Saviors

After what can only be called “The Kiss” ended, I was happy, but I was most certainly confused too. It’s not like I couldn’t pick up on the nice things that Steve was doing for me, but he’s so nice of a person sometimes it’s hard to tell if Steve has feelings for me or if he’s just being a good friend.

The Kiss was a pretty good indication as to the whole feelings thing.

“Nat,” Steve began talking and I lead him into my apartment and onto the couch, “Look, I don’t really know where to start...” His brows furrowed and he looked at his feet, twidling his thumbs back and forth.

“Okay, well let’s start with a question that I have then,” I said, picking my feet off the ground and folding them onto the seat of the couch.

Steve looked up from the ground and I could tell he was nervous so I grabbed his hands in mine. He smiled.

“Do you remember years ago when we were first getting to know each other better? We were on the hunt for Bucky and you stole that truck?” I questioned.

“Okay, yes, and I’d like to point out that we were only borrowing the truck,” He said matter-of-factly. I rolled my eyes.

“Fine, borrowed. Regardless, after we kissed in the mall,” I saw his face flush, “I asked you if that was your first kiss since you went under the ice.”

“Are you trying to embarrass me? I mean it’s not like that kiss doesn’t haunt me already Nat,” He said, letting go of my hands and rubbing his temples.

“Okay, again, the kiss is besides the point and just for your information, it wasn’t a bad kiss. I was only trying to tease you back then. But ANYWAYS, what I was trying to get at was that conversation we had in the truck. I asked you what you wanted me to be for you, and you told me that you wanted-“

“A friend.” He said quietly, picking his head up again and looking at me, “It was honestly the biggest mistake of my life.”

I could feel my heart racing, “Elaborate,” I said, wrapping my knees into my chest and placing my chin on my knees.

He let out a sigh, “I was an idiot. It was never that I only wanted you to be a friend. It was that I wasn’t ready for a relationship with anyone. At that point I still felt like a man out of time. I didn’t want to place solid roots down anywhere because I was scared that something would displace me again. I didn’t want to break my own heart, and I certainly didn’t want to break yours.”

“Steve, how could you think that? At this point, we’ve been through so much together you’re the only person on Earth who really knows me. You’re my family.” I could feel an anger and a sadness wash over me and I felt a lump growing in my throat. Steve was the one constant in my life after all of the turmoil that had taken place even before I had met him. When everyone else left or tried moving on after the snap, Steve and I became closer than we ever were.

“I’m an idiot. Nat, you gotta understand, I didn’t want to lose the best thing in my life,” He said, quickly realizing the gravity of his words. He stopped, looking at the ground again.

“Hey,” I said, my anger subsiding and my emotions in flux, “Steve, you mean everything to me. You’re the best part of my life,” I said in reply. It was true, so I felt that I could say it.

Before I could say anything else, Steve scooched closer to me and wrapped me in his large arms. We held each other like that for a beautiful moment before letting go of each other, only this time he didn’t sit far away from me. My legs were spread across his lap and his arms sprawled across them.

“Natasha, I wish I had kissed you like that sooner. You’re the reason I’ve been able to get by this long. And before you ask, I want to explain everything with Sharon,” I felt my legs tense up over his lap, and he rubbed them gently, trying to soothe me, “Like I said, I didn’t know how to let go of the past. I knew I had feelings for you so soon on in our friendship, but I didn’t want to lose someone else that I cared about. Peggy was my first love, and I’ll always cherish her for caring about me, but that’s in the past now. I don’t fantastize about going back in time anymore, and that’s because of you. I know that it’s cheesy to say and you’ll definitely hate it, but everything happens for a reason, and I was supposed to end up here.”

He looked at me to say something, but I waited. I wanted to hear where this was going.

“Okay, so then I met Sharon, and at that time I just figured that you didn’t care for me in the same way that I did for you. I mean, you kept trying to suggest women for me to date in the office or you would point out women to me. I just thought that you were trying to tell me something,” He said, pausing. He wanted an answer for this one.

“I just wanted you to be happy, and I admit, at that point in my life I never pictured myself in a relationship with anyone. I just thought someone could give you what I never could,” I replied honestly.

“We’re gonna have to circle back around to the whole ‘relationship’ thing you just mentioned,” He said with a smirk, “But let me get back to Sharon.” His face got more serious again.
“Sharon was my link to the past, as fucked up as that sounds,” He said, shaking his head, “I wasn’t ready to let go, and I saw so much of Peggy in her. I was confused and lost. I wish I never went out with her in the first place.”

I felt a sense of relief for the first time in years of my friendship with Steve. I know it’s fucked up to feel relieved over Steve’s regret over dating Sharon, but it did give me some peace of mind.

“I never should have talked to her again, especially considering how hard things have been lately,” Steve said, rubbing the back of his head.

“What do you mean?” I asked, placing a hand on Steve’s bicep.

“Well, it’s always been hard to suppress my feelings for you, Nat. Lately though, it’s felt impossible. God, that night under the stars,” I felt my heart flutter and a smile spread on my face, “I thought I was going to pour my heart out to you then. Well, there’ve been plenty of times actually.”

“Really?” I asked, almost in disbelief.

“Are you kidding me? Waking up in bed with you is like a dream I never could have wished would come true! Nat, I couldn’t even begin to describe how beautiful your hair lays on the pillow around you or how flawless your face looks. God, I could talk about it for hours,” He said. I grabbed his neck and quickly pressed my lips against his. I could feel that he was initially surprised, but leaned into the kiss quickly.

I couldn’t help it, he was just so beautful. I was waiting for this moment for years, and it was finally here. My heart was pounding in my chest and I pulled away to smile. I opened my eyes to see Steve grinning from ear to ear.

“So you mentioned a relationship earlier,” He said, pecking my cheek.

“I mean, it already kind of feels like we’re a married couple at this point,” I said with a giggle. We cook for each other, watch movies together, hell we even (occasionally) sleep in the same bed together.

“Well,” Steve said with a mischievous smile.

“Well, what?” I questioned, noticing Steve’s thumbs tracing circles on my legs across his lap.

“Well, without the sex of course,” He said, awaiting my response, his hands bracing for impact.

Instead of hitting him, I grabbed his hands in mine and I watched as he slowly opened his eyes, confused.

“It’s not like you’re wrong,” I said, quickly scooting over top of him so that my legs were on either side of his and I was straddling him. His face grew pink and he looked nervous.

I felt his hands move to my waist and I kissed him again, this time only harder. I felt his hair in my hands as I ran through it over and over again.

We made out like this for a bit before I could feel his large erection against my crotch. I pulled away from him and slid off the couch.

I turned back around to see his face, stunned, and I let out a small giggle.

“Wait, where are you going,” He said, leaning his head against the couch.

“Just grabbing a light snack in the kitchen, you’re welcome to join me for a movie in a bit if you want.” I gave him a wink and I heard him let out a heavy sigh.

I walked away from him, swinging my hips a little more than normal. I hated to say it, but I did love being a tease.