We’re Going Down Down In An Earlier Round, And Dear Comrades We’re Going Down Swinging
And so Peter tells Shuri of Harley’s hypothesis to all this fuckery. And Shuri agrees to all of that but the main reason she has come to their aid is because of a plan to end said fuckery. And so she relays to them what the plan is.
“How come you’re not affected by… whatever it is, then?” MJ asks her after they heard her very absurd plan, suspicions not yet buried.
“Beats me,” is what she says. “But you can be sure that I was weirded out as heck when Bro asked me out of the blue if a dream wedding is a wonderful lead up to end someone’s life in the most violent way possible. I told him, ‘you do you, Brother’. Then he got all excited when he heard about your engagement and I said to him ‘you better be that excited when I got married’. He usually becomes stern when I so mentioned leaving his home one day to start my own family, but that time he just ignored me. Like I said: very weird. Then just after we come here the other night, Scarlet Witch showed me a vision. I don’t know… maybe it’s cause of what I heard during Ultron that I have this deep-seated distrust over what she made me see, causing me to not be super excited on draining your blood. I was like, if that is what they believe, I will just see how things work out. But I do want to see what’s in your blood that can save everyone from death. It all sounds ridiculous to me.”
“Wow,” Peter says, deeply troubled. “But just so we’re clear, it’s because they think my blood can save the world, and not because they hate me, right?”
Shuri says, too frankly and too brutally, that those two propositions can boil down to the same thing. She asks him why it really matters.
Ned answers with a laugh. “Pete’s heartbroken because Iron Man and Captain America want to kill him.”
“Shut up, Ned,” says Peter.
“Oh. Well, if it’s any consolation… No, I can’t think of any.” Shuri stops with her pace, alarmed. “Shh. Do you hear that?”
They strain to hear what she is talking about. Inside this dark woods on the worst night of their lives, hundreds of millions of things suddenly race in their minds. It is the Avengers coming in to kill them. It is Iron Man and Captain America using their repulsor and shield on the four of them. It is the Winter Soldier, Iron Man and Iron Lad taunting Peter and mocking him for believing he could be a part of their family. It is Hawkeye and Laura Barton coming in with Aunt May’s severed head. Still, it’s the Avengers coming but this time with a camera, exclaiming ‘it’s just a prank, bruh!’ It is the crew of America’s Funniest Videos. It is The Onion. It is Shuri betraying them, having lead them to a trap. It is Captain Marvel about to fist Peter to non-existence. Peter thinks of Aunt May and of Harley saying they should have waited until after he got his college degree before they got married. Ned thinks of his finals and how he should have searched for another radioactive spider before continuing his friendship with Peter Parker. MJ doesn’t hear anything at all, actually, and she thinks she left the stove on in her apartment.
Shuri laughs. “Sike! Haha!”
“Not funny!”
“You were all so serious! Why so s—What’s that?”
“You’re not going to get us the second time—” Shuri covers MJ’s mouth and orders the two boys to huddle close. She presses a button on her blaster. Nothing happened, as far as Ned and Peter could see. Still, she tells them to keep still and keep silent.
A sharp rush of wind passes by. A loud thuk! An arrow is buried deep to a trunk of the tree beside them. Ned wants to scream.
Hawkeye comes in sprinting with Scarlet Witch following suit. Ned turns as if to run but Shuri pulls him by his hair. Scarlet Witch sharply turns to their direction but it is as if she sees nothing.
Hawkeye pulls his arrow off the bark and deposits again in his pack. He looks around wildly. Scarlet Witch’s eyes are fixated on the spot where the four young adults are standing. The older man taps on her shoulder. “Come on, they are close, I know. I’ve heard their voices coming from this direction.” He leaves first with his print. The witch’s eyes linger longer to their spot before she follows her father figure.
Shuri takes a deep silent breath.
“What just happened?” Peter whispers.
She motions to her blaster which is actually an invisibility booster. “I’ve made it so that even the keenest of Avengers can’t penetrate through the user, even Scarlet Witch.”
Ned giggles like a child. “Penetrate. That’s what she said.” MJ elbows him but she does so with a fond smile.
Peter is just awestruck about this technology. Shuri promises that when they got through this, she will show him her new inventions. She then takes on a serious statement of a possibility that not only Hawkeye and Scarlet Witch are harrowing the woods, but all the other Avengers as well.
