linger
And I'm in so deep
You know I'm such a fool for you
You got me wrapped around your finger
Do you have to let it linger?
Do you have to, do you have to, do you have to let it linger?
Lily is sitting under the canopy of one of the peach trees. The leaves let the sun's rays through, she looks up, putting on her sunglasses, before collapsing completely against the stone tiles. She hears the gurgling of the fountain and Mary's strokes over the water. The atmosphere is calm, idyllic, almost perfect, until the dark haired girl decides to stand in front of her, her hair dripping onto the lenses of Lily's glasses.
"Were you sleeping?" she asks, sounding a little guilty, sliding across the chalky ground, reaching for a towel hanging on the branch of one of the trees.
"Not anymore" Lily sits up slightly on her elbows and takes off her glasses, fixing a long gaze on the girl's back.
The truth is that the variations between their conversations had flowed past politeness. In the last couple of days, they both went swimming in the mornings near the village, right next to the field of peach trees that Anchise was so proud of. On the first day, Mary was wearing a pretty green bikini. She looked excited as Lily led her down the rocky path. She went on and on about how beautiful the scenery was, how clear the sky was, and of course all these revelations were communicated to poor Lily.
"I mean, in London we don't have any of this" her eyes sparkling, delighting in every corner of green."I don't miss it at all".
Lily would like to say that they got to know each other after this day, but Mary was the only one talking.
On the second day something else happened, which her yellow bikini should have anticipated. Lily was lying down, reading her book, when she soon noticed a gold chain, with a black cross engraved on it, hanging around Mary's neck. She must have realised she was looking at her, because she smiled at Lily across the fountain.
"We're Catholic in my family, and almost everyone in my town is," she explained as she pulled her long curls into a bun. "Although very few belong to our church. But our masses are always the most fun, you know? There's something liberating about singing, instead of reciting".
"We're Jewish, though we don't say so," Lily found herself saying, her lips moving faster than her head, "My mother says we're undercover Jews, and well, we're also Italian, French, an atypical mix, I suppose".
Mary sat up, her feet slapping the water. A few drops splashed Lily, and she turned away, laughing softly.
"Well, I know what it's like to feel like the odd one out".
Lily let out a bitter little laugh. Mary was the most confident person Lily had met in a long time. Well, not as confident as James, maybe, but not by far.
"Weird, you? I'm not going to believe that".
A pause.
"Sweetheart, you have no idea".
...
So now Lily finds herself bubbling a question in her throat, because Mary isn't so bad either and she likes her a bit better than in those early days, and well, she supposes they have things in common.
"Are you coming to Pandinos tonight? My friends and I always go out there," she almost feels a bit stupid and angry, like she's asking her for money, or something, almost betrayed by her own conscience. "They'll want to meet you".
The girl's face twists a little, smiling at her as if she's taunting Lily, which makes her rethink the invitation.
"Yeah, sure," she picks up her bag and slips on her sandals. "I have to help your father with something before lunch. Later!"
And just like that, she disappears again with that same farewell, which is not really a farewell at all. It gets on Lily's nerves, but she takes a deep breath, before turning back into her interrupted nap.
...
Lily often misses Marlene when she's in town and she's out of the country. Lily has never spent a summer without her since they were little. It's unfair not to have her friend here with her. But at least she still has Remus, and, well, the other boys, sometimes, when they're not busy causing a ruckus in town, which has Lily a little embarrassed, since she's always been the sensible one. She doesn't have much faith in Mary, but Lily is confident that she could help her keep them in line. Or at least support her in her attempt. The square is full of people when they arrive. Colourful banners and lanterns surround the enclosure and Mary looks around in amazement. The boys are seated at one of the bar tables, already overflowing with glass bottles. Sirius is the first to greet them, raising his arms energetically, his cheeks slightly flushed and his gaze glazed.
"Lily Evans! Blessed are the eyes that see you," he shouts, his voice a little hoarse, "I never thought I'd see you again, you know..."
"It's been three days, Black, three," Lily points out, before dragging a chair over and sitting down, smiling in spite of herself. Sirius always makes her smile, no matter how much she doesn't want to, no matter how sad she is, or how angry she is, which is often. "I heard that you've broken into Mr. Rossi's orchard again".
"Well, someone had to harvest the oranges, didn't they," he counters with a smirk, his grey eyes boring into hers, challenging her. He soon blinks several times, redirecting his gaze to Mary, who is standing in front of the table.
Anyone would think she was uncomfortable, or too scared to even intervene, but her smile reveals that she was waiting for someone to notice her.
"Mary McDonald," she greets, pulling up a chair and sitting down next to Lily. The boys follow her every move with their eyes. Mary knows she's beautiful, of course she does. Her dark complexion, her big brown eyes, her defined hair, her flowered shirt with pleats and her curves. Each and every one of those things that make her stand out from the rest. Lily watches as the cross hides in the fabric. "I'm Professor Evans' student this summer".
Shouts and voices distort around her. Lily hears her best friend stretch as he lets out a small laugh, blowing out a puff of smoke from his mouth.
"Mm, yeah. I've heard of you," Remus shifts in his seat, raising his beer bottle to his lips and giving Lily a knowing smile.
"Oh, well, nice to meet you," Mary smirks as she turns to look at Lily, who is feeling tremendously embarrassed.
Mary must think she's obsessed with her, when in fact, she only likes her just enough. It's not fair at all. That must just be feeding her ego, and, really, Lily doesn't want to be that person.
