You'll Be Left In The Dust Unless I Never Give You Up, Never Let You Down, Never Run Around And Desert You
When he opens his eyes Harley is looming over him in a couch. He could have melted by that handsome bastard’s worried gaze, but Peter remembers Star Lord, Valkyrie, Mr. Barnes and Mr. Stark saying they want him dead, and he freaks out. He pushes Harley away from him and looks for a door in this cell.
“What the fuck?!” Harley curses and tries to pull him by the arm back to the seat. “Peter! Stop! Listen to me!”
No way. He shoots web on Harley’s face. Harley immediately lets go in midst of more expletives Peter didn’t know were in Harley’s dictionary (being Winter Soldier and Iron Man’s son really do bring out the acerbic crankiness in someone, huh). Meanwhile, Peter looks around and up and down for escape.
“Fucking shit, PARKER!” Harley says, taking off the web from his face.
Peter sees a door, goes to it, sees it’s just a toilet, knocks Harley off again. Then he spots an open vent above and immediately jumps out to it. Harley pulls him by his ankles just before he can disappear. “I’m not going to kill you, dumbass! Get down here and listen to me!”
“How do I know you’re not lying?” Peter cries.
Harley struggles for something, still not letting go. “Well… because…”
“See? You… you… I thought you love me!”
“I do, dumbass! I do! I love you! Come on, get down. We need to plan, okay. You might think you have a problem now but wait until Dr. Strange and Captain Marvel arrive – you’ll have no way to survive then! So please, for the love of God, come down!” To show possibly that he trusts Peter, he lets go and steps back.
Peter weighs his options. Well, for one, he sure as hell doesn’t know what’s going on. Him versus the Avengers? Then Dr. Strange and Miss Danvers coming in to kill him, too? Like he has a chance. He needs to take a risk. He comes down and pulls off his mask, showing Harley how really upset and angry he is. “Start explaining or I swear to God—”
Harley releases a sigh of relief (Peter thinks it’s relief, at least). He takes a seat on the couch, rubbing his temples as an old problematic man would. Peter gives him time to breathe while he looks around. What is this place? It looks like a cell but fashioned with a cushion, a bed and television. He is not sure he’s seen this part of the compound before.
As if reading his mind, Harley explains, “I built this place. Every goddamn time those two old men fuck in the lab it’s always when I go out for a pee break. So I built this. So when I return from break and just as soon see Tony bent over the desk, I can immediately retreat to the broom cabinet and down here. The lab is just above us. I made this soundproof, too. Cool, huh?”
Peter agrees wholeheartedly. “Yeah, this is awesome! Might be cooler though if you can do your projects here -- wait a minute. We’re getting off topic! The Avengers want to kill me! Valkyrie was there then suddenly Star Lord – and – Mr. Barnes and Mr. Stark got mad!”
“Yes, yes. Hear. Listen.” He pauses, then. “A month ago, there was an alien attack in the Philippines. You might have heard about that. Nothing major. Pretty small thing. Ant Man and Wasp took care of it in less than a day. They visited us here in the compound right after the cleanup operation to tell us all about it. Then they deposited a debris in Dad’s lab. Sort of like a piece of a meteorite or something.”
Peter is hanging on every word. “And then?”
“You must understand that I’ve only seen this debris once. After I’ve returned from my pee break, they’ve already deposited it in Room 662. Then… then everyone started acting weird. They wanted me to check up on you, keep tabs on you, get you to visit the compound, actually stalk you! For some reason you have become interesting to them and they in turn become obsessed with you, and not the healthy kind.”
Now Peter remembers Mr. Stark’s numerous calls and messages, and Mr. Rogers’ countless invites to the compound, and Wanda’s friend request on Facebook (Wanda has every right to have a Facebook account, sure, but it is still very weird). “Right, okay, I admit that that’s creepy. But why did it come to this?”
“I can’t tell for sure. But there’s something else. The night you asked me to marry you, I was gonna ask you the same thing. You know… marriage. I have the ring and everything.”
Peter’s smile is from ear to ear. “Really? That’s so cool.”