“Which means the compound is mostly empty,” MJ finishes. “This is good news!”
“That’s right. We better get going.” They walk like silly by still huddling close against the princess for, as explained by the royalty, the booster affects only those on close radius.
They stumbled upon Okoye and Wasp along the way, and also Iron Patriot, who trips on MJ’s foot, but as he sees nothing, moves on. They reach the compound and hides first behind the bushes.
Captain America is standing outside the right wing testing room, which the explosion of earlier had left a massive hole on its wall. That is not what stopped the four though. It is the sight of Bruce Banner talking to Captain America. They were hoping that Dr. Banner is an ally, but from the looks of it, the scientist looks pissed off. It doesn’t take long for him to transform into the other guy and run into the woods. Captain America looks very satisfied.
“Shit,” MJ mutters. “Just seriously, what is happening?”
“Right, how do we get in?” Ned questions Shuri.
“Do you know where Harley is?” Peter asks.
The princess shakes her head. “I followed you right after the explosion. But his dads got his back. You shouldn’t worry. It is you you should be worried about.”
Suddenly, the wind picks up. The four look upwards and sees an aircraft. They all share a thought of ‘Oh, hell, what now?!’ The craft lands in front the compound. Minutes later, a door opens and the Fantastic Four gets off the ramp. Captain America greets them. The four (the ordinary four, that is) witness as Mr. Fantastic shake hands with the captain. They go on to full discussion where the good captain keeps motioning over to the woods and the Fantastic Four looks ready for action. So it must be that not only the Avengers are after Spiderman, but every superhero around the world.
Shuri and MJ tell the boys to take the chance while the captain is occupied to find an entrance to the compound. Deactivating the invisibility boost, they circle round the aircraft and stealthily run to the main door, Spiderman in the rear and Shuri in the back. They got in the main lobby and breathe a sigh of relief when they realize that, apart from Captain America and the Fantastic Four outside, they are truly alone in the compound.
2
In the meeting room, Harley and Star Lord are playing Chinese checkers. Stuck In The Middle With You by Stealers Wheel is playing on Star Lord’s Bluetooth speaker. Harley tells him about the ear slashing scene in Reservoir Dogs. Star Lord only comments ‘Yuck,’ and they continue to play.
3
“So aside from Dr. Stranger and Captain Marvel, there is Fantastic Four. X-Men may come as well for all we know. Not that I’m wishing for that to happen. So I was thinking, since Earth’s defenders become fucked up for reasons we still yet to find out, how about we seek help from others… you know? Have you read Adventure Comics #352 or… or just the entirety of Crisis on Infinite Earths? Like what do you think if we try to team up with supervillains?” Ned asks the group as they go to the left wing main testing site. “Do you think Spiderman can, you know, team up with ‘em? Do you want to go see and…”
“Well you can’t pay me to check if HYDRA is still alive and well,” Peter says.
“Do the Avengers have a competent archnemesis?” MJ asks quite harshly. “I mean one that would be an extraordinary teammate. Fantastic Four has Doctor Doom. The X-Men have the Brotherhood—”
“Oooh, let’s check on the Brotherhood and check my theory. Like fighting alongside the Brotherhood would be so cool.”
“Let me finish, Ned. I’m not finished, all right. Let’s have a rundown, shall we? Thanos? Dead, defeated. HYDRA? Questionable current state. Iron Monger?”
“Dead,” Peter answers.
“Ten Rings?”
“Burnt to the ground.”
“Justin Hammer?”
“Hammering in prison.” Peter and Ned high-five.
“Whiplash?”
“Committed Suicide.”
“Loki?”
“Resting in Valhalla.”
“Mandarin?”
“Seen him in SNL last time.”
“No, that’s Trevor Slattery. I mean Aldrich Killian.”
“Dead.”
“Malekith?”
“In Space Hell with Salza and Jeice.” Ned doesn’t high-five Peter because he doesn’t know who is he referring to.
“Ronan?”
“In Space Hell having a dance-off with the Ginyu Force,” answers Peter with a huge grin.
“Seriously, Peter? Dragon Ball Z? For heaven’s sake.”
MJ continues. “How about Ultron?”
“We all know what happened to Ultron, Mage.”
“Captain Zemo?”
“Hopefully rotting in hell. Hopefully.”
“Kaecilius?”
“Dead.”
“Dormammu?”
“Doesn’t want to bargain.”
“Vulture?”
Peter chokes. “In prison.”
