Saviors

December had quickly made its way to Steve and I over the following weeks after The Kiss. We had gotten into the routine of working, cooking dinner, and watching something on TV before going to bed either in my room or Steve’s. Nothing too crazy was happening, especially considering Steve and I hadn’t really had a talk about sex yet. Waking up next to him was enough for me though.

Steve and I were planning a big surprise for all of the kids at the orphanage. Courtesy of Tony and Pepper, we were dropping off toys, candy and a Christmas tree for the kiddos. The bright Saturday sunlight shone through the windows of my apartment and I knew it was going to be hard to get up.

I burrowed myself deeper into Steve’s body and I heard him chuckle, “Nat,” He said in his low, morning voice, “You know we have to get up eventually right?”

I think it killed Steve to sleep in. He was definitely an early-to-bed, early-to-rise type of person.

“I know, but just five more minutes,” I pleaded wrapping his right arm into my hands and against my chest.

“You know we can’t,” Steve said, scooting away from me with a chuckle.

My eyes shot open as Steve scooped me out of bed and carried me over to the bathroom. I felt the warmth of his bare chest against my shoulder and the rising and falling of his body as he laughed at me.

“Steve!” I said as he dropped me onto my feet. I felt like a fish out of water.

“We need to start getting ready! I’ll get going on breakfast,” He said, placing a quick kiss on my forehead before turning back towards the kitchen.

—————————

“Ms. Romy!” Sarah practically jumped on my back with excitement.

“Sarah! How have you been sweetie?” I replied with a giggle. Even though I had visited her last weekend, her excitement never got old.

“Good, I missed you and Mr. Steve,” She replied, looking over to Steve and reaching out to him for a hug. Steve grabbed her from me and held her against his side, pretending to drop her over and over again to get her to laugh. It always worked.

“I missed you, Ms. Sarah,” Steve said, throwing her over his shoulder and back around to his other side.

“Are you going to play with us today?” She asked, looking towards me with her big green eyes.

“Of course,” I said in return, “And we’re going to give you a little surprise too.”

“What kind of surprise?” Sarah asked.

“Well, it wouldn’t be a surprise if we told you, now would it?” Steve said in reply, frustrating Sarah as he laughed.

“Fine.” She said a little more grumpy than normal.

“Don’t worry, we’ll show you soon,” I said, giving her a small kiss on the cheek.

I couldn’t help but think about how far I had come. I would have never thought I would be here, in this moment even just a few years ago. I mean, hell, I was hugging and kissing a little mini-me with Steve at my side. Despite the hell that has been these past months since the snap, I was finding glimpses of comfort here and there.

We took the kids to the large living room that Tony and Pepper had helped make happen a few years ago. There was enough room for every kid to play comfortably and considering Tony had also purchased a gym for the kiddos, it was kind of him to continue to donate such large amounts of money to these kids.

We had 4 truckloads of presents for the kids to pick from (again, courtesy of Pepper and Tony). I had found out last week that Tony and Pepper were donating toys to multple orphanages across the city. Even though I wasn’t on great terms with Tony yet, I called him yesterday to thank him for everything he’s done for the kids.

Steve and I began toting the presents in the living room armful by armful (Steve’s being much larger armfuls than mine) and we watched as the kids’ faces grew more and more excited. Once all of the gifts were brought inside, we gave them out to each of the kids and watched as they opened them. Originally we tried to get them to open them up one by one, but Steve and I realized that was hopeless as the kids shredded off wrapping paper with no regard for time.

“Ms. Romy,” Sarah asked, climbing into my lap, “Look!” She showed me her new puzzle, and I couldn’t help but laugh. Tony splurged on these gifts. There were tablets and game systems galore along with tons of other gifts. Sarah got all of this, and while she was excited about those, I couldn’t believe how excited she was over a puzzle.

“Are you gonna do that today?” I asked her, adjusting her placement on my lap. Steve was sitting next to me, his arm wrapped around my shoulder with a huge grin across his face.

“No, I’m gonna do it when you and Mr. Steve come to visit me! I’ll wait to do it every time until you come.”

I felt like crying. I didn’t know I could love a kid as much as I loved this sweet little goofball. I kept myself from crying and I looked over to Steve to see his own eyes welling up with tears.

“Well I guess I’ll have to come to see you a little more than normal so we can get it done, huh?” I said, choked up.

“You’ll come more!?” Sarah’s face lit up and I nodded. She wrapped her little arms around me and jumped up and down on my lap.

“Of course,” I said, squeezing her in for a longer hug. I felt Steve’s hand rubbing my shoulder and I leaned into his side.

————————

“You know, all say I’ve been watching you with the kids, and it’s just so amazing,” Steve said next to me. We were parousing through channels on the TV and shoving popcorn down our throats.

