Oh My Love, My Darling, We've Hungered For Your Blood
Events after Thanos sucked it in hell are pretty slow. Rebuilding society after destruction always is. It was a waltz of grieving, jubilation and rebuilding; mourning, jubilation and working. But the world managed thanks to the Avengers. Five more years after Thanos’ endgame, no more trace of that universal mishap is to be traced – except in the hearts of few bitter souls that is who used that event to justify their everyday villainy. It is both sad and confusing to Peter Parker how after that worldwide tragedy that should’ve united us all, bad people still exists. Supervillains still arise every now and then. And muggers and rapists and corrupt government officials still roam the streets. Even so, new breed of superheroes turns up too, so possibly things aren’t half as bad. Perfectly balanced as all things should be, as quoted from a deceased purple maniac.
For that five years post-Thanos, Peter juggles between Spiderman and his studies. It is a hell of a challenge, but Aunt May always knows the right words to say to keep him going. And while before Mr. Stark and the rest of the Avengers are always on his tail to keep tabs on him, over time they let him grow and respect him as a superhero of his own. They should – he is a man now, barely a boy, about to receive his college degree in year or two and is ready to step up for another adult commitment – marrying that man who gave him a hell of an emotional roller coaster ride.
Harley Keener commanded Peter’s respect right off the bat after the latter returned from the snap. A mechanic of the same vein as Mr. Stark, Harley had been engineering a lot of great stuffs after the snap to help the Avengers who were left behind. Harley had become Mr. Stark’s support in Peter’s absence. He was the glue that united the despondent Iron Man and the wrecked Winter Soldier, made them forgive, made them set aside their differences to work together to bring back Captain America, Spiderman, and the rest of the heroes from the snap. That Mr. Stark and Mr. Barnes actually got married because of that boy who made them see things in a different light, and adopted him as he was still an orphaned minor at that time, all in a year before Scott Lang reappears to grace the earth with new hope and suggest to them the idea of time travel. And when the war with Thanos and his cronies broke, Harley fought alongside the Avengers as Iron Lad. While the gauntlet was being passed around between Captain Marvel to Valkyrie to the Black Panther and to Spiderman away from the enemies, Iron Lad was beside the Incredible Hulk with a device that he made that would help the green giant recover half of his strength back. Incredible Hulk did heal and did snap his fingers for the second time. The rest is, as they say, history. The Hulk became the world’s hero. However, this popularity Banner can’t take, making him run away after he completely recovered from the war injuries and hide with the memories of the still dead Black Widow.
Anyway, Peter remembers to this day Harley’s face after Thanos completely disappeared. On his face was a bright expression, a happy and relieved smile, an I-can’t-believe-we-actually-did-it smile; such a beautiful expression that made Peter think of sunrise on the first day of summer vacation during elementary. Next thing Peter sees was Wakanda’s White Wolf pulling Mr. Stark for a tight embrace, and Harley laughing loudly, interrupting the two adults before joining their hug (that moment, Peter has still no idea what the big deal was between the three that made them share an almost familial lovely moment. And who can blame Peter? He just got back from an unknown place then pulled to action to stop Thanos once and for all).
“Good job, kid,” Peter heard Mr. Barnes tell Harley.
Mr. Stark looked over Harley’s shoulder and saw the shocked figures of Mr. Rogers and him from their display. Mr. Stark motioned them over to join them.
“We won, Mr. Stark,” Peter said, breathless, as he did crowd beside Harley and his billionaire mentor while Mr. Rogers draped over him.
Tony’s warm smile to him made him older, tired and happy to Peter, made him wonder what those five years had been like to his beloved mentor. “We did, kid,” said Tony.
“I think you’re forgetting about us,” Thor teased, heaving Hulk on his shoulder. He embraced Mr. Barnes from behind, and he’s followed by Ant Man, then Falcon, then the Wasp, then the rest… only the Black Panther and Dr. Strange didn’t join the group hug, only looking at them approvingly from afar. They only disentangled when it was obvious Hulk needed medical attention. Peter only left the group when Director Fury ushered everyone away so they could rest on their homes. Peter walked away from the compound with unexplained emotions when he heard Mr. Stark, Mr. Barnes and Harley were all to leave to the same destination, same household. Who is Harley to them? What is he really like? He asked to no one. Maybe he’ll find out the next days, possibly (hopefully) when the both of them are in the same mission.
But Harley retired from being Iron Lad after the war. Explaining to Peter, he said he only donned the suit due to the crisis; what he really wanted is to help in the background, build weapons, update armors and invent new gadgets for the Avengers, just like what his adoptive father is doing. He started living in the Avengers’ Compound, and every time Peter comes to visit or is called for a meeting, he always sees the Keener lad in Tony’s lab, hunched over a project assisted by his very own bot he named Dalmatian.
