Saviors

I woke up to the weight of a heavy, chisled arm wrapped over my body and tucked into my chest. I snuggled in closer until the back side of my body was pressed against the front of Steve’s, and I felt the deep breathing of his chest falling and raising.

Without sounding too cliche, it felt like heaven; like I was supposed to be here.

Everything just felt so easy with Steve around. Even though things had been weird the past few days, I knew there was something lingering between us. I was trained to learn the movements and emotions of humans as a child in the Black Widow program, so it was fairly easy to read people. With Steve, it was definitely a bit harder, but I have a feeling it’s because I’m letting my own feelings cloud my typically sharp judgement of people.

I was willing to admit that I definitely had very specific and confusing feelings towards Steve. I had always had a small crush on him, even from the day that I met him. Even though I would never admit it to him, the well-rounded, occasionally uptight, and always kind man that he is drew me towards him. When I met him for the first time, it was just so easy to be around him.

I knew that sooner or later we would have to talk about what all of this was, but for now, I didn’t want to risk losing everything by confronting our feelings. Especially when I wasn’t sure what mine were and if he was still interested in Sharon.

I couldn’t help but notice the ways in which our bodies were pressed together. It was kind and gentle in all of the right places with a certain sensuality that begged to be explored. I knew that if anything happened like that with Steve there would be no going back - we couldn’t ever be friends with benefits (or anything of the sort for that matter. I thought about my back pressed against his hardened chest and the way that my hips slid into his; my butt was gently pressing against his crotch, and in all truth it was tempting.

I took in a deep breath and slid out of his wrapping arms, causing him to inhale deeply and begin to wake.

“Shit,” I said as I brushed through my hair with my hands, sitting up in the same spot that I was just sleeping in.

He let out a deep, loud yawn next to me, fluttering his eyes open as he shifted around and looked up at me. He yawned again and smiled at me, letting out a small giggle as he rewrapped the blanket around him to cover up more of his chest.

“Why shit?” Steve asked, snuggling into the sheets as his blue eyes met mine.

“I just didn’t mean to wake you, that’s all,” I said, knowing that that was only a half truth.

I didn’t know what this was with Steve, and even though I liked it, I needed to protect myself from getting into something that he might not feel the same about.

“No worries there,” He said with a smile, “I’m glad you did.”

I gave a half smile and walked over to the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth. Plus it was a nice breather from sitting next to a half-naked and very tempting Steve.

I quickly went through my morning routine, and changed into my workout clothing, a white tank top and black leggings. I braided my hair back as quickly as I could, pulling out a few strands after thinking about Steve laying in my bed.

But after walking through the front door, I noticed an empty bed, tidied up and neatly made with a note on it. No Steve in sight.

I walked over to the bed, and picking up the note I read, ‘Thanks for last night, it meant a lot. I can’t say I remember who owes the other at this point, but I’d love if I could cook some dinner for us tonight - Steve.’

I quickly compartmentalized the information and threw my shoes on to head to the gym downstairs.

—————

I didn’t end up doing much today. I worked out and did some target practice, but when I tried to do some ballet it was too difficult. Not because I couldn’t physically do it, but it was so difficult to get my brain to be quiet enough to let my body do the work.

With target practice it was different - it was easy. It felt more like a release than anything, and it felt like I was doing what I needed to be doing so that I could better protect myself and everyone else the next time something happened.

With ballet it was difficult to throw myself into something. It felt selfish to do something so beautiful.

I stood at the bar for what felt like an hour, trying to get myself to start until I would take a deep breath and lean against it, looking at myself in the mirror. My hair had grown long and the ends were splitting. I never cut off all of the blonde; it felt like a reminder of the past. If I didn’t cut my hair I wouldn’t have to give up on the idea of fixing everything Thanos did.

I twirled the ends of my hair that were sticking out of the end of my braid and tried to dance again. Overall I think I danced for a total of 20 minutes even though I tried for a good two hours.

It was better than I had been doing in the past though, considering I didn’t cry this time.

——————

I started making my way to the kitchen, tugging at my shirt. I was wearing high waisted jeans and a cropped shirt. I knew Steve was going to be wearing at least a button down shirt, and I felt like I should at least try to match him.

I felt a nervousness that I was becoming all too familiar with when it came to Steve.

Walking up to the kitchen, my breath got caught in my throat when I saw the dinner Steve had prepared. The dining table was set with a table cloth, a couple lit candles, and a full spread of food. Steve was pacing back and forth between the ends of the table.

I tried holding back a smile before I cleared my throat a little louder than normal. He quickly turned and I saw his face flush.

“Um, Hey, Nat,” He said, pulling out a chair for me to sit down at.

“Steve, this is,” I let out a deep breath with a smile and made my way over to him, sitting down as he moved to the chair across from me.

“Is it too much? I just wanted to do something nice, uh, but if it’s too much,” He looked so nervous, and it actually help ease my own nerves.

I mean, it was kind of a lot, but it was sweet.

“No, no, it’s really great,” I said with a smile and looked relieved, “The food looks amazing.” There was a full spread of food and even though nothnig was too difficult to make, it looked delicious.

“Oh, this was nothing,” He said with a smile, scooping pasta onto each of our plates.

“You really didn’t have to do this though Steve, this is so much,” I said, thinking about the amount of time he must have spent on all of this.

“You deserve it,” He smiled, nodding for me to try his cooking, “And besides, I owe you for everything.”

“Everything?” I questioned.

“Well, yeah,” His face turned pink and he swirled noodles around his fork, letting them drop off as he began the swirling again and again nervously, “I mean you’ve really been here for me since everything happened, especially in the past few weeks.”

“Of course, you’re my best friend,” I said without question, but I saw his face fill with confusion.

“Um, Nat,” He paused, puttin his fork down and taking a deep breath, “You’re my best friend too, but things have felt different lately,” His eyes met mine and I could feel my brows furrow in confusion.

“What does that mean,” I asked, feeling a nervousness again.

“Look, Nat, you know I care a lot about you, and I just have been thinking about us a lot,” He started before I interjected.

“Us? What exactly does ‘us’ imply?” I questioned, far more confused than I was before.

“I just, I thought maybe,” He started again before I again interjected.

“Steve,” I took a deep breath, knowing where he would be going with this, “I heard you call Sharon the other day.”

I needed to know what this was and why he was choosing to do all of this now. I care deeply for Steve, and he’s right, things did feel different lately. I wanted nothing more than to be around him all of the time, but I couldn’t do that if I didn’t know what was going on with him and Sharon.

He grew silent, and his face changed from one of nervousness to one of sadness.

“Nat,” He started, trying to say something but unable to find the right words, “It’s just, it’s complicated... and she needs my help right now.”

“Really? She needs your help,” I said, feeling more annoyed by the minute, “I heard you ask her to grab drinks, Steve.”

His face fell and he looked down at the food that was getting colder by the second.

“It wasn’t like that, I don’t have feelings for her anymore, I just had to talk to her about something,” He said, flustered.

“Look, Steve, I get it, you wanted to meet up with your ex, but if you want to keep sleeping in my bed and planning dates with me like this, then it has to be only with me,” I said, waiting for his response.

When there wasn’t a response for a good minute or so, I knew I needed to leave.

“When you figure out how to explain things with Sharon, then you can come find me, you know where I’ll be,” I said, scooting my chair out as I caught Steve’s eyes. He looked like he could cry, and I quickly moved away from the table before I started crying myself.