consider it a gift
Surely, Peter Parker had been through enough trauma in his life.
Firstly, his parents died when he was six, and honestly? Shouldn’t that already be enough trauma for one person? For one kid? He still remembered that night. He had just been watching TV, eating some mac and cheese when May and Ben had turned the show off, sad looks on their faces. He remembered their funeral. He remembered that he didn’t really understand what was going on. He never really got it until a week or so later, when he had asked May when Mommy would be coming home so they could go to the playground like she had promised.
(May had taken him to the playground. Ben pushed him on the swing. Peter had tried to go on the monkey bars, and fallen after the second one. The mulch felt like broken glass on his skin. He missed his dad, who would hold him so he never fell. He started crying, though at the time he wasn’t quite sure why.)
As if that shit wasn’t enough, Ben had to die, too, right in front of him, when Peter probably could’ve saved him if the whole spider-bite incident had been, like, a week earlier. But no, the universe had it out for Peter, so instead of having a first hero experience, he had to watch as his uncle bled out in his arms. Goddamn Parker luck is what it was. This time, he was old enough to understand. He was old enough to not get a full night’s sleep for exactly seven months and five days. Of course, the nightmares never really stopped, but Peter learned to deal with them. He remembered that funeral clear as day. He remembered all the pitying looks he received from near strangers. He remembered Ned putting a caring hand on his back as Peter bawled his eyes out in front of the casket.
(Peter went back to the playground that night. It was closed for the night, but that didn’t really matter because it was the middle of the winter, anyway. He sat on the swing, but he didn’t have the heart to kick his feet. May sat on the neighboring swing.
“Peter-”
“Why does this always happen to me?” He cried.
“It’s not your fault-”
“I could’ve- I could’ve pushed him out of the way, could’ve called the police, anything-”
“It’s not your fault, Peter.”
“When I love someone, they die.” He said. “You should get away while you can.”
May had stood up and walked over to him then, wrapping her arms around his neck. “I’m not leaving you. I’m never leaving you. You’re stuck with me.”
Peter wanted to laugh, but deep down, he knew. He knew that the bad stuff followed him wherever he went. It would come again, eventually.)
On top of that, he had been bitten by a radioactive spider, buried under a building, nearly killed countless times, and his girlfriend’s dad had turned out to be an evil villain who wanted to literally murder Peter for thwarting his plans. So you see, his life had been bad enough. Maybe the universe didn’t care because it never thought to throw him a break. He was seventeen, for God’s sake. But no, no, Peter doesn’t deserve a break. He doesn’t deserve anything but suffering because it doesn’t matter how much he gives and gives to the world; it only takes, takes, takes, takes, and takes.
And now, now, it was taking from him again. This time, it was getting in his head, eating away at his sanity, driving him out of his mind. Peter couldn’t be alone anymore, couldn’t take it. Something had to give. Something had to change. There was no way… Was this Hell? Had Peter died and gone to Hell? He wasn’t quite sure what he would’ve done to get there, but… He wouldn’t put it past himself to get inadvertently sent to Hell.
It was hard. It was harder than anything Peter had done before. He tried to distract himself, tell himself that Tony was coming, because Tony said he would never let anything happen to Peter. He had said that, word for word, and he was no liar.
(It was on December 16th, the December before everything had gone wrong, what with Thanos showing up and all.
Tony had been sad, sad in a way that Peter recognized. His face was the same face Peter saw in the mirror when he couldn’t sleep on the anniversary of Ben’s death. He had wondered if Tony had somewhere… A playground.
The two arrived at the long abandoned playground at approximately 12:04 A.M..
“Why did you bring me here? Needed a partner for the seesaw?” Tony joked. It, as expected, fell flat.
“I’ve been here twice,” Peter answered. “Once after my parents died, and once after Ben.”
“Why are we here today? Are you okay? Did something happen?”
