I Didn't Mean It
Loki paced back and forth. He didn't know how he was going to tell Tony. It was easier with Sigrid. Back then, everything was good. Safe. He hears Tony come in and falls onto the couch. Loki took a deep breath. Tony had to know.
"Anthony." Loki sounded like a mouse.
"Yes, baby?" Tony looked at him.
Baby. Love. Loke. Sweetheart. Lolo. Dear.
Loki missed Tony.
"Loki, are you okay?" Tony rose from the couch.
Oh no, Loki thought. Tony is always on edge now. He doesn't touch Loki. The God has noticed. God. Loki hates himself. He's ruining everything again.
"I'm pregnant." It comes out as a sob.
Tony freezes. No, he thinks. He can't do it again. He can't let Loki go through it again. They can't put Sigrid through all of this again. Loki was getting better. Sigrid was back with them. They were almost a family again. Almost. Tony rubbed his hands against his face. He should have never gave in to Loki that night. He knew better. Loki hadn't begged for a baby in a while but god, they didn't need a baby. Not right now. Loki recently was almost raped by Tony. Tony is still drinking heavily.
"Anthony, say something." Loki begged.
"No." Tony gasped. "We can't have a baby!"
"It'll be okay."
"Loki, it won't be okay! I mean I almost raped you! I'm a hardcore alcoholic. I'm not even hiding it anymore. If Sigrid sees, she sees. And even if all these problems weren't here, I don't think I can."
"It won't be like Magni."
"Loki, you don't know that! I don't want you to go through it again. I just can't stand to see you hurt like that again."
"You think I don't think about that. Of course I do but I'm working through it too. I won't say I'm a good mother but I'm doing good enough. You can rest, Anthony. I got us."
Tony couldn't breathe. He grabbed his head. It's not okay. That's what he kept telling himself. It's not okay. What if Loki loses the baby again? What if Tony can't stop the drinking? What if he hits Sigrid or Loki when he's growing their second child? What if...
"Anthony." Loki reached out for Tony.
"Get rid of it!" Tony screamed.
Loki pulled back. His emerald eyes wide with heartbreak.
"Anthony!" Loki sobbed.
"Loki.." Tony realized what he had said. "Oh my god, Loki. I didn't mean it. I love you so much."
Tony tried to reach for Loki's hand but Loki turned his back and walked out, leaving Tony alone to hollow in what he had just done.