Maybe because they are the same age that Peter has this pull to hang around with Harley. Peter was shy at first but Harley is so confident and so easy to talk to that Peter can’t help but fall for his charms. For the moments of hanging around with Harley, it makes him forget of the jealousy he feels knowing that another boy his age has gotten Mr. Stark’s attention – and adopted him, too! It is not fair, Peter reasons to himself. It is not Harley’s fault that he got snapped and Harley didn’t. Most importantly, he should be thankful that someone was there for Mr. Stark when all things went bad.
Peter saw Harley one night outside the compound – a peculiar sight. The dirty blond was drinking a cup of presumably coffee on the bench. Dalmatian was rolling around him, beeping. The master and bot noticed his arrival. Harley looked at him expectantly, Dalmatian rolled away to the car park, and Peter was sure he swallowed his tongue.
“Well?” Harley prompted.
“Y-yeah. I think it’s a great night, too. Cold, breezy. And with the stars! A perfect night for stargazing, I bet.”
“What the hell?”
“I mean, someone like you could appreciate the sight. Isn’t that why you are outside your lab?”
“No. I am outside because those two perverted men decided to grab the opportunity while I was on pee break to fuck in the lab,” Harley explained. “There’s no way I am going back while they – forget it. I am positive you don’t want to hear what I saw.”
“I don’t,” Peter agreed. “But by two perverted men you mean Mr. Barnes and Mr. Stark?”
“Who else?” Harley drank from the paper cup one last time before crushing it and tossing it inside a nearby bin.
“Oh,” was what Peter could only say. He sat beside Harley and they both stared into nothingness. He could hear Sam’s faint ‘I’ll kill you, you fucking bot!’ from the car park beyond and Dalmatian’s robotic shrill.
“I hope you don’t think I stole Tony from you. Or replace you,” Harley said suddenly that made Peter’s heart skip a beat from the mean truthfulness of the accusation. “Because that’s what you think, right?”
“What?! No!” Peter protested. “I don’t think that way.”
Harley took no heed. “And Rogers too, with James. I hope he doesn’t think that James just took the opportunity to get Tony to fall for him while he was gone. I hope the two of you don’t think that James and I stole Tony. But with Rogers – he ruined his chance anyway in Siberia. Fuck. Sorry. I know I shouldn’t have brought that up. Water under the bridge.” He fell into silence.
Peter thought properly of the words to say next. “I can’t speak for Mr. Rogers, but… but I think he understands. He’s Captain America after all. He learns from his mistakes and he knows what the right thing to do next. As for me, I admit I was jealous. But I can’t also help but admire you, you know. What with Thanos, you did a lot, a whole lot, while I – you know what happened to me. I didn’t like it.”
Harley had an inquisitive look upon his face. “You admire me?”
Cue the blush Peter knew he should have controlled. “You know… Like, I don’t mean it that way. But, in a way that… what way do you have in your mind anyway? I can explain.”
The other young man only snorts. “Shocking. Barton said you hate me.”
“No!”
“I should’ve known. Barton wants drama. So, we’re cool?”
“Yeah,” Peter whispers.
“What’s on your mind, man?”
“Nothing. I just wished that I had listened to Mr. Stark then and been there for him in those five years.”
It was too much for Peter. He liked Harley and he was happy for Mr. Barnes and Mr. Stark. But he knew he has to weed the jealousy and regret out of him or else he will fall apart. He needed a time away from everything. So when the guardians of the galaxy plus Thor visited Earth some weeks after this chat with Harley, he convinced them somehow to take him with them when they return to space. Aunt May didn’t like his idea. And Ned was so upset. “What is New York without Spiderman?” he asked of him.
“Even Superman has alone time in his Fortress of Solitude,” was all he said to his best friend.
He went to space, had some awesome space adventures, learned new things, befriend cool aliens, fought dangerous ones. He was right. Time apart from the Avengers lightened his spirit. He goes back after eighteen months and finds out things got better not only for him but for those he left behind. MJ and Ned became a thing, Mr. Stark and Mr. Rogers became good friends again, Mr. Banner pops up in the Avengers’ Compound frequently now, Wanda becomes Dr. Strange’s favorite student, and Iron Lad comes out of retirement to occasionally help Daredevil defend New York City. And boy was he glad to see the face behind the Iron Lad mask.
It was the start of a cheesy rom-com scenario for the two young men; a useless will-they-won’t-they because everybody can see that they are too far gone for each other. Even Laura Barton comes in to Peter’s apartment to give a piece of her mind. But Peter has always been the reserved awkward one, Harley the confident one. It was the latter who took charge of the hand-holding, the kissing, the dating, and the confession. Peter liked that. Flash forward to present time, to show Harley that the relationship is not one-sided, it was Peter who asked the question of marriage.
Harley becomes nervous then, first time. “I thought we agreed you’ll get your degree first?”
“Yes, yes. And I know we are still too young. But what are we waiting for? It’s not like I’ll find someone I can love the way I love you. Unless, you…”
“Oh, fuck you! Give me that ring, stupid! Stupid awkward cute boy about to give me a heart attack with questions and accusations of infidelity. You have any idea what will happen? I have to come out of retirement again to help my stupid fiancé protect New York. Can’t have my stupid fiancé die because of some stupid super villain. Can’t have me becoming a widower at such a young age, can you? As if I don’t love you too. Right, let’s get married.”