“I’m fine, but… you had that look on your face. I know… I know you’ve been through some stuff, Mr. Stark, and… It didn’t look like you had anywhere to go, if that makes sense, so we’re here. I mean, your lab is nice and all, but I don’t really think that distracting yourself with some project is the best way to feel better.”
Tony seemed taken aback. “Oh,” he said.
“You don’t have to talk about it, obviously, I just… I wanted you to know.”
“Know what?” Tony’s fingers moved purposelessly. He seemed to wish he had something to toy around with.
Peter shrugged, his voice shaking a bit as he spoke. “You’re important… to me. I’m… You’re… You’re a great mentor to me, Mr. Stark, and I… I want you to be happy… I guess.” Though the delivery of the words was awkward at best, the kid was able to get his point across.
Tony inhaled sharply. It was clear that he had no idea how to handle this situation. “Oh. That’s… That’s… a lot.”
Peter laughed. Embarrassment flushed his cheeks. “Yeah, sorry, I know you don’t do the-”
“Don’t apologize. I’m…” Tony hesitated, biting his tongue in thought.. “I’m real glad you think I’m a great mentor because I feel like I’ve been pretty shit at it.” He cringed. “Don’t say shit.”
“Mr. Stark-”
“Nuh-uh. I’m talking. Meeting you was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. You’re like a kid to me… No, that’s-My kid. You’re like my kid… to me.” Mr. Stark paused again, taking a breath. For a man usually so eloquent with words, he seemed to be having some trouble. Eventually, he decided on something that would summarize all of it: “You know that I’d never let anything happen to you, right?”
Peter nodded, and Mr. Stark held out his arms in some sort of invitation; Peter cocked his head in confusion. “What… What are you doing?”
“Really? Some genius you are. Sorry, joke. Anyway, it’s hug time, kid. Yes, we’re there. This is probably the only time this will ever happen, so enjoy it while it lasts.”
And despite pretending that the whole action had been done begrudgingly, Tony had hugged him tight, whispering a quiet thanks in Peter’s ear.)
Now, there was no playground nor Tony; there was just Peter, and that didn’t really feel like enough.
---
“This isn’t goodbye, Pep,” Tony said, his hands on his fiancee’s shoulders.
“I know.”
“You do?”
“Well, you just said that this isn’t goodbye, and I know how much you hate being wrong, so you wouldn’t have said it if it wasn’t true.”
“That’s right. I’ll… see you on the flip side, I guess.”
“See you on the flip side.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
---
“Okay,” Rocket started. “who here hasn’t been to space?”
Tony clenched his jaw as Nat, Steve, and Rhodey raised their hands. “Why?”
“You better not throw up on my ship,” Rocket said, shooting death glares at his passengers.
“Approaching jump in 3… 2… 1…”
---
Carol didn’t know what she expected when she showed up to the planet Thanos was supposedly resigning on. Maybe it would be filled with millions of soldiers, all given the job of protecting Thanos. Maybe he had set up a complicated machine rig that would blow up any spaceship that came too close.
When they got there, however, all she saw was nothing. There was a nice field full of a fruit that was very popular in this portion of the universe. A little shack overlooked everything. Carol wondered if Thanos could even fit his head through the door without ducking down.
She had her doubts about Thanos truly being there until she saw him in the middle of the fields of fruit, burns crawling up his arm as he collected what was supposedly his next meal. Carol figured she had seen enough and flew back up to the Avengers’ spaceship.
“No satellites, no ships, no armies, no ground defenses of any kind. It’s just him.”
Most of the heroes gazed at her confusedly, as if she must be mistaken. Tony still looked distracted, his face pale and his eyes stuck on the ground. Nebula appeared stoic as she spoke up:
“Then that’s enough.”
