Before
Part I. Before
Steve Rogers would not, under any circumstances, consider himself to be an innocent person. People typically take one look at his slight frame and assume that he’s never so much as kissed a dame (which is a silly assumption, honestly), and he wishes more than anything that he could escape peoples’ ideas of him.
No one would consider Bucky Barnes an innocent person. He’s been charming dames since he was fourteen years old, and he’s garnered quite a reputation for treating ladies right (both in and out of the bedroom). Bucky Barnes with his broad shoulders and sly smiles was always guaranteed to find a nice girl to take out on a Friday night.
Tonight, Bucky has dragged Steve along, telling him all about Alice and Maria, their double dates. Maria is just Bucky’s type, voluptuous and curvy in a light green dress. She has blonde hair pulled back in a flawless updo, and she keeps looking up at Bucky from beneath her golden eyelashes. Alice is an inch shorter than steve, a small waifish thing with full lips and a shy smile. She was nice enough, Steve figured. They were sitting at a small table in the corner of the dance hall, sharing a coke between them.
“Steve?” Alice asked, quirking up an eyebrow, and Steve chuckled, cheeks flushing pink.
“Yeah? Sorry,” Steve replied, watching her wrap her pink lips around the throat of the glass bottle. Steve could imagine drawing it, the contrast in colors, the taut skin.
“I asked if you wanted to dance again? I know you don’t much like dancing, but this is one of my favorite songs,” She said, smiling just a bit. Steve nodded, his shoulders tensing slightly. He stood up offering his hand which she took eagerly, pulling him out to the floor.
The song was slower than the one they had danced to earlier in the night. She moves in close, smiling at Steve when he moves into place, trying desperately not to step on her toes again. He could feel her laugh, and he watched in awe as she sang softly.
This was admittedly one of the best dates he had ever been on. Alice seemed to like him, and she had a spitfire kind of personality. And even though he thought she was one of the prettiest dames he had ever danced with (not that there had been very many), Steve just wanted to go home and collapse into his bed.
As the song wrapped up, he and Alice pulled apart, and Steve felt a clap on his shoulder, turning to look up at his best friend.
“Heya, Stevie. I’m going to walk Maria home, okay? If you get back before me, leave the door open?” He said, and Steve just nodded up at him, watching the two saunter off together. Steve tried not to picture Bucky’s hands on her bare waist, lips against her skin.
“Well, It’s kind of late. I should be getting back too,” Alice said, and Steve nodded, following her towards the door.
“Let me walk you?” Steve asked, and Alice nodded, chuckling.
“Okay, but you don’t get to come inside. I’m not a good time gal, Rogers, so don’t think you’re getting lucky,” Steve laughed, throwing his head back and shaking his head.
“Don’t worry, I’m a regular boy scout,” Steve said, cheeks pink. It was her turn to laugh then, and she grabbed Steve’s arm, chatting happily while they walked the few blocks to her place. Once there, Steve swallowed thickly, staring at her sheepishly.
“C’mon, Rogers. I think you've earned yourself a kiss,” She said, her voice fond, and Steve nodded, closing the gap between them. She stepped closer, her hand coming up to cup Steve’s cheek as they kissed. It was a chaste thing, lasting barely a few seconds before they both pulled back, smiling.
“Thanks for coming out tonight. I had a really nice time,” Steve said, and Alice nodded, walking to her door before turning to look at him over his shoulder.
“I had a nice time, too. Let’s do it again sometime. And then maybe I’ll let you come up,” She said, and Steve chuckled, nodding.
“Sure thing. Have sweet dreams, Alice,” Steve said, waiting for her to go inside before turning and walking back to his and Bucky’s small apartment. He went inside, surprised to see Bucky out on the fire escape, his back to the apartment. He was only wearing his undershirt, his button-down tossed over the back of the broken-down couch. Steve walked over, leaning against the wall.
“Hey, Buck. I didn’t expect to see you home so soon,” Steve said, and Bucky glanced over at him, eyes narrowing. He took another drag from his cigarette before his eyes settled out to the street again.
“It looked like you and Alice got on well,” is all he said after a minute, and Steve nodded, surprised.
“Yeah, she’s great,” Steve said, not sure what was bothering Bucky.
“Well, any dame that likes you sure is, pal. Good on you,” Bucky muttered, stomping out his cigarette before coming back inside, pulling the window closed.
Steve sighed, raising his eyebrows, “Why are you brooding? Didn’t get your dick sucked?” Steve said, staring at Bucky unwaveringly.