“Hela?”
“Dead.”
“N’Jobu?”
It is Shuri who answers. “Gone but never forgotten. Seriously, you three are having way too much fun in my opinion. We’ll have time later on to test your theory, Leeds, but for now you’ll have to trust me with my plan. Now come on.”
“Why don’t we just grab a quinjet and fuck off to New Asgard?” MJ asks. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’d love to see your ‘magic’, these two super nerds want to as well, it will kill them if not; but can’t you do that somewhere else safer? We’re literally dogs staying inside an open pound when the butcher is having a night out.”
Shuri looks pained. “If you must know, I really understand you. I do. But I have a strong feeling that the need to kill Spiderman is not limited to the Avengers. You saw Fantastic Four out there. Who knows who could be waiting for us outside, or in New Asgard. And, aside from here, the place where the needed apparatus for the oscillator is located is in Wakanda. So there’s that. We need to take chances. We need allies. And this is what I came up with. Let’s go.”
MJ rolls her eyes behind her back.
4
Stuck in the Middle With You is still playing. Star Lord dances like Mr. Blonde. He slashes a plastic mannequin’s ear sitting on a chair. Harley records it to be uploaded in the Avengers’ Official YouTube channel.
5
They reach the dimension chamber. Shuri places the phase oscillator on a lever. They find a computer and connected it to it. A program Peter has never seen before opens. The princess started inputting some computer commands. She presses enter. The little screen on oscillator turns green.
“Now, what I’m going to do is basically trial and error. But mind you, no one has ever done this before. And I had to use this ancient computer so as not to alert Iron Man of a computer activity inside the compound. I just got here to prove my theory that everything can be translated to binary, even the entire universe. I have already set it up back at home. What I only needed now is find an open dimension. Give me at most thirty minutes,” explains the princess. Not waiting for their reaction, she turns to the computer and types away.
Peter and Ned agree to keep watch. MJ, who has been feeling very impatient and restless at this turn of events, finally speaks out her mind. She knows they need to stay but this state of helplessness greatly upset her. She tells her best friends that she will walk around the compound to cool off. They don’t feel strongly on that one, but MJ tells them that the Avengers probably are in the woods or in the city beyond now to find Spiderman.
She leaves without another word.
6
“…yeah, like, she’s green and she’s so damn beautiful. That’s not the first thing I noticed about her though. She’s very strong… To tell you the truth, I have forgotten what the thing I noticed about her first. Like… like she’s just there, ready to kill me for that orb.” Star Lord sighs. “I miss her every day.” He slumps on his seat and slurps his soda.
Harley just keeps on nodding and nibbling on his pizza. “I don’t understand, really.”
Star Lord gives him a grateful smile. “No, you don’t, kid.”
“Say, though, Quill. I’m bored and dads and the rest are taking too long. Let’s head out.”
“You’re not going to escape from me, bud, if that’s what you’re planning to do.”
“No, old shit. I just want to explore the compound. I’m bored as heck. Aren’t you?”
Star Lord thinks about it, and with a sigh, gives in. “Why not?”
7
MJ has never been inside the compound before. Despite the truth that she really needed some few minutes break from the three persons who are literally giving her a panic attack with their naivety, she also is thankful that she is granted alone time to explore the compound and marvel at every corner.
She doesn’t know where she is right now at this part of the compound and that should bring her worry, but the thought of the Blood Avengers away finding Spiderman anywhere else is giving her a magnitude of comfort. Speaking of, maybe she should head down to the vehicular port and find a quinjet.
She checks for her phone in her pocket (thank gods for dresses that have hidden pockets). Great. She could just contact Ned while she sits idle in a quinjet. That way, after the princess is done with whatever mumbo-jumbo she is doing, they can go straight to the part and they could leave right away. What a brilliant idea.
She is sure this part of the building now is the private quarters of the Avengers. One clue is one of the door has a ‘The Artist is Sleeping – Disturb at Your Own Risk’ sign hanging from it. Sometimes MJ can’t help to think that the Avengers are just children, imbecilic morons, and/or angsty teens hiding in buff adult bodies. The part where she is right now looks like a hallway of a college dorm. She walks on and notices a door slightly ajar. There are noises coming from inside. Shit. She needs to alert her friends. But she stops when she hears Harley’s familiar laughter. She peeks through the door and finds Harley and Star Lord sitting on a bed, looking through some photo albums, and giggling like freaking scallywags. She shows herself.