---
As the Avengers approached the cottage in the middle of the field, Tony wasn’t quite sure what to feel. As much as he wanted to quell it, bright, aching hope danced through his chest. This was their chance. They could get the Infinity Stones, and they could bring everyone back. They could bring Peter back, finally. On the other hand, Tony was also feeling very afraid. As mentioned before, this was their chance, their one chance. If they blew it, that would mean Peter was really gone and never coming back. That hope might be the very thing that destroyed him in the end.
He didn’t bother taking in the scenery. He knew that whatever it was would probably end up haunting his nightmares anyway.
(The nightmares, we should note, were getting progressively worse. Every time Tony so much as blinked, he saw Peter’s dying face. He felt Cap’s shield crashing through his chest. He felt the knife, his own knife, sliding through his stomach in a way that felt final. He would wake up sputtering, gasping for breath. Pepper would rub his shoulders, comforting him softly. It always made him feel even worse.)
“Tony,” Rhodey said from by his side, snapping him out of his trance. “We got this, okay?”
Tony quickly wiped any worry that may have been present from his face. “Yeah. ‘Course we do.”
“Alright, everyone,” Bruce’s voice came through the comms. “We all know the plan, right?”
“Yep,” Carol responded. “We only listened to you go through it, like, a hundred times.”
Tony snorted.
“Danvers is right,” Steve added. “Let’s get into position.”
“Aye aye, Captain.”
Carol flew over to the roof of the cottage, waiting still as everyone moved into position. Tony and Rhodey situated themselves near a window, ready to blast through. Bruce prepped himself and the Hulkbuster suit on the other side, hoping to hold Thanos’ other hand down to prevent him from fighting back. Thor would follow in after him. The other Avengers readied themselves by the door, ready to provide any backup needed.
“On three,” Steve said. “One, two-”
“Three,” Carol interrupted, punching her way through the roof and hitting Thanos with the most powerful photon blast she could muster.
Tony and Rhodey burst in from the window, Rhodey holding the gauntlet open as Tony deployed a little drone that would force the Titan to hold his hand open. Bruce came in through the other side, grabbing Thanos’ free hand and pinning it to the floor. Thor followed suit, his eyes glowing with the threat of lightning. The other Avengers knocked down the door, entering the room wearing their best angry faces.
“Give us the gauntlet,” Carol said, her voice murderous. “or I’ll burn your head off. Trust me, it’s really not as fun as I make it out to be.”
Thanos huffed in frustration, slowly beginning to clench his fingers on his gauntlet hand. The drone strained under the pressure, little cracks materializing across its surface.. “You cannot bring them back.”
“Oh yeah?” Tony said. “And why is that?”
“Because,” Thanos swept his eyes across the room, taking into account the amount of danger from the current threat. “The stones will be gone.”
“What are you-” Steve started to say. He was interrupted by the awful sound of the drone cracking into pieces in Thanos’ grip. He quickly pushed Rhodey to the side, flicking Hulkbuster off of him as if he was a tiny insect rather than a huge robot. He pried Carol’s arms off his neck, ignoring all the burn damage that was being done to his fingers. Using the power stone, he launched her across the cottage and into the wall.
Time seemed to move in slow motion for Tony as he watched all of this occur. Thanos wiped out the standing Avengers all in one fell swoop. Tony, however, had just enough time to flip around to the other side, grabbing the gauntlet and pulling with all of his might. He even activated his thrusters, attempting to fly away with the gauntlet in his hands.
“I’d advise you let go, Stark. I don’t want to go back on the deal I made with the Doctor.” He pried Tony’s fingers off the palm of the gauntlet.
Tony, however, grabbed its wrist near the edge, and began pulling again. “And to think,” he said. “I just thought we were playing a nice game of tug-of-war. My bad.”
“Let go right now, or I will be forced to kill you.”
Tony shrugged. “Wouldn’t be the first time someone told me they were going to kill me. Pretty sure I’m still standing, though. Think this is the end of my bad luck streak?”