“Fuck off, Steve,” Bucky muttered, stalking over to the kitchen, pulling out their bottle of cheap whiskey, “Want any?” he asked gruffly, and Steve sighed, following him.
“I’m good, Buck,” He said quietly, watching Bucky pour a glass and gulp it down, setting the glass back down. He didn’t move to look at Steve, and after a minute, Steve sighed loudly.
“C’mon, Buck. What’s wrong?” he asked his voice softer this time.
“Nothing, Stevie. Leave it alone,” he said, shaking his head. He looked grim, sulky in a way that Bucky rarely was. He was usually so sunny and sweet. He had always been a happy man.
“Buck, I’m not going to leave it alone,” Steve said, moving a little bit closer. Steve had always envied Bucky’s sunny disposition, and it made him uncomfortable whenever his best friend was upset.
“Stevie, seriously. It’s not a big deal. I just didn’t have a very good night, is all,” he said, shrugging and pushing past steve, heading for the small bedroom. Steve followed after him.
“You seemed to be having a good time. Was it Maria? Did something happen?” He pushed, and Bucky spun around, staring at him.
“No, Steve. Nothing happened. Maria and I danced. I walked her home. I came back,” He said quietly, staring down at the smaller man.
“Then why are you being so strange? You’re sulking around like a kicked pup. I thought you liked Maria. She’s your steady, isn’t she?” Steve asked, and Bucky rolled his eyes dramatically.
“I dunno, Steve. Why don’t you ask Alice?” He snapped, eyes widening as soon as the words left his mouth. The silence settles uncomfortably around them.
“What? Why would I?” Steve asked, his eyebrows furrowing, “God, you aren’t making any damn sense, Buck,” Steve said.
Bucky muttered something under his breath, shaking his head. He sat down on the corner of the bed, staring at the wall. Steve groaned, walking over.
“Hey. Look at me,” Steve said, reaching out, grabbing Bucky by the chin and forcing his head up. Buck’s eyes were wild, clouded in a way that Steve hadn’t ever seen before, “I’m not leaving you alone until you tell me what happened,” he added a moment later, fondness creeping into his tone.
“Please, Steve,” he said, suddenly sounding vulnerable, “Please leave it alone. I’ll be fine in the morning. Let’s just go to bed,” he said, genuinely pleading.
“No, Buck. I’m worried about you,”
“Stop, then. Stop worrying about me,” Bucky snapped, pulling his face out of Steve’s gentle grip. Steve’s eyes widened a fraction; he hadn’t realized he was still touching the older man.
“I can’t stop, Bucky. You know that. End of the line and all that,” Steve said, shaking his head, “God, you’re really worked up,”
“I’m fine,”
“you’re a liar and a jerk, is what you are,” Steve snapped, shaking his head, “God, you’re impossible. I don’t know why I bother,” Steve said, his voice rising.
“Du farkirtst mir di yorn!,” Bucky muttered before standing up. Steve took a small step back to give Bucky room before the older man leaned down, smashing their lips together.
Steve didn’t respond at first, frozen and wide-eyed. After a moment, his eyes fell shut, and he pushed in closer, hands moving to Bucky’s hips.
The kiss had none of Bucky’s usual refinement, all teeth and desperation. Steve hummed, his tongue swiping at Bucky’s bottom lip.
It was then that Bucky froze, pulling away from Steve and staring at him, his eyes that same wild storm from before. He moved away from Steve, almost tripping over himself in his haste.
“Shit. Shit, Stevie. I’m so sorry,” he muttered moving to exit the room. Steve caught his wrist, shaking his head.
“Stop, Buck. Don’t go,” he said, voice small. Bucky pulls out of his grasp, exiting their bedroom hastily, going back to the kitchen. Steve stands there, listening to Bucky pace in the other room. He’s quiet for a moment, letting Bucky have a moment before he turned, strode into the kitchen with purpose, took Bucky’s glass, put it on the table and stared up at him.
“Look here, pal. You don’t get to pull that shit, okay?” Steve snapped, his voice low. Bucky grimaced at him, a pained expression settling on his face.
“I’m sorry, Stevie. I already said it. I know you ain’t like that. I don’t know why I did it, okay? Just please don’t-”
“Ain’t like what?” Steve asked, cutting him off, eyebrows furrowing.
Bucky is silent, staring down at his best friend, the same pleading expression before gracing his face.
“Please don’t make me say it, Stevie. You ain’t like that. You ain’t… like me,” and Steve could tell that he had to force the words out, one by one. Steve’s expression softened a bit, and he shook his head.