"Pleasure, mancare," the dark-haired boy in round glasses leans back in his chair. "I'm James," he reports, pointing to himself. "Peter, Remus and Sirius".
Peter, who has been inexplicably quiet, rises abruptly, running his hands through his golden hair, which he ruffles nervously. Lily suppresses her laughter, raising a beer to her mouth. Her friend is clearly flushed and slightly dazed, and Lily is almost certain it has nothing to do with the alcohol.
"Do you want some...? I mean, do you want something to drink?" he asks, his voice cracking and a little high-pitched. All his charisma and carefree humour evaporated. Peter was now a nervous wreck.
"A round of drinks," the girl turns to the others, her hands clasped under her chin.
"Oh, I like you," Sirius confesses, holding her gaze.
"Darling, I'm too much for you, I'm afraid," Mary rises from the table, furrowing her eyebrows. Her reddish lips form a smile.
"I don't care, as long as you pay," the boy passes one of his cigars across the table to Remus.
James lets out a guffaw, shuffling in his chair.
"You're literally rich, shut up," Remus complains, picking up the cigarette between his fingers.
Although Sirius no longer speaks to his family for reasons Lily is careful not to mention, he lives with his Uncle Alphard in the village all year round. It is common knowledge that he has an untold amount of money, which Sirius is pretty sure he will eventually inherit. His family's good name, of French origin, is carried by all the members, even when, in the case of Uncle Alphard and Sirius, it translates into nothing but money, not reputation.
"Well, but I still like to be paid for me, like everyone else" his grey iris twinkling in the night.
...
Sirius and Remus bump into each other, kicking and shoving each other reluctantly as they walk along the path that leads to the lake. Crickets chirp under their breath and the moon shines brightly in the sky. Behind them, Mary almost falls to the ground with laughter, leaning on Peter's shoulder to keep herself upright. His friend seems more relaxed now, telling Mary jokes and laughing along with her, his cheeks flushed and his gaze lost. The night is treating them well, and Lily feels tremendously happy. She had almost forgotten how easy it could be to be when there were no other worries in the world but not throwing up in the neighbour's orange grove, which, specifically, she had already done. James accompanies her at a slow pace, still holding a glass in his hand. They just listen to the sounds of the night and the laughter of their friends with a goofy grin etched on their faces, the silence between them comfortable and soothing.
"I've missed you, you know," he murmurs at one point, the lenses of his glasses reflecting in the sky.
"You can't all be so dependent on me, that's bad," Lily grumbles. Her consciousness slips through her fingers.
James puts his arm around the back of his neck, chuckling.
"When I say that, I mean I've missed you".
Lily turns slightly towards the boy, who looks sideways at her, a glint of amusement and something else in his almond-shaped eyes. Lily really wasn't waiting for that.
"Oh."
Crickets come back to whistle between them. Lily can tell how the situation has become a little tense, but she doesn't bring it up, James doesn't either. After a while, he speaks again.
"It's an improvement on other years. The boys seemed to liked her", he points to Mary, who is now staggering over to Sirius.
Lily clears her throat.
"I suppose".
"Don't you like her?"
"Sure, we all do. It's Mary", loose almost defensive, crossing arms.
The truth is, Lily still couldn't quite swallow her, there was something, a little prickle, an unpleasant feeling in her chest that made her feel annoyed with her. God, maybe it was envy. It was most likely.
"You'll grow to like her. It's good that you have a girl friend this year. I know you're sick of us, Lil," he grins, jabbing his elbow into her side.
Lily laughs.
"Oh, don't be like that, ti amo davvero," she jokes.
"So you say, yes..."
...
The rosy glow of the afternoon shines through the window. Lily stretches out her arms, squinting a little, peering through the glass. Mary has just arrived, carrying a large folder and the bicycle in her other hand. She is chatting happily with Anchise in the courtyard, gathering her hair between her fingers and preening herself. Lily sighs, turning her head away and closing her eyes again, a little wearily, before turning in on herself, facing the door.
A few moments later she stirs in the sheets again, facing the window. She strokes her stomach with two fingers a few times, gently, before going down to herself a little more, and a little more, her hand reaching under the fabric and moving slowly, her breath hitching slightly, and her head a little foggy, lost.
She takes a deep breath, before jumping as the door opens wide. Her heart pounds and she sits up slightly, against the wall. Mary appears behind her, giving her a quick glance before approaching her bed and throwing a towel over her head.
Lily feels her whole body vibrate. She hopes she hasn't noticed anything, because that would be ruinous for her.
"Do you want to come swimming, just us?"she asks, leaning against the wall next to the window.
"Now?" Lily notices how her voice trembles.
"Well, yes".
"Later, maybe," Lily replies, still breathless.
Later. Lily feels a little pleased with herself, but Mary doesn't seem to mind at all. She heads towards her again, grabbing her hand, trying to pull her up.
"Let's go now," she laughs.
Lily struggles to free herself from her grip, the skin of her fingers hot and the contact with Mary's cold. Lily feels a shiver run down the rest of her arm.
"I'm going to go change, I'll meet you downstairs,"Mary finally releases her, closing the door behind her.
Her curls disappearing down the corridor. Alone, Lily slides the hand Mary has touched back down.Then she swallows and pulls her hand away, unconvinced and a little embarrassed.
She also does feel a bit disgusted with herself, too.