“Ok but like I could totally make it worth your time to be the babysitter for my kids.” Tony once again tried to convince Coulson while he walked him and the others to the bi-frost.
“I’m very busy.” Coulson answered back looking as unimpressed with Tony as usual.
“But you would totally be awesome at it.” Tony practically whined as he hung off the agent.
“Stark do you ever shut up?” Fury snapped earning a kick to the balls as Tony still hung onto Coulson.
“What was that Fury? I can’t hear you over the amazing kick I just delivered. Move out of the way Hawkeye, I never miss either!” He cheered happily while Steve picked up the director that couldn’t walk anymore as he cupped his groan.
“I’m pretty sure you just kicked his balls back inside him.” Natasha commented which just made Tony feel victorious, he was master of kicking balls!
“My Queen.” Heimdal greeted.
“Heimdal! My favorite precious cinnamon roll, who’s that?” He asked pointing at the woman excitedly looking around.
“Her name is Darcy and she kept calling my name demanding to know why everyone else got to go to Asgard but her.”
Tony stared at the woman with excited eyes.
“Oh my god I’m keeping you!”
Darcy just cheered and jumped into Tony’s arms.
“Hah, and Jane said I’d never get someone to bring me here.”
“This is mine now, earth can’t have her back.”
He turned to leave but paused seeing Coulson’s bland expression locked onto Heimdal. He looked at the guardian who was staring right back at him.
“I think an epic romance is happening.” Darcy pretended to whisper to him.
Yeah he was keeping her, anyone who wanted to argue that could fight him.
“Oh my god I just met you but I swear if anything happened to you I’d burn this whole place to the ground.”
“Awe, I like you to. If anything happened to you I’d probably taze that pirate over there.”
Fury gave a cry of protest but both ignored him.
“I’ll babysit your kids on one condition.” Coulson finally spoke up, the staring contest still going with neither men backing down.
“Oh? What’s that? Do you want bitches? I can get you bitches. Money? I’ve got an entire vault of money.”
Coulson pointed to Heimdal.
“I want this man to be my bride.”
“Deal!” Tony agreed easily.
“You don’t just get to decide that.” Steve protested causing Darcy to taze him, she was officially his favorite.
“I agree with Lady Darcy, keep your opinions out of my future marriage.” Heimdal told the super soldier in a tone as bland as Coulson’s expression, clearly it was a match made in heaven.
“I’m the best match maker in the universe!” Tony gave a cry of victory.
“Oh, find me someone to marry.” Darcy excitedly said.
“Challenge accepted. Coulson I’ll see you later to discuss your wedding and babysitting duties. The rest of you I don’t care about, except you Deadpool because you’re insane and it’s awesome. Peace out bitches, I’ve got a match to find.”
He skipped down the rainbow bridge with Darcy clinging to him like a koala. Before Heimdal sent the others back to earth Deadpool yelled after him, “Awe I like you to Iron Daddy! Call me.”