“Well, if you think that’s true, you’re a liar, a jerk, and an idiot,” Steve said, setting his broad pals on Bucky’s shoulders and pulling him down, kissing him again.
Steve had always had this lingering feeling that Bucky was it for him. No one in the world could ever hold a candle to the brilliant man before him.
This time the kiss is slower, sweeter. Bucky tastes of whiskey, and Steve of coke. Bucky’s hands immediately moved to Steve’s hips, tugging him closer. Steve let out an indignant noise, pushing Bucky back until his lower back hit the counter behind him.
Unsurprisingly, kissing Bucky felt like breathing. It felt like the first time the ache in his chest was gone, the pain in his back dissipating until all that was left was Bucky.
Bucky moaned softly, fingers tightening at Steve’s hips, blunt nails digging into the soft skin above his hip bones.
And the thing is, Steve has never heard a more beautiful sound in his entire life. He groans, his left hand dropping to map out Bucky’s chest. He’s the kind of strong that is incredibly soft, just young enough to still be soft.
Bucky pulls back, breathing heavy. When Steve opens his eyes, heat rises to his cheeks because Bucky looks absolutely stunning. He smiles down at Steve, hand coming up to rest on the side of his face, thumbing at Steve’s cheekbone.
“Hey, doll,” Bucky says, his usual brightness returned. His pupils were blown wide, and his cheeks were pink.
Steve rolled his eyes, swatting Bucky in the chest, “Don’t call me that. I’m not your dame, Buck,” he reminded, and Bucky rolled his own eyes, dipping to kiss at Steve’s jawline, nibbling at the soft skin ever few kisses.
“Didn’t say you were. Besides, I don’t think I’d like you half as much if you were,” Bucky admitted, glancing up to make eye contact.
“How come you never told me?” Steve asked then, holding Bucky’s biceps, tracing the curve of his muscle.
Bucky shrugged, “It never came up, and besides, I’d have rather kept you as a best friend than risk ruining everything because I’m queer. And a sap. And the kind of idiot that falls in love with reckless, stupid blonde punks,” Bucky said, letting his head fall to rest on Steve’s bony shoulder.
“You love me?”
Bucky doesn’t say anything for a long while. Steve isn’t sure if it were 30 seconds or 30 minutes, but each moment felt heavy in his small chest.
“Course I love you, punk. End of the line and all that,” he whispered, shaking his head, “Sorry I didn’t tell you though. About me. I just didn’t want to lose you. I dunno what I would do with myself if I lost you, Stevie. I think my heart would stop,” he admitted, voice quiet.
Steve took a step back, making Bucky look at him.
“Listen here, you jerk. There is nothing you could ever say to me that would make me go away, alright? You are stuck with me, James Buchanan Barnes. And I cannot believe you think I’d leave you for something stupid like that,” He reprimanded before smiling, “And I love you too,” He added, chuckling.
Bucky looked a bit surprised by Steve’s response. He reached out, tracing Steve’s plump bottom lip.
“Wow,” Bucky whispered reverently, “God, I never thought I’d hear you say that. Not like this, I mean,” He explained, smiling so wide he looked younger.
“Well, like I said, you’re an idiot, might even be the stupidest thing on two legs this side of the Atlantic,” Steve said fondly, kissing Bucky’s cheek lightly. “Hey, so I’m sorry if this pushin’ too hard, but I’d like to kiss you some more. And maybe fuck you,” Steve said then, and Bucky sputtered, nodding his head too quickly.
Steve grabbed his hand, tugging him towards the bedroom and shoving him down onto their bed, clamoring on top of him, settling to straddle Bucky’s thighs.
Bucky had been with his fair share of dames, and he liked it enough, but it was nothing compared to here in bed with Steve on top of him. He had never been pushed around before, and he could feel his dick hardening in his pants at the thought of his beautiful Stevie pushing him around.
“God, Stevie. Just look at you,”
“Less looking, more kissing,” Steve argued before attacking Bucky’s lips with his own, hands tugging at his dark hair, fisting the strands. Bucky moaned brokenly, bucking his hips upward at the sensation. He could feel Steve grinning against his lips.
“You like that, sweetheart?” He asked, his hands falling to pull Bucky’s undershirt over his head before kissing down Bucky’s neck.
“Steve, you’re wearing too many clothes,” Bucky whined, but Steve ignored him, tracing wet, open-mouthed kisses down his chest, stopping to pull Bucky’s left nipple into his mouth, circling it with his tongue before biting softly.
