in all its cracktacular glory.