Part II. After
Part II. After
Steve sat in the quinjet, shoulders tense. Bucky had been out of cryo for almost three months now, but he had asked for some time to figure out himself. So Steve had thrown himself into work, doubling down with Sam, Nat, and Wanda. They were making the world better, one mission at a time.
But Steve would be a liar if he said that Bucky hadn’t been occupying all of his thoughts for months. He sighed, looking up anxiously. He would arrive in Wakanda in only a few more minutes. Shuri had said that Bucky was settled into a small village close to the border. It would be a short walk, and then he would be there, seeing the love of his life again.
When the quinjet lands, Steve is up immediately, practically running down the ramp, smiling at the princess, who was waiting down the tarmac.
“Shuri, it’s a pleasure as always,” he said, and she nodded, hugging him briefly.
“The pleasure is all mine, captain. Are you ready to see your boy? I think he washed his hair and everything,” she said, laughing at her own joke, “He is very excited. He misses you. And now that I have cleared out hydra’s mess, he’s finally pleasant to be around,”
Steve laughs at that, nodding. He thinks back to Bucky when they were young. Bucky with his sunshine smile and brilliant eyes. He had been so unshakeable, or at least Steve had always thought so.
“I can’t wait to see him. Thanks again. For everything you’ve done for him. I hope he’s told you how much he appreciates it,” Steve can hear his captain voice. He still doesn’t know how to just be Steve in front of most people.
“It was nothing. Hydra has nothing on me and my lab. It was rudimentary at best,” She said, waving off his praise. She then gives him directions to the village, hugging him again before turning back to the city, “And Steve! I hope you two have a lovely evening, don’t wake the neighbors,” She teases before waltzing off.
Steve’s cheeks are flushed red, and he begins his trek, following the road that Shuri had suggested. The walk wasn’t long, and as he got closer, he could see the appeal. There were rolling, grassy hills and small huts, children running around with each other. As Steve makes his final turn, he smiles, taking in the lake, glittering in the sunset. And there he was, sitting in a patch of grass, a book in hand.
Bucky’s hair falls in soft waves, half of his hair pulled back into a small bun. He’s wearing a traditional Wakandan outfit, and he looks peaceful.
Steve falls in love again.
His steps pick up, and soon he’s jogging, dropping his small bag and closing the distance, stopping beside his best friend.
“Buck…” He whispered reverently, dropping down to his knees.
Bucky looks up, smiling softly. He sets down his book before reaching over to touch Steve’s beard.
“That’s new, right? I don’t have to go tell Shuri she fucked up?” Steve laughs, shaking his head.
“It’s new. Turns out, no one recognizes you when you grow a beard,” Bucky rolls his eyes, sitting up.
“I like it. It’s a good look on you, sweetheart,” He says, and Steve flushes pink, looking down at his hands.
He had been worried that Bucky wouldn’t want him anymore, now that he can remember everything. Now that he is free.
“Thanks, Buck. You look…” he can’t find the word that he wants. Bucky looks otherworldly. Bucky is so stunning that Steve would give up anything to get one more kiss. Hell, he already had.
“I look tired and annoyed with my goats, is what I look like. They’re little shits. One of em’ keeps climbing up onto the roof. And I have to go up and manhandle him down. Stupid goat,” Bucky ranted, scowling in the direction of what Steve could only assume are the goats.
“You have goats?”
“Yeah, five of em’. They’re real sweet mostly, and it gives me something to do. I finally finished naming them,” Bucky says, smiling. His chest puffs up a bit, the way it did when they were kids, and he was pleased with himself.
“That’s awesome, Buck. I can’t wait to meet them,” He says earnestly, and Bucky is staring at him then, barely concealed awe on his face.
“Really?” He asked, and Steve nodded, “I was worried… that you wouldn’t want to come to visit me. It ain’t exactly Brooklyn, but it’s...it’s my place. For now, at least. And it’s all mine, Stevie. I’m a property owner. I have assets,”
Steve laughs, reaching out to push a strand of Bucky’s hair behind his ear.
“I see why you like it. It’s beautiful here. It’s so green,” Steve says, and Bucky nods, laying back down, his hair fanning out around his face.
“Yeah, it’s simple. I like it. It all makes sense here… I’m sorry,” Bucky said then, his smile falling, “That I asked you to wait. And that I made you wait so long. I just… I had to make sure, you know? And I didn’t want to disappoint you again”
Steve shook his head, frowning.
“Buck, you’ve never once disappointed me. I would wait forever for you. I would do anything for you. Besides, the team and I have been doing a lot of good, Buck,” he says, smiling fondly, “God, I missed you though. What is it that they say about distance making you love someone more?”
“Distance makes the heart grow fonder,” Bucky supplies, and Steve nods.
