Heroic Histrionics

HYDRA Yoyo is the universe where HYDRA, being both optimistic and impatient, got a hold on Tony’s genetics years before he went to Afghanistan, and spliced them with James Barnes’ in a sort of clone project in an attempt to get the best of both their attributes.

They actually succeeded, but their attempt to age the child more quickly to toddler, and thus more functional years backfired on them. It made the kid’s body, under strain, show no effects of the serum, and seemed to retard his intelligence badly when really he was just a tiny little infant in an older body.

After a year, without things going how they wanted, and unwilling to kill it in case they made a mistake, they rather literally dumped the child on Tony’s doorstep. One round of genetic testing and a whole HELL OF A LOT of confusion later, and Tony was legally in possession of his son. That he had just recovered from dying only made the whole process rockier, really.

Pepper was made his Godmother, and Rhodey the godfather. And then Rhodey was the cause of the kid getting a name… which is how you get to James Nathaniel Stark. Who Tony went out of his way to make sure no one found out about. Of the Avengers, in fact, only Natasha and Bruce are aware until things get real in 2014. Natasha, because she rescued the kid from a rogue fridge turkey, and Bruce because he lived with Tony for so long and found out as a gesture of trust. After passing the requisite tests anyway.

Time moved forward as these things do, the kid grew up, and then D.C. happened. Tony, being the kind of guy he was, hunted down James and ambushed him outside a supermarket.

They proceeded to become absurdly attached quickly, though admittedly part of this was the result of Extremis and how he got it, Tony introduced the guy to their mutual kid (which is when they realized that was a thing) and from there the world devolved into a series of increasingly rude HYDRA situations.

The very first HYDRA situation which precursed the whole intro thing gave Tony a version of Extremis that had a very strange relationship with tech inside a certain vicinity. The next of which had less happy side effects.

Thus, HYDRA Yoyo. Because these two can’t seem to stay away from the hands of HYDRA for long. And it’s pissing Tony the hell off.

Many of the events until 2014 are still near to canon, aside from the clone kid deal, rather, my iteration of canon, with a few small addendums.

June 1994
• Tony is at a party in Europe and is kidnapped by someone with a skin contact sedative on their hands.
• After a week and a half, he turns back up in public, with people only being aware of his missing status for a week.
December 1994
• HYDRA starts their experiments with stolen genetic material.
April 2000
• AIM finally gets off the ground with a mystery benefactor.
November 2002
• AIM approached by a faction of HYDRA unknowingly, accepts in new members.
• Cloning becomes a project on both sides, but human testing is strictly on the HYDRA side.
January 2003
• First successful clones to survive initial creation, further experiments started.
November 2004
• Project gets up to Simulacrum Test number 42. Only four clones surviving at that timepoint.
• Durability and modification tests begun. Immediately there are shocking failures.
May 2008
• Afghanistan
November 2009
• Someone in HYDRA realizes there is an opportunity because of the palladium used for the Arc Reactor.
February 2010
• Simulacrum Mix Test One a success, using the last of stolen genetic material. The other material provided belonged to the Asset.
• Careful aging process begun, problems immediately encountered.
• Aging is halted months after process begun due to concern the project will die without being of use.
May 2011
• Tony Stark fails to die as projected.
• Mix test deemed a failure due to lowered capabilities after a year of training and aging.
• Tony start finds what looks to be a four-year-old literally on his doorstep two weeks after the Stark Expo disaster.
• The child is named James Nathaniel Stark. After Rhodey.
• Pepper is made the godmother. Rhodey the godfather.
January 2013
• Bruce meets James, dubbed Jamjam as his nickname.
April 2013
• HYDRA approaches the remnants of AIM and pulls them under their umbrella.
November 2013
• Natasha meets Jamjam by saving him from a frozen turkey. Learns from the child that Clint is evil for eating all his cereal on previous visit, and Steve is rude for drinking his orange juice on his.
• Natasha brought in on teaching the kid self-defense and the term ‘ninja class’ becomes a fixture.
January 2014
• Inspired HYDRA operative decides to put listening devices and signal delay devices in all Avenger tech possible. Is not known or later revealed to be anything but a SHIELD technician and tampering goes unnoticed.
April 2014
• The disaster in Washington DC with Bucky happens.
May 2014
• Late in the month Tony manages to track down and ambush James Buchanan Barnes outside a grocery store. They hit it off immediately.
June 2014
• Early in the month Tony is abducted by HYDRA at the tail end of a social party using a drugged drink.
• It’s over a week and no one was able to contact the other Avengers to help locate Tony. Rhodey has no success.
• Bucky, known to Tony as James, finally comes back from a planned HYDRA-smashing spree to find out Tony is missing. He and JARVIS pin down a face James recognizes, and he manages to track him to a technologically shielded facility.
• Tony has a strange variation of Extremis that is more electrical than the fire, quickly finds out he can kill people by touching them and freaks.
• Over a week and a half later Jamjam brought home for the first time in nearly two months, and everyone finds out James is his other parent. Tony accuses James of not being a woman, much to his confusion.
August 2014
• Tony and James talk about their relationship and making more of it.
• Late in the month HYDRA springs for taking another pass at Tony, this time planning and capturing James as well.
• They escape within the week, with some technical issues.
September 2014
• Very start of the month Tony goes on a mission with the team and is brutal to HYDRA agents. Steve follows him home.
• Chaos as Steve finds out Bucky has been living with Tony, much upset and secrets are spilled. Tony finds out about the technological fuckery.
• Tony goes to the Facility and starts knocking down walls without warning to deal with all the plants and interferences.
• The Danger Levels Jokes begin.
• Tony finally tells Peggy about his kid after years of silence.
October 2014
• James and Tony give Steve a limited capacity tracker for them as both a joke and genuine attempt to make up for their silences on the situation.
• Steve finally meets Jamjam.
• James tells Tony about killing his parents. Tony promptly runs to Steve, then right back again as that didn’t work as well as hoped.
November 2014
• James finds the facility where the Simulacrum Tests were held. ST42 is found and brought home. He looks like Tony did in his early 20s.
• Tony names him Esteban, to James’ horror. Esteban proceeds to shave but refuses to cut his longer than shoulder length hair.
December 2014
• Esteban finally settled and Jammers pesters Steve into art lessons.
January 2015
• Tony proposes to James in the most ass-backward way possible, and James agrees. This method involves tossing the ring at him, getting him to agree, then clarifying that it was a proposal after getting his answer to be sure it was understood.
March 2015
• James and Tony get married in a tiny ceremony. Rhodey doesn’t even pretend not to give James a very thorough talking to beforehand. They wisely don’t tell Steve.
April 2015
• HYDRA finally breaks their silence and sends the twins after the Stark adults while they’re tired from a mission that doesn’t have most of the team. It’s a complete disaster and loses HYDRA Wanda when she tries to mind whammy Tony in the wake of James being caught in an explosion they caused and Tony fries her.
• Pietro escapes.
• Steve is not remotely forgiving when he gets wind that James died while out with Tony and it causes considerable friction that falls back to general iciness around the team.
May 2015
• The Scepter is found, but there is no celebration. Bruce does his best to help, and it ultimately gets tucked away where SHIELD can’t lose it again, but neither where the team, mostly, knows where it is.