Saviors

We were a few days from October 31st, Halloween. A holiday that neither Steve nor I particularly cared about, but we did want to continue the tradition that we had started last year.

Steve had always been behind on the world, and I don’t blame him considering he was frozen in a block of ice for decades. Nevertheless, he was, like I said, behind. Pepper and I decided last year to host a fundraiser for a group of orphanages in Manhattan and then we gathered a large group of people to take the kids out trick-or-treating.

Last year (shortly after having watched Ferris Bueller’s Day Off) Steve dressed up as Cameron. He said he chose to be Cameron instead of Ferris because not only did he feel bad for Cameron’s character (a very Steve thing to say) but he also thought that Ferris’ outfit was just a bit too crazy for him (also a very Steve thing to say). He had the oversized hockey jersey and everything. I was honestly surprised he could make something look oversized considering his broad shoulders, but he still made it look good.

I opted to go as Wednesday Adams, from the Adams Family, a show that I had shown Steve right before last Halloween. I braided 2 braids of my red roots all the way down to my blonde ends; I even had a middle part. I had really thought about dying the ends of my hair or cutting them, but I kept the blonde tips as a reminder of everything. They reminded me of all of the time I spent on the road with Sam and Steve. Weird, but comforting.

Last year after the entire event, we came back home and watched some horror movies that Steve hadn’t heard of or at least hadn’t seen. He didn’t like when I asked if he had heard of something, he told me, “Nat, I don’t live under a rock, like I said, I may be close to hitting 3 digits, but I’m not dead.”

I think he only said it to make me laugh.

This year, Pepper wanted to take over the fundraising aspect of the night while Steve and I were placed in charge of the children and making sure they all had their chaperones, costumes, and candy bags. I knew that Tony wouldn’t attend, and I knew that it would eat Steve up inside.

I moved from my office after answering some emails and headed up three floors to Steve’s studio apartment (ridiculous that the facility had fully livable apartments, but it was a very Stark move). He decided to take an apartment on the fifth floor, as many of the apartments there had windows facing due east, and Steve loved being woken up by the sun in the morning. I on the other hand took an apartment on the second floor with most windows allowing me to face the sunset at night. I was more of a night owl anyways, so it was nice to see the sunset if I was working on anything not in my office.

As I approached Steve’s apartment, I gave three small knocks before I heard a muffled, “Come in,” from Steve on the other side.

There was the smell of fresh cotton and newly washed linens floating in the air mixed with the distinct masculine musk of Steve. Everything was clean, from his spotless counters, to his drawing desk with neatly lined up pencils, to his freshly made (military style) bed. The size of the apartment was fairly large considering it was a studio, but not large enough to where I couldn’t spot Steve from around the corner where his quaint living room was placed. It was basically a regular apartment only there was just three doors: one for the bathroom, and two for closets. Very open-concept, and very Stark.

“Nat, I really don’t want to wear this,” He said, gesturing to the (updated) Freddy costume. Pepper thought it would be a fun idea if Steve and I dressed up as Freddy and Daphne from the Scooby-Doo cartoons. Steve didn’t really know what they were, although, he had heard of them. He said he had seen the cartoon once or twice, but I personally didn’t believe him.

Basically, Pepper thought that because I had mostly red hair and Steve was blonde, it would be the perfect costume. Granted, she updated a lot of the costume. For Steve, instead of an ascot he had a fitted white polo shirt with an orange collar. She still managed to get him some bell bottom pants though, which was the cause of his complaining as he held them up from within his walk in closet. He must have just opened up the costume from the bag Pepper shipped to us.

“Okay, the bell bottoms are a bit much,” I said with a laugh as he sloshed around in his jeans, “But I think the shirt and shoes are nice. Why don’t you just wear some normal jeans instead?”

“Do you think that will make it better?” He asked with a slightly nervous tone.

“Steve, the costume is barely a costume at that point, so yes, I think you’ll be fine,” I laughed in return. He dug through a drawer in his closet to get a different pair of jeans and moved over to his bed where he laid them out.

“Well, okay, but where is your costume? Don’t we have to leave pretty soon?” He asked. He was the kind of person who planned way too hard for everything he did. He wanted to be everywhere early, and then he would want to leave even earlier in case there was traffic. It was truly very adorable, and very annoying at the same time.

“Yes, I’m aware of the time,” I gave him a famous ‘You’re being annoying, Steve,’ look, “I just have to brush out my hair, add on a little makeup and change. It should only take 15 minutes.”

“Well,” He said, checking his wristwatch, “Okay. But let me know if I can help with anything.”