“I don’t know if it’s possible for me to get any fonder, though,” Steve’s words are soft, almost whispered as if he is afraid that Bucky will reject him.
“I love you too, Stevie,” Bucky says softly, leaning in slowly to press his lips to Steve’s. It’s chaste, and Steve melts against him, pliant.
When they pull away, Bucky is staring at him intently.
“Yeah. Yeah, I really like the beard. You should keep it,” Bucky says decidedly, petting at it, “You look so rugged. Bet it would feel nice on my thighs,” He added offhandedly, and Steve squeaks, shaking his head.
“God, you’re the worst,”
“Not god, but thanks, Stevie. I appreciate the sentiment,”
~~~~
That night, Steve hovered in the kitchen while Bucky cooked them dinner, singing softly to himself.
“You came, you saw, you conquered me. When you did that to me, I knew somehow that this had to be,” Bucky’s voice had always been pretty, clear and soft. Steve smiled softly, watching Bucky move around, “Can you set the table, Steve?” Bucky asked, glancing over his shoulder.
Steve nodded, going to the indicated cupboard and getting plates and utensils, carrying them to the small table. He set them down before going back to watch Bucky move.
It was interesting, watching Bucky move now. Steve had seen every iteration of James Buchanan Barnes. Steve could see each version of Bucky moving inside the man in front of him. There was the casual movement of his best friend from before the war, the calm sureness of Bucky during the war, and the saunter of the winter soldier, all existing in one gait.
Steve smiled, walking over and wrapping his arms around Bucky’s waist. Bucky paused, turning his head to look at Steve, who dipped to place a chaste kiss to his cheek.
“What was that for?” Bucky asked, sounding amused.
“Can’t a man kiss his best guy?” Steve questioned, and bucky hummed, nodding.
“You can always kiss me, you know that,” He said gently, turning back to stir the pot in front of him, “How strange, how sweet, to find you still. These things are dear to me. They seem to bring you near to me,” Bucky sang. Steve smiled, hiding his face in Bucky’s right shoulder.
“You’re so beautiful,” Steve whispered reverently, and Bucky laughed, shaking his head.
“I wouldn’t go that far, Rogers,” he argued, and Steve frowned, shaking his head.
“I would. I will. Every day for the rest of eternity. I thought you were the most amazing thing in the universe from the second I first saw you. Buck… losing you was like… it was like the whole world went dark,” He whispered, and Bucky tensed, stilling, “I didn’t know how to exist in a world without you. I still don’t,” he admitted.
“Steve…”
“Do you remember…” He began slowly, swallowing thickly, “That night in Brooklyn when you told me you loved me? You said to me, that you didn’t know what you would do without me. Said you thought your heart might stop,” he said, voice barely above a whisper.
Bucky nodded minutely, “Yeah, I remember,” He said softly.
“When I lost you… it felt like I died with you. Captain America was still alive and breathing, but Steve Rogers was just… gone,” he said, chuckling bitterly, “My heart was still beating, but… every heartbeat felt like the sickest kind of betrayal,” he tried to explain, “My heart was beating, but I didn’t want it to be. Which is worse,” he admitted.
Bucky turned around in his arms, staring at Steve with those familiar, steely eyes.
“Listen to me, Steve,” He said, voice serious, “I love you. More than I could ever love anyone else. You are the best man, the best person that I’ve ever known. And if I could go back… I’d do it all again. I’d be right there, by your side, watching your six. I would go through all of that hell over and over again for you, okay? And do you know why?” he asked urgently.
Steve swallowed thickly, shaking his head.
“Because it brought me here,” he said quietly, “It brought me back here to you. Because we are the only thing in this universe that makes any goddamn sense, yeah? Steve and Bucky, side by side. I would walk through hell and come out the other side for you. And you better be fucking willing to do the same,” he finished, reaching up to wipe a tear from Steve’s cheek.
“You know I would, Buck. Anything for you,” he whispered seriously, resting his forehead against the brunette’s.
“Now take this to the table,” He said, gesturing in the direction of their food. He went to get them both water, having to do one at a time. He didn’t mind having only one arm, but it did make everything go slower.
They ate quietly, speaking every few minutes in hushed voices.
“It’s better than depression food,” Steve said seriously, and Bucky barked a laugh, throwing his head back.
“Everything is better than depression food,” Bucky pointed out, shaking his head, “but I made it with love, so of course it’s the best thing you’ve ever eaten,” Bucky teased, and Steve smiled fondly.
During the 30s, Bucky had always said that when he cooked, ‘here you go, Stevie. It’s made with love, so it’ll be delicious, I’m sure’.
When they finished, Steve washed the dishes, telling Bucky to go and get ready for bed. When he finally got to the bedroom, he blushed, biting his lower lip.