Thanos sighed, and then the time stone began glowing green. Suddenly, Tony couldn’t move. He and the other Avengers were frozen in place. However, Tony seemed to be the only one aware of the freeze in time, as he could still think, talk, and look around.
“Let go, Stark.” Thanos sounded more tired than anything else.
“Never.”
“You know,” Thanos said. “We are the only two people cognizant of this moment. They would never know any better if you wanted to let go. You could tell them all I used the power stone. Preserve your dignity.”
“I’m not doing this for dignity,” Tony said through gritted teeth. “I’m doing this for Peter.”
Thanos’ eyes softened somewhat. His expression filled with pity, and he cocked his head in recognition. “You lost your child?”
Anger coursed through Tony’s veins. “You killed him, and you didn’t even know? You killed him, and it mattered so little to you that you just forgot?”
“Oh, Stark. I can’t know billions of creatures personally. Some get… forgotten.”
“Forgotten? I had to watch him die all because of you, and you get to forget? I would give anything to see him again. Anything.”
Thanos nodded. “I understand. My Gamora-”
“You don’t. You can’t understand. You killed Gamora!”
“I had to!” Thanos shouted, before biting his tongue and calming himself down. “I had to. I loved her, but it was the only way to complete my plan.”
Tony shook his head. “If you really loved her, you wouldn’t have done it.”
“So you’re saying you would give up your dreams for this Peter character?”
Tony furrowed his eyebrows. “I wouldn’t have to. My dream… I want to watch him grow up. Graduate high school. College. Get married, if he’s into that kind of thing. I want him to be happy.”
Thanos took a breath, contemplating this. “Would you give up your life to see him?”
“In a heartbeat.”
Thanos nodded. “Then I shall do you a favor.”
“What? What are you-”
Time sped up again, and all of a sudden, Thanos was snapping his fingers.
“No!” Bruce shouted.
“-talking about? I don’t want your favors-”
(It was three months after the Vulture fiasco, about a year and a half before Thanos. Peter was sitting alone on the rooftop of the new Avengers Compound, his feet dangling dangerously over the edge. Tony watched him from further back on the roof, trying to figure out the best way to get his attention.
After May had found out Peter was Spider-Man, she had decided that Peter would start spending more time at the Compound in order to upgrade his suit and learn to be a better fighter. Tony had decided he was done trying to keep Peter at bay when all the kid seemed to want to do was break down all the walls Tony had so carefully erected, so he acquiesced, albeit nervously.
Although they weren’t at peak comfort yet, the awkwardness and tension that had been hanging in the air when lab nights first began had dulled down considerably. Tony could handle time in the lab, but he wasn’t quite sure what to do when Peter was twiddling his thumbs rather precariously a couple hundred feet off the ground.
He decided that, first things first, he should alert Peter of his presence. He cleared his throat, and the kid quickly whipped his head around to look at his mentor.
“Didn’t mean to scare you,” Tony said, raising his hands in a faux display of guilt. “Thought your Peter Tingle would tell you I was here.”
Peter smiled a bit, but it quickly disappeared. “You know I hate when you call it that, Mr. Stark.”
“Oh, yeah, because Spidey Sense is so much better. Also, May pitched Peter Tingle. I had nothing to do with it.”
The kid scoffed before turning his gaze back to the night sky. “It doesn’t go off if I’m not in danger. While it is a bit creepy, I don’t think you spying on me counts as a mortal threat.”
“Hey, I wasn’t spying on you. I was just… lurking creepily in the shadows while thinking of a way to approach you that wouldn’t end with you teetering over the edge.”
“I wouldn’t fall, Mr. Stark. I’ve got sticky hands, remember?”
“Yeah, yeah.” Tony paused for a moment, walking a bit closer to Peter. “Mind if I sit?”
“Of course not.” Peter scooched over a bit, as if there wasn't already plenty of space for Tony.
Tony sat down about a foot from Peter, worried about sitting too close. “Whatcha’ doing up here?”
“Thinking.”