Harley looks mildly annoyed. “Not if you learn that my two dads pressured me into doing that. Hey,” he says when Peter’s smile turns to a childlike frown. “I really wanted to marry you, all right. But I would have wanted it if you finish college first. Legally we’re adults but we’re still young! I don’t want you to get tied up. Jumping from one commitment to the next whilst still being a superhero – I don’t want you to get bombed out. Come on. Where’s that smile? Can I get a smile?”
Spiderman’s alter ago shots him off with a finger. “Eff off, Harls. I’m not a kid. And still, you haven’t still explained why the Avengers want me dead! Just cut to the chase.”
“So here. Last night, dads and Steve and Hawkeye told me something about magic blood that we need to extract from, and I quote, ‘a Spiderman who experienced deadly terror after joyous bliss’. Torturing you after a much-awaited marriage, if you want to be more specific. Wilson and Barton came up with the idea of a deadly game. You would think Hide and Seek is bad but you could have Truth or Dare in there, or Would You Rather. At least with Hide and Seek you could have a chance to escape. I only had to play along so I can get you out.
“And about your magic blood – Wanda gave me a vision where everybody died because they didn’t have your blood. It was a nightmare of a sight.”
“Magic blood? I don’t think I have any. First time I heard. But it wouldn’t hurt if I give them a little of my blood, would it?”
“Peter, they meant to drain all your blood.”
“All? As in—”
“You would be drier than a raisin after they’re done with you.”
“And I oop.” Peter tries to think despite Harley’s unimpressed stare at his pop culture reference. “They said everybody will die if they don’t get my blood? I guess it can’t be helped.”
“Oh, shut it! Out with your self-sacrificing shit! I’ve had enough of that with Tony. Besides, they’re clearly not themselves. I think it’s the debris I’ve told you about. I don’t believe Wanda’s vision one bit. Magic blood? Come on, it doesn’t make sense! Why your blood of all people?!”
“But what if it’s true? I’m willing—”
“Pete. PETER! I love you, but you’re a high tier idiot.”
Peter huffs. “Fine. Let’s sneak in to Room 662.”
Now Harley is the one confused. “Why?”
He wants to hit him again just for the sake of it. “You said that’s where they deposited the debris?”
“Uh, no. Brunhilde got hold of it and moved it to New Asgard. We will go there.”
“We can’t go. Part of the game requires me to stay here in the compound.”
“I say that rule’s out of the window when they didn’t tell you they’re going to torture then kill you once they find you. Listen, you need to get out of here as soon you can. Like I said earlier, once Dr. Strange or Captain Marvel gets here, I doubt you’ll survive the night.”
Peter visibly shivers. Right. Miss Danvers will beat him to pulp. But there is still one thing that’s bothering him. Mr. Stark and Mr. Rogers will torture and kill him for a magic blood he has no idea about? He thought they like him. He tells Harley so of this sad fact.
“Oh, so you’re more worried about that?”
“How can you understand what I feel? Your two mentors liked you very much that they adopted you. Me? Mr. Stark and Mr. Rogers want to kill me! And I thought Mr. Stark is really happy that I get to be part of your family.”
“Geez, you’re the one who wanted to get married.”
Peter begins hitting him with his web shooter again. “Fuck you! What’s the fucking point?!”
Harley docks all his attacks. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry!” He surges from his seat and meets him with an embrace. “I’m sorry, okay? Come on. Everything will be alright. We will get through this.”
Peter stays in his arms for a little while, gathering his wits and courage. Right. There’s nothing he didn’t get through before. What’s a bunch of overpowered superheroes have compared to the past obstacles he has in life?
Fuck. He is going to die.
2
Very quietly, the newlyweds climb back up to the darkened lab. They look for signs of any villainous company but there is no evidence of anyone around or someone coming. Even Dalmatian is not there. Peter asks his husband of this.
“Part of the plan – to distract as many Avengers as he can. Listen. I am going to gather all of the Avengers in the Meeting Room. Just… we’re going to come up with some shit or whatever. You. Sneak out and go to New Asgard through whatever means. We need to take a good look at that debris. In the meantime – What I would suggest is for you to stay in my secret room and wait for my signal before you—”
“No. I think I can manage to escape even before you gather them. Trust me. Like you said, we wouldn’t want to waste time.”