“Okay,” I let out a small laugh before heading back to my apartment. My apartment was definitely smaller than Steve’s, but I liked the cozy and safe feeling it brought. I had gotten into the habit of calling the space my room or my apartment, using the terms interchangeably. To me, it was simply my space.

I brushed through my hair, letting it fall into a state somewhere in between curly and straight and tucked a purple head band into my hair. Pepper had gotten me a simple purple dress, without the stripes of Daphne’s dress; it was a much darker purple, more sophisticated and went down to my knees. There were some light pink heels, light pink tights, and a light green choker necklace instead of Daphne’s signature small green scarf.

It had been maybe ten minutes before I heard a knock on my door. Steve.

“Just give me like two more minutes,” I said, rushing back over to my bathroom from my closet and quickly putting on some mascara and powder.

I heard the door open and looked over to Steve who was looking down at the ground and covering his eyes lightly with his hand. “Are you dressed?”

He had changed into much better fitting, modern jeans.

“Weird that you would come in if you thought I wasn’t,” I responded in a sultry, yet teasing tone.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” He said, smiling as he dropped his hand and looked up.

“I’m just about done here,” I said, finishing up putting on a light lipstick, “Could you get the top of this?” I said, motioning to the top of my dress that I couldn’t zip up myself.

I looked over to Steve who had a slight blush on his face as he walked towards me and into the bathroom behind me. I quickly moved my hair out of the way and tried my best to hold back a smile, noticing his embarrassment over the small act.

He caught my glance in the mirror and gave an awkward smile, coughing and moving away as he finished zipping.

“What?” He asked as I turned around to look him more directly. I raised an eyebrow at him.

“Nothing, it’s just cute how you get so flustered over something so little,” I said, letting out breath while moving out of the bathroom, grabbing my phone and bag.

He let out an awkward laugh and I could tell he didn’t know what to say before muttering, “Ready to go?”

I nodded and we left my apartment, heading towards the garage. Tony had lent us each a car to use as we lived here. He gave me an Audi to use, but Steve said he wanted something a bit sturdier. He said he wasn’t much into sports cars for everyday use and preferred something more like a truck, something he could use to haul materials in if need be. Plus, of course, he had to have a motorcycle.

The truck was a very Steve move, very practical. The motorcycle belonged to the man I called Fun-Steve.

“I’ll drive,” I said, grabbing to keys to my car, “That way I won’t owe you one.” I gave him a small wink.

“Oh, yes you most definitely will. I would prefer driving, so you’re not doing me any favor,” Steve said, getting into the passenger side of my car.

Steve loved driving. I think he liked being in control and having some space to himself. He would often go the long way home, longer than it already was since we were in upstate New York, just so that he could enjoy the road. So, I knew that this wouldn’t fulfill the favor I owed him, but I thought that it would be worth a shot. Plus, I enjoyed driving fast.

—————

It was after the fundraising event and the children at the largest orphanage were gearing up to go trick-or-treating. Steve was helping some of the boys get changed into their costumes and he was taking pictures with any and everyone who asked. He was Captain America after all.

Women fawned over him, children looked up to him, and men wanted to be him. I on the other hand was far less known, or at least my face was.

I knew that my public reputation took a hit years back when I released all of S.H.I.E.L.D.’s intel. Everyone knew everything about me, and even though I mostly had good interactions with the public, there were a lot of people who didn’t care to spend one minute talking to me. They believed I wasn’t trustworthy or wholesome like Captain America was.

Every once in a while someone would want to take a picture, but it was honestly mostly men who were nervous, pervy, or both. I knew the effect I had on men, and I often used it to my advantage, but it got very, very old. I had to admit that I was at least a little jealous of the love and attention that Steve had. Everyone loved him, and how could they not? He was everything everyone said about him and more. He was genuine, kind, strong, brave, patriotic, handsome. All of it and more.

I went over to where a group of young girls were and I helped them pick out costumes from the seemingly endless pile that I had picked up weeks ago. Pepper told me to get multiple of every kind of costume that I could find so that the kids had options.

“Look! Ms. Romy,” A young girl held up a black bodysuit that had a tail on the back. Some kind of cat costume I would guess. I told the kids they could call me Nat, but most of them called me Ms. Romy (Romanoff was a struggle for a few of them so I shortened it for them).

“Wow! I think that would look great on you Sarah.” I smiled at her.

“I’m gonna look just like you Ms. Romy! I can get the bad guys just like you do! I just have to cut the tail off!” She said.

My heart swelled and sank at the same time. The public knew that I was the Black Widow, but my status wasn’t like Steve’s. It was much more questionable. The public decided who I was once those documents were released, not who I actually am.

