Mutiny

It was quiet on Ladder 19 on the way back to the Station. It was quiet on the Engine too. And the Aid Car.

The call went well in the end, all civilians were successfully extracted and 19 were all returning to the Station safe and well. Apart from Beckett, he was nowhere to be seen.

And the crew were quiet.

Ben repeated what he’d said earlier, “Are any of us going to have jobs after this?”
Vic laughed saying “I didn’t have Andy going all Christian Fletcher on us on my Bingo Card for today. Hey didn’t the Sailors on the Bounty all end up on a Paradise Island somewhere living their best lives? That could be us.”

Maya, who’d been uncharacteristically quiet when the ‘Mutiny’ took place, spoke now, “No, Vic, the British Navy searched for them relentlessly for years, captured them, took them back to London and Court martialled them and hung all the Leaders for Mutiny.”

“Cheers, Bishop”, Andy laughed weakly. The sheer enormity of what she might be facing really hitting her now that the call was over.

Maya just grinned sardonically. She had gone along with it just as they all had, just without saying much. It really would be ironic if after all that had happened she got demoted again. If the Department really went to town on them demotion might not be the worst of it, especially for Andy but really all the Lieutenants were exposed. With the exception of Sullivan she supposed, no doubt he and Ross would find a way to have Robert Sullivan survive any cull and come up smelling of Roses.

She shook her head, she could not afford to let the negativity back in, not when she was finally making baby steps with Carina.

“If it were me I’d break up Station 19, send everyone involved to different Stations, demote all the Lieutenants as a minimum. Pretty much blacklist all Lieutenants from ever getting beyond Lieutenant again if even there. Make an absolute example of all involved. As a warning to other Stations.”
“Maya! You went along with this, you can’t…”

“I did and I’ll back you, we all need to, if we go down we go down together. I’m just saying what I’d do if I were Batallion Chief or Chief Ross. It’s what McAllister threatened us with to get me to accept my Demotion, and there was never going to be a way back for me, was there?”

They descended into Silence again as the Engine meandered its way back to Nineteen.

Maya was deep in thought. They had little if any actual proof that Beckett was drinking on the job in general or on the disastrous training day or since. And if he had been…she’d deliberately put temptation in his way. Was she responsible? She shook her head, no one is responsible for the actions of an addict other than the addict. Didn’t matter what the addiction, that was a Universal truth. But still it wasn’t her finest hour and while she could blame her own demons for her own behaviour it didn’t excuse it either.

It had been a dick move and she knew it.
Carina would have been horrified by her, still would be. If she heard about it might that be the straw that broke the camel’s back? A camel named ‘Hope’.

Should she tell her? Would that be better than hearing it from a third party or should she keep quiet and hope Carina never heard of it at all?

As the Engine pulled into the Barn she noticed a shadow moving in the Captains office, she noticed about the same time as Andy and they both had the same idea. Leaping off the Engine first she got within a couple of yards of the Office first then turned and faced Andy, “ I have your back, okay? Give me a few minutes with him first?”

“No, Maya, whatever your plan is, don’t. You’ve had enough grief from above, don’t give them any more reason to… If necessary I’ll fall on my sword. You went up against Chief McAlister, Chief Ross already hates you. She doesn’t hate me, and call me a fool but if Robert does have her ear I think he’ll stand with me on this.”

Maya didn’t necessarily agree on her assessment of Sullivan but couldn’t disagree regarding Ross. Still she had this, or hoped she had. And if she didn’t then what was the worst that could happen to her? Get dismissed from SFD entirely? That notion no longer filled her with dread even if it wasn’t her preferred outcome.

“Hererra, I got this, I promise.” And before Andy could react she closed the gap to Becketts office, knocked once and immediately entered without waiting for a reply.

Beckett was taken by surprise barely having time to lower the raised bottle and hide it behind the desk. Not enough time to not make it obvious that he was holding something in his hand that he didn’t want her to see.

“That the one I bought you? Or is that gone already?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about...”

“Cut the crap, Captain. Cards on table right here right now and that includes that bottle. “

He did what he was told. And Beckett bore a familiar look of defeat that had Maya crying in the shower a few months back. He looked broken. She’d had the good grace to make sure no one else had seen it, she thought. Mind you that way of thinking hadn’t exactly served her well. Maybe Beckett was the braver of them after all.

