Death By Exposure
Clint created a Server
Clint Named the server: I have a theory….
Clint invited Peter, Sam, Bucky, Tony, Nat, Wanda,
Clint: Alright, Frems
Clint: Here’s the thing
Peter: What’s the thing?
Clint: Quiet, Child!
Nat: Be nice to Peter, or I’m adding Pepper
Clint: 👀
Sam: Can we just appreciate how that’s a threat in this house?
Wanda: What is the theory?
Clint: I have been doing some venting
Clint: And by venting, I mean vent-watching
Clint: And by vent watching, I mean I’ve been looking with my lookers from the vents
Nat: Ew. That’s gross
Clint: NOT LIKE THAT
Tony: Really? Because that’s what it sounds like
Clint: I have been observing someone
Clint: More like someoneS
Clint: But they don’t know about it, because I am a sneaky spy
Peter: sNeAk
Sam: Are you going to get on with telling us what this is about?
Clint: Y E S
Clint: So, as I was saying….
Clint: I’ve been watching all of you
Clint: Like a hawk :)
Clint: But mostly Steve and Carol
Bucky: I hate to break it to you, Pal, but I don’t think they’re interested
Clint: NOT LIKE THAT EITHER
Clint: I SQWAK AT YOUR STUPIDITY, BARNES
Clint: I KNOW THEY’RE NOT INTERESTED BECAUSE I THINK I KNOW WHO THEY’RE INTERESTED IN
Tony: Alright, Cupid, slow down there
Nat: But, do tell
Wanda: Yes, so then I can tell Carol who Steve’s been looking at
Sam: Oh, she’d give him so much shit for it
Tony: I know this sounds awful, but I live for that
Bucky: Wow, now we know where your friendships lie
Tony: You know what, Barnes? Look me in they eyes and tell me it’s not funny
Bucky: …
Bucky: Okay, It’s funny
Clint: NO
Clint: THERE IS NO TELLING CAROL OR STEVE ABOUT MY THEORY
Peter: lol why? They’d go after each other so much about it. It would be great.
Clint: WE CANNOT TELL CAROL OR STEVE BECAUSE IT IS CAROL AND STEVE
Peter: Carol and Steve like themselves?
Peter: I’m confused
Peter: Are you saying they’re narcissists?
Sam: Dear God, we only need one of those in this house
Tony: …..
Tony: I’m going to allow that
Clint: YOU’RE ALL BLIND
Nat: Why are we blind?
Clint: I mean….
Clint: Have you seen the way those two look at each other? How Steve always yells at her for doing stupid stuff? And how Carol messes with him for no reason?
Nat: 👀
Wanda: 👀👀👀
Bucky: Yes, with complete hatred
Sam: Dude, they fucking hate each other
Tony: Yeah, I don’t think any attraction between those two is possible in any way
Peter: ………
Peter: It’s like those unrealistic Hallmark movies!
Nat: All Hallmark movies are unrealistic, Peter
Peter: No, no! The ones where the two people hate each other but they secretly don’t, they just act like they do because way deep down they have feelings for each other
Nat: Again, they hate each other
Peter: Have you met Sam and Bucky?
Sam: …..
Sam: I’ll give him that
Tony: I’m sorry to burst your bubble, Clint, but Carol has the emotional span of a rock
Wanda: ….
Nat: Wanda
Nat: You can’t seriously think…
Wanda: I mean
Wanda: Now that he says it
Wanda: It kind of makes sense
Peter: See? Some Hallmark movies are realistic
Nat: No, Peter
Nat: No they’re not
Clint: I know it to be true
Clint: You must observe
Clint: Like me
Wanda: Rip
Tony: ?
Peter: Why are we ripping?
Wanda: Because Clint is fucked
Clint: ….why?
Wanda: Because a Captain in question has looked over my shoulder and seen my phone
Sam: F
Bucky: F
Tony: F
Peter: Here Lies Clint Barton….
Wanda: Carol would like me to inform you that we are having roasted hawk for dinner tonight right after she finishes vomiting
Clint:hides
Sam: More like roasted Steve
Bucky: Lmao
Bucky: The amount of reds he’s turning right now is amazing
Nat: oml why?
Sam: Do you not hear Carol screaming at Clint about his conclusion?
Peter: Exposed
Natasha: This is infuriatingly funny
Sam: lol we should handcuff them again
Sam: Find out if Barton’s theory was right
Peter: Welp, If they way they’re acting right now doesn’t confirm it, then I don’t know what does
Tony: I’m with Sam on the handcuffing though
Nat: Why
Tony: Friday night entertainment
Nat: This is true
Bucky: What is it with you two and feeding off the pain of others?
Nat: What can I say? We’re horrible people
Peter: I’ll call Shuri
Wanda: You realize we’re all dead right?
Tony: That’s why you gotta go out with a bang
Tony: If I’m dying, I’m dying from embarrassing Steve
Nat: There are worse ways to die
Clint: She’ll never find me
Clint: I’m too sneaky
Nat: Don’t worry, Barton
Nat: I’ll save you
Clint: Really?
Nat: No, you’re on your own, Bitch
Peter: Here lies Clint Barton. Brutally slain for exposing Carol and Steve. May he rest in many pieces
Sam: F
Bucky: F
Nat: F
Wanda: She also says that Pepper is now her favorite Stark
Tony: F
Peter: F