And Bucky moaned obscenely, arching his back into Steve, wanting more, anything more. He had never needed anything so badly in his life. He needed Steve like he needed air, maybe even more. His hands fisted the smaller man’s shirt, keening needily.
Steve pulled back, chuckling as he unbuttoned his shirt hastily, “God, you’re a needy little thing,” he said, his voice coming out awed. Bucky whined, trying to hide his face in Steve’s neck, “Ah, no. let me look at you,” he said, and Bucky pulled back, looking up at Steve from under his dark eyelashes.
“Please, Stevie,” He begged, unsure of what he was asking for. Steve dropped his shirt to the floor as soon as it was unbuttoned before pulling his undershirt over his head, tossing it aside. Bucky hummed softly, hands immediately moving to trace the planes of Steve’s abdomen, tracing his ribs, dipping to kiss over his heart, “Beautiful, my beautiful Stevie,” he murmured against the soft pink skin.
“Yeah, yeah,” He said, placing his hand on Bucky’s chest and pushing until the older man was lying flat on his back before leaning down and connecting their lips again.
It took only seconds for their kiss to dissolve into clashing teeth, tongues pressing against each other hastily. They had both been waiting for far too long to waste any more time.
Steve experimentally ground his hips down, and Bucky let out a broken moan, digging his fingers into Steve’s shoulder blades. He had never felt so wild, his heart trying to claw its way out of his chest.
“Fuck, Stevie,” Bucky whined, his head falling back, “God, you’re so gorgeous,” he said, welcoming the feel of Steve pushing their hard lengths together, “More, more, Stevie, please. God, I need it. Need you. You make me feel so good, baby. So good for me,” Bucky rambled, reaching a hand down to cup Steve’s hardened dick.
“Wanna taste you. Can I taste you, Stevie?” He begged, bucking his hips and moaning. And steve moaned then, nodding his head slowly.
“Yeah, fuck. That’s- we can do that,” He agreed, and Bucky flipped them over, fumbling to undo Steve’s pants, pulling down his trousers and skivvies in one go, tossing them onto the floor and staring reverently down at Steve.
He was perfect, lithe limbs and a hard, pink cock, tip leaking precum onto his stomach. Bucky licked his lips, leaning down to lick a stripe from balls to tip, moaning softly, eyes falling closed.
“God, look at you. You’re practically drooling for it,” Steve said, and the smirk was obvious in his voice. Bucky rolled his eyes, licking his hand before wrapping it around the base of Steve’s cock, dipping down to suck the tip into his mouth.
Steve moaned softly, tracing Bucky’s upper lip, “God, you look so pretty with my cock in your mouth,” Steve said, and Bucky just hummed, licking at Steve’s slit before sinking lower, taking as much of him into his mouth as he can manage without gagging.
He likes it, the weight of it, the faint taste of salt. He started bobbing his head, one hand gripping Steve’s hip while the other massaged the base of Steve’s dick.
“God, your mouth is made for this,” Steve added, and Bucky looked up at him, raising his eyebrows but not slowing. He didn’t want to lose the feeling of Steve inside him.
Steve looks gorgeous, hair sticking up, cheeks and chest a blotchy bright red color. His chest is heaving up and down, and for a moment, Bucky worries, his left hand slipping up to rub gentle circles over Steve’s chest.
“Oh, I’m fine. Just don’t stop,” he said, and Bucky doubled his efforts, sucking gently before fucking himself on Steve’s prick, spit falling to coat the base, making it easier to stroke him, “Jesus Christ, Buck. You’re doing so good. ‘M close,” he said, and bucky hummed, sinking lower than he had before, feeling steve press at the back of his throat.
“Oh shit,” Steve said, moaning loudly and throwing his head back. Bucky’s hand slipped down to cup his balls, massaging gently before sinking lower, knuckles pressing at Steve’s taint.
And then Steve is coming, releasing in Bucky’s mouth, hips stuttering. Bucky takes it like a champ, sucking him until his breathing starts to even out. He then pulls off, swallowing and grinning up at him.
“You really think I have a mouth for sucking dick, Rogers?” He asked, waggling his eyebrows.
Steve rolled his eyes, pulling him in for a kiss, gasping when he could taste himself on Bucky’s tongue. They lay there kissing for a minute before Steve pushes him down, hand dropping to trace the outline of Bucky’s cock. He’s painfully hard, straining to be set free, and Steve does just that, pushing his pants and underwear away before stroking him surely.