That’s it.
Absolutely everybody is ecstatic upon hearing the news. Miss Potts immediately volunteers to be the wedding planner, and tells the two young men that it will be the first time she will tell the SI board to suck it in favor of a personal matter, so they better appreciate it. That they did. But for the rest, Peter doesn’t know how to feel that everyone else is getting involved about the wedding at such a degree. They are more concerned about the whole thing than the two persons who will get married. Mr. Stark buys their wedding tuxedos and the groom’s men’s suits, Mr. Barnes and Mr. Rogers work on the guest list, Wanda and Dr. Strange hand out the invitations, Mr. Barton chooses the wedding location, Director Fury comes up to say he will officiate the ceremony, and King T’Challa offers a place in Wakanda for the honeymoon period. All these actions caused the ceremony to take place two weeks after the marriage proposal. If Peter wasn’t so overwhelmed by the team’s concern, he would be downright freaked out.
“In your own wise words, ‘why delay?’” asks MJ. “At least all expenses are taken care of.”
Peter makes a face. “Still. I know there’s fun to be had with planning the wedding with the person you love, right?”
MJ looks disgusted. “You poor, naïve child. You don’t know the horror of it. Here.” She fixes his bent bowtie.
“Pete’s got a point, you know,” Ned says. “Even though I saw it coming that I will be his best man, I have finals on Monday, dude. I hate Physics, man! I don’t want to repeat it next year!” MJ glares at him before he can go on with his rant. Peter gives him an apologetic look to which he gives a dismissive shrug.
“I’m really sorry, Ned. But they—”
“That’s alright. They took care of the expenses, like MJ said. Thank God you only get married once.”
Peter takes a deep breath. “I just still can’t believe that in half an hour I will be a part of the Stark-Barnes family.”
His aunt comes into the room minutes later to fuss over him. Teary-eyed, she tells him how his Uncle Ben would’ve been very happy had he been there with them. Peter stops himself before he can join the waterworks. He tries to cheer her up, says Mr. Barton and Mr. Wilson would tease him if they see the million dollar tux stained by crybaby tears.
“Oh, to hell with those guys,” Aunt May bursts out, surprising a laugh from him. She goes on to share to him about her wedding day.
The three most important people in his life did push him out of the room not soon after so he can wait for Harley in the altar. Peter finds himself excited with the idea – he on the altar, congratulated by his groom’s men, Mr. Barnes, Mr. Rogers… then Harley coming in led by Mr. Stark. He has that right, one should take note. After all, he was the one who did propose.
Harley is already on his way out too, though. They gape at each other.
“I thought I’m supposed to—” “I’ll be the one waiting for you there!”
Director Fury passes them both. “Both of you motherfuckers just come to the aisle right now so we can get this over with.”
Harley snorts while Peter laughs awkwardly. They high five each other and follow the director out into the beautiful Barton estate farm where all the other heroes are waiting for them.
The musicians started to play Ed Sheeran’s Perfect (because of course they will) as the pair walk with held hands to the aisle. And the next moments? It was a blur for Peter. He remembers Nick Fury’s loud, commanding speech that started the ceremony. He remembers his Aunt May crying from her seat, he sees Mr. Stark’s teary eyes. He sees Mr. Rogers’ proud smile directed at him. He remembers Mr. Barnes and Mr. Wilson giving him a thumbs up. He is not quite sure if he delivered his vows right, but he remembers Harley’s word for word. He remembers Fury asking the obligatory ‘Anyone who objects, stand up.’ And Clint rises from his seat (obviously as a joke) and Mr. Stark hits him with his repulsor to shut him down.
Five years after Thanos, Peter can say he can’t ask for anything better.
2
Luis taps the mic on stage. “Hello? Have I got everyone’s attention? Hello? Did I get—Oh, cool. Oh man, oh man, you don’t know how glad I am to be standing here in front of you. It’s so cool to make a speech about our two favorite kid superheroes. Right, I think I’m gonna tell you how Peter and Harley met cause you know, I’m the emcee. I’m the emcee, Scott. Welp, anyway.”
“I regret this already,” Scott mumbles on his seat.