“Well that’s nice of you to say,” I said with a smile.

“So, Nat,” Steve said again, looking nervous, “I wanted to see if you would want to go out on a nice date. Like a real one.”

“Hmm,” I teased. He still looked a bit nervous and I couldn’t help but take a long pause. He was so cute when he was nervous.

“Well?” He said, looking a little irritated.

“Of course, Stevie. I would love to go out with you.”

———————

No matter how good things have been, I knew I couldn’t fully escape my past. It was hard. I found myself wanting to walk into Wanda’s room or sitting and waiting at my desk, hoping that the phone would ring with someone asking for my help on the other line.

I was doing the latter, sitting at my desk with my head in my hands. I found myself stuck to my desk lately, hoping that the phone would ring for hours before falling asleep and waking up at 2 or 3 AM, slung over my desk with a pen in my hand.

Steve had accidentally fallen asleep on the couch and I snuck off to do some work. I was already a week ahead of where I wanted to be on my work, but I found myself on edge at night if I wasn’t hanging out with Steve. It was easier to fall asleep with Steve in my bed next to me, but even that wasn’t always fool-proof.

It was just past midnight, and I found myself dozing off at my desk again before hearing a loud tap on the desk in front of me. My eyes shot open and I saw Steve in his pajamas standing in front of me. Really his pajamas were just some sweatpants with the top of his briefs sticking out.

“Hello,” I said through a yawn, stretching out my arms and scratching my head.

“Well hello,” He said with a small chuckle and a yawn of his own.

“What brings you to my office?” I said with a tired wink.

“Nat,” He said with a sigh, “I know what your work means to you, but you have to get some sleep in an acctual bed. I’ve been carrying you to bed from your office chair too often lately.”

I could tell that he would have been more upset if he wasn’t so tired.

I knew he was right but I couldn’t give this up, “Okay,” I said half-heartedly. I knew I wouldn’t change - at least not any time soon. I wasn’t ready, and I needed to be there whenever people needed me to be.

We looked at each other for a little while before I gave Steve a sad, tired smile, “Carry me to bed?”

“For you?” He said with a wink, “Anything.”

———————

It was Sunday in the late afternoon and the sun was lowering. I had just finished my hair and makeup and I was scurrying to slip into a tight black dress. A bit cliche, I know, but it was simple and easy.

I slipped on some red heels and silver earrings, grabbed my bag and ran out the door. Steve had texted me ten minutes ago telling me that he was waiting in the kitchen for me and reminded me that we were going to be late if I didn’t meet him there soon.

The clicking of my heels grew louder as I jogged to the kitchen, frquently checking my watch. Just before I got close enough for Steve to hear, I slowed my pace and fixed my hair.

Turning the corner into the kitchen, I saw Steve’s face light up. He looked a little stunned in all honesty.

“My God,” he muttered to himself, taking me by the hand and wrapping me up in a hug.

He was wearing a button down with a tie and nice dress shoes. I hadn’t seen Steve this dressed up in a long, long time. The way his shirt clung to his shoulders and chest made me stop in my tracks momentarily.

“You, Miss Natasha, look so, incredibly beautiful,” He said, pulling out of our hug and leaning in for a kiss.

“I don’t wanna ruin the lipstick,” I said, making him kiss me on the cheek, “Yet.”

He smiled and I could see the thrill in his eyes.

He cleared his throat again and grabbed my hand, leading me to his car in the garage. The butterflies I felt with him were so foreign to me. It was like I was living the life I should have been living ten years ago, only it was better than anything I could have dreamed.

Steve and I talked and joked the whole way to the restaurant he had picked and I couldn’t help but think about everything that brought me to this moment. I found myself doing that a lot lately. It’s not as though I was over the past - I knew that I would never be. I was definitely learning to cope with the past more and understand the importance of asking for help when I needed it.

It’s so strange to think about the ways in which Steve and I found each other. On paper it doesn’t make any sense that our relationship is something so real. When we’re together though, it’s broad as daylight.

“Well, Ms. Romanoff, here we are,” Steve said, giving his car over to the valet. We were at one of the finer restaurants in the city and I never would have thought Steve would look so normal here. He is definitely a man of simplicity - he loves a good diner or family restaurant. But this? He was such a gentleman I’m not sure how I didn’t see him fitting in here before.

“Steve, this is too nice,” I said, taking his hand as I slid out of the passenger’s seat.

“Nothing’s too nice for you, Nat,” I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at his cheesy line, and he laughed in return.