Harley and Star Lord threw the album away and stand up like scorned children. Harley snaps out of this state when it dawns on him that it is MJ.
“Michelle Jones! Am I so glad to see you here!” He hugs her. “Well what are you doing here, first of all?”
“What are you doing here?” she counters. “I am sure this is not your room.”
Star Lord becomes red. “Well, that Ant Man douchebag is asking for it.”
“So you go through his personal stuffs. Harley, you are better than that.”
“Hey! There’s nothing else to do, all right? We got bored in the meeting room.”
“What are y’all doing in the meeting room?”
Harley points at Star Lord. “He held me captive.”
Star Lord scoffs in betrayal. “By your fathers’ command! He is keeping secrets from the team,” he tells her before he snaps out of the oddity of the situation and he realizes the thing. “You’re friends with Spiderman! I ought to blast your ass off!” Before he draws his blaster, Harley has already tackled him to the ground and pinned his arms behind his back. “Jesus on the crucifix, Harley! I thought we had a moment back there, you traitor!”
“Sorry, Quill, but it’s my husband’s life on the line.” He confiscates all of Star Lord’s weapons and communication devices.
MJ searches for something to tie his hands with.
“Oh, your husband dies, boo hoo. Be a man, gosh. I know you have a huge boner for him but god! Hey, maybe I ought to introduce you to some space chicks. Pal, in another life you are going to realize that you’re better off with anyone other than Spider Scooby Doo.”
Harley rolls his eyes. “Yeah, and in another life you save my ass from dinosaur hybrids. Keep dreaming, Quill.”
MJ hands him belt she found in one of the bureaus, irritating Star Lord to no end.
“And you were the one chiding us about going through stuffs. You’re a hypocrite, lady!” he cries while being tied.
“Jesus Christ, don’t you know how to shut up?” Harley pleads.
“Done with him? Let’s-a-go then to your husband-o, Shaggy-o,” MJ teases.
“Fuck you.”
Peter is ecstatic upon seeing his husband. And while they have their reunion composed of an embrace and a long-winded snog session, MJ helps Ned sit Star Lord on a chair. They start interrogating the bastard about the whole blood affair. As expected, the space rogue doesn’t talk but instead promises them what is to come once the Avengers find out they are hiding in the compound.
Ned has never been so helpless for his best friend’s situation. “I just had to ask. Do only the Avengers think that Peter’s blood can save the earth? W-what about like the evil ones?”
“Well, kid, you can’t pay me to check if HYDRA is still alive and well,” Star Lord says coolly.
“Dang it with that HYDRA bit!” Ned cries.
Star Lord decides to take the piss on Peter’s best friend. “Why? You’d thought about teaming up with the villains like some kind of comic issue? What are you, a comic nerd? You’re a nerd! You’re a virgin, too, aren’t ya?” Then he starts to sing to the tune of Madonna’s Like A Virgin. “You’re a virgin! No one wants to be your first time! You’ll die a viiiirgin!”
MJ slaps him across his face. “Shut the fuck up, fucktard!”
“Strong language there, lady,” Star Lord seethes. “Careful there; someone might go through your stuff.”
Peter, ever so polite, asks, “Sir, if you are a skrull, tell us so.”
“What the—”
“No, babe. He’s not a skrull. None of them are skrulls. If my dads’ usual horniness is to go by, that is. Or my conversation with this scumbag earlier. They are still the same Avengers. Something just tweaked their mind that made them think about killing you is a good idea.”
Star Lord is smiling. “Aww, you jumped on my defense. Our bonding earlier is super effective.”
Harley scowls. “Don’t push your luck, Andy Dwyer.”
He becomes stunned. “Honestly, I don’t know if what you’ve called me is an insult or not so…”
“ALL OF YOU! SHUT UP! I CAN’T CONCENTRATE!” Shuri yells.
“…50NY-2. Connection: Successful. About to open in ten… nine…” a computer voice begins to count down.
“Princess, what is that?” Ned asks nervously.
“Didn’t you hear? We’re about to make contact with another universe,” the princess replies.
Hearing that, Star Lord starts thrashing on his seat. He says something about Captain America needing to hear this and King T’Challa learning about his sister’s treachery.
The other three brace themselves.
The screen on the phase oscillator turns blue. Laser of the same color beams on the opposite wall. Still, electric waves of the same color begin to ripple. The occupants of the room give a collective ‘ooooooh.’