“They have such a long history, man. But I guess we all start at the very beginning. It all started with the one and only Mr. Tony Stark you see. Cheers Mr. Iron Man! Cheers! Well back in the day he is a first-grade a-hole. No offense, no offense. He is a billionaire, a playboy, he invents stuffs. He was asked to trace down the Hulk! A blonde reporter was like, ‘Boy, you’re just a mean, mean man and your technology kills people. I think you have issues and your beard is weird.’ A-and Tony replies with, ‘Babe, you crazy beautiful chic, the only issue I have is why you still not on bed with me. You know you want to get banged by this Stark dick. Fuck your cover story and hop on the mattress, baby!’ That was his life every day, by the way. But little does the world know he cries in bed every night like damn! ‘Jeeeesus Christ! My dad loves Captain America more than me. Why, oh, why? I’m much more intelligent and I’m much more handsome! Bet that bastard wished he was his son instead. I hope to God I don’t see that blond mother eff ever! He looks like the type of guy who hides secrets to you and almost kills you in a bunker!’ Oops. Spoiler. Right, right, right. Then one day in Afghanistan while he was testing some weapon or some other shit, he got kidnapped and tortured by the Ten Rings! And Wanda and Pietro somewhere in the world shared a toast with each other and said, ‘Well, that bastard sure just got introduced to karma.’”
“I don’t remember us doing that,” Wanda says with confusion.
“Seriously, who is this guy?” Tony seethes. Bucky squeezes his shoulders to calm him down.
“So, you know, Rogers watched Star Wars, Finding Nemo, uh, Friends, The Dark Knight trilogy, High School Musical… Twilight? Jurassic Park. He’s like, ‘Yooooo, I think I am getting the hang of 21st century super well. Wilson, my friend, what else did I miss?’ ‘9/11, my dude,’ answered Wilson happily. ‘Government fucked up that one. Barton taught you yet how to use the Internet? Romanov taught you yet the meaning of conspiracy theory? Don’t listen to them. Nyway, I heard Bucky is alive. You want to check that out?’ But Bucky doesn’t care. He lost his memories, poor lad. ‘Я потерял свои воспоминания. У меня нет денег и у меня нет никого. Что делать бедному парню? Ну, я думаю, тогда я буду жалеть себя.’ He was contented listening to My Chemical Romance for all we know. He sings. ‘Я не боюсь продолжать жить. Я не боюсь ходить по этому миру в одиночку.’ Right, I made that up.”
“I’ll kill your friend, Lang,” Wilson tells Scott.
“I’ll help,” Bucky says.
“He left the kid to finish off Mandarin! Said, ‘Till next time, maybe. Am not ready to have kids. I’m still trying to fix things with Pepper and your presence would require a lot of explanation. Byeee.’ Luckily, the boy understands. He say, ‘Gee, thanks for leaving me like my dad! Now, I’m gonna have to wait ‘til we meet again. We have connection, bruh!’ as Tony drives away. And remember that kid, guys, because that kid is our boy Harley Keener.”
“There I was!” Harley says. “I actually thought he’ll forget my saga.”
“Then Jane Foster slaps him! ‘Oh, you one heartless bulky dude. You think it’s a grand idea to leave me here after one weekend of us being lovey-dovey? No sir, uh-uh. I’ll punish you so hard your stomach will turn into a flabby punching bag! I’ll claim your hammer as mine.’ Damn it, damn it! Spoiler again. I’m sorry. I’m sorry!”
“She didn’t say that!” Thor protests.
“Rogers was like, ‘Stark, this relationship ain’t working anymore, bruh. You have principles but I have a social life in the form of my long lost best friend who more than probably doesn’t remember me and is fucked up in his brain. But I think I can fix that. You on the other hand, I don’t know what’s wrong with you. I think we need a divorce.’ And Tony was like,‘Not on my watch, bitch!’ But Rogers went ahead and split the kids. And so we have the best thing we can ever have next to a Justice League live action movie: the airport fight!”
A round of applause ensues from the audience.
“They go pow-pow and they go pew-pew. The Black Panther goes ‘Meow!’, Black Widow goes ‘Weeh!’, And Hawkeye goes ‘Ah, yeah!’ But in a birthday party where a girl is missing her dad, Hope says, ‘Wait a freaking minute. Isn’t Scott supposed to be here?’ and Cassie asks, ‘Isn’t daddy supposed to be here? Happy birthday to me then. Thanks a lot, dad, for adding me to the list of bastards who have daddy issues. Gee!’”
Scott turns to Sam and Bucky. “You know what, fuck it. I’ll help you kill him.”
Peter is frowning. “He forgot about me. That was my grand entrance.”
“There’s a young protégé in New York ready for homecoming who’s all like, ‘I’m a loser in high school and I have a hot aunt who’s totally not helping me on figuring things out.’”
Peter brightens up.
“Tony says, ‘I am so sad and mopey. Nothing can ever console me. Spiderson is gone. Rogers got snapped and that bitch hasn’t even apologized to me yet for almost killing my ass in Siberia. Rhodey, I am going away. Fury, suck on your dick. I am retiring from Avengers.’ And Col. Rhodes says, ‘Bud, you've declared your retirement since after Ultron. What are you on about?’ And Director Fury says, ‘Retire, motherfucker. See if I care. I've got a space adventure of my own. I'll hang out with the strongest superhero in the Galaxy, Captain Marvel.’ Tony laughs at him. ‘If she’s so powerful, how come she didn’t stop Thanos?’ And Danvers says, ‘Boy, I'll be more than glad to kick the ever loving shit out of you if I'm not so busy protecting other planets. My schedule is so hectic that romance is non-existent. And you think you've got problems.’ So Rhodey asks Fury. ‘Yo, I'll be more than glad to lead the New Avengers if you give me that chick's number. That Captain Marvel lady is crazy stupid fiiine!’