Harley smiles at him, making Peter feel empowered. They might get through this night. The pair parts with a kiss. Peter waits a little while in the lab then goes to the window. He is about to crack it open when he notices a flying object outside the compound. It is Falcon circling the building from above like a vulture surveying its territorial ground. Damn. Karen wasn’t kidding when she said the Avengers got the whole place covered. Oh, speaking of—
“Karen, can you give me a thermo scan of the compound? Please,” he whispers.
“Got it, boss.” A second pause. “From what I could gather, boss, all of the private quarters are safe for hiding. May I also suggest staying away from the vents? Hawkeye and the Wasp are scouting there. Ant Man is coming.”
“Good! Maybe I can escape through one of their rooms? Which one do you want, Karen? Wait… ANT MAN?!”
In the nick of time, Peter dives back inside the broom closet before the door bursts open by bullet-like force. Ant Man emerges from thin air and scans the surroundings. Damn it, why didn’t Harley put an invisible mode in Peter’s suit?
Ant Man opens his faceplate. “Come out, Parker. I know you’re in here. I saw Keener come out of here earlier. That boy could have Iron Man, Bucky, and Captain America to back him up but I don’t trust that little shit for a little bit.” He starts walking around the room.
Right, right. How to defeat Ant Man? How can Spiderman defeat someone who can change his size at will and be super fast like a bullet? Why didn’t have a manual like… like Batman on how to destroy his comrades when the worst comes?
Like with Bucky earlier, a sly smile rests on Ant Man’s face when he eyes the broom.
Peter thinks, I’m sorry, Mr. Lang. I don’t want to fight you but you leave me with no choice.
Ant Man presses the com in his ear. “Hey, Captain? I just want to let you know that—”
Spiderman charges at Ant Man with a kick to his shin, coupling it triple back flip to his stomach, jumps to him, doing what Black Widow (may she rest in peace) taught him of caging someone’s head in between his legs, punching a little to make him lose his balance, reaching behind his head and pulling off his mask, consequently deactivating his suit, and finally ending the round by webbing Ant Man to the wall, all before the ant superhero finish his curse (‘Motherfu—’). Spiderman has to take no chances. He webs Ant Man’s mouth shut.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Lang, (Mr. Lang gives him a sharp gaze) but I like where my blood is flowing just fine. I promise to look into this matter. I’m sure you are not yourself. Harley and I are going to fix this. Goodbye!”
“I don’t think so,” a gruff voice says and Spiderman barely misses the knife thrown at his face. The knife lands hardly an inch beside Ant Man’s right ear, and that earns a glare too from the trapped superhero to the newcomer, which is Drax.
Before another knife is thrown, Spiderman shoots a web and swings a kick to the giant of an alien. The impact is minimal; Drax only steps back and he catches Spiderman’s leg and throws him to the ground. He picks him up again and repeats.
“I won’t call those filthy earth breathers. I’d rather have you die on my hands alone,” Drax is saying.
Drax wrings his neck and Spiderman’s feet leave the ground. He begins to suffocate and his vision blurs until all he registers is a loud smack, him being dropped to the ground, gasping for air, coughing, vision beginning to clear by the second. Drax is unconscious in front of him, Dalmatian behind, floating in the air with baseball bat in his mechanical hands.
“T-thanks, Dal…” Spiderman gasps and collapses on the floor, wheezing and coughing.
Dalmatian gives a cheerful beep then turns his attention to Ant Man who shrieks and tries to break loose. Spiderman can’t give himself to care that much – he almost died! He closes his eyes and only hears a loud thump and a metallic clang against the ground. Ant Man has stopped shrieking. Dalmatian descends to the ground and circles Spiderman.
“All right, all right, I know I ought to get moving,” Spiderman says patiently. And he knows he should hurry too. That little scuffle past must have made a commotion.
Dalmatian leads the way out and gestures him to a hallway to the building housing the Avenger’s private quarters. Dalmatian stays behind while Spiderman tiptoes around the dark hallway.
“Karen, I need your help,” he mutters.
“I’m always with you, boss.” The AI informs of Hawkeye’s presence from the vents and Mantis walking around the corner.
He reaches the building. He doesn’t know which room is whose nor does he care. He knows he just have to get out of the Compound pronto. The thought of being crushed by Miss Danvers’ fingers is giving him the shivers. As for Harley, well… he just hopes that once he makes it to New Asgard, Harley can follow suit as fast as he can. Leaving the love of his life with the company of bloodthirsty Avengers is making him uncomfortable, but they both are strong – he knows he can make it just as Harley can hold onto the Avengers’ attention while Spiderman is on this mission.