“Where’s your water bottle? Is Theo right? Is that full of booze too? Hand it over.” Beckett reached for the bottle standing on the shelf behind his desk.

“Congratulations, you got me exactly where you want me.” He laughed loudly then much lower but with bitterness and sarcasm asked “You want me to give you a urine sample too, wanna come supervise me giving the sample or have one of your pals out there do it?”

He smiled at her again, that sarcastic leer he had before reaching for the bottle of whiskey again, taking a long sip, swallowing and adding, “in for a Penny in for a Pound right?
Gotta admit, Bishop, I thought you’d send one of the others to do your dirty work for you? Like you let Herrera take over out there, let her take most of the flak then you can glide in take the promotion.”

Maya flinched at his words. She’d disliked Beckett from Day One but that was because from Day One he had demeaned her. It was bad enough that she was unfairly demoted but then to have her boss be a misogynistic asshole who took pleasure in calling her ‘Blondie’ and the like had been too much.

But his opinion of her was wrong, if she was going to take him down she’d be the one doing it. She was Maya Bishop and she stood up for herself and for what she believed was right. She did not hide behind others coat tails.

She was never that Machiavellian. Or at least she hadn’t been.

The Bishop he knew, the one who resorted to a cack handed attempt at blackmail, the one who gave a bottle of expensive whiskey to a recovering alcoholic, she was.

Maya didn’t even know that person.
Except she did because it was part of her and she had to own her own mistakes.

“Is this really how you want this to pan out? Getting sacked for drinking on the job? After what happened on Training Day? You’ll be lucky to keep your pension at this point, and once the investigation is concluded, God knows…”

“ I was not responsible for what went wrong…this…” he pointed to the bottle of whiskey “…had nothing to do with..”

“And no one will believe that if you go down for drinking on the job.”

“So what’s the alternative, Bishop? What’s the alternative to my reporting the entire A shift for insubordination and being accused of drinking on the job in return. If I’m going down I’m taking you all with me.”

“Give me the evidence, I’ll take it out in my turnouts and…”

“Wow, you’ll really sell Hererra down the river? I’m not sure if I’m impressed or disgusted. Isn’t she supposed to be your friend.”

“I’m not selling anyone down the river. I’ll take the whiskey and your water bottle away. Meanwhile you will lock your office door and send an email to the Chief requesting an immediate leave of absence on stress leave. Effective today and recommending one of your Lieutenants be appointed Acting Captain in your absence. And…”

“ Let me guess, you’re the Acting Captain?” Beckett gave her a slow clap.

“No.”

“Sure, Bishop, sure.”

Maya rolled her eyes. “Ross hates me. Do you really think she’d make me Captain cause you asked nicely? And I don’t want to be Captain, at least not right now.”

He looked in disbelief.

She shrugged her shoulders and just said, “My priorities are elsewhere these days.”

She didn’t care what Sean Beckett thought of her or believed. She didn’t want her Station colleagues to hate her either but her priority these days concentrated on the good opinion of one person and one person only. Well two if you counted herself which Doctor Lewis always insisted she must.

He stared at her, pursing his mouth before nodding and saying, “Italy.”

“Her name is Doctor de Luca and I’m not talking to you about my wife.”

“She make you call her that in bed, Bishop? Or just when she’s putting a 51/50 hold on you?”

He was goading her, deliberately and it was that fact alone that stopped Maya from screaming at him to take her wife’s name out of his filthy mouth. That stopped her from going full Will Smith on him.

Sean Beckett was not a stupid man. He knew she was offering him a lifeline and he was going out of his way to sabotage that. Maya knew a little about internalised self loathing and she reckoned right now Sean Beckett was drowning in his.

“Send the email, nominate whoever you want, Ross will do as she pleases anyway. Then find a meeting and go to it. Today. Maybe schedule an appointment with Dr. Diane Lewis as well?”

“I don’t need a shrink.”

“Sure you don’t, just like I didn’t. Beckett, I don’t like you, I might even despise you but I know you know something has got to give here. It’s either you kissing goodbye to your career, your reputation or swallowing a little pride and having one casual chat with the SFD shrink.”

“So I’m supposed to believe your going to get rid of all that?” He pointed at the half empty bottles. “You our resident blackmailer in chief.”

Maya took the water bottle and shoved it in her turnout trousers. To anyone looking it could be her own. The whiskey bottle she’d have to hide in her jacket and hope that no one saw.