“Where am I? Oh. Oh! So Tony moves in to a lakeside house, right. Cause there’s no other place to feel emotional and helpless than by the lake where you can feel like an old man. And he cries every night cause he misses a certain kid and a certain old man. There there's a knock on the door, right. Harley shows up, all with luggage in tow. ‘Hey, yo. You thought you’d seen the last of me. I know you remember me, though we haven’t seen each other in a loooong time. I need a place to stay and my family got zaap! No need to ask how I found you. We have connection, bruh!’
“So our boy Harley lived with him. You know, they’re all cutesy and stuff. Tony tells him, ‘You know, these father and son moments with us are kind of dooope! Maybe I’ll adopt you. DUM-E, bring in the papers.’ And Harley is like, ‘Yooo! Great idea, dad!’
“The another knock comes on the door. Knock. Knock. Knock. ‘Holy blessed by the pope guacamole! It is the Winter Soldier!’ Tony throws his screwdriver at him right, cause he’s getting kind of pissy. ‘Go away! I haven’t finished mourning the loss of everyone! You're presence is distracting me!’ And Bucky says. ‘Nonsense! Stevie is gone. Wakanda kicked me out. I’m half mad and half thankful for you for blowing my Hydra arm off. And I know you’re still kinda mad that we served your ass back in Siberia. But I need a place to stay and this place ain’t half bad. Now it's just you and me plus sexual tension, baby!’ They made out right there in the sofa while the kid is on the other room! And Harley boy says. ‘Eep!’ Bucky tells him, ‘You. I like you, son. If I have a son, he will be like you, son! Holy jeez, I’ll be a cool dad!’ And they all go, ‘Hurrah!’ And they walk in the park complete with picnic baskets, and picnic mats, you know, and sandwiches.
“One day, Harley says ‘So, the two of you. Instead of having to pretend to hate each other in the morning and have like angry sex every night for the last three years, don't you think it’s time you adults set out your differences? Maybe, like, we could find a way to bring back those who got snapped?” And they both smiled at him, see. ‘You’re right, son. Tomorrow, Tony and I are going to get married. And we are going to adopt you right after. The three of us are practically a family. Let’s call Ross to officiate the wedding!’ And Everett Ross rounds up on his office and says. ‘Boy, what a time to wish I was snapped.”
“Oh God, Natasha, why did you abandon me?!” Clint wails out of nowhere. “Why did you leave me alone to suffer?”
“So Peter, who Tony Stark called to practically die for him in Civil War because Steve Rogers wanted a divorce because he found his amnesiac best friend because of HYDRA that started this whole shit or so we thought, asked Harley, who wanted to get killed for Tony back in the day when our man Iron Man is suffering from PTSD all because Thor can’t control his brother Loki who is a jealous kidnapped slash adopted orphan, for marriage!” He smiles brightly to the audience, waiting for a reaction. The audience thought he’s onto something more, so he says, “That’s all, folks. Thank you everyone. Good night! Congratulations to the newlyweds. Cheers!”
Sam turns to Bucky and Tony. “D’you still want to go, give your speech? You’re up next.”
Tony just consults his watch while his husband answers. “After that? That bastard already consumed two hours of our time. He already said everything there is to know. I’m famished.”
Tony nudges at him. “It’s time. We better head on to the compound.”
“You won’t finish the party?” Peter, who absolutely did not mean to eavesdrop to the adults’ conversation, asks his mentor, a little upset.
Tony smiles at him. “We got a little surprise at the compound, kid. Snowflake, come on.”
Bucky ruffles Peter’s hair and pinches Harley’s cheek while his other hand is being pulled by his husband. “Later will be fun. Bring him there in one piece, Harley.”
Peter looks at where Tony and James have gone into the car park. On stage, Clint Barton is singing with a band. Peter turns to his now-husband. “What kind of surprise do you think it will be? Wait, have you got something to do with it?”
“No.”
“You lie. Come on, I know when you lie.”
“It’s a surprise, Pete. Why would you want to spoil yourself?”
He doesn’t. But his spider sense is tingling. He gives the dirty blond his puppy-eyes look. “You won’t spill, not even a little?”
Harley groans. “Jesus Christ! Why’d you have to look like that? I don’t know what they’re planning, all right. I just know they want us to play a game.”
“A game?”
“Yes. Now shut up. Here comes Barton’s encore.”
“Wait. What game?”
Harley gives an exaggerated shrug. “Dunno. I think it’s just one of their stupid ‘initiations’ for us. Brighten up, love. It’s not like they’ll knowingly hurt us.”