“Rooftops aren’t exactly the best place for contemplation, kiddo.”
“I know, I just… Didn’t want to be inside anymore.”
“Can I ask why or is that overstepping? Say the word and these lips are zipped shut.” Tony pretended to lock up his lips and throw away the key.
Peter laughed a bit before his face fell right back down. “Remember when I fought that guy with the wings? When I took down that plane and saved all your stuff?”
“How could I? You bring it up at least once a visit.”
“I do not.”
“Do too.”
“Anyway,” Peter declared loudly, sending Tony a humorous glare before getting back to his story. “You know how you found that warehouse completely collapsed?”
Tony did not like where this story was going. “Yes?”
“Well,” Peter hesitated a beat. “Me and Ned had been using my phone to track Vulture because I left it in his car when he took me to the dance. The location… It was parked at that warehouse. He knew I was going to follow him there. He must’ve known. I… I walked in, all confident, because he must have thought I was going to let it go.”
Tony took a breath, already plotting the murder of that guy in his head. He didn’t interrupt Peter’s story, though.
“I… He shot his wings at me, or something, I don’t really remember. I dodged them, and I felt… I felt so good about myself, like… I was able to do it, even without my good suit. But then… the pillars all collapsed.” Peter’s voice cracked. Tony was horrified when he looked up to see tears in the kid’s eyes. “The building fell on me. The entire roof. I didn’t have the suit, I didn’t have Karen. I screamed, but there was no one who could hear me. I thought I was going to die.”
“Kid…”
“Then I remembered what you told me. About how if I’m nothing without the suit, I shouldn’t have it. So I lifted up the rubble, and I chased after him.”
“You… You lifted up the rubble?”
“Yeah.”
“Jesus. Pete…” Tony paused, biting his tongue for a moment in thought before speaking up again. “I am so sorry.”
Peter looked up at Tony then, looking shocked. “What? Why?”
“I took your suit. It’s my fault. If you had the suit, Karen would’ve called me, or been there for moral support or something-”
“It’s not your fault I got myself buried, Mr. Stark.”
“Pete, I was the one who took the suit from you, and I promise I’ll never do that again.You shouldn’t have been put in that position to begin with.”
“No, Mr. Stark. It’s what you said that convinced me that I could get out of there. That if I was nothing without the suit, I shouldn’t have it. You were right. I just… Sometimes I feel a bit stuck if I’ve been inside for too long. That’s all.”
“God. You’re way too young for trauma.”
Although there were still tears on his cheeks, Peter found himself laughing. “Seriously.”
The two laughed for a minute before they were enveloped in silence.
“Hey, Peter, look at me a minute,” Tony said, his voice quieter than it was before.
Peter obeyed, looking into Tony’s eyes with his own teary ones.
“You don’t have to be afraid of getting stuck while I’m around. I’m not gonna let you die.”
Peter seemed taken aback by this statement, as he stared at Tony with a certain disbelief in his eyes.
“Here,” Tony said, reaching into the pocket on the inside of his blazer and pulling out a sleek looking watch. It had been sitting there for a while as Tony waited for the perfect moment to hand it over. He had wanted Peter to get that look he always got where he remembered he was in the presence of Tony Stark, the billionaire/superhero, but that didn’t seem so important anymore. He hesitated only a moment before presenting it to Peter. “It looks like your average, everyday fancy watch, but there’s a panic button. You press here three times in a row, and I’ll be there.”
“Mr. Stark-”
“I’ll always find you if you’re in a tricky spot. You always have a way out, okay?”
Peter opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it again. “You don’t have to do me any favors,” he eventually decided on.
“I know. This isn’t a favor. Consider it a gift for being my favorite intern.”
“I’m your only intern.”
“Exactly.”
Peter laughed, his eyes shining. “Thank you.”
“No problem, kiddo.”)
Although the other Avengers would swear the world flashed white, for Tony, everything went black.