No one knew what it was like to be me. They didn’t know what it was like to fail the entire universe and be responsible for the dusting. They didn’t know what it was like to murder dozens of people or what it was like to watch the life fade from the eyes of someone that they had killed themselves. They didn’t know what it was like to live a life knowing that you could never have children because someone had made it so. They didn’t know what it was like to grow up without a family and to then be forced to train their entire lives while being manipulated psychologically.

No one could know what that felt like though, and I understood that. But it was still hard.

Sarah was beautiful and sweet and she even had red hair like mine. I saw a lot of myself in the little 6 year old. I knew I was a role model to her, and I tried to be better for her and kids like her everyday.

“You can do whatever it is you want to do, just make sure you don’t hurt anyone, okay?” I said, trying to hold back both tears and laughter at the same time as she spun in circles, hitting a couple children with her costume as she did so.

“I’m gonna go to the bathroom and change!” She yelled, grabbing the hand of her friend, Jamie, along the way.

I watched as the girls picked out costumes and helped them change with some other volunteers if they needed it until all of them were ready to go. I handed out bags to put candy in to all of the children with Steve until they were all out the door and walking down the street with chaperones.

Once all the children had emptied out, Steve and I followed after, talking to kids as they went in and out of apartment buildings up and down the blocks, sneaking a few pieces of candy here and there.

——————

We had seen Pepper earlier at the fundraiser, but she was too busy setting everything and later thanking donors to say more than “how are you doing.” Tony stayed home to watch Morgan, which isn’t the worst excuse considering she’s only about 2, maybe 2 and a half.

Pepper seemed to appear out of nowhere, wearing a simple black dress with her hair in a bun on the top of her head. I felt her arm wrap around my waist and pull me into a side hug.

“Hello, hello,” She said, releasing me from her sweet hug. Her hugs could never last long enough. Pepper was like a sister, mother, and role model wrapped into one, and I could never see her enough.

“Hey Pepper,” Steve said, reaching out a hand for her to shake.

“I’m not shaking your hand,” she said, bringing him in for a hug.

Pepper and Tony were married just about two years prior. They had a very private ceremony, so no one but family was invited. Pepper was just barely pregnant with Morgan when they tied the knot.

“So what are you supposed to be dressed as on this fine evening?” I asked, looking over her so-called costume.

Again, Pepper was dressed in a black dress with her hair tied up.

“I was going for a Breakfast at Tiffany’s thing, but I didn’t have a ton of time to get a costume together,” she said. She was a poor liar. I knew she didn’t like wearing costumes herself based on her lack of a costume all together last year.

“Uh, huh. So you had all of this time to get costumes together for us, but you forgot about yourself?” I questioned playfully.

“What? Don’t give me that! I just didn’t want to be the star of the show; I was saving that for you two,” she said with a large smile.

“Yes, because I love looking like I’m about to hop in a van with a talking dog and my friends so that we can solve mysteries. I LOVE it,” I said sarcastically gesturing to my clothes.

“Well, you two look great together,” she responded, giving me a wink when Steve was nervously looking down, “Although I wish you had worn the pants Freddy.”

Steve rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, letting out a small laugh as his face went a deep shade of pink.

After about ten minutes of talking with Pepper, she was swept away by her assistant to help with a kid who was throwing up because he ate too much candy and another group of kids who had gotten into a fight over trading candy. Once the kids were done trick-or-treating Steve, myself, and the other chaperones checked the kids back into the orphanage and the other children onto their busses, back to their orphanages.

Steve insisted that he drive home after I made one small complaint about my feet hurting from the heels, and I didn’t feel like objecting, because they did actually hurt. I think he didn’t like that I drove fast.

Steve pulled into the compound, at a very slow pace of course, and parked my car. He ran around to my side of the car, opening the door for me and offering a hand to help me out. It was a bit over the top, but that was Steve - a gentleman to the extreme.

“You pick the movie, I’ll pick the snacks?” Steve asked as he lead us inside, slipping off his shoes before making his way to the living room we always watched movies in. Which also happened to be the living room we fell asleep watching movies in frequently as well.

“Sounds like a plan, let me just slip into something comfy quick,” I said walking in the opposite direction of the living room and to the stairs, towards my apartment.

“Wait, Nat,” Steve said hesitantly.

“Yeah?” I said nervously. I could feel my heart flutter, a nervous energy filling inside me. I couldn’t tell why either.

“You’re not comfortable right now?” He teased, raising a brow at me.

I let out a sigh as I turned around, flipping him off. I heard him let out a laugh.

What a dork.