But the unwelcome nervousness stays with him throughout the event. He may forget it for a while; he has forgotten about it during the little ice breaker games, the slicing of the cake, the video presentation. But it comes back right after these things, and turns into unexplained fright when he notices member by member of the Avengers leaving through the door as the party progresses. Very soon, Luis thanks the guests for coming and calling it a night. The event has ended, and Happy escorts Peter and Harley to a limousine to go the compound Peter can only presume.
“You’re nervous!” Harley laughs at him on the way.
Peter reddens. “Shut up, Harls. You can’t blame me. I just discovered this surprise, what, like an hour ago while you, on the other hand, have known about it, what, since when?”
“Oh, dear.” Harley fondly reaches for his face and rubs his nose against his. “Just relax, okay? It’s just one more thing then we can rest; one little game before it’s all over and we’ll get a month-long honeymoon in Wakanda. Even my two ridiculous dads are jealous over that. Right, Happy?”
“Right,” Happy answers from behind the wheel. He is uncharacteristically quiet, which doesn’t help Harley’s narrative.
It was eight o’clock in the evening when they reach the Avengers’ Compound. According to Happy, everybody is already waiting for them in the Meeting Room.
Harley kisses Peter briefly. “Relax, honey. We’ll get through this evening, I promise. Then to Wakanda we go.”
Peter doesn’t think he imagined the sadness and pain in his husband’s eyes when he said that.
Harley holds onto his hand tightly as they both walk into the Meeting Room.
Inside, there is a piano which would never have been there under any circumstances. Clint is playing the instrument while Quill, Scott, Bucky and Tony are gathered around him, singing Speak Softly Love from The Godfather movie. Mantis and Hope are sitting nearby them, watching them with dreamy eyes. Steve and Wanda are on the table, discussing some mundane topic probably. Sam, Rhodey and Rocket are on the other side of the table, discussing a different mundane topic probably. Groot is by Rocket’s side, being petted by Thor. Drax and Nebula are seated far from the two groups; the former is sharpening his knives while the latter is looking around the room. Valkyrie is geeking over something Shuri is showing her on her tablet. King T’Challa and Okoye are alone by the window, sharing a drink, looking over the woods outside.
What struck Peter with urgency is the fact that all of them are out of their tuxedos and dresses and in their fighting gears.
Steve sees the two young men and rises from his seat. “Avengers! They’re here!” he announces. “Everyone, gather up on the table right now.” As the rest grab their seats, Steve continues to talk to the newcomers. “How was the rest of the party go? I’m sorry we had to leave.”
Peter answers. “It’s cool. Ended later than we expected. Aunt May, MJ and Ned decided to stay the night with the Barton’s.”
Clint wiggles his eyebrows at him.
“What time are you leaving tomorrow?” Hope asks with a kind smile.
“W-well…”
“Depends on what time this game’s gonna end,” Harley interrupts.
Tony is annoyed. “You told him about the surprise?”
“Look, old man. He gave me his puppy look eyes! That’s like my kryptonite. I couldn’t resist, okay? I’m not like Drax who’s immune to cute things.”
“Wakanda will be very happy to have Spiderman,” T’Challa tells Peter.
“Thanks, Your Highness,” Peter replies, a little red in the face.
Steve takes over the conversation once again. “Alright, Peter. Now that the surprise has been revealed, I say let’s talk over the details. Indeed we will play a game.”
“Excuse me, sir, but why?”
“Just for fun, moy mal'chik. Just for fun,” Bucky says grimly.
“We will eat you alive, boy!” Clint cackles. Tony smacks his head upside down to shut him up.
“Listen to James, Peter. It’s just for fun,” Tony says. “We’re just here to poke fun at the newlyweds. Hey, we might even make this an Avengers’ ritual. What do you say, Rhodeybear?”
“Hah! If he can get Captain Marvel to look at him for more than a split second, that is! Danvers is too thick and Rhodey is too slow. The possibility of World War III is much higher than that crap.” Quill says, earning him a finger from Rhodey.
Peter relaxes. Right. They are joking around. Nothing to be nervous about. But why are they only addressing him and not Harley? Oh, right. Harley has known about this surprise a little bit longer. And perhaps because his anxiety is too obvious not to be addressed. And another thing…
“Why are you all in your costumes?”
“In case things get a little bit physical,” Steve answers.
“What? Why? What game—”
Rocket pushes a box in his direction. Peter picks it up, studies it, and presses the one lone button on its right. There is a shuffling sound inside the box. Peter presses the button again and out pops a card. Peter reads.
“Hide and Seek? Are we really going to play that?” he asks with an amused laugh. Goodness. All his nervousness for nothing. Hide and seek, really? It’s a children’s game.
Steve smiles again. “That’s settled, then. Coin toss on who will be it?”
“What? The it won’t be Harley and I?”
Steve tosses a coin. “Heads or tails?”
“Head,” Harley answers.
“Er… No choice but tails, am I?” Peter asks rhetorically.
Okay. Things are back to being weird now. Everybody in the room is smiling only at him, but they are all unnerving.
“It’s tails. Peter, you’re it,” Steve says and pockets the coin.