He chooses a room at random and picks at the lock (he thanks Mr. Lang for this lesson). Very quietly as he can (for he hears movements at the vent above) he goes inside and locks the room. His eyes adjust again and he realizes he is in Wanda’s room. No more second wasted, he goes to the window, peeks outside and almost curses the heaven for his luck.
From Wanda’s room, he can see the entry gate. And there on the entry gate are MJ, Ned and Luis happily talking to Wasp and Rocket who are obviously blocking the door. From their body language, it is certain that his two best friends want to go inside. Possibly they want to see Peter before the latter leaves off to Wakanda with his husband. He should be touched but given the new circumstances, this is an awful timing (and, by the way, does the Wakandan honeymoon offer still stand?)
Spiderman begins to panic. What if the Avengers have gone really bad at the head and take MJ and Ned as hostages to lure him out? Oh no. They couldn’t be possibly be that bad, right? Either way, he has to find a way to drive his two best friends away.
He can’t see Falcon anymore – Harley must have done most of his part of collecting the Avengers on the other side of the Compound. What needs to happen now is for MJ and Ned to drive off before Spiderman makes his escape for him to become 100% sure of their safety. Wasp and Rocket are still blocking the door – MJ and Ned should take that as a cue to leave. He sits and watches.
Ned is already backing away, MJ is following him, and Spiderman is starting to breathe a sigh of relief. But Luis lingers on, not taking a hint, annoying Wasp, Rocket, and of course Spiderman.
Rocket points his blaster at Luis, and that is a red flag to MJ and Ned – Spiderman knows. The two exchange a look before the girl pulls aggressively at Luis’ arm. They pull him to Luis’ beat up van, the man still talking animatedly. Wasp and Rocket just watch.
The van drives off. Wasp and Rocket retreat inside.
I hope MJ and Ned don’t return. I hope MJ and Ned don’t return, Spiderman chants in a prayer. His two best friends don’t need to get involved in this. They might get in danger! But the van stops after they’ve reached the corner, and Spiderman loses all hope.
MJ and Ned embark off, running back to the compound, possibly finding a way to get inside.
Crap. He knows they are far more intelligent than the Avengers give them credit for, but right now he wishes they could be simpleton stupids who take things at face value so his job could be easier.
Spiderman watches where his two best friends enter the building. No other choice and filled with love for his two best mates, Spiderman asks Karen to track Ned and MJ’s movements and to tell him where they are exactly. Well now that the pair entered the game, Spiderman is going to make sure that they are going to win.
He traces his step back outside into the hallway where he and Dalmatian parted. He dodges back behind the corner when he catches sight of King T’Challa and Nebula carrying the still unconscious Drax while Okoye stand guard.
What the fuck?! Why are they still here?
Now he feels a ton a worry for Harley. Mr. Lang had mentioned about not trusting Harley. Oh, what is happening to his husband now?
He holds his breath when they are nearing his hiding spot. They are arguing.
“About two hours have passed,” Nebula is saying. “Finding Spiderman shouldn’t have taken this long! What is happening?”
“Obviously we have a rat in our midst,” King T’Challa answers morosely. “And I am willing to bet it is the Keener kid. That kid must already have relayed everything to Parker.”
“What are we waiting for then? We kill Keener,” Nebula snaps.
Okoye is sharp with her words. “Don’t you think we haven’t thought of taking him down ourselves? He is heavily protected by Stark and White Wolf. We’ve shared our concern regarding their adopted son with them, but they won’t listen. And where does that take us? Nowhere.”
That piece of information, however bad for the Avengers, is great news to Spiderman. It’s good to hear that Mr. Barnes and Mr. Stark are not turning their backs on their son.
“And look here,” Okoye continues. “There is no way Spiderman has beaten Drax and Ant Man alone! He has a help.”
“Stark will regret this,” Nebula promises.
He won’t, Spiderman wants to say. He won’t because he’s awesome!
They pass by Spiderman’s hiding spot without suspicions.
“At this rate, with Stark and White Wolf being stubborn, we’re never going to find the spider and perform the ritual!” King T’Challa curses.