“Lock the door behind me and send the damn email, Sean.”

Andy caught up with her at the top of the stairs.

“I’m just going to use the bathroom and I’ll fill you in then, Andy.”

She dashed inside and once she was sure Andy hadn’t followed her unscrewed the whiskey cap and poured its contents down the toilet bowl. She didn’t know if she could trust Beckett to do the sensible thing but she wasn’t a blackmailer.

She was emptying the water bottle when Andy came barrelling into the small bathroom.

“That’s not yours is it? That’s his? Damn it Maya whose side are you on.” Andy was furious.

“I’m on the side of Station 19. I’m on the side of Pruitt Herrera and I’m on the side of Andy Hererra.” Maya said confidently.

And she revealed the now empty whiskey bottle form inside her jacket. “ Go to my locker and get my small backpack and give me a chance to get out of my turnouts. Then I’ll explain.”

She did explain as best she could. That if this all got out Station 19s reputation would be in tatters. A Mutiny. A Captain drinking on the job. That there had been enough chatter about 19 because of her and Jack’s recent episodes. About Andy herself as both victim of a sexual assault and a potential murderer.

That Beckett would bring them all down with him if he was taken down for the drinking.
That if Beckett was responsible for Coopers death it would be revealed in the investigation anyway and if he wasn’t then they had no proof he drank on the job.

This bottle proved nothing other than he had a drink after his crew mutinied.

That they needed to be clever and that it might not be enough but that she was trying to get Beckett out of his own accord.He was a danger to them right now but also to himself. That Andy needed to trust her on this and that Andy also needed to make sure that no one on A shift today blabbed about what they did.

If Beckett didn’t report them then word could not get back to Ross or to their Batallion Chief some other way.

That this was the only way to protect what Pruitt Hererra had spent his life building.

She’d managed a quick shower, hair still damp as the end of their shift beckoned. Beckett was still holed up in his office. The rest of A shift hanging out in the Beanery tense and worried.

As Maya was about to join them Beckett emerged from his office to stand at the bottom of the stairs and shout, “Bishop, get down here now. We’re taking the Station car. Official business. Hererra, you’re in charge for the last hour of the shift. You seem to enjoy that, enjoy it while you can.”

There was just enough time for Maya and Andy to catch each other’s eyes and exchange a worried smile.

…………………………..

It was her 6.30 am alarm that roused her to consciousness. And as she had done every day for the last several weeks she reached towards Carina’s side of the bed and as she had done every day she found it cold and empty and she remembered.

Waking to sadness every morning was no way to exist and as she did every morning she hoped that today might be the day her wife had had enough of time and space and decided to come home.

That day hadn’t come yet and as she heard the sound of movement outside in the living room the events of the evening before came flooding back. What in Gods name had made her do that? Just why? And Beckett of all people. And now she had to face him and deal with the consequences.

After a quick shower and getting ready to face the day she took a deep breath and walked out into the corridor and into her kitchen. Beckett was there wearing the same clothes he’d left the Station in the night before apparently making coffee for two.

She wanted to scream at him not to touch Carina’s coffee pot, wanted to warn him too that it was possessed with demon energy that cursed all non Italians who dared to use it. A thought that was silenced when he handed her what appeared to be a perfectly made espresso. It tasted damn near as good as Carina’s too.

“Those pots make the best coffee. I guess it’s Italy’s?”

“Her name is Carina. And I don’t want to talk to you about my wife.”

Beckett shrugged and smiled that annoying smug smile of his. “Strange that, cause I had dinner last night with a woman that looked a lot like you who talked an awful lot about your wife, how much she missed your wife, loved your wife, and just wanted your wife to come home.”

“Shut up, Beckett.”

He just sipped his perfect espresso.

“You sleep ok?”

“I did, your guest room is very comfortable. This whole apartment is pretty impressive. I guess you didn’t buy it on a firefighter’s salary.”

She got defensive sometimes about it. She still had a small mortgage on it but yeah had been able to put a sizeable down payment on it after the Olympics, Wheaties might have been the one she was remembered for but she’d got a lot of endorsements pre and post London, her blonde hair blue eyed All American looks had meant she vied with Rapinoe as one of the most bankable American stars in London.