But you didn’t even let me see the coin! Peter wants to protest.
“Well,” Steve begins, getting him to shut up and pay attention. “The rules are simple. You hide anywhere in the compound, and we try to find you.”
Peter tries to laugh the nervousness off. “Not the other way around? And are you really not letting me and Harley both to be the it? I thought the game is for the newlyweds?”
“Nah, you only,” Sam says with a drawl.
Peter sighs. He resigns to the thought that the Avengers have already made up their mind. He should just play along. Like Harley said, they are not going to knowingly harm him. They are his family. And Mr. Stark and Mr. Barnes are his fathers-in-law. There is no way this night will not end up fun with playing hide and seek with the Avengers. And in fairness, it really sounded fun.
“Soooo, technically, there is no way for me to win, right?” he asks.
“Well if you can stay hidden until dawn,” Steve says sheepishly.
Peter laughs at the idea of hiding in the recesses of the maze-like compound at five in the morning. “No, thank you. What’s the reward if you haven’t found me yet until morning?”
Steve turns to Tony. “Tony will take care of that.”
“I will take care of that,” Tony says.
“Wait, you’re not going to use Friday to track me down, are you? Because that will be considered cheating in my book.”
Tony fakes a gasp. “I would never. Terminator, look. Our son-in-law is – You’re right, I maybe will. What are you going to do?”
“That is cheating, Tony,” Steve says softly. “Tony won’t use his suit and FRIDAY, promise.”
“Lay off. Why are you making promises for me? He is my son-in-law! I can bully him whenever I want.”
Bucky jumps in. He covers his husband’s mouth and says, “Tony will not use the suit, until ten minutes before sunrise. We give you our word. Do you agree, doll? If we haven’t found Peter by then, we can use FRIDAY and we can give a good chase. What do you say?” The smaller brunet just glares at him as if in defiance. James looks around the table. “He agrees.”
Peter doesn’t believe he can stay hidden until sunrise from the Avengers for them to take a desperate measure. Besides, he has the option of being discovered early so the game can quickly end and he can have a rest before he and his lovely husband fly to Wakanda.
Or another idea.
Mr. Stark is not allowed to use his suit but they are not saying anything against him using his and KAREN. He left his main suit home. But he remembers the prototype Harley worked for him for a month in his lab. That will do. He will make this a tough game for all of them.
“Are you ready, Peter?” Steve asks.
“Yeah, I think so.”
“We’ll give you three minutes to hide. And the time will start as soon as you’re out of that door.”
“Got it. Wish me luck, Harls. Find me,” he says and gives him a quick peck on the lips. Again, the look of utter despair is registered on his husband’s face. Without another look, he goes outside the door and runs to Harley’s lab.
Every place he run to is dimly lit, Peter observes. The whole compound possibly is. It should be a bad omen but Peter repeatedly reminds himself that his family will never hurt him.
Ninety more seconds, Peter counts. He reaches Harley’s lab. The lights are out there, too, but he has memorized his way in this place long before. Dalmatian beeped upon seeing him. He gives it a quick pat on its head before unlocking the glass door to his Spider suit. Forty-five seconds; he puts the dark red and black suit on. He puts on the web shooters and turns on KAREN’s system.
‘Good evening, Peter, and congratulations on your wedding with Master Harley.’
“Thanks, Karen. But right now we are playing a competitive hide and seek game. I need a good place to hide. Can you scan the whole compound? Oh, and check if FRIDAY is offline.”
‘Running in incognito mode…’
His three minutes is over. Dalmatian is circling him, probably unknowing of what is happening right now. But except for Dalmatian and Karen’s system running, all around is deadly silent. Peter tries to listen for any movements. Right, who in all of Avengers would have an idea that he will go here? Harley maybe. Maybe he should let Harley find him. Maybe he should find Harley and they can sneak out while the adults search for him inside the compound like a group of idiots. That will be adorably fun.
He tenses up. Someone has entered the lab, very quietly too.
‘FRIDAY is undetected inside the compound. On the other hand, the compound is heavily covered by the Avengers as of now,’ Karen reports. ‘The only safe place is the reception area and Wanda’s room.’
“Thank you, Karen. Dal, stay right here. I need to hide,” Peter whispers, still sensing the newcomer on the other part of the lab. Whoever it is, they are sensing the place, too. Silence.
The ceiling and the walls are not safe for him to land – the Avengers will be expecting him there. He will do hide and seek old school, then. He drops to his knees, sees a broom cabinet and crawls quietly inside, motioning Dalmatian to stay where he was and zip up. He scans the lab through the little slants of the cabinet’s door. No one. Did he just imagine what he heard earlier? Maybe I can get out…
“Peter, I know you’re in here,” comes Valkyrie’s voice in a sing-song. The girl enters the lab, and not quietly too.
Now Peter knows he’s in trouble. With Valkyrie’s warrior instincts, she will surely find him.