Behind them, there is a yellow spark that appears on thin air, getting their attention. Star Lord begins to laugh. “Hah hah! In your face, suckers! I have an ally now.”
Doctor Strange has arrived.
Their blue portal is taking so long to open. They are on the edge of their seats. Peter orders MJ and Ned to stay back while he, Harley and Shuri get their weapons and offensive stance at the ready.
The yellow spark turns into a full circle. Doctor Strange steps out of it. The stare he gives to Peter is as cold and contemptuous as it gets.
The non-doctor opens his mouth to say something, but is directly hit to his stomach by a sewer lid that seemingly came from nowhere. The mystical doctor is knocked back inside the circle where he came from. His portal closes.
Because he is tied, Star Lord can’t roll over on the floor to stifle his laughter.
The owner of the sewer lids jumps out of the blue portal and lands on his knee. Like what Shuri promised, it is Spiderman of another universe. Everyone is speechless, except for this new Spiderman, of course. By his body language, to them he is bewildered and kind of panicking. He turns around and sees Peter, Harley, Ned, MJ, Shuri and Star Lord looking at him. He takes off his mask. “‘kay, this has gone super whack. Who are you? H-how did I get here? Where is Rhino?!” he cries.
Star Lord breathes in, breathes out. “I’m sorry, but someone needs to say this and I think I’ll be the one to. Harley Keener, you’ve married the wrong Spiderman.”
Peter gasps. “Thanks, Uncle Quill,” he says sarcastically. “Just because he’s taller than me? And more handsome than I am?”
New Spiderman is about to flee to look for this Rhino but Shuri yells at him to stop.
“You can’t go out there,” she begins. “Trust us. There are enemies out there. Super overpowered enemies and a lot of them, too.” Then she proceeds to explain to him his situation; that he is not in his own universe as of the moment but in a different one, and she is the one who called for his help.
“I-is this a j-joke?” New Spiderman stutters.
Quill swoons. “My god, Harley. How itsy-dupsey cute is his stutter? Forget wildly imagining about being Bram and getting on with Simon. Marry this guy or else I will.”
“Will you lay off?” Harley snaps.
Shuri pulls Peter and presents him to New Spiderman. “This is our universe’s Peter Parker aka Spiderman. He needs your help. This universe’s Avengers turned evil – they are outside, trying to kill us – and we have no one to turn to. So I had an idea about how the multiverse works and—”
New Spiderman holds his hand up to interrupt her. “Avengers? What is that?”
They all ooohed again.
“They are the defenders of the Earth. Earth’s mightiest defenders, as they say,” Peter explains.
New Spiderman becomes stern. “And how do I know you are not the villain, then?”
“No, no!” Peter says. “I’m one of them. I was one of them.”
“Still is, Peter,” Harley puts in.
“Well, yes. Err… that’s Harley. My husband. He is also a superhero named Iron Lad. Iron Man and Winter Soldier’s adopted son. Iron Man is a core member of the Avengers. We got married today, but tonight I found out the whole of Avengers want me dead.”
“Why? For what purpose?”
“We are yet to find out.”
“But we can’t figure out the truth with us being trapped here,” Shuri says, “and them like preys waiting for us outside. They are not themselves, I am sure of it. The truth is out there. We need all the help we can get to come and get it.”
New Spiderman studies her. “And who are you?”
“I am Shuri, princess of Wakanda. My brother, one of the Avengers, is out for blood.”
New Spiderman turns to Ned and MJ.
“Oh, I’m Ned Leeds, Peter’s best friend. This is Michelle Jones. We call her MJ. She is Peter’s other best friend.”
Then to Star Lord.
“I am Star Lord, defender of the galaxy. Yeah, I’m one of those lovely folks outside.”
“So you do know why they want to kill this Spiderman? Why do you want to kill him?”
“Yeah, I kept telling them earlier that Spiderman’s blood is needed to save the earth. If you’re not convinced, go to Wanda. She’ll make you see. They’re just selfish jerks. Won’t you just tell them that sacrifice is, umm, ah… the key to success?”
“He doesn’t actually know how that world salvation through blood works,” Shuri tells New Spiderman. “Because they are not themselves. Something made them think that killing Spiderman should save the world.” She tells them about the alien attack, the debris, New Asgard, and their hypothesis.