Bucky was laying there in a pair of white boxer briefs and nothing else, curled up on the bed.
“Wow, didn’t expect dinner and a view,” Steve teased, and bucky looked over his shoulder raising his eyebrows.
“Your jokes are corny. Come here,” He said softly, and Steve walked over, plopping down beside him. Steve’s hands immediately found their way to Bucky’s hips. He was softer now, his winter soldier muscles deteriorating slightly until he was back to his natural size.
Bucky smiled, leaning in and pressing a soft kiss to Steve’s lips. Steve immediately melted, moving closer to Bucky and humming, one hand moving to cup Bucky’s jaw.
They laid there for a while, kissing languidly, legs tangling together,
“Steve?” Bucky said when he pulled back, looking at him from under his dark eyelashes. Steve nodded, brushing Bucky’s hair out of his face, “How would you feel about fucking me?” He asked, and Steve blushed, looking down and nodding.
“Yup. Would love that. I would love that a lot,” he said quietly, and Bucky laughed.
“You have quite literally never been shy in your entire life. Why you startin’ now?” He asked, his familiar Brooklyn drawl spilling from his beautiful lips.
“I don’t know, Buck. It’s been… a lot of years,” He admitted, and Bucky laughed, leaning in to nip at Steve’s jawline.
“It’s been a while for both of us,” He said quietly, hand moving to pet at Steve’s hip, “But God knows there is nothing in this world that I want more than you. Right here. Right now. In any way you’ll have me,” Bucky said, voice gentle and reassuring.
“Yeah, okay, Buck,” He said, nodding slowly.
“Good, now get these clothes off. I need skin,” he said petulantly, and Steve laughed, shucking his t-shirt and shimmying out of his jeans.
When he looked up, Bucky was staring at him, pupils dilated and lips parted. Steve smiled, dipping down to kiss Bucky more insistently, hand resting on his hip, rubbing gentle circles on the skin.
Bucky hummed, pressing himself closer to Steve, whining into his mouth. Steve swiped his tongue against Bucky’s bottom lip, breath hitching when his tongue met Bucky’s.
His hands are everywhere, mapping out Bucky’s familiar figure. Bucky keens, arching into the touch unabashedly, hand tightening on Steve’s shoulder, fingertips pressing into the muscle there.
“Stevie,” he whispers sharply, pulling back from the kiss and staring at Steve with lidded eyes. Steve smiled, nodding.
“Yeah, Buck?”
“Fuck me. Please, ``he whispered, rutting against Steve’s thigh. Steve chuckled, nodding, “How do you want me?” he asked, and Steve hummed thoughtfully.
“It’ll probably be easiest with you on your back?” He asked curiously, “ I don’t want your arm to hurt because all your weight is on it,” He added, and Bucky nodded, rolling onto his back and slipping off his boxers, throwing them aside. He pulls his knees up to his chest, baring himself to Steve, staring up at him with wide eyes.
Steve smiles, hands moving to pet at Bucky’s strong thighs, kneading the muscle there.
“Buck, you’re so gorgeous,” He whispered sweetly, dipping down to kiss down Bucky’s left thigh, lips trailing lower and lower until he’s putting his lips over Bucky’s entrance. He licks surely, eyes fluttering closed while he licks his way in delicately.
Bucky whines needily, wiggling his hips, grinding down on Steve’s tongue.
Steve licks into him surely, holding Bucky’s thighs in his sure hands. He feels like a starved man, eating for the first time in seventy years.
“Stevie, please,” Bucky begged, and Steve pulls back, licking his lips.
“Where’s your lube, Buck?” Steve asked, and Bucky pointed vaguely toward the bedside table.
“‘S in the top drawer,” He said, and Steve nodded, getting up and going to grab the small bottle, returning to settle back into the bed. He slicks up a finger before easing it in. He’s still wet from Steve’s tongue, but the slide from the lube feels exquisite. Bucky lets out a pleased sigh, his eyes shut, mouth forming a beautiful ‘o’.
Steve pumps his finger in and out slowly, crooking it to rub at Bucky’s prostate every few movements, and he grins, soaking in Bucky’s beautiful gasps and moans. When Bucky starts fucking himself down on Steve’s finger, he adds another, fucking int him slowly.
“God, you’re as tight as ever,” Steve muttered, more to himself than anything else, but Bucky’s eyes opened, and he grinned up wickedly, cheeks flushed a gorgeous shade of crimson.
“Get in me, then. Please, Stevie. I’ve been waiting literal decades to get your cock inside me,” He whined, and Steve chuckled, pulling his fingers free. He watched with wide eyes as Bucky clenched around the emptiness. He pulled his boxers off, lubing himself up before pressing his cock into Bucky slowly.
And Steve could swear that this is the best thing he had ever felt in his entire life. Bucky’s searing heat pulling him in, the older man whining needily, head thrown back, baring the pale column of his neck.