The Asgardian king looks around the room. Peter listens to her every move. She is whispering loudly. “Dalmatian! Will you be kind enough to tell me where your master’s husband went off? No, you didn’t see him? That’s odd. Stark swore this is one the first places he would run off to.”
Oh, God. What is happening? What is with this tension?
“Peter!” Valkyrie shouts. She is just in front of him. “If you’re in here, I’ll—”
A briefness of light that comes with a gunshot from beside Peter’s cabinet. The young man swears he saw Valkyrie fall flat to the ground.
WHAT THE F—
Valkyrie is not speaking anymore.
He hears the cabinet beside him creak opens and reveals Star Lord. The man takes off his mask and looks to the ground on which Peter is unable to see. “The hell?!” Star Lord exclaims.
The hell is right.
In storms Tony Stark, the Winter Soldier and Thor to the lab. “What the fuck just happened?!” Tony asks. “Quill?!”
“I’m sorry, okay!” Star Lord says, pulling off his earphones.
“You numbskull! What have you done to the king of Asgard?!” Thor asks in mortification.
“I was listening to music, I was—”
“Does she look like a man in a Spider suit to you?” the Winter Soldier asks coldly.
What the hell? Was that bullet meant for me? Are they fucking trying to kill me?!
“I’m sorry, understand. I was listening to music and I guess I compromised one of my senses—”
“Oh great,” Tony groans. “We have one simple job, Star Lord. Don’t tell me we’re really going to use all of tonight just to find one little spider?!”
“Shut up, all of you! Let’s take her to the infirmary!” Thor says.
“There is no infirmary, Thor,” Tony says. “There are no medical staffs tonight. It’s only us, the group, and the spider here tonight.”
“I’m taking her to Dr. Cho, then. What you did, Quill – this is disrespect to Asgard!”
“How many times would I need to apologize before this becomes a broken record? I’m sorry! Is she still alive? N-no! Of course I wish I didn’t kill her, Thor! Your glare won’t fix anything, I promise you.”
Thor stands up with Valkyrie in his arms. Peter says the seemingly endless flow of blood on her forehead, covering her eyes up to her nose. Starlord and Thor walk out of the lab while James and Tony linger on.
Tony is glaring to the compartment where Peter has gotten his suit.
“Hey,” James says softly, tapping his shoulder. Tony turns to him with a frowning face. “You’re really uncute when you pout.”
Tony’s frown deepens. “Excuse me?”
Bucky pulls him to rest his head against his. “Hey, don’t worry. It’s still the beginning of the night. What happened earlier was an honest mistake.”
“Could be avoided if only Quill used even half of his brain.”
“Still. We still have, what, ten more hours? We can bid our time. And with Harley on our side, everything will be easier. Peter is too far gone for our son.”
Tony lets out a sigh. “Fine. This your thing, Snowflake? Give encouraging pep talks to everyone?”
“You would know.” He kisses Tony’s forehead. “Smile, doll. Everything will turn out okay.”
Okay, this hubby display is cute and all, but Peter wants them to get the fuck out of here, pronto, so Peter can get his bearings together. Did they seriously plan to kill him? And Harley is on this, too? Is this a prank? Shit, he needs to wake up from this nightmare.
It doesn’t make an ounce of goddamn sense.
Tony beams at his husband before looking somberly around the round. “I had thought Peter will still be here. He must have only gotten his suit then ran away. Kid’s really fast. If we could only have FRIDAY….”
“We have given our word. Besides, with so many of us, Peter has no chance to get through this. We don’t need FRIDAY for this.”
Tony huffs. “If you say so.”
“And I thought you told Harley to throw the Spider suit away?”
“I thought you told our son to throw away the suit. Fuck, this makes things a little more complicated. Dal, have you seen Spiderman? Hey, I’m talking to you. Come here! Why, you. Come!”
They are finally leaving with Dalmatian (thank the lords he must have not gotten traitor Harley’s memo to get Peter killed) give the two adults a chase. He will now be able to breathe a sigh of relief and find a bathroom to pee. However, as with all stupid horror thriller movies, this is the time Peter’s stupid foot slides a little to the left and make a stupid sound that eventually gets the Winter Soldier’s attention. The soldier faces the broom cabinet with a sly smile.
“What is it, Frozen?” Tony asks.
“I think I know where the little spider is.”
Oh crap! Heaven almighty. What is it now, flight or fight? Fight! While asking them what the big deal is of course. Are they up for a talk?
But the wall behind him slides open. A pair of arms grabs him inside before he can utter a scream. The secret door closes.
The Winter Soldier fires at the cabinet non-stop until the door is nothing but a wood chipped mess. There is a thick cloud of smoke and an unpleasant smell of wood dust when he finishes his round.
“Hmm? You were quite sure the spider is in there earlier.” Tony teases. “I see no blood. Your senses are betraying you, chum.”
The soldier strides to the cabinet and hauls away what remains of the door and the cleaning materials inside. Nothing. No Spiderman inside. James hums. “I could have sworn I heard something inside. Let’s get out of here.”