When they have completely passed by, Spiderman steps outs of his hiding place to sneakily go to the opposite direction the group is going when he gives a loud gasp upon seeing Shuri coming near.
The group looks behind their backs and stares unimpressed at Spiderman.
“There he is,” Nebula says blankly.
In fairness to Shuri, she must have not expected to see Spiderman there and she, in shock, begins shooting at him like there is no tomorrow. This action effectively causes Okoye to step back; who would want to open fire when there is a panicked princess already showering bullets? She misses all of her shots, though, and Peter charges towards Shuri, knocks her blaster off then webs his way away to safety.
“SHURI!” Spiderman hears King T’Challa chide his little sister.
“I don’t know what I’m doing!” is her cry that Spiderman last heard.
“Young boss, it seems that the whole Avengers are alerted of your presence due to this incident. There is a rise in activity in the left wing of the compound.”
Spiderman doesn’t answer her, only swings fasters to the direction where Karen said MJ and Ned would be, which is the right wing testing room. He leaves off the webs and runs on the ground when the ceilings become too low for swinging. He calls MJ and Ned’s names loudly as he runs. When he reaches the testing room and there is no sign of his friends, he begins to become upset. The Avengers will be coming for his throat any second – he can already hear the unmistaken sounds of stumps as a matter of fact – and he—
“Peter!” someone whisper shouts under the gravity machine. And there his best friends are hiding under the machine. Spiderman laughs in respite.
“What are you doing there?” he asks with a chuckle.
MJ is frowning, “What do you think, genius?”
“Miss van Dyne said you were all playing a friendly game of hide and seek,” Ned joins in.
“Yes, care to explain about that?” MJ asks. “We look stupid.”
Spiderman becomes serious. “Well, come out then. I’ll tell you—” Ned and MJ begin to crawl back up, and something isn’t right. His spider sense is acting up. “GET BACK!” he orders his friends.
What registers to him in the next split second is the confusion on Ned’s face before the great door of the testing room explodes in fire. Ned covers MJ with his body. Spiderman tumbles on the air and grips on the wall. The lobby is on fire now. He waits for an attack, someone to come through that door.
But who comes through the firey explosion catches him off guard.
Iron Lad comes running in.
His husband helps Ned and MJ get up before turning to him. “Run now, Pete! Go! I’ll stop them!”
“Wh-what about you? Go with us!” he pleads to him.
Iron Lad gives a firm shake of the head. He opens his faceplate and Spiderman sees that he is smiling. “Sorry, but someone has to make sure these stupid Avengers are all right. Go, Pete. If you don’t leave now… Dr. Strange is coming.”
Spiderman wants to punch him for being right. He gets down and collects MJ and Ned on his back and commands them to hold on tight as he run off into the woods.
Iron Lad watches them off then holds his head high as he waits for the Avengers.
4
Through Wanda’s power, the fire is quenched immediately. All of them are in the testing room, surveying the field. In the corner, Tony, Bucky, Steve and Clint are interrogating Harley.
Tony speaks as if he is running out of patience. “I’m trying really hard here, Harls, really hard. And I’ll ask you once again. How did this explosion start?”
“What? For fuck’s sake, Dad. I didn’t start it! Why would I?” Harley retorts.
Clint snickers. “Why wouldn’t you? To help your lover boy, ain’t it?”
Bucky shuts Clint up. “Talk to my son like that again and I will cut your balls off, Barton. How dare you accuse him. Maybe some other person is helping Parker. Don’t you dare point fingers.”
Clint throws his hands in the air. “I give up! You two are idiots! Who else would help Parker other than him?! Cap, will you help me?”
Steve studies Harley’s pissed figure before asking, “What are our assurance that you are on our side, Harley?”
“Up your butthole, Rogers. My son—”
“I’m talking to your son, Tony, not you. Well, Harley?”
“Well the fact that I love my life, Star-spangled Superman,” Harley answers with a groan. “And maybe of course everybody else’s. Like you said, the needs of the many outweighs the need of one little spider. And it’s really no big deal if he dies or like whatnot…” he drones off.
“See? He understands!” Tony exclaims with a big smile.
Steve is pensive while Clint looks downright in disbelief. He tells them that Harley is just pulling a bullshit out his ass and Bucky and Tony are blind faux geniuses. He then asks the boy, since he and Spiderman know each other very well, where could the latter be hiding in the compound.