And afterwards she’d been really popular long after her career ended in some odd locations and she’d cashed in. There was one particularly excruciating Commercial in Japan for female grooming products. She’d made a small fortune but she prayed it never saw the light of day in the USA.

She’d shown it to Carina once in a weak moment. Carina had literally fallen out of bed laughing, had basically laughed anew every time she saw her for days after.

“Look if you need or want a place to crash for a few days you’re welcome to stay. “ She heard her own voice inviting Beckett to stay if he needed to while another part of her brain screamed at her to shut up. The part of her brain that didn’t feel guilty.

“Why are you doing this?” He asked.

……………………………..

After they’d left the Station the night before he’d driven them to a quiet park in total silence. Parked up and still said nothing. The part of Maya’s brain that enjoyed watching True Crime documentaries on Netflix wondered if he was in fact an as yet undiscovered serial killer and she was about to be his umpteenth victim.

“I sent the email to Ross.”

“Ok.”

“I told her I needed a month. She hasn’t replied yet.”

“Ok.”

“I’m not an alcoholic.”

“Ok.”

“It doesn’t control me, I control it.”

“Ok.”

“Stop saying ok.”

“Ok.”

“I didn’t fuck up the Training Day, I dont know what happened but it wasn’t me. Do not say ok.”

“You’ve been drinking on the job, you’ve made mistakes on call outs with Nineteen. I’m not saying you’ve been drunk, I’m not saying the mistakes and the drinking are connected. But I’m not saying they’re not.

Why do you drink?”

He didn’t answer.

“I run. When it all gets too much, I run. It’s what I do. I mean I run for fun and fitness too but sometimes it’s different. The run is different. If I can’t run when I need to then I run in my head or at least I used to but recently there was too much going on in my head and running in my head didn’t work anymore so I had to actually run all the time. Or weights or bike. I had to keep moving, not stop.

I worked for this boss you see, he made my life a misery. Bullied me, humiliated me in front of my colleagues, demeaned me at every opportunity; he had something on me so he knew I couldn’t do anything about it. So for six months he made my life hell and not one of my work colleagues stepped in. Till it was pretty much too late.”

Beckett flinched, stayed silent then muttered a quiet, “Yeah.”

“He was just a part of it. He wasn’t the sole reason or even the main one that I hit rock bottom, there’s a whole pile of reasons that just all mounted up. I almost died. My running almost killed me. My wife had me sectioned and walked away from our life. I have no idea if she’ll come back.

The thing that got me through stuff, running, the thing that gave me solace, almost killed me.

Why do you drink?”

“I don’t know.”

“If I phone Diane Lewis right now will you talk to her for two minutes while I wait outside? She may not be the person for you but she might be able to steer you in the right direction. She’s sworn to Hippa,if you’re her patient then it’s confidential unless she thinks you are going to be a danger to yourself or others.”

She happened to know Dr. Lewis was free because she was supposed to be seeing her right now, had cancelled by text when Beckett had summoned her.

He stayed silent, hands clenching around the steering wheel like his life depended on it.
His only response eventually came. A quick nod.

She got out of the car and quickly phoned Diane.

“Maya, you cancelled? Are you ok?”

After assuring her she was and rescheduling at Diane’s next free slot she explained that she was with Sean Beckett and had persuaded him to talk to someone for just a few minutes.

“I know it’s unorthodox but I’m worried about him. It’s not my story to tell and… well I’m not the most empathetic person on the planet and…I’m way out of my depth here so would you… even for a few minutes and….”

Diane Lewis smiled to herself. She suspected Bishop was selling herself somewhat short. She agreed to give Beckett a few minutes of her time.

Maya walked about, occasionally chancing to glance at the Station Car. Beckett animatedly thumping the dash board at one point, another time slumped against the Drivers window, yet another she could hear a muffled shout. After 30 minutes he sounded the horn to beckon her back in.

Eyes red rimmed he muttered “don’t say a word” as he started the ignition.

“I need a drink.”

She stared at him.

“Or a meeting.”

“I can wait for you if you want, catch some dinner after?”

“Ooh dinner and a movie first?” He said in what she fervently hoped was a jokey manner.

“Not if my life depended on it, Beckett”

And so it came to pass that after he caught an AA meeting on the other side of town they ended up back at a local Mexican restaurant, drinking sodas, sharing nachos and later several coffees

……………………………

“Why are you doing this?” He asked again