This time, New Spiderman studies the whole group. He takes his time. They let him take his time. “I believe you,” he finally says, causing them to release a deep breath they didn’t know they were holding. “But… I can’t help you, at least right now. New York was being under attacked by Rhino when you transported me here. And unlike this universe, we have no Avengers to help me out. New York needs me. I need to go back. I’m sorry.”
Quill once again nudges Harley’s shoulder. “Lone knight in shining spandex? How about that, Keener? He is the only defender of their planet.”
New Spiderman agrees with him. “So you know what will happen if I don’t return quickly, right? I know you greatly need my help, and I wholeheartedly believe in the multiverse; I think you should find another Spiderman. I just got back from picking myself up – Gwen is dead, and my best friend is… this is hard for me. You have to understand if I pass up on this one.”
Peter is deeply apologetic. “I understand.”
“PETER!” Everyone yells at him, including Star Lord.
“No,” Peter holds his ground. “Can’t you see this is something I have to fight on my own? I don’t want you to get hurt, guys. You also need to go. I don’t want innocents to get involved with this mess. It is up to me to solve this.”
Quill scoffs. “Good luck fighting us alone, kid.”
Peter thanks him with such genuineness, to Quill’s great annoyance.
“W-w-wait, y-you’re ganging up on him?” New Spiderman asks, deeply concerned.
“It’s fine,” Peter tells him. “W-well I mean, it’s not fine. But they are family. And I love them very much. This debris just happened. I will save them. You have to go back to your New York. To Queens?” He smiles.
“Yes. To Queens.”
“Well, good luck with that. I don’t know how to return him,” Shuri says.
“Princess, please, don’t be stubborn,” Peter begs.
“No, seriously. I can only make connection to another universe once. Correct algorithms change every second, you know. I don’t know how. I haven’t done that part of my research yet. Your stupid wedding kept me at bay. Sorry, Harley.”
“Oh, this is bad. This is bad, this is bad.” “Tough luck. Oh why? Oh why? Oh, God, why?” New Spiderman and Peter started pacing around the room, mumbling, pleading the heavens. The other five are amused watching them.
New Spiderman stops in his tracks and faces the princess, composure resolved. “Right, I got this. Right. I will help you with your problem first. Then you’ll have time to research on the multiverse, of course. Then… then in return, you have to come with me to my universe and help me clean up New York b-because I am sure th-those evil people are going to c-cause havoc when I’m gone. Deal?”
“Deal!” They all say. “But what do we call you while you’re here?” Ned asks. “Peter and Spiderman are already taken names here.”
“I had thought you’re going to give me ‘Peter’ since I’m your guest and you’re my gracious host.”
MJ, the peacemaker says, “So no one had to fight for OG Peter, our Peter will be called Third and you shall be called Second. Okay?”
“Why am I third? Why is he second?”
“I just feel it’s the right thing. Chin up, Peter III,” MJ replies.
Ned asks if it’s alright if they ‘abduct’ as many spidermen as they can. Shuri says they have no choice. Peter II and Peter III think the other Spidermen will understand. So the princess goes on to input another set of binary coded coordinates on the computer. Spiderman II, Spiderman III and Iron Lad stand guard on the door. MJ and Ned are still torturing Star Lord for answers by poking at him with a stick like an animal. Doctor Strange did not come back and they assumed that he went to the Avengers to report.
Not five minutes later, the portal reopens for a lady. First, introduction to the lady who introduced herself as Spider Woman or Gwen Stacy, then initiation, then a heart to heart talk between her and Spiderman II.
Three minutes in and out comes a Spiderman in a trench coat. Same process offered to Spider Noir but without the heart to heart talk.
Next comes a little girl named Peni with a spider enclosed in a giant robot. The weirdest comes via a talking pig in Spider suit. Ned, MJ, Harley and Star Lord had a good laugh at the little guy, and Spider Ham had a good time of pounding their heads with his trusty mallet.
Another portal opens but no one comes out. Spider Woman and Peni peek inside and find a sleeping young black man. They wake him up and order him to get his suit. The awkward Miles and Gwen immediately clicked while Spiderman II looks only mildly concerned.
And it is all a sweet vision to Peter to see that every version of him from different universes can get along so well. He doesn’t know them through and through, he doesn’t know them yet, but he knows they will be a family and he is sure farewell would be very, very difficult for all of them.