Harley shrugs. “Dunno.”
“Seriously?”
“Well… I dunno. But he loves every nook and cranny of the compound and I think I don’t know.”
“You little brat,” Clint seethes.
Steve stops him before he lunges at the kid. “EVERYONE!” he yells, and it looks like he’s about to have a headache. “Can we just… let’s just go back on finding Spiderman.”
“How do we know if he’s still in the compound?” Sam asks coolly. “I haven’t checked the perimeters since Bucky’s son claimed he found Spiderman hiding in the meeting room.”
“Point number two of why we shouldn’t trust the kid,” Clint says. “And isn’t it kinda absurd? Spiderman is some kind of a pacifist but three of our comrades are already with Dr. Cho? And if it is Spiderman who attacked them, the reason he fought them is if he already knew what’s up. And there is no way he would know what’s up that immediately. We’ve had a good cover for weeks. There is a rat; I am sure of it.”
Tony is astounded. “Frankly, I’m just more surprised you thought of all that, Jason Bourne.”
Bucky nods. “I think it’s you, Barton, who’s in league with Spiderman. You usually don’t use your brain. This is very suspicious.”
“Goddammit, Steve, if you don’t stop me I will massacre these two motherfuckers!”
Harley is offended for his dads. “Hey! Both their mothers are dead! Have some shame!”
Steve is losing it. “Tony, just check with Friday if Spiderman is still here. I give you permission—”
“Don’t need your permission, Caps.”
“Harley, I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Bucky. We can’t trust your son. Clint has some very good points. We’ll lock him up in the meeting room for now. I hope you understand. Star Lord, stand guard for him.”
Star Lord, who had been kicked by Thor from Dr. Cho’s place because he ‘can’t be trusted with blasters and Valkyrie’, gives a mock salute and attempts to grab Harley. Harley slaps his hand away and gives his fathers a pleading look. Bucky protests his case to Steve once more while Tony doesn’t look hopeful.
“Tony?” Steve asks.
Tony shakes his head and closes his watch. “No, Rogers. There is no sign of Spiderman still being in the compound. I thought that that young man plays by the rules? Oh you’ve failed teaching him proper virtuousness, mio capitano.”
“Harley, you bastard! You are so grounded, young man!” Bucky shouts. “It’s the reason you didn’t throw away the spider suit when we specifically told you to, isn’t it? If you don’t tell the truth, goddammit I will—”
“I really don’t know anything!”
“Where is Spiderman now?” Steve asks the young man calmly.
“I said I don’t know! How would I know? Why won’t you trust me? I want him dead much as you do!”
Steve shakes his head. “See? This is where I am convinced you’re not really with us, Harley. It’s because you don’t understand. We don’t want Spiderman dead. We just want to save the world with his help.”
“Why don’t we just kill this rascal?” Okoye asks. “Be done with it?”
“I second that,” says Nebula.
Panic writes itself on Harley’s face. Bucky clutches his firearm while Tony raises his pulse repulsor, both ready to fight for their kid.
“Enough!” Steve commands. “Now is not the time for that. We need unity, everyone! It’s the world that is at stake (‘Yet again,’ Rocket quips), we need everyone on board. Star Lord, just take the lad away. He needs to meditate on his wrongdoings.”
“It’s your son, Starkbucks. He’s just so hardheaded,” Clint says cheekily when they are gone. Bucky and Tony only give him a look that most likely says, ‘We’ll kill you when Captain America is not looking.’
“What now, Cap?” Sam asks.
“We search the woods. Avengers… assemble.”
5
Spiderman’s knees buckle in and he drops MJ and Ned in the middle of the widows. Ned lets out a yelp while MJ curses at him.
“It’s not my fault that Ned is… I thought you were on a diet, Ned!” He takes off his mask and breathes in the cool night forest air.
“Hey, Peter, fuck you,” MJ curses again in defense of his boyfriend. “Now do you want to tell us what happened back there? And why did it seem like Harley has become heroic all of a sudden? Didn’t see him that way before.”
“Harley is already heroic,” Peter says, remembering the events of the battle with Thanos. He does tell the situation though and he did tell them; quoting Harley’s explanation and what he had experienced thus far.
