Insomnia
(Clints POV)
He was laying in his bed at the Avengers tower, reading a book Steve had given to him. Pretty boring so far. But he wasn’t going to tell Steve that. He couldn’t quite focus on the storyline anyways, he was to busy thinking about his family. It had been almost 2 weeks since he was last home. But the Avengers needed him right now, and Laura understood that. He was thankful that she did. Just another reason why he loved her so much.
It was a little after 12am, so when he heard a soft knock at his door he was surprised. He put down the book and got up to open it. On the other side of the door was his partner, his best friend. Who else would be knocking at his door at this time?
“Hey,” He said opening the door wider to let her in. But she stayed right where she stood.
“Wanna spare” She asked, quietly.
He looked at her. She looked exhausted. There were dark, purple bags under her eyes and he noticed that she almost looked scared. Something was wrong, and he was going to find out what it was. Even if it meant sparing at midnight when all he really wanted to do was go to bed.
“Sure,” He said, stepping out into the dark hallway and closing his door behind him. Natasha turned around without saying anything else and made her way towards the gym. This wasn’t the first time something like this had happened, and it definitely wasn’t going to be the last. With all the abuse she had suffered as a child, really up until a few years ago, He knew that she couldn’t handle it on her own. Even if she thought she could. And he was glad to help her through all the trauma. He had held her as she cried, helped her through her nightmares and flashbacks, kept her secrets. And she had done the same for him. He trusted her and she trusted him. And he knew that her trust was extremely hard to get.
He followed as she opened the door to the gym and turned on the lights. Tony had really outdone himself with the room. It had everything you could think of. Definitely one of his favorite spots in the tower. They made their way over to the mats in the middle of the room.
“How we gonna do this,” He asked. His arm behind his head, attempting at a quick stretch. He didn’t feel like pulling any muscles today.
“Just fight me” Natasha replied, getting into a fighting position.
“You sure? Not even a point system?” He said, attempting a joke. Normally Natasha would laugh even if the joke wasn’t funny. But she didn’t. Her face betraying no emotion. His smile faded and he got into position. As soon as he did Natasha rushed him. Grabbing him and slamming him to the ground. He kicked out her leg from underneath her and pinned her to the mat.
Normally they were pretty evenly matched. He might even admit that she was better than him. But tonight he took her down quickly. Much too quickly. She wasn’t fighting with the usual strength and agility making it easy for Clint to overpower her. She stood up again as Clint let go of her, looking angry. Not with him, with herself. This time she waited for him to make the first move. He surprised by faking a kick to her left and instead of kicking her on the right side. Any other day she would have seen it coming, but not tonight. He felt bad as his foot collided with her ribcage. She shook it off quickly and lunged at him. But he ducked out of the way and she fell to the floor. This is very unlike her. She was fighting like some hydra thug. Not her usual self. It worried him.
After Clint pinned her to the mat for the 5th time she stopped fighting. She didn’t get up, just layed on the mat where he had pinned her. Clint got off her quickly, worrying that he had hurt her.
“Hey Nat, you okay,” He asked, crouching over her. She was shaking and Clint could see tears in her eyes. She put her hands over her face for a few seconds. When she brought them back down the tears were no longer there. Like she had put on a mask. Clint hated it when she did that.
“Stop, don’t do that, you don’t have to hide from me,” He said softly, helping her into a sitting position. She wouldn’t look him in the eye, just kept her gaze on the mat in front of her. He put his hand on her back, trying to give some sort of comfort. She just looked so tired, it scared him.
“When was the last time you slept, and you be honest with me,” He said, lifting her chin up so that she was looking him in the eyes. She just looked at him and didn’t answer.
“When” he repeated, a bit more forcefully this time. He was going to get an answer.
“two days ago,” She said. She looked defeated. And he knew why. It had been a while since her nightmares had made her scared to sleep. She was probably feeling ashamed that she was having problems with them again. But she didn’t have to feel ashamed. He just wanted her to know that.
“You can tell me your not weak for letting yourself cry or be scared. You don’t have to hide.” He said softly, pulling her into a hug. She melted into him, resting her head against his chest.
“I can’t sleep, I’m afraid of what I’ll see when I close my eyes.” She admitted to him. She made it sound like she had failed. But it wasn’t her fault. He just wished he could somehow make her understand that.
“I know, it’s okay. I’ve got you” He said, pulling her closer. When she had first come to America she was this broken young woman. Scared to show others who she was, how she felt. It took years to gain her trust. She had lived with him and Laura for a while. She was like a child to them. Even though she was almost 20 years younger than him, she was his best friend. He didn’t want her to be hurting or be scared.
“Come on,” He said, getting to his feet, picking her up in his arms. She held onto him like he was the only thing keeping her from drowning. And in some ways he was. When her dark thoughts and memories threatened to swallow her, he pulled her out. He left the gym, turning off the lights and shutting the door behind him. He looked down at Natasha and saw that her eyes were closed. Finally, all the hours without sleep had caught up to her.
He carefully made his way back to his room, not wanting to wake her. As he walked through the dark tower, he felt at peace. Like it was just him wandering the world. That's why he liked the night so much. It was like no one was around but him. There were no sounds. No cars, no people. The only sound he could hear was his own steps.
When he got into his room he lay Natasha on the bed, spreading the covers over her. People always say how you look at peace when you're asleep. But she doesn’t. She looks scared, maybe even angry. Clint sat down on the bed next to her, cradling her head in his lap. He could see her calm at his touch even though she was asleep.
He looked at the clock. 2:47 am. Even though he was tired he felt the need to stay awake for Natasha. At least for tonight. He wanted her to feel safe. So he picked up the boring book that Steve had given him and actually tried to care about the storyline. And that night, for the first time in weeks, Natasha was spared from her nightmares.