Steve had always had broad, sure hands. Bucky had spent hours of his life staring at Steve’s hands, wondering how it would feel to have them on his body. And now that it was happening, Bucky was pretty sure that this was the closest he had ever felt to heaven.
He moaned needily, thrusting his hips into Steve’s hand. The blond raised his eyebrows, smirking.
“Look at you, baby. So needy. What do you want, Buck? Want my hand? My mouth?” He asked, and Bucky’s chest was heaving. He shook his head, trying to remember how to form words while Steve stroked him languidly.
“Don’t care, Stevie. Just- need you,” He said, and Steve hummed, dipping to suck a deep bruise on Bucky’s hipbone.
“That’s right, baby. You’re my needy little thing,” He said, “Such a gorgeous cock, Buck,” He said, pressing a kiss to Bucky’s tip, humming as he licked his lips.
“Please,” Bucky begged, thrusting his hips up.
“Please what, baby?” Steve asked, enjoying Bucky’s obvious debauchment.
“Anything, Stevie. Just want to-” but he didn’t finish, almost screaming out when Steve took him into the wet heat of his mouth, sucking hard before bobbing his head quickly, pulling off to jerk him quickly, looking up at Bucky.
“God, look at you. I bet you’d do anything I wanted, huh? If I asked you,” Bucky whined, nodding.
“Anything. Yours,” Bucky promised, and Steve nodded, continuing to stroke him quickly, twisting his wrist on the upstroke.
“Maybe next time, I’ll get my fingers inside you. I bet you’d like that, huh? Getting to come on my cock?”
And that was all it took, sending Bucky over the edge, whimpering Steve’s name, his release splashing onto his chest.
Steve stroked him through it, leaning down to lick it all off, causing Bucky to whine, hiding his face in the crook of his elbow.
Steve laughed at that, shaking his head, “God, I love you,” he whispered, and Bucky looked up at him, a sated smile on his lips.
“M not god, but thanks, Stevie. Back atcha,” he said, winking before pulling Steve down in an embrace, holding him against his chest, “Ya got quite a mouth on you there, Rogers,” he said, and Steve blushed, shrugging.
“Had to tell you how pretty you looked, coming undone beneath me,” He explained, and bucky whined, shaking his head. A minute later he finally responded.
“I liked it,” he said, kissing the top of Steve’s head, “And yeah, I’d like you to be inside me some time,” He added, drawing sill pictures on Steve’s back. The younger man laughed, rolling his eyes, but he nodded.
“Yeah, Buck. I think we can make that happen,” He said, reaching up to push Bucky’s sweaty hair from his forehead, “Why were you pouting earlier?” He asked, and Bucky sighed, staring at the ceiling.
“Alice really likes you. I bet she’d be your steady. I bet she’d let you take her to bed. She’s a good girl. The kind you deserve,” He said quietly, and Steve scoffed, barking out a brash laugh.
“You were pouting because the girl you set me up with likes me?” He asked, and Bucky shrugged.
“When I got here, and you weren’t back yet, I was worried you two were gettin’ cozy in her bed. I figured you’d come back, tell me about your night. And then I’d have to lay there while you fell asleep, and think about how unfair it is that she’d get you while I’d be stuck here with nothing,” He said, and Steve frowned, leaning up to kiss his cheek.
“Well, lucky for you, I got my steady right here. And she’s a good time gal. Puts out on the first date and everything,” Steve teased, a fond smile on his face, “Seriously though, Buck. Alice is great. She’s smart and funny and she doesn’t take shit from anyone,” He said, tracing the frown lines on Bucky’s forehead, “But she isn’t you. And I kept thinking about how I couldn’t wait to get into bed next to you,”
Bucky’s expression softened at that.
“It’s never gonna be the kind of life you want, Steve. It’s gonna be hiding and going on dates with dames so people don’t suspect nothing,” Bucky warned, and Steve rolled his eyes.
“God, honestly, Buck. Why are you always so righteous? I know what it means, Buck. But if I get to come home to you, it’s worth it,” He whispered, kissing Bucky firmly on the lips, “Cuz I’m with you, Buck. Till the end of the line. And if that means hiding away, okay. I’m alright with that. As long as I get to be hiding away with you,”
“God, Rogers, you’re such a sap,” Bucky said, smiling down at him.
“Yeah, but you love me,” He reminded, getting up and turning the lights out before coming back to bed, laying his head on Bucky’s chest and pulling the ratty blanket over them.
“Yeah. Yeah, I do,” Bucky said, closing his eyes and falling asleep, the love of his life breathing soundly in his arms.