“Oh, geez, Peter. This is serious,” Ned says afterwards. “I never thought there will come a day when Iron Man and Captain America would want to kill you.”
“Thanks, Ned. But I believe what Harley believes – that they are not themselves and the debris has all the answers.”
“But how are we going to survive the night?” his longtime best friend asks.
Peter thinks he has misheard. “‘We’?”
Ned and MJ nod their heads.
“No. I’m taking the both of you home, to safety. I couldn’t risk your lives. You shouldn’t risk your lives because of this!”
“Peter, once again, fuck you,” MJ says. “You are our friend. You will need all the help you can get. If the Avengers are the ones threatening you, you must turn to us, god! No one can help you now but us. No more but-buts Peter. We will help. Now, how do we get to New Asgard?”
“I dunno,” he says, unknowing that Harley says the same exact thing with the same exact tone at the very same exact moment to his dads, Steve and Clint. How the universe works is sometimes creepy. At MJ’s stare, he proposes, “A quinjet? We might need a quinjet. We need to return to the compound.”
“Is there any other way?” Ned asks, deathly scared.
“No.” He shakes his head. “Listen. If you want you can stay here or… find an open area or something while I go get the quinjet—”
“We can’t risk time, Pete. Or you might leave us while you take your stupid ass alone in this very dangerous venture. I know you, Pete,” MJ says gently. “Ned, we must go with him.”
Ned takes a deep breath. “Okay, I’m ready.”
They play tag with the shadows as they make the long way back to the compound. No one of them talk, not until MJ mutters, “Late last night and the night before, Tommyknockers, Tommyknockers knocking at my door. I want to go out, don’t know if I can, because I’m afraid of the Tommyknocker man.”
Peter and Ned just look at her stupidly. She becomes irritated. She groans. “The Tommyknockers! Hello, Stephen King? A woman unearths an alien spaceship and things turn haywire for her and the whole town?”
“Tommyknockers. Seriously?” Ned asks. “You think Tommyknockers caused all this – this stuffs – and like what, brainwashed the Avengers?”
“Are they even real? I thought King made them up,” Peter says.
“Well… could be. Aliens, remember? Alien attack?” When the two men still doesn’t look convinced, she throws her hands. “Fine. Be that way. But I’m telling you, Tommyknockers may not be real in this universe but in others those green aliens might be a reality.”
Ned and Peter stop. They stare at each other with matching Cheshire cat grins. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Peter asks. “I think I do,” Ned replies. “On the count of three. One… two… three—”
“Skrulls!” “Multiverse!”
“The what? She said green aliens!” “Oh. Skrulls? Yeah. Might be more probable than mine, okay. Lame.”
“Hold up. Ned, you think there is some multiverse shit happening here?”
“I just…” Ned takes a deep breath. “You said other universes. And I thought of Batman: The Brave and The Bold. Season 1 episodes 12 and 13, Deep Cover for Batman and Game Over for Owlman. Batman discovers a parallel Earth thanks to a phase oscillator, teams up with Red Hood and the Joker – one person, different universe – and then defeats Owlman and the Crime Syndicate. I thought they are not the real Avengers but the Avengers from another universe. But forget it. It’s impossible. Skrulls have more merit than my idea.”
“Well we can’t rule that out.”
“You’re just patronizing me, MJ. I think Pete has gotten the right answer; skrulls pretending to be the Avengers.”
“Damn it, can’t we take a break from freaking skrulls? I swear, they’ve worn out their welcome, what with their tragic back stories and…”
Soft footsteps coming from their left made them stop in their tracks. A dark figure approaches them. Moonlight illuminates Shuri’s smiling face. A blaster is in one of her hands and some unknown gadget on the other.
They all scream and scream some more. They keep screaming their heads out until Shuri yells at them to shut up. “Will you all relax? I’m not here to kill you.”
“Y-you don’t?” Peter asks, quivering.
“No. On the contrary, I’m here to help you get out of this shithole.”
“You shot me!” Peter remembers.
“I panicked. I didn’t know what I was doing. Screw you for being a shit player in a simple game like hide and seek,” is her long-winded explanation.
The three friends exchange glances at one another. Ned studies Shuri and the gadgets she’s holding. “What have you got there?”
“Isn’t it obvious, DC fanboy? It’s a phase oscillator.”