As minutes tick by, Spiderman III can’t help but be nervous about things seemingly very quiet. Not that he wants to, but why didn’t Doctor Strange return? Did he really report to the rest of the Avengers about what happened to him? What could they be planning now? Are they going to ambush them? Are they going to bomb the whole compound? But Harley is here, and Mr. Stark and Mr. Barnes love him like a true son.
He consults Karen, but his AI finds nothing.
“Guys,” he calls to his group who were having a get-together party. “I think we need to go. Princess, I think we are enough. We should stop that now. Let’s go to New Asgard. I have a very bad feeling right now.”
Shuri’s computer is still counting down. She looks at him with equal apprehension. “After this one, we will go. We can’t leave the portal open…”
The last Spiderman just walks through the portal before it closes. He came from a dark night in a tavern on the other side. Compared to the rest of them, he is the most ordinary looking in his suit and tie. He looks very weary. He has a soft demeanor when he looks at them all. Dorky is only what MJ can describe the smile on his face.
“Hi,” the last of the Spidermen says, voice very soft. “My name’s Peter Parker.”
What is in him, Peter III can’t understand that makes all of them just want to stare into his childlike but obviously tired and painful smile. What has this man had gone through in his universe?
The phase oscillator’s screen turn red, and the computer prepares for shutdown.
The last Peter Parker sits on the floor, exhaustion belabored to everyone in the room. Was he drunk? “I am sure I am here for something,” he says quietly.
Spider Woman steps up and holds out her hand for him. “We will explain along the way. Come with us.”
All eyes still trained on this Spiderman, they didn’t notice the flare of Doctor Strange’s portal starting behind Harley Keener. Only an arm pops out and grabs Harley by the neck. Harley strangles out a scream, alarming everyone. Star Lord begins to cackle upon seeing this. All of them ready their web shooters, Princess Shuri her blaster. Harley takes a big step away from the portal, two steps, three, dragging the man with him. The action reveals big man in a black and red suit with blades strapped on his back. This man, like Star Lord, is laughing. His whole body is dragged from the portal, showing the woods on the other side.
“Oh hoho! Look at this skinny bitch go! Shut up man, am not turned on by this. Am not a pedo! The hell of a meet cute is this?! How old are you, bud? Didja know your dads been lookin’ for ya? Been worried sick. Contacted me as a matter of fact just to send ya back to them. Now, now, that’s not how you treat your old pas, all right?”
“Let go of him!” Peter III screams.
He doesn’t notice Peter III, or maybe he is playing deaf. He throws Harley to his back. Peter III shoots his web to his husband to pull him but it is already too late. He is tossed on the other side of the gate. Star Lord frees himself from the leather belt that bounded him to the chair, runs and jumps to the other side as well, leaving only the buff man who is already turning on to his heels.
But all the Spidermen unite and with their webs shot all over his body, they pull at him and prevent him from escaping. The man started cursing every god there is on earth when his exit completely disappears.
Another portal opens behind Shuri and the unmistakable forearms of Black Panther come out and grab her inside before MJ and Ned can grab onto her. They scream in both panic and anger.
“FUCK ALL OF YOU, YOU FUCKING CHEATERS!” the man in red and black curses. “FUCKING TEAMED UP ON ME! YOU’RE BULLIES!”
Peter III is trying not to cry with the loss of Harley and Princess Shuri. “Where are they?!” he screams to the man. “Where did they take my husband? My friend?”
The man groans. “Oh, gross. Now you’re making me feel disgusted by making a young boy cry. Cheer up, sweetie pie, it’s not like you’re going to be a widower or something. He is the one going to be a widower not you. Anywaaay, who are you people?” he scans his captors from left to right, now without words. “Oh my god. You are…” The man started screaming and moaning as if having an orgasm. He collapses to the ground. “Oh, dear. This is a dream. This can’t be heaven because I’ve been bad, veeery bad! This can only be a dream – a Spiderman wet dream. You are all Spiderman!” He moans some more.
“You, sir, are disgusting,” says MJ.
“Excuse me, sir, who are you?” Spiderman II asks.
The wide smirk beneath the mask is evident. “Me llamo Wade Wilson, mi princesa sexy. Though for the rest of you, you can only call me Deadpool and nothing else. Though it really shouldn’t matter because the weird people outside said they’re going to set this whole place on fire in a matter of seconds. Maybe we should find a way to escape, am I right? As for you, white box, I suggest you shut up before I kick you in the nards.”