When he’s buried inside Bucky, he pauses, taking in the feeling of completeness. There is nowhere else on this planet that feels more correct than being connected to Bucky. He sighed happily, welcoming the feeling of being one with the love of his life.
“Steve, I swear to god, if you don’t start moving-”
Steve pulls out before pushing back in, Bucky’s breath hitching, eyes falling closed again. He rocks his hips slowly, setting a gentle pace.
“Fuck, sweetheart. You’re so tight,” Steve whispered, and Bucky nodded, biting his lower lip and moaning obscenely.
Fucking Bucky feels like going home. Everything else melts away until it’s just them, connected and moving together. Steve can’t help but remember all of the times they had indulged in each other before, curled up on their broken-down cot in their apartment, hiding away in tents during the war. Steve’s cheeks were wet then, as he and Bucky found a faster rhythm, moving in tandem.
“God, Stevie. Fuck, yes,” Bucky muttered, grinding himself down on Steve’s cock.
“I love you,” Steve whispered, words shaky, “I love you so much,” And Bucky stilled then, opening his eyes and looking up, concern plaguing his features.
“Stevie? What’s wrong?” He asked, and Steve shook his head rapidly.
“No, nothing is wrong, Buck. Everything is perfect. You’re perfect,” Steve whispered, and Bucky reached up, wiping both of Steve’s cheeks.
“Then why you cryin’, Stevie?” He whispered, and Steve let out a wet chuckle, hips still fucking into Bucky slowly.
“I just… I didn’t know if I’d ever get to have you like this again,” He whispered, dropping down to press a kiss to Bucky’s lips. It changes the angle of their hips, and Bucky’s breath hitches.
“Fuck, Stevie, right there,” He whimpers, and Steve nods, leaning his forehead against Bucky’s. And he fucks into him earnestly then, picking up the pace of his hips. He fucks Bucky like it’s what he was born to do. He had wanted to have Bucky like this since he had known what sex was. And here, having Bucky’s lithe body beneath him, there was nothing better.
One of Steve’s hands snakes between them, wrapping around Bucky’s flushed cock, jerking him quickly.
“Come for me, Buck. I wanna feel you come,” He whispered, and Bucky whimpered, staring into Steve’s blue eyes. He nodded, breathing becoming labored.
“Oh. Oh. Oh,” Bucky let out, and then he’s coming, spilling over onto his own stomach. Steve thrusts harder, the feeling of Bucky clenching around him pushing him over the edge.
“Bucky,” he whispered as he came, thrusting through his release before slowing, pulling out and dropping down beside Bucky, head resting on the older man’s shoulder.
“Stevie… what’s wrong?” He asked quietly, carding his fingers through Steve’s hair, “Why are you crying?”
And Steve had forgotten about his tears, but now that Bucky has pointed it out, he realizes how wet his cheeks are. And then he’s crying harder, curling into Bucky’s side and hiding his face in Bucky’s neck, sobbing uselessly and clinging to him.
Bucky frowns, pulling him in close, “Hey, shhh, Stevie. It’s okay. I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere, I promise,” He whispered earnestly, peppering soft kisses to the top of Steve’s head.
“I’m sorry. God, I’m so sorry,” He cried, fingers tightening on Bucky’s skin with enough force to bruise a normal person.
“Why, Stevie? Why are you sorry?” He asked, and Steve shook his head, hiccuping.
“I just… I almost lost you. I almost lost you so many times, and I didn’t… I couldn’t-”
“Stevie, stop. You’ve gotta stop blaming yourself. None of this shit is your fault, okay? I’m with you till the end of the line. I meant it when we were kids, and I mean it now. We’re safe, and we’re here. And we have the rest of our lives to figure it out. But I need you to know that you didn’t do anything wrong,” he explained, and Steve nodded, trying to control his breathing.
“I love you, Steven Grant Rogers. I’ve loved you every day since I first saw that ugly mug of yours. And I’m going to love you every day until I die. And then, my spirit is going to transcend and love you some more,” Bucky said, smiling down at him.
Steve pulled back to look up at Bucky, eyes rimmed red, “I love you. So much, Buck. God, there isn’t a-”
“Nope, no more depressing shit tonight. We can unpack all that tomorrow. For now, you get some rest. I’m going to clean up, okay? And I’ll be back to hold you,” Bucky said, kissing Steve tenderly before peeling himself away, going to the bathroom and wiping himself down.
When he walked back out to the bedroom, he sang again, voice quiet as he crawled into bed, pulling Steve to his chest, wrapping himself around the larger man.
“The sigh of midnight trains in empty stations, Silk stockings thrown aside, dance invitations. Oh, how the ghost of you clings. These foolish things remind me of you,”