We sat at a small, intimate table in the corner of the restaurant and a large, lit candlestick sat between the two of us. There were beautiful, extravagent paintings lining the walls and dim lighting from above. The whole place smelled expensive. We laughed and talked over a bottle of white wine for around an hour, slipping in bites of food before deciding to share a dessert together.

“How does chocolate cake sound,” I asked, peering over the menu at Steve.

“Delicious; God, I knew there was a reason I loved you,” Steve said. His eyes grew wide and his face flushed. I felt my hands go sweaty and I put the menu on the table.

“What did you just say?” I asked in disbelief.

“I said the chocolate cake sounds delicious,” He said quietly.

“You’re a horrible liar Steve,” I returned and his body went stiff, “You said you loved me.”

Admitting defeat, he looked up from the table at me, “I didn’t want to tell you like that,” He was talking so quietly.

“Steve,” I said, grabbing his hands in mine and looking at him with a smile. My heart was pounding harder than it feels like it ever has before, “How did you want to tell me then?”

“I don’t know, but not like this,” He said, still looking nervous.

“Well, I think it’s sweet,” I said, smiling at him. He still looked on edge.

He stayed like this throughout dessert, while paying the bill, and even as we began driving home. I grew increasingly worried the longer and longer that he stayed this way. Knowing that I couldn’t sit like this any longer, I decided to clear whatever it was that was sitting in the air.

“Steve,” I said, his own nervousness spreading to myself, “Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?”

I could see how tense he was as he gripped the steering wheel tighter. He looked almost like he was going to cry.

“You didn’t say anything.” He said, looking defeated.

“What?” I said, even more puzzled than before.

“After I said, you know, that I love you in the restaurant,” he grew increasingly more quiet as he navigated the roads, “You didn’t say it, you know, like you didn’t say it back.”

“Steve,” I said, staring at him as he stared at the road, his fingers clasping onto the wheel so hard that his knuckles grew white, “I think it’s just hard.”

I knew why I didn’t say it back, but I didn’t think it would create such strong emotions in Steve. Clearly, I was an idiot when it comes to this sort of thing. I choose to blame it on my severe lack of experience.

“Why is it hard?” He said, looking confused and angry. He pulled over on the side of the back road that we were crusing down, “Don’t you love me?”

“Of course I do, Steve,” He let out a huge sigh, “But if I say it, it just makes things harder.”

“Wouldn’t it make things easier?” He retorted. Clearly he was not having this conversation.

“Look,” I said, turning my body towards him, “I’ve never done this before. This is... hard, for me.”

“This is hard for me, too, Nat.”

I really wished I had been more considerate of Steve’s emotions.

“Fine,” I said, taking in a deep breath, “Steve, I,” I closed my eyes, “I love you, too.”

I kept them close and I felt him get closer to me, feeling the gentle touch of his soft lips against mine.

“I love you, Natasha,” He whispered, leaning in again for another kiss.

I wish I could better describe how I was feeling. As Steve drove us the rest of the way home, I couldn’t help but smile. I had known how I felt about Steve for years now, but saying it out loud was something completely different. Saying it out loud made it real, and it made things scary. I was naive enough to think that if I ever told someone that I loved them, I would weigh down our relationship. Saying it to Steve, though, was the complete opposite. I was walking on air and floating above ground.

I never dreamed that I could feel this way about anyone. I felt such a deep love for Steve. Even though we had only been officially dating for a few weeks now, I had been familiar with this feeling for so long.

“Hold on,” Steve said as I began heading towards my room, “Stay with me for a minute.”

Confused, I turned back toward him and he reached for my hand. Grabbing onto him, I followed him as he practically skipped towards his room.

“Steve,” I said with a laugh, “You’re going to fast!”

He quickly scooped me off my feet and into his arms, just as he had yesterday morning, and rushed towards his room. He set me down just outside the door and opened it up, revealing about a dozen candles and a recor player.

“So you know how I said I wasn’t planning on telling you I loved you in the restaurant,” He said, lighting the candles with a matchbook and putting on a record, “I was actually planning on telling you here.”

“Well I see you don’t want to let anything go to waste now, do you?” I said taking his hands into mine as he lead me in a slow dance.

The music was one of his old soft jazz records from the 40’s.

“Well, I figured, you know, since it was all so beautifully set up,” He said, making me giggle.

We swayed in each others’ arms like that for a few songs, occasionally giving each other a peck on the lips before I laid my head on his chest and wrapped my arms around him. I felt like I could stay there forever.

“Nat, I love you so much, I wish I told you way sooner than tonight,” He said, placing a kiss on my forehead when I looked up at him, smiling.

“Me too,” I replied, leaning in again for a kiss, holding onto this one longer than the last.

We stayed swaying like that for who knows how long, holding onto each other and placing feathery kisses on one another.